Ye Shall Rebuild…
It's been two years since Mass Effect 3 was released… and its impact can still be felt. This story takes place sometime after the events in the Interface Continuum stories. I highly recommend reading those first so that this one doesn't go over your head.
Cadrina Shepard was told that the lives she destroyed using the prothean Interface could return…
The grey-colored aircar sped over green morning hills and woods towards an old two-story mansion situated within a clearing. The craft slowed and circled once before landing upon the front lawn in a puff of leaves, grass and dirt. The drive core powered down, the detritus settled and the aircar's canopy swung open allowing its pilot and passenger to exit: Cadrina Shepard and a tall, brownish-skinned non-human wearing a navy blue business suit custom made for his species' frame. Cadrina was dressed in similar attire with slacks and black flats. She walked over to him, the sound of grass mixed with autumn leaves crunching underfoot as he tugged at his collar, unused to the feel of a necktie. Cadrina made adjustments to it and his suit.
"This doesn't feel like me," he fussed.
"I know," said Cadrina. "But you gotta admit you do look pretty sharp!"
The non-human snorted reflexively, his lips cracking open.
"You'll make quite an impression… and that's important." She pat his chest to signify she was done. He looked towards the mansion.
"It's so weird… it feels like only yesterday…"
Cadrina rested a hand on his shoulder. "It practically was. But you've come far since then. They need to see that."
"I haven't even started my new job yet. What can I tell them?"
"Just be yourself, be honest," she advised. "If you're a little nervous then say so. But also show them that you're confident and eager to take on whatever comes up."
"Do you think they'll still remember me…? Or be jealous? I'm the only one to graduate from here."
She shook her young charge's shoulder reassuringly. "The first to graduate from here; soon there'll be others. Before you know it you'll all be out in the world making new lives for yourselves. You'll forget about how god-awful your lives were before this place… and all about me…"
Cadrina's visage reflected in his broad almond eyes, the non-human gently pulled her close and rested his flat chin atop her head. "I'll never forget this school and what it saved me from… and I'll never forget you, Miss Shepard."
She stroked his broad back with one hand. "It's okay; you can call me Cadrina now... or Cady."
"I know… but not yet…"
"C'mon. Everyone's waiting."
Cadrina allowed the non-human to take the lead up the pathway to the main doors. Along the way they glanced briefly at the large bronze sign to their right:
FATHER VULDARAN
SCHOOL FOR
TROUBLED AND ABANDONED
YOUTH
An asari matriarch in a Victorian Era-style dress stood behind a wooden podium on stage as the last students took their seats in the auditorium. The three-hundred-or-so member audience was an array of different species. Some were humanoid; others resembled sea creatures and insects. All were dressed in the black, red and blue trim colors of the school. They talked quietly amongst themselves or sat and waited patiently, the youngest of them seated closest to the stage. Teachers and faculty stood along the aisles. The asari headmaster at the podium surveyed the audience and made notations on her data pad. She then took up a small rod and struck a crystalline chime on the podium three times, a five second pause between each strike. By the third tolling the auditorium was completely silent.
She set the rod down by the chime. "Good morning."
"Good Morning, Miss T'Soni," the children responded in unison. Headmaster Benezia T'Soni then addressed everyone present.
"We are gathered here today to mark the passing of another year. Some of you have only just begun. Others have advanced further. I am pleased with your overall progress but there is still much work to be done. Do not be discouraged; acknowledging difficulties and working each day to overcome them is an essential part of your education. To be truly wise is to know that there is always more beyond one's comprehension, to always seek new ideas and challenges. Now it is my honor to introduce once more our benefactor whose continued support has helped to make possible what many have claimed would not. And it is my supreme honor to also introduce our very first graduate, taking his first steps into a new world of opportunities. Please welcome Cadrina Ellen Shepard and Imolc!"
Cadrina approached the podium from stage left with Imolc to thunderous applause. Benezia clasped each of their hands, taking an extra few seconds to regard Imolc in his suit, telling him how handsome he was and how proud she was of him. She stood to Cadrina's right, Imolc at left, as the human faced the audience.
"Good morning!" said Cadrina, leaning forward slightly.
"Good Morning, Miss Shepard!"
Cadrina gathered her thoughts.
"… whoa …a whole 'nother year… same faces, just a little older now… I apologize for being a little slack with my visits. I have other responsibilities apart from this school… but you're always in my thoughts... Father Vuldaran… recognized a great flaw in the world, a flaw that threatened to unravel it. He saw people… who far more readily embraced destruction… and hopelessness… yet he knew they were capable of so much more… all the more tragic… that he died at the hands of the very people he was trying to save. His story nearly forgotten… I was fortunate enough to learn it… and see the good he was trying to accomplish. I've been told often, as I'm sure he was, that I was wasting my time. That I'm railing against the inevitable. But as a friend of mine once told me…"
Cadrina permitted a sly grin. "I've made a career out of performing the impossible."
