Below the subconscious

I do not own Harry Potter

It was their sixth year at Hogwarts. Voldemort was continuing to gain power and Harry was doing well in potions class. Better than ever in fact because he had a teacher who didn't flunk him on purpose and a book that gave him good advice. In fact, he was so good he was better than Hermione, which made her jealous. Hermione's excellence in school meant a lot to her, so seeing someone surpass her was a hit to her ego and her self-esteem. Things were getting worse in the wizarding world because of Voldemort. Even though he did not show it, Harry was troubled by it more than anyone most of all, because of his background with the man and because he feared of what was to come; not only to himself but to everyone else as well. Especially those dearest to him.

After winning the liquid luck from his new potions teacher Harry was more upbeat than usual. It was a Friday and ahead lay a reasonably restful weekend given the little amount of homework that they had. While he was in the common room reading a book, Hermione went upstairs to sleep and he followed a while later.

While Hermione was lying in bed, she had trouble falling asleep. The whole thing with Harry suppressing her in their studies and the way people see her concerned her greatly. It wasn't very clear, but she's a little insecure and her only way to compensate for that was to excel in her studies. Now that this position was at stake, her emotions were thrown off balance. With these thoughts, she closed her eyes and fell asleep.

Before she understood what happened, she found herself in a white empty room and she was cowering in the corner in fear, crying. This wasn't like her. Then she looked up, and was startled by what she saw. She saw the corpses of herself, Ron, their friends, the Weasels, and Harry's parents. Horrified to see her own and her friends' corpses she recoiled. Then she realized something. Why wasn't Harry's corpse here? She reached for her face and felt a pair of glasses on her eyes and a lightning shaped scar on her forehead.

"I'm Harry…," she thought.

"How? What is this place? What's going on here?"

Her thoughts were interrupted by a cruel, cold laughter. She looked up and screamed. In front of her stood Voldemort and Harry's parents miraculously resurrected themselves, and she watched as he killed them over and over again as tears fell down her eyes. She touched her cheeks to find the drops on her fingers. They were real. The scene repeated itself with all the others dear to Harry including her own corpse self in front of her. When she saw herself get murdered by him, a wail of misery and agony came out of her throat but it wasn't her own. Then he saw her cowering in the corner and smirked cruelly.

"It's time…" he said and approached him. Hermione raised her hands in front of her face in defense as she was in Harry's form.

"Please… don't hurt me… I'll do anything…."

"What was she saying? What was he saying? This wasn't like him. Harry is brave. He's not a coward…." She thought.

She started running throughout the room trying to run away from him; from one of her worse fears; from death. As she ran, the tears began to stream down her cheeks again as more corpses of herself and their friends materialized in front of her, as the pain in her scar penetrated her scalp to the point that it knocked her to the ground. She fell flat on her face and broke her nose. Voldemort was drawing near; she started crawling backward away from him but reached one of the walls in the room. Voldemort was hovering over her, and raised his wand to kill her. Hermione paled as a single tear streaked down her cheek. She looked to the side of them room, slightly behind him, and saw her own corpse staring at her with an empty expression. Her other-self had a tear mark on her face and she opened her mouth to speak.

"Harry… why?..." she croaked and with that Voldemort cursed her living self and she was gone…

The real Hermione woke up with a gasp in her room. She felt her face. It was smooth. No glasses or scar and her hair was back to its long and bushy self. She hurried to the window to look out through it, and saw her reflection looking back at her. She sighed with relief as she placed a hand on her chest. She slouched onto the windowsill.

"Thank God…" she muttered and sighed again and shook her head.

"What the bloody hell was that?" she muttered. Knowing she needs some time to unwind, she put her robe on, and went downstairs to the common room to relax for a bit.

Meanwhile in Harry's room…

Harry was lying in bed trying to fall asleep. This whole thing with Voldemort had him restless. He was worried he might kill him or his friends and that it might be his fault. And the day he killed his parents still haunted him. He may have acted brave and resilient to his previous experiences in life, but he was a much more scared and injured soul than he let anyone know. He couldn't afford for them to know. Even his best friends didn't know this about him. After a restless while, he finally fell asleep.

