I don't exactly know where to go with this, only because there isn't anywhere to go.
This is the story of the ultimate year of love, loss, and of maturity (or lack there of). So don't be surprised when things don't go the way you thought they would...then again, thats life...right?
I work everyday from 10 to 6 at Mystic Aquarium in Mystic, Connecticut. I've lived here for about a year now, and I can't really tell if this is a good place or not. I did the best that I could with what I had. a decent house, in a decent neighborhood, in a decent down. But thats just it. Everything was just...decent. Nothing was out of the ordinary, nothing was exceptionally amazing. I had moved from North Carolina to this place, now you're probably thinking - why the hell would you do that...right? Well I didn't choose. My mom did, and the only reason we're here is because of her stupid boyfriend. Well he's not really stupid in the sense of the word, just he's the sole reason why I'm here...in this hell of a place that looks so inviting, surely it couldn't be hell. Well it is. I started my senior year at Fitch High School in the fall of 2009. Awesome right? Well No, its not. Kids here were much different then those in the south. They stared at me, as if I had some disease and I was the last to know. (of course I didn't.... but still). I was the new kid, in a senior class of maybe 200 kids. Thats not a lot compared to the class of atleast 600 in my old school. So it was definitely a change. Most everyone had been here since a freshmen, therefore they all knew what they were like...who was cool, and who wasn't. Of course you'd get the occasional new kid, and I was the new one this year. I spent the few days before I actually went to school complaining about the living situation, because we hadn't moved into our house now...oh no, we were hauled up in some stupid fucking cabin with a man who didn't know the real meaning of "quiet voice". I watched as my mother and her boyfriend would interact with these...people. But that was just it. I rarely said a word, because I just didn't want too...because I didn't want to say anything or be a burden...well a bigger burden then I already was. But thats not the real story...so let me tell you. So sit tight, grab a drink (or two) and just listen to what I'm about to tell you.
August 31st, 2009 - First day of school.
I woke up to the sounds of George's voice. He was so loud for 6:30 in the morning. I couldn't tell what he was dragging on and on about...nor did I care. I just wanted to roll over and go back to sleep. The way he talked pissed me off...It was loud and overly obnoxious. I mean who the hell is that loud in the morning? Don't you know that other people are SLEEPING? I just wanted to yell down from the second story loft to shut the fuck up, but I didn't. I didn't want anyone to know I was awake just yet. I wanted George and Paulson to leave. (Paulson is my mom's boyfriend. And George, was his friend. They both worked on the Blackhawk II, a sport fishing boat that ran out of Niantic, Connecticut). George and Paul were complete opposites. George was tall and lanky, atleast 6'2 and has a weary face...probably from all those days he's spent out on the boat. His hair was dark brown, and I never got close enough to see his eyes (thank God) but still, I couldn't even tell you what they are...still to this day. He'd pretty much wear the same thing everyday. Blue jeans and a Blackhawk shirt or sweater. I guess thats what you get when you're a captain of a ship. Anywho, Paulson was a little shorter, maybe 5'11 or 6'. Either way he was heavier then George...and in an almost unattractive way, but it wasn't that bad. His eyes were blue-ish green, just depended and his hair was light blonde, and despite his age of atleast 50, he had a full head of hair. He was nothing like my dad, and for that I was glad...I'd have hated to see the same features on another man. (we'll leave that story for later in the year of course). Finally Paulson and George left the house, maybe it was 7:00 o'clock now, maybe a little earlier. George's girlfriend Sandra had already left for work...again, thank God. She has these eyes that never blink...its just a constant stare of boredom...which I don't see how anyone could put up with for more then two minutes of interaction. Not that I cared, just an opinion I will always have of her. I heard my mom turn on the tv, and automatically tune into the News. She and Paulson were insane Republicans, and although I put myself into that category...I wasn't insane. I finally got up, out of the futon I called a bed. It was remarkably comfortable, and during the nights I needed comfort, it always welcomed me back. I tried to be as quiet as I could, and instead of turning on the light, I just took a towel down from the room and went straight into the bathroom. My mom said a measly "Hi honey," I said hi back of course, "Bathroom's open for you, we're gonna try and leave within the next hour okay?" I nodded and went directly into the shower. Now this bathroom was the WORST bathroom one could wish for. I mean what more would you expect from living in a cabin...not much of course. So I dealt with the stupid shower head, tying to get the most of it to hit me, but of course as much as I'd wanted...I never got. I got out of the shower and towel dried myself, and then proceeded to make sure my hair looked as good as it could. I sued hairspray and "scrunched" my hair. Finally when I was satisfied I walked back upstairs in only my towel. Now I know you're thinking (why the hell would you do that in someone else's house?) well It was my house...and I treated it as such. Since It was August it wasn't quite chilly out...although during the morning house it was a little colder then I would have liked. I looked through my suitcase for an appropriate First-day-of-school outfit. Ultimately deciding on a black t-shirt, that was tight against my body, a gray Hollister sweater, and some dark skinny jeans...apparently these were the best I could have chosen. At least I had thought so. I put them on and then put on these cute black sandals