The students chuckled softly and quickly went silent again, allowing her to continue.
"So I started this school and gathered the best and brightest educators I could find with one goal: to rescue those that society has deemed unworthy of love, beyond help. To instill in these lost souls a sense of purpose and worth. You all have a purpose. You are all worthy… and deserve to love… and be loved in return. With the right help you'll find a place in this world… and show it that life doesn't have to be defined by hopelessness… although it can be a part of it."
Cadrina shifted in Imolc's direction. "And with me today is proof that our work is not in vain. He'd like to say a few words…"
Imolc blushed and murmured slightly, lowering his head.
"… or vowels…"
The audience and Benezia laughed good-naturedly. Cadrina took his shoulder and gently coaxed him over. "Please welcome Imolc."
Applause again as Imolc took Cadrina's place at the podium.
"Hello..."
"Hello, Imolc!" the audience replied.
Imolc shifted in place and adjusted his tie. "Hi… would've been really strange to call me 'Mr. Imolc…' I'm not much older than any of you."
To his relief the students were listening eagerly, some chortling sympathetically in understanding of his awkwardness. No jealousy or contempt from anyone. They really did want to hear what he had to say.
"The classes, the workshops, the field trips… my hand cramping from trying to keep up with Dr. Solus in Biology, Miss Williams' ethics course, Miss Vas Normandy's shop class… Miss T'Soni's biotics training. Mister Wrex's shouting at us to 'keep those rumps moving' in Gym... I miss them all... I start a new job today. I'll be looking after someone who, Miss Shepard says, is like we used to be: a lost soul. Honestly, I'm pretty nervous about it. I'll have a supervisor to report to but I'll mostly be on my own… I also feel excited and proud that Miss Shepard and all the other teachers think that I'm finally ready to help make a difference in the world… I hope you all feel the same way because I know that one day you'll be ready as well. All I can tell you are to keep studying and keep working hard. Never give up… I'll be out there waiting for you… thank you…"
Cadrina walked up beside the graduate and draped an arm over his back while the students clapped and cheered.
"I think I know just the thing that can help Mis-ter Imolc feel a little braver," she said after the audience went silent again. "I want you guys to help out, okay? Our school's Three Pillars…"
The students could be heard shifting and taking a breath in preparation to recite but Cadrina cut them short with an upheld hand.
"… going backwards… ready?" She pointed three fingers straight out towards them "Num-berrr Three?"
"Love and reason are the keys to understanding," they chanted.
Cadrina folded in one finger. "Number Two?"
"A rational being acts with understanding."
Only her index finger stood out wagging. "And Num-berrr One; the most important Pillar of all?"
"All rational beings are expressions of intelligence. All intelligence has a right to be free!"
A youth in the first row stood holding up a digit to punctuate an addendum. "…with… in… reason…"
Everyone in the auditorium laughed and applauded one last time as the child sat down again. Cadrina winked down and mouthed "that's right." Headmaster T'Soni took control of the podium again and directed the teachers and faculty to escort the students out beginning with the youngest. Cadrina and Imolc followed the last class back to their homeroom, visiting each one in turn for the graduate to say final farewells. Posing for holopics, receiving gifts, tributes and the occasional hug, Imolc was something of a celebrity within his alma mater. Cadrina saw a renewed confidence in his bearing and stride as they left the school and boarded the aircar to head for Imolc's place of employment.
The aircar coasted over a shoreline of palm trees and buildings. Surfers could be seen on the waves. Establishments appeared to have moderate customer levels. Approaching a hillside one and two-story homes appeared with white walls and brown roof tiles. The aircar proceeded further along and then set down in front of a wide one-story, black and white house with gold trim. It resembled an overturned chandelier perched at the edge of the cliff. The chill in the air shattered the illusion of a summer's day as Cadrina and Imolc stepped out of the aircar. Imolc exhaled.
"'Always seek new challenges...' I'm ready, Miss Shepard."
Cadrina wanted to point out again it was all right to be called by her first name but relented and pressed a button on the intercom. Before she could state their identity and business an acknowledgement light blinked on and the front door unbolted. Cadrina turned the knob on the old fashioned oak door and pushed it open.
"I guess we're expected," she smirked.
The expansive living room had no furniture of any kind. Only empty space, the floor and ceiling made up of dark reflective tiles. The panoramic window at the far end had a full view of the ocean. At the center of the room a silhouette sat leaning to one side of its chair, a lit cigarette in hand. Imolc held a data pad in front of his waist as Cadrina loudly cleared her throat to get its attention.
