Oh, my God, that did it. I just read The Illustrious Crackpot's To Dib and it inspired me so much, I had to write this down and post it. I just hope it won't look too dumb next to the hilarious stuff on this site!

I don't own Invader Zim.

No offence intended to any religious group. This is humor... I hope.

Gir and the Jehovah's Witnesses

Preparing for another day at that stupid human skool, Zim picked up his books, a 1999 copy of the Reader's Digest and an old cookbook. So far they had fooled everyone. As he headed for the Men's Room door, he said to Gir, "Don't open the door to anybody, Gir. Especially not to any of those filthy HUMANS!"

Gir shook his head from side to side. "No, Master."

Setting a grim expression of determination on his face, Zim walked through the door and headed off to skool.

Gir walked to the door after Zim and stared after him. He continued staring. He continued staring. He continued staring.

Finally he closed the door. Almost immediately there was a knock on the door. Gir opened it.

Two humans stood on the doorstep. Or they looked sort of human.They would have to loosen up a good bit to look robotic. One of them held up a thick black book, the other, a couple of thin colorful magazines.

"Good day," said the taller one, blinking brightly. "May we talk to you about the Good News?"

Okeedokie!" chirped Gir, holding the door open wider and stepping back for them to enter.

"Have you seen the Light?"

"I saw a squirrel. He was doin' like this."

"Um... riiight... " The taller one looked uneasily at his companion, who looked back equally uneasily. Even when they got into a house, it still wasn't always easy getting people to listen. "Have you heard of the Word?"

"Tell me a story about giant pigs!"

"Would you care to read some of our literature? We'll just leave these magazines here with you so you can-"

"Your intelligence is stupid!"

"Avoid wordly associations."

"Aw, but I wanna watch the Scary Monkey Show."

"There's a new world coming. The end of this system of things is near."

"But if the big 'splodey goes fast, won't it get all bad?"

"If we do not change our ways we are headed straight to Hell - "

"YAAAYYYY WE'RE DOOMED!"

The taller one decided to try another approach.

"Let us kneel down and-"

"I'm gonna roll around the floor for a bit, 'kay?"

"- and pray."

"Hi floor! Make me a sammich!"

"You... yes, YOU... are a sinner!"

"It was MEEE! I WAS THE TURKEY all along!!!!"

"REPENT!"

Gir's eyes filled with tears. "I loved-ed you, piggy! I loved-ed you!"

"Pray for forgiveness!"

"Only if you dance with me!"

"Do you love God?"

"I love them little tacos. I loves them good!" said Gir. "If you don't give me some I will explode... I do that sometimes."

"I know," said the shorter one, trying desperately to salvage the situation. "Let's sing hymns and be saved... A-ma...zi-ii-ing, Grace... how sweet, the-e sound... that saaaved, a-a-a wretch... li-ike MEEEEEE...! "

"Doom-doom... do-oo-om, doom... doom doom, do-om doom... doom dooom, do-oo-om doom... do-om DOOOOOOM...! "

They tried to sing louder to cover the syllables of doom, but Gir took this as a cue to get up and dance.

"Lookit me! I'm dancin' like a monkey!"

"Please, we've got to go... NOW... we have a dentist appointment... both of us... no, we have a card game we have to go to... PLEASE... we've really got to go and kill somebody NOW...!"

They pushed their way past Gir and out the door and scrambled madly away up the street, each trying to outrun the other.

Gir walked over to the door to wave goodbye to them. "Awww, I wanted to explode!" He continued staring. He continued staring. He continued staring.

Finally he closed the door. Almost immediately the door opened again and Zim walked back in, looking triumphant about something. As he closed the Men's Room door, he said to Gir, "Did you open the door to any of those filthy HUMANS, Gir?"

Gir shook his head from side to side. "No, Master."