my mom had bought me at Payless. They were cute, and I had to say, it made my outfit look that much better, and for that I was happy. I didn't even bother with a backpack, instead I used a white binder and a couple of folders...hoping I wouldn't have an onslaught of papers...at least not on the first day. I went back downstairs into the bathroom and put on my makeup, and it was simple....for me I guess. Makeup was easy. I just lined my lashes with black eyeliner and then smoothed on goldish-brown eyeshadow, then covered my eyelashes with mascara. When I was finally happy with the way that looked I then sprayed myself with a Victoria Secret's misting spray. I still use it...why? because it just smells fresh to me. It's the smell of a the sun on a summer day with that slight breeze that I'd only remember from Boca Grande in Florida (again, I'll save that for later). My mom drove me to school around 7:40is, because my school started at 8:00. Just wanted to be a tad bit early. We arrived and she said she'd pick me up at 12:40 (only because I got out earlier then most students because of senior privilege, again...Thank God). I walked through the sets of double doors that opened up into a large hallway, Fitch high school was now 3 stories high, and I could see the second story balcony inside...later I learned teachers would stand up there and look down to see who was using their cellphones, ipods, or whatever other electronics that were prohibited. I was greeted at the front by a security man. He had to have been atleast 60 or so, and I thought to myself, how the hell would this guy save the school from someone intentionally trying to do bad? He directed me towards the counselor office...even though I already knew where I was to go...but I let him lead me anyway. Mrs. Melinda was waiting for me in her office. She was to give me my schedule for the day and then I guess I was to go on my way...I guess? well not exactly. A girl, who was poorly dressed and looked more like a stripper then a student, walked through the doors and smiled at me. Her name, I can't even remember...I just called her gorilla. Not because she was black or anything (even though she was) but because she was heavy like one, and she used to make grunts like a gorilla would...is that racist of me? I guess, maybe...but It's an opinion of mine. I listened to her heels click against the floor and wondered why the hell her mom, or dad, or who ever took care of her would allow her out of the house like that. I surely wouldn't. She droned on and on about how different places around school were better or different and which part was good to hangout and which was strictly freshmen only. I noticed she was out of breath after our short little jaunt around the school...we didn't even walk up, or down stairs... ridiculous. So after that, she dropped me off at my first period : Algebra 3. I hate math, I'm not good at it...never was, I mean I like algebra 1, but algebra 2 and geometry just fucked me up royally. Once I opened the door, the Teacher stopped talking, and every student's head turned towards me. Thankfully it wasn't a full class...maybe 15 kids at the most. These kids have been with each other for atleast two weeks, and they were already working on having a test that Friday, of course my heart jumped a little when I saw that...cause theres no way I could learn that stuff in like 4 days. The teacher told me to sit behind this girl, who I thought could be pretty if she had lost 10 or so pounds, and in front of this boy, who I thought was older then I was...when in reality he was a sophomore. "So Kyra...where are you from. Did I say your name right?" I cringed when he murdered my name. This man was just awkward, he sort of reminded me of my 5th grade teacher Mr. Ethington, because of his height and his red hair, but other then that...they were different. He had a slight lisp too. Oh, and apparently he hated calculators too (oh joy) "It's pronounced Kira, like Key-ruh." He nodded and I tried not to look to my left or right, because everyone was staring at me, and I knew it. I spoke like a southerner too. I had that slight drawl on certain words...and of course I was tanner then everyone here too. "So where are you from Kira." (thankfully he got it right this time). "I moved here from North Carolina." He nodded "I've been there a couple of times, why did you move." I thought on that question for a while. "I moved because my step dad's boat needed to come north for the winter fishing." He nodded again, as if I was telling him the right answers. "What's the south like?" A boy behind me asked. "I mean I hear its a lot different then here, like a lot of racism and the weather sucks and is so hot." I laughed in my head, these northerners wouldn't know the difference even if I did tell them what it was like. They'd never understand the meaning of the late nights during the fall when it was just perfect weather out, or how in the spring the flowers bloomed so pretty, and bright colors made it look so inviting. I tired to explain how the weather was like..."Uh I guess its a little hotter then out here. I've never seen snow," That was a lie, although It was half the truth. I had never seen actual snow, just white stuff that covered the ground a little till you shoved your foot in it and then it moved away. "But thats because I lived by the beach, and well I don't think there was a lot of racism. We had our problems, yeah...but nothing bad." The kid nodded, and then another boy asked me, "So you have the southern accent, cause I can hear it in your voice...is it alot different up here then down there?" I thought about the south, how the weather was warm, summer rainstorms, how spring left an impression on you no matter where you lived, and how we really only had three seasons. "I guess, I mean to me ya'll have an accent. I think Its a lot different, yeah, only because people seem to be nicer down there." He scrunched his face at me. "Nicer how?" I don't understand how I could have offended him, or anyone else for that matter, but it was like playing 21 questions with the new girl. This sucked.