"You really shouldn't be smoking, sir."
"What I do in my home… in my time… is my business," was the raspy and strained response.
He put out his cigarette on an armrest and took half a minute to straighten up. Some buttons were pressed on the opposite armrest and the chair's wheels unlocked, turning it about and conveying it steadily towards his guests.
"Well, well… here you are again…"
Cadrina offered no additional comment as the wheelchair came to a stop, a ray of sunlight angling in from one side to peel away the shadows it hid in. The elderly human seated upon it wore a black robe with white trim and his legs were wrapped in a black blanket. Hunched forward, his wiry elbows supported him on the wheelchair's armrests. Face gaunt, sunken and wrinkled, his irises difficult to discern beneath the cloudy whites in his eyes yet he was not blind. His white hair was slicked back and down behind his neck. He had the air of a deposed king mulling in defeat, plotting his revenge. Only strength of mind left to him.
His head swiveled to Imolc. "… and who's joining us today?"
Cadrina positioned herself between him and the old man, still allowing them to see each other. "This is Imolc. He's going to be taking care of you now."
"Of course he is." The old man's tilting stare carved into the anxious non-human. "A little young for such responsibility, hmm…? Imolc… do you have a last name… Imolc…?"
Imolc willed himself steady and answered "It's just Imolc, sir."
Cadrina recommended that Imolc do a quick review of his client to regain some focus. He switched on his data pad and scrolled up the requested information.
"All right, here we are. Jack Harper… extremely xenophobic…" He peeked up at Jack haltingly for a second before continuing.
"Suffers from spasms due to nerve and muscle damage, episodes of dementia… former head of multi-planetary business conglomerate, acquired position by hostile takeover… convicted of conspiracy, embezzlement, abuse of office… investigation into murder charges inconclusive… sentenced to house arrest and rehabilitation at the recommendation of arresting officer Lieutenant Commander Cadrina… Ellen Shepard…"
Imolc turned to her. "He's one of your responsibilities, isn't he?"
"Yes," she said quietly.
"Why make him mine? Wouldn't he have been better off in prison? It doesn't sound like I'm going to be getting along with him very well."
"I have my reasons. Besides, leaving him to rot in prison would be a waste of his potential…"
"You want to save him… like you wanted to save us, just like Father Vuldaran would have."
"Everyone deserves a chance, Imolc. Even people like Jack Harper. Among other things you'll be talking to him and helping him try to understand the errors of his ways as I have."
"See, Mizz Shepard… can't be bothered with me anymore," interceded Jack. "After allll the fun we've had together."
"Fighting me every chance he can get is what he calls 'fun,'" observed Cadrina. "I think he'll respond better to a different, younger face. He'll see that, outward appearances aside, humans and non-humans can work togeth-"
"Spare me the 'teachable moment' nonsense, Shepard!"
Jack Harper's outburst startled Imolc and offended Cadrina. It made no difference to the old man who gripped his wheelchair's armrests, seething.
"You discard me… and you insult me by bringing this…" He extended a knurled hand to trace Imolc's height. "Dressing up your little pet? Making him think he's one of our kind?"
Jack eyed his nemesis, another realization about her bubbling upwards from the torrent of his subconscious. His expression turned sinister as he leaned forward.
"I'm sorry… one of my kind…"
"Like it or not, this is how it's going to be," asserted Cadrina. "Imolc will be attending you and providing his supervisor - who will also be providing me - updates on your progress… including any further resistance you put up."
Imolc switched off his data pad and tucked it under an arm, clasping his hands in front and smiling politely. Jack redirected to the youth.
"So, Imolc… Shepard's best and brightest, are you?"
"I'm the first to graduate from my school," the youth disclosed with muted pride.
"It must be a very competitive school."
"Not really. There were contests but never any real jealousy or rivalries. The only real opposition we have is our past and how it affects us. Otherwise everyone there is like family. We help each other to succe-"
The chuckle in Jack's throat increased in volume until Imolc became conscious of it. The old man nestled in his chair, massaging his hands.
"Good little boys and girls… in their happy little world… never wanting… never questioning… ignorant of life outside."
"We are taught about the world outside, the world that thought we were no good. We used to hate it… but now we see that it needs help, too."
"… even if it never asked for it?"
"It doesn't ask because it doesn't know it nee-"
"Tell me, Imolc: what was your life like… before your won-derful school?"
The question made Imolc uneasy. "… I'd… rather not talk about it right now…"
Jack persisted. "But you're such a grown and well-adjusted… surely you can discuss the past without fear? What happened exactly…? Who or what tormented you? Did you live in a home… on the streets?"
