Agony: that is all I've known. Whether I had been sparked specifically for the Protoform X project, or if I had been some unfortunate empty recovered from a battlefield, I cannot remember. It doesn't really matter. My spark was twisted and altered to mimic the indestructibility of one mutant Starscream. And they achieved their wicked purposes with me: but the mutation was unnatural, and they did not anticipate the side-effects. I am in constant pain that rips through the very fabric of my being. It is the very fabric of my being. I make no attempts to justify or excuse my behavior, but is it any wonder why I became what I am? At first, I was only lashing out, like a wounded animal.
But then I discovered my second mutation – my empathy. No, not compassion, quite the opposite. I could feel what my victims felt. Joy meant nothing to me. But the most primal of emotions, hatred and fear, could overwhelm my senses, block out my own pain. I became addicted, needing fix after fix to salve my own suffering. I left only one alive, because his righteous indignation was sweet. Time after time we battled, and in his eagerness to kill me, he unwittingly eased my pain.
He chased me across time and space, to this duel under the canopy of history. Somehow I know that it can only end here, one way or another. As he charges for me, I secretly beckon him, wishing him to end this. I had known from the first time I had laid optics on him, that only he could be capable of ending my pain. The madness had always been within him, just needing the right stimulus. Depth Charge was my counter. This had all been for him, to give him the proper motivation. He pauses, pointing a shard of energon at me. Why does he pause? I remind him of Rugby, taunt him with it. It had been no random strike. I leveled the place for his connections to it.
The battle continues. I find perverse irony in our weaponry: blades of energon, the lifeblood of our species. I had begun as a dream for unquenchable life, an ideal that should be the least of concerns with a species as long-lived as us. I chose to punish my kind for their fears and hypocrisy, the same fears that fueled me. It was a perverse cycle.
Saltwater floods into my spark core, which continues to beat despite the fact that it should, by all rights, short out. My torture doubles as it battles its rightful extinguishment. Against my will, my will continues. Depth Charge pins me down, and out of reflex I struggle with him to hold back the dagger of energon. Why, I'm not sure. I'm used to the pain by now, but it is still distasteful. My counter delivers a sweet soliloquy rife with rage. Then I realize, I had never endured this much punishment before – my spark split in half, the pressure of the ocean crushing down on it, and an energon blade piercing it. This could be… it.
I let go, and allow the energon to penetrate my spark.
Nothing happens. My pain increases tenfold, but I do not die as I had hoped. I laugh perversely, sickening disappointment twisting my few remaining shards of sanity. When will it end! I had such high hopes for Depth Charge. Now I'll have to kill him.
He screams, and I feel the pain increase a hundredfold. Hurting! Violent, unbelievable, all-consuming agony, no room for anything else. Exploding-
Relief.