I do not own Harry Potter.
A/N: This is for Season V of the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition, round #7.
Team & Position: Caerphilly Catapults, Beater 1.
Base Prompt: Write about a witch or wizard trying to combine magic and Muggle technology into one device.
Optional Prompts:
1. (word) motor
7. (word) confusion
"It will be easy," they said. "All it does is heat food for a specified time and then dings when done," they said. Yeah, and Merlin is my father, I thought, banging my head against my desk with a resounding thud.
I had estimated that it would take me six months to build the Magical Microwave. Duplicating the box itself would be easy enough. If needed, we could always salvage them from a Muggle junkyard. However, getting everything running without magic—that was the kicker. While I only expected it to take a couple of months, mostly to create a magical magnetron, I went with my guideline of tripling the amount of time that I thought I would need. It was a good thing I had. While I had finished the magnetron within my initial estimate, the additional features requested by my boss were close to running me over my extended time estimate.
It had all started when my boss came in with what, at the time, seemed like a reasonable request.
"Can you make it so that it is possible to turn off the 'ding' when it finishes?" he asked. "I know that with my wife, even the slightest noise would wake her up and don't want to bother her."
Without much thought, I confirmed that this was something that would be possible, but would probably be best added only once everything else was working.
"But it is possible?" he asked.
"Yes," I replied.
"Then consider it as being part of the design specifications," he said, nodding to himself as he left my office. With a sigh, I noted the request down for later and continued my work on getting the magical magnetron working.
Thud. My head banged against the desk again.
A couple of weeks later, I was nearly finished with the magnetron when my boss had interrupted me.
"I was reviewing your design specs, and I noticed that you didn't have one of those plate things that rotates in there. Isn't that a standard part of those Muggle microwaves these days?" he asked.
Of course, I had been aware of this, but I wanted to keep the design as simple as possible for the initial product. "It depends. Many of the consumer models do have the spinning plate, but not all of them do. I figured we could keep this first one simple and maybe release a new model later that introduced the plate."
"But if this is something common in the Muggle world, there is no reason that we, in the Wizarding World, shouldn't have it, too."
"Sir, attempting to put that in now would force us to redesign the physical box of the microwave. Additionally, we would need a small, magically powered motor or something to turn the plate."
"I refuse to release a product that is missing a key feature available in the Muggle world. Put it in," he said as he turned and walked out in a huff.
I picked up and threw my design specs into a nearby rubbish bin. A new document needed to be written to take this new requirement into account.
Thud.
"I've got a question for you," my boss said, surprising me.
"Yes?" I asked, cautiously optimistic that my prototype was working properly.
"Why did my spoon spark while my cup of cocoa heated in the microwave?"
"You put a metal spoon in the microwave?" I was astounded at his ignorance of the safety warnings that I provided along with my first functional prototype.
"Well, not intentionally. I'm not a complete idiot, you know," I nodded along as if I agreed with what he was saying. "I've never had to worry about removing a spoon when casting a spell to heat my drink, so why did it cause a problem here?"
"The short answer is physics," I replied. When I saw the look of confusion on his face, I offered, "I can go into more detail if you want, but it is kind of technical."
"No," he said. "I'm just confused why physics are relevant. This is the Magical Microwave, not some Muggle device. We have magic."
"But sir, since we are producing the microwaves from a magnetron, everything is acting exactly as it should."
"No 'buts.' If the problem is this magne-thingy, just get rid of it."
"Sir, it wouldn't be a microwave anymore."
"It's already not a microwave; it's the Magical Microwave. Fix it," he said as he left my office.
Thud.
Once my boss had decided that he could request features, the demands kept coming and, as time progressed, got further and further from the original designs.
Thud.
"I want to be able to tell the microwave how long to cook rather than turning a knob."
Thud.
"Why is the inside of this pie scalding hot while the outside is cold? And if you say 'physics' you already know my answer."
Thud.
"Sometimes I want to cool something down as quickly as the microwave can heat them up. Add this to the design specs."
Thud.
"I just tried one of those hydratable food packet things. Make your microwave do the hydrating and cooking for me."
Thud.
"Reading the instructions on the item to cook is a lot of effort and entering cook times is error prone. Make it so that it automatically detects how long it needs to cook."
Thud.
"Just because you got automatic cook times working doesn't mean I don't sometimes want to cook something manually. Put back all of the buttons, knobs, and levers to allow for every feature to be used independently or together."
Thud.
"Rather than the whirring sound, I want the microwave to play music. In fact, my son just got one of those music playing devices. Make it so that I can hook that up to it."
Thud.
"Oh, that music thing was great. Can you also make it so that I can set a custom ding tone?"
Thud.
"I noticed with the custom music that that first mute request I had isn't working anymore. I need you to put that back in so that it never makes any sound."
Thud.
"I need you to have the music still play, even when the device is muted. It should play, just not make any sound."
Thud.
"If I have a hot thing that I need to put in the microwave for cooling, I may have both my hands full. Put in a feature to automatically open the door and slide out a tray for me to put the dish on."
Thud.
"Your design specs sometimes refer to this as a microwave oven. I've seen that other ovens have an Auto Clean feature. We need that, too."
Thud.
"Sometimes I'm just not in a mood for yellow lights. I need you to make it so I can change the lightbulb to a different color depending on my preferences."
Thud.
A knock sounded at the door. I let my head rest on the table as I prepared to add yet another inane feature to my product. "Yes?" I called out.
"You the one working on the Magical Microwave?" a voice asked.
Well, at least it wasn't my boss asking for some other additional feature. I looked up and saw a balding man with red hair standing in the doorway.
"Yes," I said.
"Arthur Weasley. I work for the Ministry in the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office," he said. "Your boss showed me your designs and one of your prototypes. I've really liked what I've seen so far!"
"Thank you, Mr. Weasley. I'm glad that someone in a position such as yours appreciates what we are doing here," I said, trying to marshal my inner diplomat.
"Oh, yes. I've always loved Muggle technology. All those interesting things that they can do with plugs. Anyway, I wanted to stop by and let you know that I appreciate what you're doing. And, I was wondering—" No. Please no. "—how hard would it be to add a miniature fire that I could use to roast marshmallows?"
I plastered a smile on my face. "Mr. Weasley, for the Ministry I'm sure that we can add that in."
"Oh, excellent! I can't wait until I can buy one of these for myself."
He looked like he was going to say more when my boss called from down the hallway. "Mr. Weasley, so great to see you. Can I have a moment of your time?"
Arthur looked out the door before glancing back at me.
"Thank you for stopping by, Mr. Weasley. I'll be sure to get right on that new feature," I said, the smile still plastered on my face.
"No, thank you, and have a wonderful day!" he said before leaving my office.
I waited a few moments to see if anyone else would come in before I cast a quick Incendio at my design specifications. Once they had reduced to ash, I continued to bang my head against my desk with another resounding thud.