"It hurt," pushed the youth "… I barely survived."
Cadrina prayed that Imolc would fall back on the years of love, guidance and support he received as Jack pressed more. "But you did survive… how? What did you do…? What did it take… to survive the cold, cruel world… you want to help so much?"
The nightmares of the past threatened to push further upwards in Imolc's mind. He breathed deep, looking at Cadrina for strength, and then gave Jack his answer.
"It's not who I am now…! Whatever I did back then to survive I don't need to do anymore. I have people who care about me."
Jack appeared discouraged but then hopeful, as if he had spotted an opening. "So you have…"
Cadrina considered the exchange between Jack and Imolc, fearing the spiteful invalid was trying something new in defiance of his sentence.
"Not everyone is as fortunate as you… Mr. Imolc," Jack went on. "Some of us… were left to fend for ourselves. Experience… can be… quite… the instructor. Being the head of a…" He glanced at Cadrina and then back to Imolc. "'Business conglomerate' as I was… you learn a few things about nature: aggression… competition… survival of the fittest. I learned… that victory doesn't go to the strongest… it goes… to the most clever… the most aware."
Imolc listened intently.
"Knowledge… is true po-wer!"
A charge took hold in the air. Something about the way Jack emphasized the word "power" awoke something in Imolc. Not the usual remembrances of pain and suffering but a different feeling; a dull sense of forgotten greatness. Of immensity.
"Acquiring it… controlling its dispensation… its concealment… it can set you free… or make you its prisoner..."
Jack's observations scraped further into Imolc. Why only pain before? What were these new sensations of once having had the means to control and dominate whomever and whatever he wished?
Jack could see that he wanted to hear more. "Oh, I can tell you about power… Imolc…"
The youth was falling further within Jack's spell. Cadrina grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back.
"Imolc!"
He blinked rapidly and shuddered, not recognizing his friend and savior for a moment. She took hold of his other shoulder. "Imolc?"
"Miss Shepard?" He sounded confused but thankfully like himself.
"Imolc, go into Jack's bedroom and get today's clothes laid out for him. The room across from his is where you'll be staying. All your stuff should be inside."
The youth could not understand why Cadrina wanted to distract him from what had happened. "It… was strange, Miss Shepard… like I was different before. Not just how I acted but like I was-"
"We'll talk about it later. I need you to go get set up."
"But-"
"Please…? We'll talk about it, I promise…"
Cadrina made a pushing gesture with one hand, putting on as calm and reassuring an expression as she could manage under the circumstances. Hesitantly Imolc complied. As soon as he left the living room she slammed her hands on both armrests of Jack's wheelchair, pulling him forward until his face was an inch from hers.
"I know what you're up to, Jack - it's not gonna work!"
Jack smugly settled further into his seat. "What, exactly… am I up to?"
"You heard him. He's not what he was anymore."
Jack delighted in her fearful undertone. "But he is curious. Ever so curious… about the past you've hidden from him. You're sadly mistaken… if you think you can ever change me… or your precious little Imolc… you should never have-"
"You, Jack! You're the one… I got him to stop… I got them all to stop and you-"
"Did what was necessary!" Jack's voice strengthened. "You failed, Shepard… you couldn't bring yourself… to do what was necessary…"
"Necessary for you... sweep them away and step aside so you could remake everything in your image…? No… not here, not this time. You won't use him like you did everyone else!"
Jack sounded more and more like his old self. "Oh don't worry, my dear… I'll take my time with your chosen one. It's not a thing to rush, drawing back the curtains…" He cackled out "I am truly impressed, Shepard! You've done quite a piece of work on him… on everyone; on everything… your father would be proud!"
"You leave my fath-"
As Cadrina leaned further in Jack suddenly grabbed and squeezed her jaw with formidable strength. She struggled to pull away, puffing through clenched teeth.
"I'll take Harbinger's world a-part… bolt… by ten-uous bolt!" Jack boasted. "I have nothing but time… I live to see the look on your face when…"
The fire and memory he had rekindled within began to fade rapidly, consciousness following. Cadrina's eyes, burning with anger, melted into shameful pride. They twitched downward, prompting Jack's own eyes to move to his left armrest. A medical syringe was jabbed into the back of his free hand, plunger fully depressed, still being held by Cadrina's shaky hand.
"Jack," she regarded his slacking expression and hold. "Jack? Are you showing me the look you want to see…? Because I think it looks much better on you!"
Jack tried to resist the sedative. "Just k-kill me… take me over… l-l-l-let… me go…"
"You can leave… when you're rea-dy to leave…"
"You're the one… who's wrong… you'll see… you'll…s-s-s…"
Now filled with pity for the unconscious Jack Harper, Cadrina smoothed back his hair and folded his hands upon his lap. "It's your choice, Jack…. it always will be. When you choose to see that it's not always for you to choose… only then…"
She leaned in, studying him and remembering their every conflict. "Only then."
