Mat watched as the clouds passed across his vision and the sun sink below the waiting horizon. He sighed as sounds from his Master's party floated up to him. Even in a room full of people he felt alone, just like he had at home, never seeming to fit in. As he watched the people pass below him, he heard a sound off to his left. He turned to see a young women in a white evening gown and black hair tired into an elegant knot at the back of her head. With a start, Mat recognized her from the temple during the trials. She had beaten him in one lightsaber duel. How had she ended up here? The girl nodded to him and looked over her shoulder at the party.
"Not a party person hmm?" she asked turning back to look at him straight in the eye.
"No I'm not. Much to Master Kun's disdain. I feel alone. So I don't go. What's the point?" He said hiding the shock and surprise he felt at how easily he could speak to her.
"What's your name?" he asked in the silence, glancing at her, trying to determine her thoughts. She seemed different than he remembered and he studied her closely. Her face was strong and tan, with eyes the color of the ocean below them and hair blacker than the night sky. She still had the serious eyes he remembered when they had removed the blindfolds. But the little changes he saw took him back all those lifetimes ago. It was the little things, Mat realized, that made her so striking. The dimple at the left corner of her mouth and the slight smile she always seemed to wear. She was beautiful, he thought with a shock. It had been so long since he saw something beautiful that it took a while to realize it.
"My name's Jocelyn. And you're Mathias." she said looking slightly humorous but with distant eyes. Mat smiled embarrassed at the recognition, but smiled at her. Did she recognize him from the fight? Or did she only know that he was the Apprentice?
"Yes I have that great dishonor." he smiled and looked abashed. Noises drifted up from the party and a group of voices started towards them. Mat looked towards them and his face fell. He glanced back at Jocelyn trying to see past her impersonal eyes. Something about her touched him, making him study her more.
"So why are you out here?" he asked motioning with his head away from the voices. Jocelyn smiled slowly, her face a mask. This was just a conversation and if she felt anything she didn't show it.
"I prefer to watch people rather than join them. Plus they don't seem to like my company." she smiled as they walked away from the crowd.
"I like your company." he said suddenly, blushing and glad that the dark hid most of it. Jocelyn laughed, enjoying the conversation. They went down the deck towards the aft, moving quickly away from the approaching voices and didn't stop till they reached the very back of the boat. Mat smelled the fresh sea air and looked up at the stars. Each was as bright, unaffected by the people below them. Staring at them, Mat felt calmer and his worry died as he remembered each story behind each star. He sighed softly and looked at Jocelyn from the corner of his eye. She was gazing at the stars too and looked as contented as Mat felt. Jocelyn caught the look and turned to him and raised her eyebrows.
"I love the stars. I always think of my home when I see them. What do you see?" he asked leaning against the railing, and crossing his arms across his chest. Jocelyn blushed and gave a small laugh.
"I don't know. I just seem to feel more relaxed. Like I belong with them." she said softly. Mat nodded understandingly.
"I spent my first years stowing away on ships and going across the galaxy. When I was found, I used to stare at them. My old master told me stories to calm me down. Each star had a story and whenever I found a new one, he would tell me the story. He always seemed to know everything. " Mat smiled at the memory and looked at Jocelyn. She was listening with rapt attention and smiling. Jocelyn laughed and nodded.
"My master was into stories as well. He loved telling them as a lesson." she said sighing and suddenly sad. Mat looked at her carefully.
"Who was he?" he asked gently, afraid of getting too close but wanting to touch her. To see if her skin was really as soft as it looked. Jocelyn laughed, but shook her head disapprovingly.
"An older master. You probably wouldn't know him." she said, dodging the question carefully, but not before Mat saw the caution return behind her eyes. They were silent a long time, content in just looking at the stars and thinking. The wind sped up a little and Mat caught a whiff of Jocelyn's perfume and he smiled. It was like a spring night and the faint smell of watercress. As they stood there the wind also brought the sound of the music being played. A slow song started up and Mat glanced at Jocelyn.
"Care to dance?" he asked shyly, turning towards her and holding out his hands. He had to wipe his sweaty palms on his pants, to keep her from knowing just how nervous he was. Jocelyn nodded her face serious but open.
"Sure." Mat grinned again and pulled her into a dance and it seemed as if time had stopped. But even as they danced more voices came towards them and a voice cut through the night.
"Korrath?" Mat looked up and Jocelyn stepped gracefully away from him. The voice was that of Mykra, Kun's younger apprentice and his choice of mate for Mat.
"Thank you for the dance. But you didn't have to worry about impressing me." Jocelyn said backing away and walking towards the main deck, her insides churning in a new way that she had never felt before.
"Wait!" Mat called, but Jocelyn was gone. Turning back he saw Mykra staring at him curiously and he suddenly was angry.
"Who was that?" she asked slyly, seemingly unaware of his anger. Mat stalked towards her and growled.
"None of your business!" Mykra smiled at him knowingly and sidled up to him coyly.
"She is a whore. A powerless bitch. But with you she just might make it..." she began, but Mat shoved her aside and moved away, his anger palpable and red. He was followed by Mykra's unkind laughter and her joy at his anger.
"Pay attention Mathias! Now." hissed Kun and struck Mat across the face with the back of his hand, using the force to part the skin. Mat said nothing, even as he rocked back on his heels from the force of the blow. Kun growled in his throat but continued with the lesson. Mat silently healed the cut as he pretended to focus on the Sith Master. He quickly wiped the blood off his face and continued thinking about Jocelyn.
"Good. Mathias. Show them how it's done." Kun called and gave a savage smile at his apprentice. Mat never hesitated, but walked forward and drew his saber elegantly. Even without paying attention, he performed the desired move flawlessly and easily surpassed the other students.
"Well. The rest of you practice." Kun said and motioned Mat towards his rooms. Mat knew better than to resist and followed quietly. Once he was in, Kun shut the door and drew his whip from the rack on the wall. Chains flew from the floor and wrapped around Mat's wrists and ankles pulling him to the ground and forcing his muscles to bunch and stretch.
"When I ask you to pay attention, I expect you to follow my orders!" Kun said forcefully, his voice slippery as oil and pulling out and snapped the whip against Mat's back. The leather was laced with black obsidian that had been sharpened. It had once been part of the Dark Lord's tomb and infused with dark force, making it impossible for it to be healed quickly. Mat stifled a gasped and fell to his knees at the force of the blow.
"I do not tolerate insubordination from any of my students, least of all from you!" Smashing the whip back on to Mat, cutting so deeply that blood splattered on the walls. Mat let no sound or word escape him when a lesser man would have cried out.
"I expect total obedience from you Matthias! Never forget that!" Time after time, he repeated the beatings and Mat never said a word, simply letting the whip cut into his flesh. Any weakness would be punished by more beatings and pain. Kun finally stopped when the black tunic Mat had worn was dripping with his blood and deep furrows lined his apprentices back.