Next thing he knew, he was sitting in a completely blue room, yet it was completely empty. Then he realized a few things. First that he was cold and that he naked. The last thing was, that this wasn't his body. Scattered around him in the room were various pieces of parchment and documents and a pocket mirror. He picked up the mirror and looked at it. He was shocked to see Hermione's face looking back at him. Remembering that he wasn't wearing any clothes made him feel very embarrassed. He picked up one of the documents and looked at it. It read.

"Hermione Granger, potions. Grade: F"

Puzzled, Harry picked up another document and another and another. All of them had Hermione's name on them with a failing grade. This made him very confused. Hermione never fails tests, this wasn't like her. Then he remembered her Buggort from their third year. It was a report card with failed grades. Did her studies really mean that much to her? And why was he naked? With all these failed tests around him, he felt like he was left with nothing. Then in front of him, he saw himself materialize and he tried to cover himself up. His other-self spoke.

"I have surpassed you Hermione. I'm better than you. I'm the better student now. You have no other way to prove yourself to other people. You have nothing else to offer. You have nothing left... nothing…" he said and presented the small liquid luck bottle and faded out of existence. Harry sighed sadly and began to cry softly…

Harry woke up with a start and sat up in his bed. He reached for his face, relived to find out that his hair was short again and he had his scar again. He was wearing his pajamas and his body was back to the way it used to be. He sighed with relief, rested his head back on the pillow, and covered his face.

"What the fuck was that?…" he muttered with exasperation

Thinking he needed some time to relax, he put on his robe and walked down to the common room to try to calm himself down. To his surprise, Hermione was sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace. Surprised to see her sitting there at one in the morning, he approached her and sat down beside her quietly. The images from his dream still fresh on his head, he blushed and played with his fingers a little bit. After a few minutes he spoke.

"Hi." He said and she gasped, startled by his presence. She turned to look at him, blushed, and looked away.

"H… hi…" she squeaked.

After a short silence she spoke.

"Can't sleep?" she asked.

"No…" he said.

"Neither can I…" she confessed

"Want to talk about it?" he asked.

Hermione bit her lip.

"What if I told you, I had the most profound yet most invasive dream I've ever had, but I couldn't bear to talk to you about it?"

"I'd try." He said and Hermione played with her fingers nervously. Finally, she sighed.

"Alright... I'll tell you." She said, realizing it would better if she told someone about it anyway, and who better than him?

"I dreamed that I was you, only you weren't yourself. The way I know you…"

"What do you mean?"

"In some ways you were the opposite of how I know you. Ever since I've met you, you seemed very brave and resilient, but here you were cowering in fear in the corner of a white empty room. And in front of you, or me as it was in this case, were corpses of myself Ron, his family and the rest of our friends as well as your parents. At some point, you know who showed up and your parents got back on their feet and he killed them over and over again, then he killed our friends and then me. When he did, and I heard a wail of misery and agony escape my lips only it was in your voice. Then he noticed me and approached me ready to make the kill and I shielded myself from him with my arms begging for mercy. I started to run away from him and more corpses, mostly of myself started showing up around me. Finally, I fell on my face and broke my nose and he had me cornered. The last thing I remembered was seeing my own corpse looking at me with tear marks on its face saying 'Harry… why…?', and with that I was down and woke up with a start." Hermione finished and faced Harry. To her surprise and concern, he was pale as a ghost. He opened his mouth to speak.

"How?... how did you know all that? I never spoke about any of this to anyone…"

"Wait, you mean to tell me that what I saw was true?" asked Hermione, clearly surprised.

Harry lowered his head and sighed heavily.

After a long pause he spoke.

"Yes." He said in a cracked voice.

Hermione blinked, taken aback. She was clearly surprised.

"But why? Ever since I've known you, you were brave and resilient. Where did this come from?"

"I try to be brave and appear brave but deep down, I'm scared blind of losing you or any other of my friends, or my own life for that matter. And even though it was a long time ago and I never knew them, the night I lost my family still haunts me to this day…" explained Harry as tears began to stream down his cheeks as Hermione looked at him sympathetically and put her hand on his for support.

"I just… I try to seem brave for everyone and even myself, but I feel like I don't deserve or have the right to be afraid. I survived the attempt of death once and I want to set an example for everyone else. I fear that if I show fear regarding Voldemort…"

Hermione shuddered at the name.

