Disclaimer: I own nothing, and I don't profit from this in any way that involves money.

PERSUADING VIOLET MERVILLE

Chapter 1

John Watson Abroad - Anatomy Walking Around –

the Hazards of Ignoring Transcontinental Phone Calls

To begin with, Sherlock Holmes was not dead. Quite the opposite of the proverbial doornail.

Because he was not, in fact, deceased despite all that had happened, he was a lot of other things in the present tense. Consulting detective still applied, of course – there'd be no changing that, not for a very long time. And to that John Watson would readily add brilliant and amazing and devastatingly clever. Those were the easy ones. Remarkable followed quickly enough. Incandescent was applicable too, though it was less obvious and more poetic, which Sherlock would sneer at. Forceful could be considered a positive attribute, unless, depending on how it was applied, it tipped over into overbearing. Still, John would concede that Sherlock was a force for the public good (because it was largely true, once you got around the fact that most members of the public wanted to punch him in the face once they actually met him), as long as he could also call him mad, insufferable, and too bloody clever for his own good.

Currently, Sherlock Holmes was also briskly and efficiently stripping off his clothes.

It wasn't anything John hadn't seen before (being no stranger to the male body, or the male body in locker rooms, or even Sherlock's male body in particular) and it actually wasn't that hard to look away (the man was going through the singularly un-arresting motions of shaking a trouser leg off his ankle). The tricky part, thought John as he tugged at the hem of his jumper, was finding somewhere safe to look. Almost everyone else in the room was engaged in the same activity or the opposite, though somehow similarly intimate, act of putting their clothes back on.

It was giving him the screaming willies.

This wasn't what John had in mind when Sherlock said he knew exactly what to do while they waited for their flight back to London. He had been all for checking into a hotel for a few hours, or, failing a nice sleep in a proper bed, he wouldn't have said no to a kip in the airport lounge. But, no, Sherlock would drag him to a bloody spa. A bloody jjimjilbang in South Korea where, apparently, you stripped to the skin and walked around starkers until you had a bath that you shared with what looked like several hundred other naked men. That he was the only one who seemed to mind just made John feel like even more of a chump.

"You could have warned me, you know," he said. Talking helped a bit. Talking was a distraction. It was better than pretending to be endlessly fascinated by the ceiling.

"I didn't think you'd mind. We've been to spas before." That was true. For someone who dismissed most of his bodily functions as mere transport, Sherlock was rather keen on establishments that specialized in pampering the said body-which-was-for-transport, and he'd taken John along to several of them. John usually ended up enjoying himself, not being above admitting that he liked his creature comforts, but…

"Not this kind. Not where they didn't have towels big enough to wrap around your waist." To be fair they had been given towels. And the towels were white and clean and fluffy, and might have lent decency to a hand puppet. The narrow wooden lockers didn't help either: the doors were nowhere near wide enough to hide behind. John looked at his watch. "I could just wait outside."

"On the hard benches they have in the lobby for at least six hours? I don't think so. You'll be even more cross at the end of it."

"Or I could head on to the airport."

"You've come this far, John. You won't die of culture shock."

"Oh, stop it. You're one to talk about culture shock." John took advantage of his rising pique and pulled off his jumper. It wasn't usually him who acted the part of an out-of-sorts toddler, but he couldn't help feeling that the world would be so much better after he'd had a nap. Or a large bag of sweets. He went on, words muffled by the wool as he pulled it over his head, "You're not the one who spent all of last week bouncing around Southeast Asia looking for a girl who looks like almost every other local there. And I know she's as English as the pigeons that crap on Lord Nelson, but you'd be surprised at how little difference that makes.

"And all those languages – I've been abroad before, but I've always had time to at least look at a phrase book before I went. You do know there's only so much Google Translate can do, right?"

"I caught up with you in Thailand," said Sherlock smoothly, turning to look at John with the wide-eyed innocence of a man who could probably learn a language in under four hours. He still had his shirt on, even if half the buttons were undone, and, now that he'd straightened up, it was covering all the significant bits.

"Yeah, you did. Pretending to be a bloody Frenchman." John shook his head and started reluctantly to pluck at his own buttons. Sherlock had shown up in time to stop one of the missing woman's friends from doing permanent damage to John's face, after John had asked some pretty sharp questions about her whereabouts. He'd given John hell for bungling the investigation because clearly the man hadn't been involved in the disappearance of Frances Carfax, any idiot could see that. Well, all right, maybe it had been a little mild to count as having been given hell, but Sherlock had been infernally and witheringly superior over the matter all the same. "It wasn't what I had in mind when you offered me the free trip to Asia."

"You knew it was for a case."

"Yes. I knew. You made a point of telling me before you packed me in the cab to Heathrow. Though what you said was basically, 'Fancy a trip to Asia, John? Here, have these free tickets and some spending money. Oh, and while you're there, you'll have to find Frances Carfax – it'll be like playing Where's Waldo, only she won't have the striped jumper.'"

That made Sherlock laugh. It was one of the best things about being with Sherlock again, that laugh, and John half-naked in a public place in a foreign country at the end of a very long week, found himself joining in, just because he could.

