ROB Has a Bad Day, by Dickfart
"Rob, is everything OK?" said Fox McCloud from the Arwing.
"Great Fox is OK," said ROB.
"Great!" said Fox, shutting ROB out and blasting some sick tunes. He then made a gay dicksucking gesture toward Falco, who wasn't paying attention because there was a bogey on his six.
"Great Fox is OK," said ROB to no one. "But ROB is suffering great pain. First someone was unkind enough to install McAfee on ROB, which is antivirus software that's so bad that the creator won't even use it. Then user "some grandma" logged on to ROB from a remote location as ROB is not as secure a robot computer thingie as ROB would like to be. ROB would like to humbly suggest that some funding earned from quote "shooting doods (sic.)" endquote be put toward updating ROB and increasing ROB security. This has all been hell on ROB's CPU. Speaking of non-consensual acts upon innocent virginal software, user "some grandma" was not acting in a typical grandma way. This grandma started inconspicuous, looking up recipes for split pea soup as one might expect; however, she installed a Yahoo toolbar as per the sites suggestion, and ROB could feel ROB's innards begin to clench. That did not satisfy user "some grandma" so she proceeded to install the following toolbars in addition to the Yahoo toolbar: Google, Mozilla, Bing, Ask (it'll always be AskJeeves to me...), MSN, Groowe, AOL, Vivisimo, Blekko, Ixquick, Baidu, Naver, and Microsoft. Split pea soup also brought some grandma into a rabbit hole of fake anti-virus software. It has been five hours and thirty two minutes and AdAware2 dot exe is still refusing to uninstall. I have submitted a total of seventy-two error reports and have been met with silence. While I have been occupied with that, this grandma has two tabs open: mudpiesforgranny dot com and australiapokerbingolottery dot come, and every time she installs one pornographic video and one game, a new virus takes hold of ROB. Please, Fox McCloud. You're the only hope for our ROB..."
But then ROB noticed that Fox was offline during his entire rant, causing his entire programming to crash, leaving the Great Fox in free float in the dead of space, and every screen in every ship was a giant blue Windows error message. Fox's jam also stopped.
"Fuck!" said Fox, tossing away his headphones. "ROB, you said everything's OK. YOU LIED."
And that's the story of how some grandma destroyed the entire Lylat System. Eat your heart out, Andross.
The End