"Leave now and return when you have the discipline needed to be a Sith Lord." he said and without another word he turned and left Mat on the ground. The sith chains retracted and looking at his wrist he saw the burns they had left. Mat stared avidly at the ground trying not to think of the pain that was sure to come. The ground around him had grooves in it, he noticed and it had his blood running down it...
'No.' he told himself sternly. 'Don't think about it.' With superhuman effort he dragged himself to his feet and pushed himself out of the room. In his soft boots none of the students noticed as he crossed the room and headed to the lift. It took him mere seconds to reach his floor and staggered towards his room. He had just reached his door and was about to open it when a call stopped him. "Mathias?" Mat turned to see Jocelyn exit the elevator and start towards him. Mat tried to smile, but he couldn't seem to focus on her. She said something and ran to him, but Mat couldn't make out the words. He tried once more to smile, but then he couldn't see anything at all. The world went dark and suddenly he was on his front and his back was bare to the air. He stiffened and tried to look around.
"Don't move." came a calm voice from above him and he stopped moving as Jocelyn tended his back.
"What happened?" he asked keeping the pain from his voice, and wincing as she applied salve and bandaged him.
"You blacked out. You've lost a lot of blood and needed rest. Now don't move." she said in a authoritarian voice. Mat tried to get up but was pushed back down gently by Jocelyn's hand.
"I said don't move. Now listen to me." she said, but their was a lilt in her voice that Mat was sure was a laugh. Mat obeyed her but made sure she knew he wasn't happy about it.
"I am not an invalid." he said lightly. Jocelyn snorted in an un-lady like manner and continued to bandage him up.
"Sure. What ever you say." She said in a voice that suggested she was just agreeing with him to make him be quiet. Mat was silent then waiting for her to finish. The pain in his muscles was excruciating and forced Mat to think of something else. Jocelyn was all business as she cut the bandage and wrapped up her supplies.
"Where'd you learn healing?" he asked, trying to get up, only to be pushed back down by the young woman.
"My old master was a healer and he taught me when I was very young. Never gave it up after that though. It comes in handy when I need it." she replied casually, staring him down onto the bed. Mat carefully stretched his back, but winced as the bandages were pulled onto the wounds.
"I won't ask what happened if you don't want to tell me, but I think I already know." she said putting all the medical stuff away.
"Yes, you and the whole school by now. No one could beat Mathias except the master and what the Master does..." he began and turned his head carefully.
"Don't put on a shirt. I don't want the bandages to be tight. They need to be loose to heal." Jocelyn warned, packing up her things and keeping her eyes carefully averted from his face.
"Yes ma'am." Mat said diligently and looked at her gratefully. They were silent a while before Mat smiled.
"Thank you." he said kindly and meaning every word. Jocelyn just nodded.
"You're welcome." she replied and went to leave. Just before she reached the door, however, Mat's voice stopped her.
"Jocelyn?" he called embarrassedly. Jocelyn turned to see Mat turned on his side so he could see her without damaging his back even more.
"You'll heal fine. You won't need me for at least three days." she said her voice strong. Mat bit his lip and shook his head.
"I know. But I was wondering...why did you help me?" he asked, his voice wavering slightly and Jocelyn shook her head to clear it.
"Because you are my Lord. If I hadn't helped, then I might be have been killed." she said seriously and Mat tried to hide his disappointment. Instead his face scrunched in concentration and he nodded.
"So you were just protecting yourself?" he said trying not to betray his feelings.
"Well..." Jocelyn started to reply but stopped.
"No it's ok. That's what we're supposed to do right? Don't worry about it." he said and pushed himself up with his arms. Jocelyn looked at him and cursed herself. It shouldn't matter what he thinks.
"You shouldn't stand. It'll open the wounds again." she said automatically, and Mat seemed to sense the turmoil in her. Jocelyn felt something grip her stomach and she crossed her arms across herself, trying to force the feeling away. Looking Mat in the eye, she bit her lip trying to focus on the task at hand.
"I'll lay down like a good boy if you tell the truth. Why did you help me? And why did you dance with me that night at the party?" he asked wincing at the pain in his back, but shoving it aside and focusing on Jocelyn.
"Oh so now it's two questions. Which one do you want me to answer?" Jocelyn asked, her voice growing indignant. Mat saw uncertainty and feelings he couldn't identify in her. He felt the anger and made him realize that he was no better then Mykra or Kun.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked." he said backing down and sitting on the edge of his bed. Jocelyn shook her head knowingly.
"No you shouldn't have...but I'll tell you anyway. I helped you because you needed it. And I danced with you because..." she stopped and focused on him. Mat had looked up and heard her pause, his eyes betraying his hope. "Because I wanted to dance." she finished cooly. Mat gave her a smile and blinked his understanding.
"Thank you." he said and laid down face first, waves of pain rolling off him. Jocelyn's brow furrowed and went back to the bed to look at him.
"You really shouldn't have done that Mathias." she said concernedly. Mat gave a weak smile.
"Call me Mat please." he said quietly, the pain in his back showing through. Jocelyn paused and managed a smile.
"Call me Joce." she returned as she started working again.
"What do you see in her? She is nothing like you and yet you continue to see her. What is so special?" Von asked as his master and friend beat the living daylights out of the punching bag. Mat beat it mercilessly and shook his head to clear the sweat from his eyes.
"That's exactly why I like her. She's not like the others. She's smart, funny and caring..." Mat started,
"Everything a Sith is not. How is someone like that a true Sith?" Von interrupted and Mat paused to look at the twi'liek. He took a deep breath and lowered his head in acceptance.
"Maybe that's why. If the Jedi won't have me back then maybe I can have her." he said at last. Von gave him a sad smile and shook his head.
"You are very powerful Mat. The Jedi know this. But you don't even want to go back. You value your freedom too much. Isn't that what you wanted? Freedom to be who you are?" He said slowly and encouragingly. Mat nodded.
"And I can be with her. I don't have to be the big bad Sith if I don't want to. I can be the mixture of Sith and Jedi that I am. To her I'm simply Mat. No one else." Mat returned and gave a weak smile to Von. Von smiled back and laughed softly.
"You, my friend, are a fool. But I wish you luck. Just be careful."
"Why is he like this? Why does the council watch him so closely?" Joce asked her reflection as she prepared for bed.
"I cannot answer that Mistress Jocelyn. Would you like a recap to this?" asked the personal computer from her desk.
"It was a rhetorical question EVA. I was simply talking to myself." Jocelyn replied looking over her shoulder and into the next room.
"I see. Very well. Shall you be needing my services in the near future?" the A.I. asked a question in her digital voice. Joce paused and sighed.