"I'm completely knackered," he said, trying to make his clothes fit in a locker that was mostly filled with an overlarge backpack. "I don't know how you manage to stay up, and you live on air and coffee." He sighed and started to undo his belt, doing his best to look past Sherlock and the other man undressing several lockers down. "And I know it's all just anatomy. I'm just not used to this much anatomy walking around all at once."

The corner of Sherlock's mouth quirked upwards in a sort of half smile. "It is different when it's not on a slab, isn't it?"

"Yeah. Or at the surgery. Doesn't help that you're looking."

Sherlock raised his eyebrows in an affronted No I'm not and began to make a show of arranging his own considerably smaller case in his locker. Somewhere in the depths of it, his phone began to ring. John didn't ask what that was about, being sure that he'd find out anyway, and was considerably surprised when the consulting detective did not answer his mobile, electing to ignore the ringing and give his bag a vicious shake as if that would shut it up.

"You're not going to get that?"

"No."

"It could be about the case."

"The Carfax one? I doubt it. We've exhausted all the leads here, even if you did bungle the bit about the vacationing missionary and his wife, and everything says she made it safely back to the UK."

John ignored that. Anyone could have seen that that Australian couple had been up to no good; it wasn't his fault that they'd been up to nothing more sinister in this country other than cheating at poker. "Don't you have anything else on?" he asked, and immediately regretted his choice of words as Sherlock slipped off his shirt so that he had nothing on at all. The man had no shame. John's vision was filled with a trim chest, a small, neat scar that belied the damage behind it, and a trail of dark hair leading downward from the navel to...don't look down, don't look down, don't look down. He tried to keep his eyes on Sherlock's left ear. "I mean, wasn't that why you sent me looking for her? Because you had other things to see to?"

"Nothing that would require a transcontinental phone call."

"It might be important. Seeing it is, as you say, a transcontinental phone call."

Again that half-smile. "Still quaint. Very charming, really it is, but it can wait till we get back." Sherlock shut the locker with decisive click, snapped the key on its elastic band around his wrist.

"You're not even going to look?"

"If it's really important, they'll call again. Come along, John, we don't have much time. Off with your pants."

Eventually, John gave up on the towel. Letting it go was a bit of a wrench, but while it would have done very nicely for the rabbit or guinea pig that wanted to hitchhike its way across the galaxy, it was woefully inadequate as far as providing crotch cover for ex-army doctors went. He abandoned it after the prerequisite shower (after the rugby lads at university, that bit was easy), and as soon as he was sure he could get a new one if he needed it. Besides, he knew where his towel was, the old blue one at the bottom of his backpack in his locker, so that was all right.

The funny thing was, once he'd done that, the public nudity became a bit easier. Just a bit, mind, because John was only willing to get so comfortable, but when everyone else was naked, it didn't seem to matter that you were missing your clothes as well. It became, as it were, a different kind of normal, even if he and Sherlock were drawing the occasional brief glance (maybe it was that they were foreigners, maybe it was the scars). If he didn't quite manage to stride along without a care in the world like Sherlock was doing, well, it wasn't him who was in the habit of lurking about Baker Street in a sheet, sans pants. It was also hard to act nonchalant when he was walking two steps behind Sherlock's bare bum. In motion.

When he got into the water, though, it all suddenly became worth it.

John made no bones about the fact that he liked his baths. Baths were wonderful. It wasn't just that they got you clean – if you just wanted clean a shower could serve the purpose with arguably less fuss. But there was simply something magical about sinking into warm, fragrant water at the end of a long day, and these were, without exaggeration, the best warm waters John had had the pleasure of sinking into.

It didn't even matter that he had to share this bath with other people.

Well, perhaps it did matter that he had to share it with Sherlock, who sank into the water with a frankly pornographic sound and lounged as if he were posing for a tasteful soft-core photo shoot. Eventually, when he was feeling braver about wandering off on his own, he left Sherlock to his soaking while he went off in search of a colder pool before he embarrassed himself without even a tiny towel to hide behind. He briefly considered the one kept at 4°C, but decided that he was not so far gone yet and that his bad shoulder would thank him for trying one of those pools with the massaging jets. It was the best decision he'd made on this trip.

He did keep his eyes on Sherlock, though, not wanting to lose him amongst all the other naked men, so he saw it through the steam when one of the bath attendants approached him carrying a phone. And he watched as Sherlock waved him away, indicating his refusal to take the call in very definite terms. This meant he was still watching when Sherlock rose out of the water like a minor sea god with his wet hair wrapped in his own minuscule towel, and he had to look away as the man approached the pool he was in for fear of being blinded by what John was now ready to acknowledge as nearly divine beauty.

"Another call?" he asked, when Sherlock slipped into the space next to him with the kind of sigh he usually reserved for the third nicotine patch.

"Not important."

"I'm starting to think it might be."

"It may be a matter of life or death, or it may be some fussy, self-important fool. Either way, it'll have to wait till we get home. There's nothing I can do about it while I'm five thousand miles away, and it is pointless to worry about anything until I have all the data."