"Sorry." He added but she simply nodded to give him the okay to go on.

"I fear that if I show fear regarding you know who, then everyone will panic or lose hope. I'm supposed to bring him down, but I can't help but feel afraid sometimes. Afraid for myself, afraid for my friends, and still be haunted by my parents' death. I may seem brave and sometimes may feel brave, but most of the time I'm just scared. I just never could afford to show it, is all…" finished Harry, looked down, and sighed, feeling very broken inside...

"Oh Harry…" began Hermione.

"You don't have to worry about being afraid. You are only human. We all are. And if anyone deserves to be afraid of you know who, it's you, Harry. We have all have our fears and it's okay to feel vulnerable if that's who you are and how you feel. Nothing to be ashamed of, Harry… just be yourself…" she said and he nodded slightly, the tears streaming down his cheeks.

"Oh…" she said sympathetically and brought him into a hug. She cradled him in her embrace for a while until he calmed down. She let go of him as he slowly regained his composure.

"Thanks Hermione…" he muttered through chocked tears.

"What are you thanking me for? You are my best friend. This is what friends do…," she said, and he chuckled, and nodded. He rubbed his nose with his sleeve.

Thinking he could use some more support, Hermione asked him.

"Do you want to tell me about your dream, Harry?"

Harry blushed nervously. He sighed.

"It's funny. It reminds me of your dream, but you're not gonna like it."

"Try me." She said and Harry sighed deeply.

"Alright." He said and turned to face her.

"In this dream I was you, also cowering in an empty room, only it was blue and uh… I was um… naked…," he stammered and Hermione's face turned a crimson shade of red and she looked away. Fearing she might have taken it the wrong way, Harry hurried to explain himself.

"Please don't take this the wrong way… it's not that kind of a dream…" he pleaded and she shook her head, trying to forget about it and turned back to face him.

"Don't worry about it. Anyway what happened in the dream?"

Harry sighed before he continued.

"Anyway, I was sitting there, and around me were various testes with your name on them and a failing grade. Suddenly I materialized in front of you holding the liquid luck and I said something about surpassing you and that you weren't the best student anymore. That you had nothing left and nothing to offer. Then I disappeared and cried in your form. Then I woke up and came down here…"

To his surprise and sadness, Hermione was as pale as he was before and she had tears in her eyes.

After a short pause, he understood it and spoke.

"It was the same kind of dream wasn't it?" he asked and she nodded as the tears streamed down her cheeks. She covered her face with her hands and broke down in tears with a sob. Harry placed a hand on her shoulder for support. As she cried, Harry realized she could use a little more comforting, so he wrapped his arms around her and cradled her in his arms and tried to sooth her.

"I know your studies mean a lot to you Hermione but your studies aren't everything. Your personality and what you have to offer go way beyond that…"

"No it doesn't… I try to excel at school because I'm insecure and I do that to try and compensate for it. I'm afraid of failure and I fear that if people would see these sides of me they would mock me or wouldn't accept me for who I am. And I feel that excelling in school is my only way to impress people and to get them to like me or accept me for who I am…"

Saddened by what she said Harry brought her closer to his chest.

"Oh, Hermione… you don't have to get straight As to get people to like you. Your good looks and charming personality would be more than enough to get almost anyone to like you. It's not about what your achievements are, it's about who you are; and when I look at you, I don't see a girl who tries to excel in her studies almost obsessively. I see a very dear friend, who is kind, compassionate, warmhearted, beautiful and very wise. Who wouldn't like you for that? None of us is perfect, Hermione and there is no sense in trying to be. There is no shame at being insecure at times. There are much worse traits out there… You can just be yourself, without these defenses because this is who you are right?"

Hermione smiled, the tears sparkling in her eyes.

"I don't have to worry about being vulnerable sometimes?"

"Of course not. Just like you said, I don't have to worry about being afraid and I should be myself too. We all have our faults, fears, and inner demons. There's no shame in showing them every now and then instead of trying to hide behind a mask all the time…"

Hermione smiled as the last few tears sparkled in her eyes.

"Thanks Harry… thanks for cheering me up…," she said.

"You cheered me up. I'm just returning the favor…," he said warmly.

"Yeah…" she muttered. Then something occurred to her.

"I'd like to ask you one more question though. Two actually."