"Yes. Run a hypothetical situation. Gather all data concerning Sith Apprentice Mathias Walcker. Cross reference all and run match to Jedi Archives. Then play situation: Is Mathias a Jedi agent? What are his motives if any, and what are his habits. I need to understand how he thinks." she said finally, her voice completely business and hard. When it came to emotions she had difficulty. Give her any problem concerning health or computers and she could answer you in a heartbeat. But give her a matter of feelings and she was lost.
"Computing." EVA replied and Joce went back to staring in the mirror. How had she ley this go so far? Why had she let him get so close? What was the purpose? She had someone waiting for her back home. Why?
"Simulation complete. Play back results?" EVA asked after several minutes.
"Yes." Joce responded and went through the door to sit at the computer station.
"Once part of the Jedi training program, Mathias Kenneth Walcker, cut the training period short at age 13, by running away from the Jedi Temple on Coruscant and never returning. Investigation terminated by Mathias's father. Jedi Masters Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi did not abort their mission. All Jedi Archive records after, restricted. While a Sith in name, I have scanned all records of Mathias's term as Sith and come up with an illogical conclusion. Mathias is a Sith only by convenience. All records show signs of mercy and logic, not of brute strength and other trademarks of the Sith. Honesty and integrity are important to him as is family. Appears sincere about his feelings towards you, as well as..." EVA said, her program running smoothly.
"Wait. 'Sincere about his feelings towards me??'" Joce asked amazed.
"Affirmative." Joce sat in semi darkness in shock. He liked her? Well of course he did. Idiot. Why else would he want to see you again? Jocelyn mentally slapped herself. What the hell. Let things take their own course. Wasn't that what Yoda had said? But somehow she didn't think her Master would agree in this type of situation.
"Mathias." called the Master and Mat looked straight up at him, unafraid of him. Kun hid a smile and bid the young man to step forward. Mat did and bowed as was proper.
"For your service to us, I reward you now in front of this most glorious class. Step forward and receive your prize." He said his voice monotone, but holding in it a measure of pride unknown to the others. But Mat heard it and looked at Kun in interest.
"From the beginning you have shown a resourcefulness that has out done all others. You have shown bravery and courage in the face of unspeakable odds and danger. You thrive on the things that make living worth while; danger and death as well as love of the hunt. For this you receive the highest honor any apprentice wants; I name you my Padawan and the next Dark Lord of the Sith!" Kun yelled to the crowd and rasing Mat's hand above them. Mat grinned like an idiot and watched as the crowd roared for him. Kun lowed his arm, but faced him.
"Kneel Mathias." he said and as he did Kun smiled openly. Grabbing Mat's wrist roughly, Kun pulled back his sleeve and pressed the palm of his hand onto the top of the boy's wrist. Mat felt the same burning sensation he had felt during the joining and smoke rose from the spot. Mat felt his skin burning and blackening, but said nothing, did nothing and kept still, his eyes locked on Kun. Finally Kun released him and smiled again. On the top area of his wrist, Mat saw that a tattoo had been burned onto his skin. It was the exploding sun of the masters crest of arms. Mat grinned as Kun nodded to him.
"Rise, Darth Korrath and face your subjects." Kun said and watched Mat rise up with new dignity and pride.
"Apprentices! Behold your future Master!" Kun called out over the crowd and watched as they roared for Mat yet again. Mat's eyes swept the crowd and looked for Joce. He finally found her, but she wasn't yelling with the rest of her fellow students. Mat's smile faded as he looked at her, and he saw her eyes flash. Puzzled he looked around and then back to her, only to find her gone.
Mat walked up to Jocelyn's door and ran a hand through his hair. This was nerve racking and he didn't like being out of his element. Quickly, before he could lose his courage, he reached up and knocked on the wooden door. He stepped back and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly to calm himself. Footsteps sounded behind the door and it was pulled open slightly. Joce peered out and saw Mat looking like a frightened rabbit. She smiled despite herself and sighed, hiding it behind the door edge. She opened the door further and looked out at him sadly. Mat looked up and stood straighter, worried over every detail.
"Hello." Joce greeted him slowly, her eyes passionless and distant.
"Hi." Mat returned and gave a weak smile. "I didn't see you at the party and thought I'd look in on you." he said trying to be light and funny. But his nerves were too bad and his voice sounded distorted.
"Thank you for your concern, but I'm fine. Just didn't feel like celebrating." she said and leaned against the door, her voice masking her concern.
"Okay." he said and looked down at his boots. Joce looked at him cooly, not replying but not ignoring him either. There was an awkward silence and the shuffling of feet before Mat looked up again.
"Hey I was wondering...you wanna go out with me?" he said very quickly, getting it all out in a rush. Joce winced as if she had been hit by a truck. She was silent for a while and looked up to Mat's face.
"I don't think I should." she said unsure. Mat looked down at his boots again, for lack of anything else to stare at and collected what was left of his dignity. He stood up straight and nodded, his face blank and void of emotion, but his eyes showed a sadness that Joce couldn't stand.
"Good evening then." he said and turned to leave. His instinct was to walk away and never speak again, but ten feet from the door, he stopped and turned back, his face void but hopeful.
"My wasted heart will love you forever." he said without thinking. Joce hadn't moved from the door, but the statement took her by surprise. Mat had stopped and was watching her, hoping for some kind of reaction.
"Are you capable of love?" she asked suddenly, not knowing what else to say, the cold starting to break and the eyes unsure of the boy who stood in front of her.
"I want to say yes...but I don't know." he answered honestly and took a step back towards her. They were silent again and Mat seemed to control his very hope. This boy was capable of love, and chose her. The repercussions were enormous, but a voice inside her was telling her to damn the repercussions.
"What you ask for is impossible." she said at last and looked away from him.
"Why?" Mat demanded and stepped forward. "Why can't you love me?" She made no move, but looked back to stare him in the eye, as if she could read his soul.
"Because you are the Lord. And Lords are forbidden attachment." she said frowning at him.
"It's only the Jedi that disapprove of love. I left because they wouldn't love me." he said and was surprised to see Joce shaking her head.
"No. This world doesn't allow love. The jedi..." she trailed off before she could defend the council. It was not her place, and she was shocked to hear him admit the reason for leaving. Mat blinked as if he guessed what she would have said but left it.
"In this world let me have my world, to be damned with it or be saved by it." he said, his voice full of conviction. Joce looked up again and blinked back the surprise.
"You read poetry?" she asked in a teasing voice, but let a small smile escape her lips.
"Don't tell anyone." he said and Joce gave a small smile. "Give me a chance." he said bending down at the shoulders so his eyes were level with hers. Joce looked at him and slowly nodded.
"Alright." she said and a shiver ran up her spine, as if someone had shut a gate behind her. A finality was in that word and Jocelyn didn't know what to make of it. Mat grinned, leaving the sadness behind him.