Imolc reentered the living room. "His clothes are ready, Miss Shepard. I can unpack my things later after… what happened?"
He saw the hypodermic still in her hand. She straightened up and quickly slipped it into her pocket. "He… had another episode and started to act out. I had to sedate him."
Side by side with Cadrina he contemplated Jack as well.
"Miss Shepard? Those things he said… about knowledge and power; what did he mean…? And how could he make me remember things I couldn't before?"
Cadrina did not want to broach this subject at this point in time. Her eyes met his.
"Miss Shepard… is there something I should know?"
The ex-Alliance soldier spoke uneasily. "Imolc… graduation…wasn't really the end of your education. There is more… but first… you have to show me that you're ready for it."
Imolc's face was aglow with realization. "It's a test! He's my final test, isn't he…? He'll try to undo everything I've been taught… and I can't let him, no matter how hard he tries!"
"You see he can be very persuasive," Cadrina noted. "Even throw you by mixing up the truth."
Imolc was stunned. "He was telling the truth?"
"As he understands it, yes. But he thinks his truth should apply to everyone without question. He won't accept that there's more than one point of view, less stringent ways of seeing the same things… he'll try to wear you down, bring you to his side…"
"Did he wear you down?" asked Imolc, concerned for her.
"Almost," Cadrina admitted of her own interpretation of the truth she knew. "He's still resentful about my arresting him. I think my being here is just making things harder."
"How do I stand up to him, then?"
"Use what you've learned, use your judgment. Trust your instincts." Cadrina took Imolc's shoulder and pulled him closer, cocking her head in Jack's direction and said in a lower tone "And remember: he's being tested as well."
"I can challenge his views… with my own…" Imolc surmised.
Cadrina backed away and smiled. "… and maybe together... you two can discover a truth in common."
"Then… then I'll pass my test when he passes his?"
Cadrina lowered her head at her young protégé. "Mr. Arterius will make that determination. Be sure you keep him updated."
"I will," nodded Imolc.
Cadrina placed a hand on Imolc's cheek and stroked it with a thumb, much as she had done before in a much different situation. A warm feeling washed over Imolc. Her gesture felt strangely familiar although he could not consciously recall her ever using it. Her expression became more wistful. She inhaled and then put her arms around him tightly, kissing his cheek. Bewildered but receptive of her affection, he put his own arms around her.
"I believe in you, Imolc," she gasped as she gently rocked him. "Make me proud… make yourself proud…"
"I will… I love you… Cadrina..."
"… I love you, too…"
Cadrina sat alone in the parked aircar, reassuring herself that she had done the right thing in entrusting the former head of Cerberus to Imolc's care. She was at her wit's end on how to deal with her archenemy; it was this or nothing. She slumped backwards into her seat.
"My my…you do make some interesting enemies, Shepard…"
Cadrina remained staring through the windshield at the setting sun over the ocean; she knew the metallic timber of this voice all too well.
"Even of the ghosts inside your mind."
The turian appeared in the passenger seat with his head propped up on an elbow, also admiring the sunset. No longer did he have the scarring and augmentations inflicted by the Reaper Sovereign. He was dressed in his species' version of formal attire minus the hooding that often accompanied it. Cadrina folded her arms and leaned back further in her seat.
"Saren… buddy…"
"Is this how one looks in reality?" Saren Arterius wondered at the yellow-orange spectacle before him. "It is quite beautiful."
"It's how I see it… your own experience may be more or less so."
The former Reaper indoctrinate meant to work his way up to what was troubling Cadrina. "I still cannot find the words for this… this elaborate ruse you've created."
Cadrina turned to him. "You seem to be enjoying yourself," she huffed.
"This world does have its charms. But it wasn't created for my amusement or yours... once again you've taken on a great burden-"
"Saren... I've made progress."
"Indeed," he discontinued his examination of the sun and engaged more in the conversation. "Imolc shows great potential. And the other Reapers are willing to follow his lead, all minding what they have learned. But you are taking a very dangerous chance by having Imolc watch over Jack Harper."
"Every time I deal with him he gets stronger more quickly, more suspicious about his surroundings and then I have to start all over again. My presence must be fueling his determination - that's the only explanation... I can make sure that Imolc stays on his new path and keep Jack in check at the same time this way."
"Clever," agreed Saren. "But still dangerous. Consider that it may not have been so much your presence as your doubts that Harper may have sensed and fed upon... lingering doubts... that he can even be reformed at all." Saren focused on the new graduate. "For our sakes let us hope that Imolc is up to the challenge. Jack will still try to use his forked tongue on him."