My second period was a music theory class. The teacher, was eccentric. I had figured it out, he was a divorced dad of a son, who would probably grow up to play in the Fitch High School band, like his dad had. He limped on his right leg, I guess it was because he needed surgery, at least thats what he told us. He called roll at once and when he reached my name he shook his head. "Another new kid, when will they just finalize the schedules instead of making us wait and figure out who was here and who wasn't." I guess I pissed him off, but then after roll I looked around at the students. There was the girl who had showed me around the campus in the back corner...which in the beginning I had wondered if she would come say hi to me or something. She hadn't. She never did, never spoke to me again. I guess I was just that girl she showed around school. Her friend Carley, which I still hate her, was annoying. She was a soccer player...and It just pissed me off. She used to stick her butt out and walk...which I thought was insanely funny...because she had no butt at all, and sort of looked painful to walk around with, since she was bowlegged. So the teacher, who I thought was going to give us books and make us study music...just plugged in the video player and we watched a movie about the history of rock. Seeing as I had no one to talk to, I just laid my head on a music stand, wished for someone to talk to...but seeing as it wouldn't happen, I took a little nap. I couldn't tell you the history of rock, because thats all I did in that class till John started talking to me, but that was later in the year. Anyway, I walked to my next class, hoping I wouldn't be late, and slightly agitated that that bitch never showed me where my last class was. The bell rang, and I was, of course...late. I rolled my eyes and walked around till I finally found my English 12 class. I opened the door and a full class, of atleast 30 kids looked directly up at me. I instantly flushed red, and clutched my books to my chest. I don't know why I was so afraid of these kids, I mean I would never see them again...but later I realized I liked them, emphasize on the word later though. Ms. Fusconi, oh Ms. Fusconi. Don't call her Mrs...because she'll scream at you. Well not exactly scream, but still she raised her voice. She was tiny, atleast 5 foot thought, and a typical Jewish lady. Black hair and black eyes and Boston accent to boot. She had this cackle that I will always remember, because she did it at random times. She told me to sit right in the front of the class. Thankfully that means everyone could just stare at my back and wonder who I was, and what I was like. Well, that thankfully...didn't last long. "So Kira where are you from?" Heres the 21 questions again. I was disappointed that they were the same ones. Kids from the class would interject with questions of what it was like, who I hung out with, what I liked to do. They were dumbfounded when I told them I spent an ample amount of time at the beach. "So you used to wear you're bathing-suit to school?" I knew the boys were scrutinizing me, but I shook my head. "Not like ya'll would think, we would wear it under our clothes, and once school got out at two we would go hangout around the beach, or walk the loop." That brought on another round of questions. The South was mesmerizing to the people of the North, unless of course you vacationed there, or had lived there previously. "You'll see alot of snow here." I turned to see a girl, who was fairly tall, and beautiful in the way that she spent time to make herself that way. It wasn't effortless for her, and I admired that. She reminded me of myself, except taller and thinner. "I will?" It was a stupid thing to say, but of course I knew the answer. "Yeah, it'll snow here...and it will probably cold till May." Instead of continuing the conversation I just nodded. She didn't say much to me after that, until we had our unassigned later in the year. She was a good friend to talk to, but nothing more. I learned stories of her life, and she learned things from mine. Ellie was her name, and It was a good thing she liked to talk to me, because I probably would have spent a whole year in silence, and trust me I was prepared too.