"I had a great night, thank you Mat." Joce said smiling up at him and meaning every word. Mat had taken her on a nighttime tour of the grounds on his speeder bike and had shown her the northern lights. He had enjoyed the feel of her pressed against his back as they rode through the night, though he would never admit it. He smiled at her and nodded.
"So did I. Thank you for agreeing to come with me." he said, bowing slightly. Joce couldn't stop smiling and nodded.
"Well, goodnight then." she finished and Mat tried to hide his look of sadness.
"Goodnight. Sweet dreams." he replied and stepped away from the door. But he stopped and looked back. Joce stood there, smiling and beautiful and before he knew what he was doing, he was back at her door. Joce looked up at him once more, holding her breath carefully.
"Look I..." he began and Joce stopped him with a kiss. Just a small kiss at first, but Mat felt a spark and kissed her back slowly. They broke apart and looked at each other in amazement. Then Mat gave a lopsided grin and kissed her. Joce smiled and laced her fingers through his hair. A shiver ran through them and Mat stopped. They looked at one another for a moment, before Joce spoke up.
"You don't have to stop on my account." she whispered, her fingers still in his hair. Mat smiled but shook his head.
"It's on my account. If I don't stop now, I don't think I ever would." he said embarrassed, looking down at his toes. Joce smiled at this and let go.
"Thank you." she whispered and kissed his cheek.
"You're welcome." Mat returned and kissed her hand lovingly.
"Hey Jocelyn! You gotta see this!" Mat called as he entered the cave and looked around. The wind whipped around him and he turned to see Joce standing just behind him. She pulled off her snow goggles to see better and whistled in amazement. The entirety of the cave walls were lined with glowing crystals of many colors. Both were in awe of the thousands that appeared as they stepped forward into the cave.
"Hey you two! I'm going higher! Meet you back at the ship! And I promise not to leave you behind!" came Jack's voice from the entrance. Mat looked back to see his friend waving at them. His white survival gear making him almost invisible in the snow. Only his black goggles set him apart and Mat grinned at him and waved him off.
"Get going you son of a wookie!" he called after him with a laugh. Jack grinned at him and continued up the cliff face. Mat chuckled and shook his head. He turned back to see Joce giving him a curious look.
"What?" he asked innocently and gave her a grin. Jocelyn shook her head and looked pleasantly confused.
"I just can't get my head around you. One minute you're a swarthy, angry young man and the next you're joking around with another student." she said and Mat gave her a lopsided grin.
"Who Jack? He's not just another student, he's my best friend." he said and began heading down the pathway that lead deeper into the cave. Jocelyn shook her head and followed him quietly, moving to walk next to him, she stared at him from the corner of her eye trying to judge him better. They had shared that kiss, but she still barely knew him. Mat caught her staring and grinned foolishly.
"Are you always this cocky?" she asked suddenly and Mat laughed.
"I'm not cocky...I'm confident." he said and made Jocelyn laugh. It was a loud but good sound and Mat smiled when he heard it. Joce opened her mouth to say something else but as they turned the corner, a nasty surprise was waiting for them. Sitting in a pile next to some particularly red crystals lay a nest of Gorgodon's. The huge hairy beasts looked up at the two and then launched themselves up and out, each trying to get a good bite out of them. Mat pushed Jocelyn back and drew his training saber.
"RUN!" he yelled and they took off towards the cavern entrance. The beasts were too fast and one reached the front first, it's long tail hitting the roof and it rained down snow and rock, completely blocking their escape. Mat turned then and attacked the nearest one, his face an angry snarl and he decapitated it. Jocelyn backed up to the wall and drew her blaster, opening fire on the others as best she could in the enclosed space. One ran up the wall and across the ceiling, dropping in front of Joce and roared angrily.
"Watch out for it's tail!!!" Mat yelled as he attacked again. But the warning came too late as the Gorgodon nearest Joce whipped out it's tail, striking at her. Joce held up her arm in defense and received a deep cut running from her elbow to he wrist and she let out a yell. With deadly precision she aimed and shot the Gorgodon between the eyes, and it dropped dead from the ceiling. Mat spared a glance at her before returning to his own battle. Only two creatures returned and he struck carefully while Jocelyn rained down on them with shots from her blaster. With a screech the last one twitched and died, but neither Mat or Joce moved for a moment, making sure they were safe. Mat deactivated the saber and turned to Joce with a worried glance.
"You alright?" he asked and Joce swallowed. With a shaky hand she holstered her weapon and gripped her left arm carefully.
"It feels like someone is purifying my skin with fire." she said and grimaced in pain. Mat looked around quickly and took stock of what was available. With a smile of satisfaction, he grabbed a handful of snow and packed it on the wound. "Hey! That hurts!" Joce exclaimed but kept her arm still.
"But it helps. Come on, as a medic you gotta know that trick." Mat commented and then reached behind his back to reach the small medical pack he always carried. There was minimal bacta in it but enough to coat the cut once. His hands were light and soft and Jocelyn felt gooseflesh raise on her arm as he touched her. He looked up and smiled encouragingly.
"Thank you." she said softly and smiled at him. Mat flushed and gave an embarrassed grin.
"There. Now I don't feel completely useless. Normally I'm better at making the wounds rather than healing them." he said as he tied off the bandage. Now that the pain was receding, Joce looked up around the nearly closed cave. She shook her head and sighed.
"This is soooo cliche." she said and Mat laughed.
"I don't know, I kinda like it." he said and stood to inspect the rubble better. Igniting his training saber, he poked at it carefully then tried to put it all the way through. But looking at the hole he made, there was no ending.
"Sith spit. You have got to be kidding me." he swore under his breath. Jocelyn laughed then and shook her head, unbelieving.
"If you ask to share warmth, I'm going to clobber you." she said as Mat returned to her side. Mat gave her a fake look of surprise and snapped his fingers in disappointment.
"Got me. Well can't blame a guy for trying." he laughed and Jocelyn laughed too. Mat looked up at the ceiling and around them again. "Let's see just how cliche this really is." he said and pulled out his comlink. Opening the channel to Jack he called into it.
"Jackio. Hey Skirata! You there?" he called and waited. Static came in loud and clear but no sound of Jack. "Damn. He's probably in his trance." Mat said and snapped it off with a sigh of frustration. "This is just great." Jocelyn shook her head and laughed.
"Well at least we have time to build our sabers." she said and smiled. Mat laughed with her and shook his head.
"You good enough to explore a bit?" he asked nodding to her arm. Joce nodded and stood, careful not to move her arm too much. Mat made sure she was okay standing then they made their way back into the cave. Suddenly Mat laughed at nothing in particular and Joce gave him a strange look.
"What?" she asked and Mat shook his head.
"And that is why you always have a buddy system." he said in a fake Master tone. Jocelyn gave a chuckle that grew into a laugh.
