I have my mother's suicide note memorized.
I am so sorry. I couldn't take it. This was the only way out.
Please, please forgive me.
I am especially sorry to you, Therro.
I just couldn't take it.
It hurt. I had just lost Dad, and then Mom all within a month. But she was weak. I was strong. I lived through it. I survived.
My aunt took me in. I learned a lot from her, including a little calming saying.
"No one lives forever… you can only hurt for so long, honey. It may hurt like there is no tomorrow, but there can only be so many tomorrows."
She told me that right after Mom's funeral.
I took a deep breath. That saying has helped me through the Hunger Games so far.
Especially since I was bleeding to death now.
The pain was terrible… I wish I was dying of wounds others had inflicted onto me. But I thought nature wouldn't play a part in my death. Who does? The trees, which had been my protection, were my demise. I was careless. I was one of three. I thought I was going to win. But now I realize I wasn't going to.
Because I slipped on rain-drenched bark.
I fell. I hit everything. My skull, my arms, legs, back. Now I was lying on the ground, praying someone would come along and finish me off. I couldn't move my arms without pain shooting up like daggers, nothing below my hips had feeling, and I was blinded by the blood pouring into my eyes from a cut on my forehead. Not to mention the crack in my skull. I don't know how I knew about that, but I was sure it was there. My head was screaming, pounding.
I.
Was.
In.
Pain.
But it had to end eventually. It had to. I couldn't live forever.
I couldn't live forever.
Ican't I can't I can't I can't live forever I can't I can't I can't I can't live forever-
I repeated this over and over and over and over, until I lost most of my blood. Until Death finally came and wrapped his cold hands around me, taking me away. Easing my pain.
At home, after watching for hours, my aunt finally began to cry.