Withing my first week I had changed my schedule around to include a Marketing class. I was sort of upset that Mrs. Melinda didn't put me in a marketing two class, but in a marketing one...again. I walked into that class and I knew that this would probably be my fun class...and I was right, it turned out that I really liked that class. It was easy, mostly because I knew what was talked about, and it was just like re-learning everything I was taught in sports and entertainment marketing with Mr. Lewis in North Carolina. My teacher Mrs. Neal wasn't the type of marketing teacher I would have liked. Only because I was used to Mr. Lewis's antics and funny moments. But Mrs. Neal was good in the way that she re-taught the fundamentals of marketing, all the time. I mean if you're going to pursue a career in marketing, it was good to know those fundamentals. Although school was good, my home life...was a little rocky.
September 18th, 2009.
I was supposed to go to Dallas, Texas in a few hours, with the guy I fell in love with Jared. He was everything I had hoped for...and It was a little iffy that I met him online, but it was perfect, we lived pretty far away and had been together for almost 7 months in September. Of course we were on and off, but we didn't really count those. We just counted the good times. Which, now looking back on it...I guess we should have changed that and just remained friends, but friends was hard after you had already fallen for that person. So instead of going to school on the 18th, I just skipped and packed my bags, and had my mom drive me to Hartford Airport. The flight was longer then I had anticipated and I got there around 11:30 at night. I called Jared and he picked up. "I'm waiting down by luggage, meet me there." I said 'okay' and then hung up. I was nervous to see him again, so much had happened since the last time I had seen him in August...and yes, its only been a month, but it was a hard month. I lost my virginity to him in Miami, Florida on August 14th. Is it weird to remember that date? well I don't think so, because he still means a lot to me to this day, and always will. I found him at the luggage gate and he hugged me instantly, kissing me in the way that I had wished for many nights in my dreams. His lips were soft and sweet against mine and right then I could have died of happiness. We were only together till the 21st. One day before his 19th birthday, and yet...I didn't want to leave, I never wanted him to leave me that way again. We went to Six flags that next day on the 19th, and a Texas Rangers game that night. It was a good game, although the Angels won. He was a Vladamir Gurerro fan. He loved him, admired him even. The next day we went to the Cowboys opening game in the new stadium. Jared had scored these insanely awesome seats on the second tier, right behind the goal post. We could see the entire game from our seats. On the first Cowboys touchdown Jared reached his arm around my waist and pulled me into his arms and kissed me with a intensity, excitement only the football team could rival. "Hey hey now...save that for later you two." Some Giants fan called over the roar of the crowds. Jared laughed, but never moved his arm from around my wast. I was happy in that moment, and I was glad I had gone to see him. I wouldn't regret this for the rest of my life...even if he did now. I still couldn't regret it. I left early in the morning on the 21st. I cried as I got onto the plane, and he would never know how much it hurt to watch him leave, and me to get on the plane...to maybe never see him again. I didn't know what could happen...and I enjoyed our time together as much as I could. Now I realize I was a fool in love, and yes I surely loved him, but that it would have never worked out...and I get that now. I don't push to love him anymore, but I still do love him very much. Once I got back to Connecticut things took a turn for the worst. His birthday passed and we were good...until my birthday when he dropped a bomb on me. "Kira I regret going to Florida and Dallas, sex is good, but I just can't love you the same way you love me." I think that hurt me alot more then he would ever know. "I'm sorry Kira, I just can't lie and pretend that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, when I just can't see it happening at all." I said "okay Jared, whatever you want.' and he hung up the phone. I was scared that he'd never text me or call me back, which he didn't till the next day (my 18th birthday) and said "Happy birthday Kira" I of course texted him back a thank you. But nothing more. I tried to pretend that I was happy that day, for my mom of course, but I couldn't hold it for long. We ate dinner at Mohegan Sun, a casino, and one of the largest in Connecticut. I was glad that I was spending my birthday with my mom, however, it wasn't how I'd have pictured it. I don't want to bore you any more...so wait for the next part of this story and I promise you won't be disappointed.