"Do you think they'll ever use us as an example of what not to do when looking for you lightsaber crystals?" she teased and Mat nodded.
"Of course! You don't want to end up like Apprentice Korrath and Apprentice Jehaat!" he said and sounded like a pompous professor at the academy. Jocelyn laughed at that and shook her head. Mat grinned with her and it was a calm smile of someone having a good time. "You should laugh more often." he said softly and Jocelyn's grin turned to an embarrassed smile.
"And you should tell more jokes." she returned and Mat raised his eyebrows briefly in consent.
"I would if they were in more demand. Only you and Jack like them." he said and smiled sadly.
"Well then we'll just have to hang out more." Joce said with a confident grin. Mat looked at her and smiled broadly.
"Okay." he conceded and nodded. "Let's find these crystals and get out of here, shall we?" Joce nodded fiercely and smiled. Looking around them they discovered that at that moment, the cave had branched into two tunnels, each leading in the opposite direction. Mat raised his eyebrows in a question to Joce who returned the look. "Separate paths?" he asked and Joce thought for a moment. Then with a smile she grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze.
"Just for the moment." she said and smiled at Mat. Mat squeezed her hand back and smiled happily at her.
"I'll meet you here then?" he asked and Joce nodded. They released each other's hand and began to walk down their separate paths when Mat stopped and turned. He stared at Jocelyn's back for a moment the sprinted back to her. "Wait!" he called and Joce turned with a curious look on her face. Mat stopped just in front of her and smiled. "I'm not going to let you go that easily." he said and bent, kissing her fiercely on the lips. Jocelyn responded immediately and reached behind his neck with her good hand, pushing their mouths closer. They separated for air and Mat grinned at her. "See you in a bit." he said and rushed back down his tunnel. Joce watched him go with a sad smile and continued her way inside. The crystal's above them had grown bright when he had kissed her and she smiled. Reaching over, she touched the ones closest to her and it flared when her skin grazed it. It was warm but not hot and she felt it pulse with a constant glow. With another smile she pulled at it gently and it came off in her hand. The warmth reminded Jocelyn of Mat's hand in hers and the touch of his lips. She carefully sat down and pulled the parts of her hilt out of her bag. She had acquired a slender pipe of cortosis weave mixed with ionite, making it nearly indestructible. She had carved intricate designs into the outside and was very happy with it. Setting it before her and putting the crystal next to it, she concentrated and then began.
Meanwhile, Mat had stopped quiet a ways down the tunnel, his eyes fully adjusted to the semi darkness, looking at all of the crystals around him. They came in all colors and shapes, each calling to Mat, spelling out advantages and promises. But as Mat tried to sort them all out, he turned and saw Obi-Wan standing next to several of an orangish red color.
"Are you so sure of your path?" the jedi asked and Mat was speechless. He blinked and shook his head, trying to clear the vision. But Obi-wan stayed put, arms crossed over his chest and his blue eyes serious.
"Yes." Mat said at last and then Obi-wan disappeared into smoke. Strangely disturbed by the vision, Mat walked over to the crystals and held his hand over them. They sparkled and cracked under his hand and he pulled several choice ones out. Reaching into his utility bag, he pulled out his saber hilt and snapped the crystals in, and they seemed to melt into the chamber, pulsing and glowing happily. Snapping the casing on, Mat held it for a moment, the feel of it so right in his hand that he grinned. Then he pushed the ignition switch and with a snap-hiss the blade sprang out and seared blood orange. The color surprised Mat but he blinked and it seemed to turn darker, but managing to stay orange. Mat nodded in satisfaction and turned it off, hooking it to his belt proudly. He turned to exit when he saw Jocelyn, standing in his way. He grinned at her when he saw she had her lightsaber hilt as well, holding it ready at her side.
"Alright! We did it! Come on let's go see if Jack is done yet." he said and began to walk to the side of her. But something was wrong. Jocelyn sprung back and activated her lightsaber, using it to block his path. Mat stared at the blade, eyes wide and unsure. The blade before him was a deeper red than he had ever seen before. His eye found Jocelyn's and hers were black, like he saw his when he was angry with power. He backed and away and shook his head. "Don't do this. I don't want to fight you." he said, but the image didn't speak. Instead it charged at Mat silently and swung at his middle. Mat brought up his new lightsaber instinctively and blocked it carefully. "I don't want to fight you." he repeated, but the image didn't hear him. It kept attacking relentlessly and Mat was forced farther and farther back into the tunnel. Mat turned slightly and deflective, hoping to catch the image off guard. But instead of retreating like he had hoped, the image kept going. It had tripped on a rock and before Mat could move, Jocelyn's form was impaled on his lightsaber. Mat looked on in horror and opened his mouth to say something. Joce looked up at him in pain and her eyes were clear again. She couldn't speak and Mat deactivated his saber, throwing it from him in horror. He dropped to his knee's beside Joce and pulled her head into his lap. Jocelyn closed her eyes however and before Mat could say anything, she melted into a fog and Mat opened his eyes to see his lightsaber hilt in his hands. Blinking rapidly, he looked around to find himself back where the tunnel branched and staring down Jocelyn's path. Even as he thought her name, she emerged from the darkness, a grin on her face as she saw him. Mat couldn't speak as she came towards him and finally he stood in time to catch her in a hug.
"We did it." she said happily and Mat could only nod.
"Yeah. I guess we did." he said and Jocelyn looked down at the hilt he was holding.
"What color is yours?" she asked excitedly and Mat looked down. Stepping back slightly he ignited it and with surprise saw that it was the same orange red he had seen in the dream. Jocelyn nodded in surprised approval and grinned at him. Mat grinned back, brushing the dream away.
"Let's see yours!" he said and Jocelyn flushed. Holding out her hilt she showed him the blue blade, it's outer edge tinged with white or silver. Mat grinned at her and nodded his approval.
"Awesome." he said and hooked his saber to his belt. Jocelyn did the same with a smile and hooked her arm in his.
"Let's get out of here." she whispered and kissed him on the cheek.
"The Sith have come!! Beware good people! They have come to take our Ministers and children! We must prevent this from happening! Heed my warning!" the street vender called over the heads of the crowds. Only several people were listening to him, but that did not stop him. A tall figure stopped by to listen, the black hood covering his face and features from the people around him. From beneath the hood Mathias watched the street prophet with wary eyes. If he gained enough followers it could pose a problem. With the silence born of living in shadows, Mat slipped off to an alley across the way to watch the prophet and wait. Five hours later the man got down off his box and packed up his things. Mat followed at a safe distance and waited. As if on cue, the man turned down another alley like the one Mat had occupied before and set up his own home. The lights on the public street cast only shadows in the alley and Mat slid in and out of them as he made his way to the lone man. The dark hood allowed Mat a sense of ease as he slipped behind the man and snapped the neck. It was easy to kill a man when you didn't know him and he didn't know you. A quiet death with no one to mourn. It scared Mat how easily it was for him to kill. Walking away from yet another corpse, it made him uneasy. What had happened to make him so cold-blooded? When had he become so cruel? A shiver passed through him and he shook it off quickly. He couldn't look back now. It was too late for that. Now was the time for action, not thought. Moving speedily through the crowd, Mat made his way back to his apartment and sighed as the dead bolt slid home. He could hear Joce talking in the other room and gave another shake. Joce had stopped speaking and he was leaning against the door like a wounded man.