"Shoot."

"Did you really mean it when you said I'm beautiful?"

Harry blushed. After a short pause he spoke.

"Y… yes… I did." He admitted sheepishly

"And why was I such a prominent part of my dream which peaked into your subconscious?"

Harry both blushed and paled at the same time. He gathered his courage to speak. Finally he spoke.

"Because I love you. And I fear losing you most of all…"

Hermione could feel her cheeks heat up.

"You mean that as a friend or in a romantic way?"

"In a romantic way. And I would go until the ends of the Earth to protect you…" confessed Harry and she smiled, the last tears leaving her eyes.

"I love you too Harry. I always have…," she confessed wholeheartedly.

"I'm glad…," he said happily, as he caressed her hair gently as she rested in his arms. Finally, they parted and gazed into each other's eyes with a longing expression in them. It felt like one yearned for the other and it felt like a homecoming after a long and painful journey to be with each other. Like experiencing endless pain and ordeals and coming home into each other's love and embrace. They moved closer towards each other, slowly but surely, as their faces drew near until, their lips met for the first time in their lives. They felt a rush of electricity and numbness rush up and down their spines and through their bodies as they lost sensation of all things physical, mental, and spiritual, with nothing left but the emotional happiness and thrill that was their love and wonderful kiss they shared. Hermione wrapped her arms around his waist as he had his around her neck, as they opened their mouths slightly and let each other's tongues to gain access as they explored each other's mouths. They went on like that for as long as they could. But when they desperately had to breathe for air, they parted and the moment was over all too soon. They continued to gaze at each other's eyes in a happy yet longing look. Finally, they went in for one more warm, yet very loving embrace and rested in each other's arms.

"I love you Harry… thanks for tonight and being by my side all the time…," she said happily.

"I love you too Hermione with all my heart. And ditto, ditto… I'm sorry I surpassed you in potions class. I didn't know you would take it so harshly and I didn't mean to hurt you. If it really means that much to you, I can tone things down a little…," he said gently and she smiled.

"No need. I'm not afraid anymore…"she said with a smile.

"I'm glad." He said softly but happily, as they kissed once more. He kissed the top of her hair, as they rested in each other's embrace, happy to be a couple, as they slowly drifted to sleep in each other's arms in the knowledge that it is okay to be themselves. For better or worse. They now knew they had nothing to hide and that there was nothing to be ashamed of in their flaws and being themselves.

The young lovebirds would run away no longer…

The end…

Wow. That a hell of an idea. I don't know what happened. One moment I was reading a Harry and Hermione fanfiction, next thing I know this wild idea pops into my head. So yeah, I'd like to explain a few things. First of all, as you may have guessed, these dreams were peeks into the other's subconscious. It shows how and who they really are beneath their behaviors, exteriors, shells, and their defenses. In case you were wondering, the reason why I chose Hermione to dream she was Harry in a white, empty room and not something else is that I felt that white is a color that conveys purity and above all sincerity and honesty. Combining that with emptiness, loss, and fear, it conveys Harry's sense of hopelessness, fear, and despair in the best possible way. I felt that it would show how vulnerable he really is and how he feels on the deepest possible level. As for Hermione, I chose a blue and empty room because blue is a cold color that conveys the feeling of emptiness and sadness and in her case, failure and fear of it. Also I would like to explain that the fact that she was naked was not supposed to convey anything sexual. It was a metaphor for Hermione feeling exposed because her vulnerability was exposed and because of her failure. While adding to that that she appeared as a failure and felt like one, she felt even more exposed. Feeling she had nothing else show for herself besides her studies and achievements, she felt very bare, empty, and sad. So no sexual message intended. In fact, the real Harry felt embarrassed about being and seeing her in that position. Both Harry and Hermione got a peek into each other's subconscious, what they saw was a metaphor for their fears, how they really are, and how they feel beneath their behavior and defenses. After they saw the other's true self they both learned from the other that it's okay to be who they are, despite their flaws, fears, and feelings of vulnerability because it's who they are and there's nothing to be ashamed of or any sense and point in hiding it. And that's the message of this story.

So anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this psychological, emotional drama. I know I have. And since a huge amount of effort was put into it I'd greatly appreciate it if you leave a review…

Peace out…