Strong with your Heart
By Chyna Rose (chynarose8@hotmail.com)
Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon whose characters I use. I don't own RENT whom I paraphrase. The words are strait from the musical, but I condensed them into fitting form- you want to hear the whole thing listen to the cd. This was done in response to Goo's Weak in your Arms sequel contest. She has seen this- albeit without this disclaimer. Kensuke warning. Please send feedback.
"Hey Ken."
"Hi Daisuke." Ken choked out before entering a coughing fit. Daisuke helped the bedridden boy hold a shallow bucket up as the former heaved dryly. It had been a month since Ken had been brought to the emergency room. The first couple of days, the doctors were busy keeping the young genius alive and run various tests. His history had to be taken. -Yes he seemed fine for a while. -No he hadn't had major medical problems. –No he didn't do drugs. –No his friends didn't use drugs. –No he wasn't sexually active. No girlfriend, no boyfriend; I mean he's only 12 why would he be dating in the first place. –No he wasn't suicidal. Why do you keep asking things like that. –No history of seizures, eating disorders, migraines... –Yes he had been sick a while. … Tests had to be taken. –Clear of amphetamines. –Clear of steroids. –Clear of benzodiazepins. –Clear of opiates. –Clear of alcohol. –Sugar normal. –T cells normal. –Blood pressure normal. –White count; a bit high. Soon the doctors had an answer. Cancer. Mrs. Ichijouji broke down at the news. Mr. Ichijouji berated the doctors about their incompetence; threatening to sue for malpractice. The treatments came next; chemotherapy, radiation, surgery.
Ken wasn't feeling much better than he had at home. His thought still hurt. He still was tired. His joints and bones hurt. He had trouble keeping food down. He was loosing his hair. At first the Digi Destined visited whenever they could, but after a while Ken just pushed them all away. All save for Daisuke and Minomon. It wasn't that he was mad at them or anything- he just didn't want to deal with them and they didn't want to deal with him. They let him push them away. But Daisuke was different. No matter how much Ken yelled at him, or how awful he looked during a visit, Daisuke came. He would come as soon as visiting hours began, and leave when as soon as they ended and he got ejected by the nurse on call.
"Mimi sends her regards and regrets that she can't visit you anytime soon."
"Nice of her to remember me."
"She says she's heard of a report on a study some American hospitals undertook to help make the patients feel more at home; something about decorative floor tiles I think."
"I don't find pretty floors very comforting. I don't spend a lot of time looking at the floor. If they decorated the walls or the ceiling, that would be another matter."
"It's probably an American thing. Sometimes people can really surprise you."
"How so?"
"I've spent so much time fighting with Jun.. I used to think she'd do anything in her power to get me in trouble with my parents. But she just got me ungrounded."
"I don't understand."
"The day I visited you at home, before you were taken into the hospital, I got grounded for coming home late and not calling. The day you were brought here, I decided that grounded or not grounded, I wasn't going to sit at home while you were sick and alone. Jun explained to my parents that I shouldn't be grounded; that I would keep breaking the grounding to come see you. And that they were the ones who taught me to stick by my friends no matter what. My dad thought about it for a while, then took back my grounding. As long as I called if I was going to be late."
"Thanks for coming. You're the only one who really does anymore."
"You pushed the others away Ken. They'd be here too if you hadn't."
"They didn't want to be here in the first place, so why should I make them come?"
"Because they're your friends?"
"You are my only true friend besides Minomon. I can see how uncomfortable they are around me. They use any excuse not to be here. And when they do come, they're so distant. I can't talk to them like I can to you. They never believe me when I tell them I'm feeling terrible. Miyako's the worst. Every time I bring it up, she goes on about how negative I'm being, and how everything's going to be alright now. And Hikari? If I tell her how I really feel, she goes quiet. Then about five minutes latter she invents some reason why she has to leave."
"They're not all like that."
"Even when I talk to Koushiro, I can feel it. He starts to say something then stops. It's maddening because I know he wants to talk about something interesting but is afraid of telling me anything because it may upset me. And then there's the pity. I think I hate it more than the cheerfulness. It's like I'm less of a person because I'm sick; that I need others to feel sorry for me when I feel perfectly miserable in the first place. They just don't seem to understand!"
"Of course they don't understand! How can you expect them to when they've never even seen someone so sick? You can't expect them to know how to act, when they've never had to deal with this. They're doing the best they can Ken. You can't expect them to be perfect."
"Why do they even bother? It would be better if they never came in the first place."
"They bother because they care about you."
"Then why do they act like this?"
"They're scared Ken. Nothing like this ever happened in the Digital World. In all that time it never came into mind that one of us could actually die."
"And you don't think I'm not! Even when Osamu died, it wasn't as bad as this. Sure it hurt, and yes I feel guilty that he died. But this hurts worse. It hurts so much that I can't really sleep at night. I can't keep anything down any more. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother anymore."
"Chikuso! Never talk like that Ken!"
"Why the hell not? I'm tired Daisuke. I want to fight, but I'm too tired to fight anymore. I just don't have it in me any more. And maybe it'll be better."
"Don't you dare give up on me!"
"Give me a reason. One good reason I should keep fighting instead. I'm tired. Tired of everything. I just want to rest."
"Because I… I'd be lost without you. If you die, I may not be able to stop myself from joining you. If you won't fight to save yourself, please fight to save me. I need you, Ken. I can't afford to loose you- not now, not ever."
"I… I will fight; for you and for myself. I need you to help me. When ever I too tired to fight, I want you to do what ever it takes to wake me up. Even if I say I hate you for it. I don't ever want to forget why I fight. Promise me."
"I promise. I found a new song you might like."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. A pen pal of Jun's recommended it. I brought it with me if you want to hear it."
"Sure. Put it on."
"There's only us.
There's only this.
Forget regret or life is yours to miss.
No other road.
No other way.
No day but today."