"Mateo?" Joce called his false name cautiously. Mat sighed again and pushed away from the door.
"Yes Viola it's me." he replied trying to make it sound natural.
"What happened?" she asked as she came through the doorway to see him hang up his cloak and tunic.
"A street prophet was getting nosey. He had to be stopped." he said in a dead pan voice. Joce stared at him and watched as his face seemed to melt into despair. A struggle flashed across his face as he hid his feelings from Kun. Closing his eyes he took a deep breath and exhaled shakily. Joce went to him concernedly. The old fear was behind his eyes and Joce reached out to touch his arm.
"I kill too easily Joce. I shouldn't. I should have some feelings about killing an innocent man. Lose sleep or something. But I don't. I don't bat an eyelid at killing a man with my bare hands. It's not right." he said in a shaky voice. As he spoke he leaned against the wall and slid down to sit, his face in his hands and resting his arms on his knees. He took another deep breath and looked up to see Joce sitting in front of him, her eyes so full of compassion and love that Mat felt as if his heart would burst.
"Don't look at me like that. I don't deserve you. You are everything I am not." he said in a small voice. The pain so raw in his voice that Joce brushed back the hair from his eyes, lovingly and maternal.
"I only see you Mat. And that's not a killer in those eyes." she said in return and kissed his forehead. "We'll deal with when it comes again. Don't worry. I'm here."
"What made you join the Sith?" Joce asked as they watched the sun go down. Mat was silent awhile then sighed and smiled.
"I never had a family. I never knew my parents. Kun promised me all that. I felt like I belonged here for a long time. I met you. I became an apprentice. Everything went right. It was like I supposed to be here." he said at last, smiling at her and the light in his eyes made Joce smile too. His face grew serious suddenly and he pulled her closer to him.
"You never left the Jedi did you? You are still an apprentice." he said quietly, making sure that he couldn't be heard by the listening bugs in the apartment. He closed his eyes and felt Joce stiffen in fear. She turned around and looked at his face. He opened his eyes slowly and saw Joce's eyes boring into his. Her face showed fear and something deeper than that: fear of betrayal.
"How did you know?" she asked softly, the old fear and cold behind her eyes.
"Because I love you. And the woman I love wouldn't put up with this kind of life." Mat answered giving a wry smile. Joce looked at him, trying to guess his intentions. If her cover was blown...
"But I don't think I'll ever understand why you choose me." he continued, trying to put her at ease.
"I thought you choose me, not the other way around." she said harshly, her anger getting the better of her. Mat's face fell and he released her. "Mat...I'm..." she started, instantly regretting her words, but Mat looked down and shook his head.
"You know that isn't true." he said not looking at her. His voice was full of pain and with a sigh he looked away, unable to look at her.
"I'm sorry." Joce said moving away and looking down as well.
"No. No you were speaking your mind. I may be a Sith, but I respect you. I care for you." he said before he lost his courage. Joce gave a mirthless laugh and shook her head.
"You care for me? How can you when I am the very thing that you hate." she said angrily. Mat looked up and Joce saw how hurt he was. Joce sighed, trying to release the anger that had so often gotten the better of her, and looked away before he could.
"I could never hate you." he said quietly, trying to hide the fear. Joce looked at him and felt the truth in his words.
"Well you know about me now. What will you do?" she said at last.
"What if I do nothing with it? What if I forget about it and tell no one about it?" he asked still looking down.
"Why would you do that?" she asked almost afraid that this was some cruel joke. Mat looked up and gave her a lopsided grin.
"People do crazy things when they're in love." he said quietly. Joce gave a nervous laugh and then realized that Mat wasn't joking. Hesitantly he reached out his hand to her and smiled cautiously. Joce smiled back and took it. Both of them ready to keep that single touch of humanity.
"You cannot lose faith now. You have provided us with insights beyond our wildest expectations. We are grateful."
The sun was creping up the sky, lighting up the water like gold and playing across Mat's skin with a slow warmth.
"What are you doing up so early?" came a voice behind him Mat turned to see Joce standing in the doorway, her hair moving gently in the breeze. She had on a simple shift and robe over it and Mat felt the breeze it made on his skin. Mat smiled and leaned against the ballasted.
"Thinking." he said simply and Joce gave a small smile. Mat's laughter faded though and he moved closer to her. "I can't seem to stop thinking about you."
"Why is that?" Joce asked curiously, her eyebrows raised.
"I feel as though you are part of me. I feel incomplete without you." he said, looking back at her, admiring her simple beauty.
"Jocelyn? Will you marry me?" he asked quietly, not daring to hope and trying to keep his face from showing the need he felt. Joce was speechless, and her face registered shock.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked." He retreated, face falling and misunderstanding her look.
"No! No, its not that at all." Joce said closing the gap between them and touching his arm gently. Mat looked up and saw her smile, saw the coldness in her eyes retreat being replaced by warmth and love.
"Will you?" he asked optimistically, his eyes shining and carefully guarded. Joce smiled happily and nodded.
"Of course I will." she whispered, with a laugh, Mat swept her into the air with joy, his smile spreading from ear to ear.
"I had hoped that you'd say yes." he said happily and setting her down before him, leaning his forehead hers.
"I hoped you'd ask." Joce returned smiling at him and wrapping her arms around his neck. A look of content blessedness filled his face and he kissed her tenderly. Joce kissed him back and felt as if she was walking on air. Mat released her and reached behind him to pull out a small box.
"I know this is supposed to give this first, but..." he said in a small voice. He handed it reverendly to her and watched as she opened it carefully. Inside was a perfect ring of pure silver and a sapphire of the purest blue set in the band. Joce smiled up at Mat and put it on as she looked him in the eyes. "Look on the inside." Mat said gently, taking her hand and holding it into the light. Joce pulled it off and gazed on the inside. 'Come What May.' was inscribed on the inside. Joce smiled even more and kissed his cheek gently. Mat looked her strait in the eye and knew that he would never love another his entire life.
"I will always love you." he said kissing her on the forehead.
"I love you too." Joce returned smiling. Mat smiled again and kissed her tenderly.