"I went over that already with Imolc."
"Physical confrontation is also a definite possibility." Saren added.
"Jack's no biotic so Imolc has an edge there."
"Perhaps Imolc's efforts will be more refined than yours," said the turian with a sly intonation.
Cadrina became defensive. "And what's wrong with my efforts?"
"Oh, let us see, shall we...?" Saren ticked off Cadrina's past endeavors. "Wrestling, drowning, strangulation, sedatives. Losing him at sea, in the desert. Tampering with the electrical system in his home-"
"Did I mention he gets stronger?" Cadrina recounted.
He was undeterred. "And then there was that one occasion… an exploding cigarette? Really, Shepard? To resort to something so cartoonish?"
"Alright! So those weren't my finer moments… and I don't like smokers."
"This is all in your mind, Shepard!" proclaimed Saren. "Everyone and everything here comes from you...! You have the final word. You have control. You don't like that he smokes? Change it so it has no odor… or that he never even had this habit."
"It's the principle of the thing: consideration for others?" she rebuked. "You know? What I've been trying to hammer into his goddamn skull?" Cadrina pounded the windscreen to her left in frustration.
Saren doubled down. "I don't understand you… and this is a part of you saying this; I can sense your conflict...! Why do this to yourself? Why refuse control…? Why choose to remember us at all?"
Cadrina bowed her head and shut her eyes, her left hand drumming the dashboard as Saren made his case. "The war is over. There is hope again for the future. A new understanding among the people you helped bring about. You have done more than anyone has ever done and perhaps will ever do... it's time to rest. Forget us... forget him. You still have a choice. Leave us… and yourself... to rest in peace."
Saren waited for her response. Cadrina was seen to shudder and shift slightly as she lifted her head.
"But you're not resting, Saren - are you…? You're not suffering… you're not thinking… you're not anything anymore…!
Cadrina whipped her head about to Saren. "You… AREN'T…!"
In the same instant the sunlight disappeared into grey and a great thunderclap was heard. The turian, though surprised by her reaction, had also been expecting it on some level. That and the abject sadness in Cadrina's bloodshot eyes.
"People talk about wiping out something completely," she choked, the sunset slowly returning. "Some even think they can... no-body… will know… nobody should ev-er know… what it is… to truly unmake something…! To know that even if you could rebuild it… it'll never be the same…"
Saren and Cadrina remembered her previous incarnation: the Interface, the prothean gestalt intelligence that chose to take on human form, learning about the Reapers and their victims to find a way to end the genocides. They remembered the final battle that revealed the ancient behemoths as scared and tortured souls fighting and losing the war to prevent dark energy from dissolving the universe. Jack Harper, obsessed with obtaining absolute power by controlling Cadrina, used her to destroy the Reapers even after they had pledged to stop their harvest cycles and then tried to seize control over all of creation. The former Spectres remembered how Cadrina learned in her time in the Beyond that her existence as the Interface was tied to dark energy, used to end the existence of Jack and Saren as well.
The common factor to all the chaos and death was Cadrina.
"If that is true," said Saren, returning to the aircar interior. "Why punish yourself laboring to bring us back?"
"When you all passed within me," she explained. "… you left imprints…"
"Like a mold?"
Cadrina nodded.
"And you used these molds, these imprints … to make us," Saren deduced. "Then… we aren't like the others in this world. Imolc, Jack Harper... the Reapers... myself... we are not simply your reconstructions of them... we are… all they once were..."
Cadrina looked out the windscreen again, sniffling and tightening her lip.
"And that's why you refuse to forget or override us… you want us to learn and change for ourselves... to avoid making the same mistakes they did…"
"And when my time finally comes, I can make a worthwhile contribution," Cadrina finished. "You'll all be free… and alive again…"
Saren slowly took her hand, finding a strange respect for her mad, sad devotion to returning to existence those she had destroyed by her actions or omission of action.
"Forgive me, Cadrina... I see now. What you are attempting is very noble but… we are still not truly them. Even fashioned from their molds we may not turn out exactly as you would like."
The sun's rays were even more golden, Cadrina settling down. "I have to try… I owe you all that much… Saren, when Imolc's ready… if he's worthy, you tell him everything."
"You should be the one," Saren reiterated. "As architect of this world you have an obligation to your works. But I will be here to assist should you need."
"… you're right… listen, I'm sor-"
Blue-white mists quickly enveloped Saren and Cadrina, almost blocking their view of each other and the world around them. Then they dissipated, a gentle voice whispering "Ca-dri-naaa."
"Mmmm - morning already," Cadrina sighed. "Real easy to lose track of time in here, isn't it?"
