Cassie knows he won't ever understand her completely and, for now, at least, that's fine with her.
She smiles a lot, they smile to each other, she sees he has future in his eyes, and it's bright, it fucking shines through himand she sighs because she wishes oh so much she could be a part of it, but wow, hunger won't leave her alone. This is what it's ever been about: burning calories.
She feels star bouncing up and down her head, and sometimes she just wishes Sid could see them too, so he would understand how wrong it is and wow, how wrong she is, but, hey, maybe he wouldn't love her anymore either, then. Nobody really sees, because she tries so fucking hard to fit in and they don't actually notice the effort and she likes to pretend they reckon she's so naturally lovely that she doesn't even have to try.
But when she's in the crowd, and the dancing, wow, the music out loud and the smoke and all the bodies become too much all of a sudden, she can't control herself anymore, and she feels hot and sweaty and so hungry, like her stomach is trying to dig a hole inside her.
When she looks at herself at the mirror, she stares at a black hole she is falling in faster and faster.
Sid sees nothing of it. He sees tits, ass and knickers and those round hips which drive both him and her mad, but for different reasons; he doesn't see a mess. He isn't constantly thinking about food and calories and how to burn them bitches: he thinks about her, mostly, and Cassie can't really stand it because it's like he's missing a part of it, a part of her, something he doesn't want to see but it's there, and wow, it hurts so bad.
Cassie knows she will fuck everything up, because he won't ever understand her completely and, one day, this won't be fine with her anymore. She will look and look for something or someone or some pills that could give her answers, only to find out that nothing in the whole world can ever love her the way Sid does, but this won't stop her from fucking it up.
She knows, but she doesn't really believe it, because she's too busy burning calories.