Today was the first day of the rest of my life. I walked into the gym and knew that all eyes were on me. After the play last night everyone knew my secret. No hiding what i had done when i was careless to try and hide it to begin with. I hooked up with Jay Hogart and caught a social disease. The sad part of the matter is that i actually cared for him and thought i was more than some girl at the ravine. He was different that the thug he tried to be more than most would expect. It doesnt matter at this point he made his choice when he put me last and i didnt matter til he didnt have anyone left. The choices i made lead me down into this empty shell that i now reside in. I have lost all my friends even manny wont speak to me. I thought i could change who i was and ignore my past but in the end im Greenpeace or causegirl as most would say and the only thing left i can fight for is myself. I tried to change who i was to be wanted to be more than some girl fighting for a cause nobody cared about but threw it all i should of been fighting for myself. I look in the mirror and see someone who i dont even recognize someone so far from who i am. When i look back at what i have done im not ashamed cause in that time i cared for Jay in a way that i never even cared for Sean. Jay didnt look at me like someone better than him to him we both had stuff messed up with each of us that made us who we are. Jay believed that together we made each other better but i was the fool in the end. I was wanted even just for a minute and Jay got a girl he didnt think would go to the ravine and be his. The other guys wanted me sure but at the ravine i was Jay Hogarts and that automatically put a sign over my head that said dont touch shes mine. That feeling made me feel at the top but after its all said and done im at the bottom. I wonder if anyone will ever look at me the same again if im too tainted that i will always be known as the girl at the ravine.
Today is a new day one where im gonna ignore the snickers and looks as i walk down the halls. I go to the library and take a seat and start to study for the test i have later when the oddest thing happens. Jay comes up and takes a seat like nothings happened. Im in shock and just stare at him sort of stuck like a cant get a word out. He then snaps a finger in front of me and i come back from wherever i went for that brief second. Jay asks me if im ok and if i wanted to talk. I think about it for a second and decidr why not what do i have to lose at this point.
We walk to the ravine and take a seat on the bench. When i look around i realize just how empty this place is during the day. I just sit there and stare out not really knowing what to say. How do you start a conversation with someone after everything thats happened. After a few moments he says that he is sorry for everything and that he didnt mean for it to turn out like this. I just look at him in silence still not really knowing what to say. He grabs my hand in his and tells me that if he could go back that i would be the one he would choose. After everything i believe him when i look at his eyes and see the sadness that is in them. I wonder how everything is gonna turn out from here. I tell him that we can figure it out together and we can work on being friends. He wasnt the only one down at the ravine in that van. I went knowing what was gonna happen and i care for Jay even tho i shouldnt. Maybe we can be friends and outcasts together.
Time has passed Jay an I are the new thing everyone talks about. Six months have passed since the play and first we were friends and then it became more. Everybody disagrees with the choices we made but we couldnt be happier. We got our own apartment and Jay still has his orange civic. My family couldnt deal with my decision to date Jay and they couldnt deal that in 5 months we are gonna have a baby. Most of the people we used to hang out with dont talk to us anymore but we are ok with that. The funniest thing that came out of all this was Sean came back about 2 months aftet everything happened. At first he was mad at Jay and threw some punches and wondered why he didnt look out for me like Sean had told him to. Now Sean is living with us and couldnt be happier knowing that Jay makes me happy and he didnt make me this happy the whole time we were together. Things happen for a reason is all i can say. We will see where the future takes us in 5 months and if the bliss we are feeling now is gonna last.