"Ca-dri-naaaa," came the whisper and the mists again.
Saren permitted her to take leave of him. "Go to her, Cadrina. This world will be waiting as long as you want it. Go live the life you desired in your reality. I will… 'mind the store…' while you are gone."
"Thank you, Saren… I'll be back soon…"
The mists swallowed up Saren, the aircar, the entire shore before turning black as pitch.
All ambient noise ceased. Cadrina's eyelids cracked open.
Beside her in bed Liara T'Soni rested her head against an elbow above her own pillow, her free hand reaching over, gently massaging an earlobe. "Good morning, my love… you were dreaming of the school… of Jack Harper and Saren again?"
"Hey, what did I say about peeking?" Cadrina groggily scolded.
"You know I will never make that mistake again," Liara's face dimmed and rebounded. "Besides, we've talked about your dreams. And sometimes what you don't tell me… you say in your sleep."
Cadrina had fully returned to wakefulness and reality. "I'm sorry, honey – did I wake you again?"
"I was already awake but it sounded like you were having some difficulty. Are you still at an impasse?"
"I don't think so," said Cadrina, sitting up. "It's different now, better… still stumbling but… I think I'm making some real progress… I think they all have a chance."
Liara slid out of bed. "I'm glad you've finally able to find peace. We can talk about it more over breakfast – it's your turn today." She went over to the bedroom closet to pick out the day's clothing as Cadrina stood stretching. "Remember, we need to go over our latest report before we present it to the Council… so many mysteries… to think that numerous species have made their homes on the Citadel, ignorant of the secrets it held… or the fate that awaited them. If they were a little bolder they might have found the Reaper Archives within… it may take several lifetimes to comprehend them all!"
Cadrina reached and took hold of her clothes handed over by Liara. "But you enjoy it, don't you, Li? Just like the old days when you were digging through ruins with mysteries to solve."
Liara shook out the faint wrinkles from her unitard. Cadrina indulged herself in a brief display of blue flesh sliding into and behind green and white fabric.
"And this time you're not handing me all the answers," chided the asari. "You're in the dark right along with me… though I do appreciate the insights you've had to help light the way."
Cadrina only put on her pants and tank top, helping Liara adjust her outfit when the archaeologist said "I still feel uneasy about withholding findings… the EEV protocol. We could use that to travel to the other galaxies the Reapers constructed Gates in."
Cadrina made sure the shoulder pads were even. "And risk destroying any life that may have settled on them?"
"From what we deciphered so far, our Gate was the exception." Liara smoothed down her front and then went to examine herself in the mirror. Cadrina finished dressing.
"That may be. But if we take shortcuts now without fully understanding mass relay technology, without settling our differences or securing the homefront… we won't be able to do our part. Our galaxy's still got some growing up to do."
The human female, dressed in a more casual white turtleneck, dark pants and boots, walked up behind the asari still looking at her own concerned reflection. Spooning her, she leaned against her fiancé's head.
"Liara, we've been over this. The Citadel Escape Vehicle is our Plan B, our fallback in case something else happens. Hell, it's what they were originally designed for! Closed up tight, it's the perfect size for a Reaper pilot and about a hundred of his friends. I'm still thinking about how we can set it all up… gathering resources, supplies… getting enough people together to start over again…"
Liara turned about, embracing her beloved and pressing her lips to Cadrina's. "You will find a way… you always do… we will find a way…"
Liara ended their intimate moment with "I wish that I could, but I can't survive on your love alone. I would like some pancakes, orange juice, toast, sausages… and that wonderful omelet you make."
"Whoa, you've got an appetite this morning!" Cadrina's brow was raised, head cocked in puzzlement.
Liara nuzzled Cadrina's neck, laughing. "… It's not that, Cadrina! There's still much that needs to be done first as you said… I need my strength… I promise to share it with you later tonight… please… pretty please?"
Cadrina lifted and held Liara's chin. "… comin' riiight up…"
Liara sat on the living room couch to sort through data pads and review notes on a terminal set up on the coffee table in preparation for the Council meeting. Cadrina prepared breakfast in the kitchen, the smell and sounds of frying batter wafting throughout their apartment on the Citadel station.
SEVERAL MONTHS EARLIER
Liara turned to one side and felt next to her. Opening her eyes, she found she was alone on her mat again. In the dim light of her tent she stood, dressed and then emerged to seek out her lifemate. This was the fourth occasion that Cadrina had wandered off; she wondered where she would find her this time.
Liara's first stop in her search through the tent city was where Cadrina's mother and father were sleeping after a day of helping search through and clear rubble. Twice Cadrina was found standing outside staring blankly at the entrance flap. She was not there tonight.