Mat watched as Jocelyn walked up the aisle, a figure of stunning beauty. Mat couldn't stop smiling at her. She in turn smiled at him and looked down embarrassed. Von grinned at Mat from his place at Joce's arm. He handed her to Mat with dignity and a smile. Throughout the service, Mat cast glances at Joce who returned them with a smile. Her black hair was tied up in an elegant knot at the top her head. She wore a simple dress of pure white, bringing out the blue of her eyes perfectly. Mat himself was in a simple black suit of oriental design. His black hair was tied back in a simple ponytail that made his hair seem short. His very being was shining with joy. With their hands joined, they said their vows before God and those gathered there. Silent vows. Secret vows that could never be broken. Words that passed their lips would never be spoken again and would never be needed. They had found their other halves and that was all that mattered. They would never separate again.
"Was it with or without my permission that you married the Padawan Jocelyn?" Kun asked dangerously eyeing Mat. Mat stood tall and proud, never flinching or giving an inch to the Master.
"Without Master. She offers strategic connections and advantages." he said grimly, hating every word he said but saying it anyways. Kun's face froze, and Mat swore he saw a look of pride cross behind his eyes. But it was gone as soon as Mat looked closer. Kun walked closer, hands folded behind his back, seemingly lost in thought. But Mat wasn't fooled for a moment. Sure enough, as soon as Kun got close, a hand lashed out like lightning and slashed at Mat's face.
"While your actions suggest that you are not completely hopeless, I must punish you for your act of insubordination and disobedience." Kun said as he struck his apprentice again. The blows rained heavily down on Mat, but the boy never flinched even when his blood started to flow.
"Now are we perfectly clear?" Kun asked after a while. Mat nodded curtly to his master and bowed.
"Yes master. Crystal clear."
"He knows about us Joce! It won't be long before he knows that I really love you! And that you aren't loyal to him! What then? He'll start to hurt people!" Mat cried not worried about anyone overhearing them in the small church.
"Mat! Don't worry, we're on the inside!" she said, her hands crossed over her chest and watching Mat pace the floor.
"No I'm on the inside! You are just a spectator!" Mat almost shouted, trying to get a word in edge wise.
"Don't say that! We are in this together!" Joce yelled now, angry.
"I can't protect you!" Mat yelled, his face contorted in fear. He was breathing heavily and swallowed carefully, trying to hold his heart in his chest. Joce's face softened at his confession. She un-crossed her arms and went to his side.
"We can't worry about it now Mat." she said taking his hands in her own. Mat played with her fingers, avoiding her gaze and trying to keep himself from trembling.
"I love you too much to lose you. I couldn't afford it." he said sighing.
"I'm not going anywhere Mat. Don't worry." she said sadly and forcing Mat to look at her. His eyes were dark and tinted with fear for her.
"How is a handsome man like you so insecure?" she laughed, trying to make light of the situation, without a thought, she brushed a hair out of his eyes. Mat smiled and shook his head.
"Only when you're in danger." he said pulling her into his arms. "I can't lose you Joce. I just can't." he repeated and pushed back her hair lovingly.
"You won't lose me Mat. I promise."
Opening the door, Mat entered quietly and looked around at the rooms. A lightness filled him and he smiled despite the pain in his face. It was his and Jocelyn's home now. It was an enlightening feeling, to know that while Kun may run his job, he couldn't rule his apprentices heart. Love he couldn't take away. Sighing contentedly he set down his stuff and went into the shower. Joce was still working, but Mat could feel her in his mind like a current of water; calming and soothing his tired soul. This was what it was like to be alive. Walking around their apartment now, Mat saw a crumpled piece of dura-sheet hidden just under the bed. A sense of dread crept into his stomach and his hand snaked out and picked it up gingerly, as if it might burn his hand. Un-crumpling it he swallowed and looked at it carefully. The moment he began to read it, the blood in his veins froze.
"Got your note. I'll be in the Master Trees at 0130. Looking forward to seeing you. Love you."
Mat lay in bed quietly, looking up at the dark ceiling and trying to keep the doubt from his mind. He had said nothing about the note, trusting her to tell him if she wanted to. Looking down at her now, he sighed. Closing his eyes he tried to sleep. Barely 10 minutes after he closed his eyes, he felt Joce move carefully and sit up slowly. She paused before getting up, seeing if he was awake. After several moments, she got up and got dressed hurriedly. Mat waited till the door closed to get up and follow her. Both were silent as the night around them and Mat followed at a safe distance, waiting. Joce went to the garage and grabbed a swoop bike from a row of them. She pulled it out a safe distance from the school and gunned the engine. Mat couldn't waste time or risk being found out, so he called on the force and ran after her into the jungle. Jocelyn took it slow, so Mat found it easy to follow her closely. She stopped after thirty minutes and waited. Mat settled down on a fallen tree above the meeting place and waited. Suddenly a engine gunned in range and a dark figure sped into the clearing. He pulled up quickly and leapt off next to Joce.
"I didn't think you'd make it, but I'm glad you did." the man said warmly, moving in towards Joce as if to kiss her. But Joce wasn't letting that stand.
"No Riley. Don't." she said forcefully, her hand outstretched to keep him away. The man stopped and Mat felt his surprise. He couldn't see the man's face, but he was strong in the force.
"What are you talking about? Is that the wrong way to greet my fiancé?" he asked in surprise. Mat took a sharp breath and let it out slowly.
"No. I'm not your fiancé anymore." Joce said, stepping back. A minute passed without the young man saying anything. Then he broke out into nervous laughter.
"You're joking right? This is some kind of prank. Right?" he said still laughing nervously. Joce just shook her head.
"No. It's not a joke. I'm married Riley. I just came to tell you." she said matter-of-factly, her face a mask and cold. The man Riley looked shocked and speechless.
"Married? How? To who?" he asked finally, his voice growing cold and angry.
"A good man. I'm sorry I wasn't able to tell you sooner, but there it is." Joce continued and Mat could have sworn she looked up to where he was. Riley's eyes narrowed and Mat felt the anger rise up off the older man.
"How could you find anyone at that...school?" he asked his voice rising and suddenly his hand flashed upward as if to strike Joce. Mat dropped from the tree then and the move so startled Reily that he went flailing backwards.
"Mat! Stop." Joce said, placing a hand on his shoulder before Mat could do anything else. Mat stood and looked over at Joce concernedly.
"Are you alright?" he asked gently, ignoring the out of breath Reily on the ground. Joce shook her head and released his arm.
"I'm fine. But I left in the middle of the night for a reason. If I needed help I would have told you." she firmly, but her voice told of how flattered she felt. Mat blinked rapidly and looked bashful.
"I know." he returned, his voice understanding but still concerned. Joce shook her head.
"I'm not going to stroke your ego right now. You know I can take care of myself. I've known him for years." she said and nodded to Reily who was beginning to stand. Mat Looked down at Riley, drawing himself up to his full height and shook his head in disgust.
"Don't come near her again." he said dangerously.
