Quick Author's Notes: Hmm. I don't like this story very much, but I felt obliged to submit it. More Nekozawa/Tamaki, damn it.

edit: fixed a couple of honorific-related errors.

Meant to Be

"I'm sorry, Umehito-kun. It wasn't meant to be."

Every kiss, every touch. Just being in his presence made my stomach erupt in butterflies, and I would feel so giddy I'd want to giggle. The spells I cast and the curses I spoke became softer, and the number of lit candles in the black magic room increased. It shocked my club members - I was smiling, not the usual evil, knowing smirk, and I said "Hello" to everyone that entered. One day, a boy - two years my junior, a freshman full of potential in the dark arts - suddenly discovered the reason.

"Nekozawa-senpai is in love."

I felt shameful that it was so obvious. But my club was happy for me; it was so rare for one of us to expierience true love. They sent me their blessings, as if I was getting married.

"Who's the lucky girl?" Someone asked.

"It's a boy," I had replied, and left.

We tried to keep our relationship secret. My club would never betray me, I knew, but I still threatened to curse every one of them with my strongest and most brutal spells should they ever tell anyone. I had a reputation to keep.

"Tamaki-kun," I asked one night, curled up next to his side while he gently played with Beelzenef, "does the Host Club know?"

"I told Kyouya" Tamaki replied, "and I think Haruhi knows."

"Would they tell?"

"Never."

He slipped Beelzenef snugly onto my hand and kissed me softly.

Tamaki-kun was the dominant one in this relationship, even though I initiated it. He was frightened of me, and he didn't truly love me. He thought I may poison him or his friends if he refused to be my boyfriend, but in truth I would never do that. I don't do half the things I promise to do.

Over time he realized this. Who I really was under the mask, so to speak. We weren't really that different, our personalities I mean, because we looked so similar. He was as interested in history as I was and listened patiently to my rants about medieval witches and all things they were doing wrong with their magic. He was still scared of the dark, and I was still scared of the light, but we managed to reach a comprimise.

It seemed perfect. Everything was perfect, to me. I'd always dreamed of something like this, man or woman; I didn't mind either.

There was no moon the night Tamaki dumped me.

"I'm sorry, Umehito-kun. It's not meant to be."

He caressed my cheek one last time and turned to leave. I couldn't say anything even if I wanted to. When he was out of my sight I dropped to the ground and cried - actually cried - clutching Beelzenef to my chest and wrapping my cloak around me. I stayed there, in the school's courtyard, for a long time, until midnight when I finally stood up and trudged back home.

My heart was heavy and my movements were robotic. I was still lovesick. Still in love.

But Tamaki was too far gone for me to catch him now.