Next was the makeshift commissary in the center. Cadrina was discovered there once in front of a crate of provisions. Earlier that day she lashed out at a human male for hoarding food, appalled that he could be still be selfish after all that had happened and when everyone around him was in need. No sign of her love here on this night.
"Cadrina…!" Liara called, trying to stay calm. "Cadrina…!"
Suddenly there was a faint sound of someone gasping. Liara's flashlight beam wavered and bobbed as she jogged in the direction of the shadow of the hulking Reaper corpse the tent city was erected under. As she got closer she heard the gasping again followed by violent coughing. Liara cleared a short hill of upheaved earth and shone her light down upon a massive tentacle of the dead Reaper plowed partway into the ground. There was a person there doubled over on their knees, their forehead and hand against the listless metal. Coming closer, she recognized the fatigues the human wore.
Cadrina.
Liara ran to her and knelt beside her, dropping the flashlight as she took hold of Cadrina's shoulders. She would not budge, only pressing up more against the tentacle. Liara whispered tender encouragements as she exerted more. Finally Cadrina complied and allowed herself to be moved. She slumped unto Liara and clung to her as if in danger of being swept away. Cadrina wept harder than the young asari had ever seen her, coughing in the same manner she did when she was similarly afflicted during the war. A disturbing thought occurred to Liara: was Cadrina mourning the Reaper in front of her?
Liara pleaded with her to speak. Getting no answer, Liara took it upon herself to find the answers and initiated a mental link; as Cadrina's beloved she felt she had a right to know what was affecting Cadrina so deeply. With some effort, Liara concentrated and at last pushed through the protective surface layers.
Into a pit of white hot flame.
It hit Liara all at once, setting her body rigid and her mind spiraling: the Reapers' origins, Cadrina's true origins; the cost of failing to rally against entropy. The human soul drunk with power that nearly ended all existence that pushed Cadrina past the edge, only to be saved by an enemy turned friend she believed was lost. The terror, horror and anguish Cadrina felt as she watched the Reapers she turned die by her hands but not by her will; the pain of the Reapers being unmade, of when Cadrina herself was nearly unmade. What the galaxy had seen only in flashes and impressions Liara saw completely through her eyes: the full, true power of the Interface, the envy of sovereigns and despots throughout all of history.
And Cadrina wanted none of it.
Liara needed all of her will to rip away from the tumult and snap back into herself.
Oh, Cadrina…
Cadrina stammered out a sentence, a horrible revelation, before she collapsed into tears again. Liara shuddered, her grip matching that of her love.
"I'm sorry, Cadrina… I'm sorry… I-I'm sor-ry…"
Failing to regain any resolve, all Liara could do was weep and apologize profusely for intruding on Cadrina's mind without permission, for being powerless to do anything about the agony her beloved endured and would continue to endure nightly for weeks. Cadrina Shepard would eventually work out a solution to take control of the nightmares and the guilt on her own, using the meditation techniques she had learned over time. She would follow through on a proposition made to her beyond the boundaries of thought and possibility and do her part to rebuild that which was destroyed.
But at this time there was only the pain.
Two scarred souls held each other that night, Cadrina's words hovering between them.
Words that would haunt them for the rest of their days:
"… souls can die, Liara… I killed them…"
"He was in the world. And the world was made through Him. Yet the world did not know Him."
John 1:10
"And they that shall be of thee shall build the old waste places; thou shalt raise up the foundations of many generations; and thou shalt be called The repairer of the breach, The restorer of paths to dwell in."
Isiah 58:12
END
Author's Notes and Thoughts:
- The school colors are the colors from Cadrina Shepard's armor I customized in Mass Effect 2. The default red stripe represents human blood (according to the game codex), the blue lights and trim for non-humans, and the black armor for the shadows she had to operate in. Her father Dylan in the story Countermeasures wears black as well, an allusion to his own dark past as a Cerberus operative.
- EEV: Emergency Escape Vehicle. I'm sure many ideas were tossed about as to what the Citadel would look like and how it would function. Surely its sealed configuration wasn't really meant to protect organics from attack. The Citadel dwarfs even the Reapers so I figure it was more protection for them as well as a gateway, maybe even a means to escape a galaxy in the death grip of a cosmic calamity.
- The title of this story is part of the phrase "Ye Shall Rebuild the Old Wastes," featured in an old MGM cartoon called Peace on Earth. In it, an old squirrel tells his children about how their world was built from the ruins of the human world that snuffed itself out years earlier. A strange mix of cute, eerie, scary and ironic that all come together to drive its message home. Check it out on YouTube sometime!
- Keep up those comments, critiques, favorites and watches! Let me know what you think of this little spin through the Twilight Zone…