"She's mine. She's my fiancé." Riley said angrily trying to wipe the blood that ran down his hands and face.
"She is no one's property." Mat growled angrily, grabbing Riley by the front of his shirt and holding him close. "She is her own person." Riley laughed and grabbed Mat's shirt in response. "Enough of this." Jocelyn said angrily and pulling them away. Mat let go quickly and nodded. Riley, however, had no such noble intentions. Looking between the two men she shook her head.
"I don't belong to you." she said pointing at Reily, but rounded on Mat as he looked victorious. "That goes for you as well. I love you Mat but I won't be made into a delicate piece of lace for you." Reily took the time to draw himself back up and look at Mat over Jocelyn's shoulder.
"I've known you longer." he said to Joce who turned to him.
"It doesn't give you a right to try and control me. Or hit me." she said piercing him with her eyes. Mat looked at Reily and shook his head.
"Get out of here now." he said and his voice left no room for argument. They stared at each other for a few minutes, while Joce looked at them both. Finally Riley backed down and the couple watched as he leapt on his bike and roared off into the black. Mat turned finally to look at Joce, his eyes tired and sad beyond his years. Joce looked at him back and Mat saw how she hid just how upset she truly was. Trying to make up for his blunder he gave her a little smile.
"I should have told you. I didn't want you to think less of me." she said at last, forcing herself to calm down, and drawing herself up.
"I should have trusted you more. You're right. You don't belong to anyone." he said meaning every word and his eyes never straying from her face.
"Thank you Mat." Joce said truthfully and smiled at him. Thinking for a moment, Joce smiled and stood on tiptoes to kiss him lightly on the lips. Mat grinned at her.
"Does that mean I'm forgiven?" he asked laughing under his breath. Joce thought for a moment then punched him on the arm.
"Now you are." she laughed.
Mat sat quietly, his knees pulled up to his chest, his eyes looking lovingly at Jocelyn's sleeping form. How did he manage it? He lived a double life and hated it. He hadn't realized how much he missed the Jedi until Joce had come into his life. He had treaded so far down the dark path that he didn't think it was possible to redeem himself. But Joce had seen good in him. She had never given up. He smiled again at her sleeping form and turned to look out the window. The blinds let strips of moonlight in and the glow cast the entire room into shadows. But he didn't mind. He sighed slowly and ran and hand through his hair in thought.
"If you kept doing that, you'll go bald." Joce's lilting voice came from the bed and Mat turned to look down at her. She had propped herself up on her elbow, the sheets pulled up around her armpits, but looking beautiful as ever. Mat smiled and leaned back so he was looking up at her.
"So says you." he laughed jokingly and putting his hands behind his head. Joce laughed and bent over him, her lips hovering over his.
"Well you better believe it." she teased and kissed him quickly. Mat smiled and nodded. Joce grew concerned and she flipped her hair behind her ear, as she often did when she was thinking.
"Did you know your family?" she asked quietly. Mat's brow furrowed and he shook his head in confusion.
"No. Why?" he asked forcing a laugh. Joce shook her head.
"No reason." she said and released a held breath, and forcing herself to smile. Mat pushed himself to his elbows, making their eyes level.
"What is it?" he asked worriedly. Joce shook her head.
"It's nothing. Really." she said and smiled in order to distract him. Mat nodded and let it go. His hand slipped into hers and gave it a squeeze.
"What about you? Do you have a family?" he asked looking at her in the dark. Joce shook her head.
"Master Yoda was my only family. My parents were killed by Darth Vader." she said looking down at their hands. Her hair slid across her shoulders and curtained her face. Mat grimaced and gave her hand another squeeze.
"I'm sorry." he said and brushed the hair away from her eyes.
"It's okay. I never really knew them. They were children of the Jedi." she said and smiled up at Mat through the dark strands of hair. Mat smiled back and ran his thumb over her check lovingly.
"What are you thinking about?" she asked as they looked at each other. Mat smiled and kissed her lovingly.
"Just how much you mean to me." he said honestly and Joce laughed. "Really. I never realized how much I missed being a Jedi. I don't think I ever really knew what it was like. But when I watch you... I know what it's like. And I feel like I'm missing something." he said slowly, his thoughts taking words and his eyes smiling at his wife. Joce smiled and shook her head.
"You can be so poetic when you want to be." she said laughingly, but her voice showed real pride and caring in it. Mat leaned back on the pillows and took Joce with him. She positioned herself in the crook of his arm and laid her head on his chest. Her breath played over his chest and they drifted off to sleep, each content and happy.
Joce was in class when she felt the pull of Yoda's call. The thought that it was odd timing was her first thought, then the idea that something terrible had happened. She hid her thoughts carefully, mindful not to alert anyone to her sudden concern. It was too dangerous to respond to the call now, her mind carefully blocked it off and her eyes the same cold that everyone knew. She could let no one see what she was thinking. When the class had finished, she headed calmly towards the comm center and entered a free booth. From her bag she pulled out a tiny chip and transmitter, placing both on the table in front of her. Touching the chip first she activated the screening emitter, letting it clean the room of all bugs. After this was complete, she activated the transmitter and cleaned the codes and security measures before contacting the secure temple line. Yoda answered immediately and looked at her seriously with his brown eyes full of concern.
"Master." Jocelyn bowed to her master carefully in the small booth and waited as Yoda returned the bow.
"Disturbed am I. Report I have received from Jedi Knight Skywalker. Tells me he does of a betrayal. Betrayed the Jedi have you?" he asked and his voice was only slightly mocking. Joce sighed and shook her head.
"No master I have not. But I haven't been entirely truthful either." she confessed and looked down at her hands. With a deep breath she looked up at her master, her face ready to deliver the news she was certain was unwelcome. "Mat and I were married two weeks ago, Master. He proposed and I said yes." she said, offering no other information. Yoda looked unperturbed but Jocelyn saw a flicker in his brown eyes she couldn't identify.
"Forbidden it is not, but not encouraged." he said quietly and frowned slightly. Joce nodded her understanding but didn't apologize to him. Then a smile formed on her face.
"I knew what I was doing Master. I love him. Please trust me?" she asked and the tenderness she felt crept into her voice and eyes. Yoda smiled then and nodded.
"Trust you I do. Make you happy does he?" he asked, the smile faltering. Jocelyn's smile spread and she nodded.
"Very much master."
"Then leave it I shall." Yoda sighed and nodded. "Jedi Knight Skywalker concerned his is. Betrayal he thinks it is." Joce nodded wincing at the thought.
"I know. I didn't even think about it at first. But when I did I tried to tell him...it didn't work so well." she said in embarrassment. Yoda sighed and blinked calmly.
"Deal with it we shall. May the Force be with you." he said bowing his head.
"I miss you Master. May the Force be with you." she said smiling. The last image she saw was Yoda giving her a genuine smile in return.