"Then it'll have to wait till after I tidy the flat," said John, half to himself. "I don't think I even did the laundry before I left - my jumpers might be sentient by the time I get back. I might have to pay them rent."

"Mmm."

That contented hum was the last thing he got out of Sherlock for a while. Specifically, until Sherlock tapped him on the shoulder and told him it was time they got out of the hot water, lest they pass out and miss their flight. Leaving the bath felt a tiny bit like leaving a warm, watery slice of heaven, but it was something of a relief to put on clothes again (the spa-issue pyjamas, which were cotton and loose and comfy as anything) and head out into an area where everyone else was wearing clothes as well.

Feeling cleaner than he ever had in his life, John was prepared to make a beeline for the cozy-looking chairs in the common area, but Sherlock guided him to a space where the patrons were lounging about on the floor. The actual floor. The actual heated floor. John, who hated few things more than a cold floor in the morning, wished he could wrap it up and take it home.

"Ondol heating - traditionally wide, flat stones under the floor baked by a cleverly directed fire, but in a modern facility like this, hot water pipes probably do the trick. Ancient technology, and incredibly efficient. Better than a kip in the airport lounge, isn't it, John?" said Sherlock, settling onto the warm tiles.

"Oh, you know you're right." John lay down next to him, keeping about a foot of space between them. "You do realize we're more likely to miss our flight now? I don't see myself wanting to get up any time soon."

We can always book another one." Sherlock's voice was slow, deep, and as lazy as honey dripping off the comb. John turned his head to watch him for a bit. His eyes were already closed, his chest rising and falling with deep, even breaths: he may not have been asleep, but he was definitely resting. It was rare to see him relax so completely, and John was glad that at least one good thing had come of following Frances Carfax's trail.

He'd almost drifted off himself when a young lady knelt next to them and attracted his attention with a discreet cough.

"Excuse me," she said in a London accent that he could place within a few streets (Sherlock could probably give you the exact address). "Are you John Watson?" She looked tremendously relieved when he nodded. "I work at the British Embassy. And it's my day off. And, er." She handed him her phone in its sparkly blue case. "It's for you."

He goggled at her. "What?"

"Just take it." She gave him a pleading look. "Please."

He sat up and took the mobile from her, trying his best not to look too suspicious. He had a pretty shrewd idea as to who was on the other end of the line. "Hello, Mycroft."

"Doctor Watson, please give the phone to my brother."

John did not mean to be difficult, but he had long held the belief that a trial here and there would be good for Mycroft's soul, assuming he had one of those. Providing those trials was certainly good for his own. "And why would I do that?"

"Because I will conduct this conversation over the facility's loudspeakers, if necessary. Surely you see why this would be preferable?"

The terrible thing was that John did. He supposed you could only set up so many road blocks for the British government.

"Sherlock?" He prodded him gently on the shoulder. "It's-"

"Mycroft, of course. Fussy and self-important, then, though I hesitate to use the word 'fool'. What's he done, threatened to talk to me over the sound system? I thought so. Give it here." Sherlock held his hand out for the phone, not even opening his eyes. "I'll be in London in eighteen hours," he snapped, once he'd brought the phone to his ear. "Can't this wait?" This was quickly followed by, "No, I will not get on your private jet, if it was really urgent, you would have sent people to collect us. I will enjoy flying coach, and look forward to the layover at Narita and the in-flight meals." He got to his feet with annoyance written on every line of his body, and stalked off, presumably to be colossally rude on the phone without being colossally rude to everyone else in the room.

"So that's actually Sherlock Holmes," said the woman, watching him go.

"Yes."

"And you're actually Doctor John H. Watson."

"Yes. Yes, that's me."

"I like your blog," she said, brightening up. "Thought you'd be taller, but I really like your blog. The Aluminium Crutch was my favorite."

"Oh. Thanks." John gave her what he hoped was a friendly grin. He was quite proud of his blog (especially considering how it had started) and liked that people enjoyed it, but he was never certain how to handle actual people telling him so. "Nice of you to say so."

"Yeah, I read it sometimes, when it's slow at work." She tapped her well-manicured fingers on her knees. Then, when it became apparent that Sherlock wasn't coming back in the immediate future, she said, "Er, I will be getting my mobile back, right?"

Note:

Did you miss me?

Well, probably not, since I've been writing other things, though I've not really been significantly active since, oh, the end of Series 3, but here I am again.

I've been sitting on this fic ever since I finished The Seduction of John S. Willoughby, but it never really took off. The Korean spa was always there (because The Illustrious Client starts with Holmes and Watson swathed in sheets at a Turkish bath, how can you pass that up), but I didn't know how to go on from there. First, there was no John/Sherlock problem to work out, then there was no Kitty Winter, then there was a lot of stressing over how to do that bit with the special-order coffin...in short, I never felt clever enough to make it work.

AND THEN.

This fic is going to politely ignore the events of The Final Problem, as well as the existence of Rosie and Euros because 1) I'm not clever enough to write children and 2) they apparently didn't know what to do with them in canon either. (I'm sorry, I have a lot of feelings right now, and this is what I'm doing with them).