Mac's POV

I'm having the most delightful dream... it has everything – adventure, comedy, drama, romance.

The funny thing about dreams – the best ones, that is – is that they feel great when you're having them, but when you eventually wake up and reassess them, they often seem ridiculously bizarre. So, please don't judge me when I tell you the details of this particular dream – remember that in my little dream world, it all feels perfectly "normal".

In the dream, I'm spending lots of time bringing bad guys to justice, and to their knees (using a killer combination of brilliant legal arguments and perfectly-executed drop kicks) – and I'm always impeccably dressed and coiffed through it all. Sometimes I treat myself to a cigar as a reward for all my hard work – no, I don't smoke them in real life, but somehow I'm finding them tremendously satisfying in this dream. Maybe it's because my husband used to smoke cigars years ago, and I secretly thought it was kinda sexy back then.

But back to my dream-world… when I'm not involved in kicking butt or inhaling Havana's finest, I'm coaching an award-winning little league team with only three players, all of differing ages. The youngest player looks about four or five months old and does nothing but sit in the dugout, looking adorable and pulling funny faces. He never, ever cries. My co-coach is a gorgeous, wise-cracking, charismatic, just plain sexy man in a bomber jacket and a pair of aviator sunglasses. And in those rare moments when I'm not fighting crime or coaching baseball, I'm seducing a suspiciously underdressed, cigar-smoking pilot in his cockpit (uh, yes, in mid-flight – and yes, he looks exactly like my co-coach from the little league team).

It might not be the most coherent dream I've ever had, but considering the fact that the overwhelming majority of my dreams over the past few months have featured filthy diapers, a squalling baby, unrelenting exhaustion, and an endless to-do list, I think this one is as an absolute classic.

Which is why I'm not too pleased when my dream is suddenly interrupted by an all-too-familiar sound... Matthew in mid-wail, his voice coming through loud and clear over the baby monitor. He has a powerful set of lungs, and has given his parents lots of sleepless nights since he arrived in our lives. We wouldn't change a second of it for the world, of course – it's been an amazing experience, even with all the puke, poop, crying, chronic exhaustion, doctor's visits and anxiety. Thankfully, he's just started sleeping through the night, so he doesn't wake us up quite as often as he used to.

I wait for a few seconds to see if he settles down and goes back to sleep. I don't have to open my eyes and look at the empty space beside me to be reminded that Harm is away tonight – he's speaking at a conference on the laws of war in Helsinki. He's been gone for five days now. He's coming home in… nineteen hours and twenty-four minutes – and not a moment too soon….

I just returned to part-time work two weeks ago after finally getting a clean bill of health from the doctors, and in between playing catch-up after such a long leave of absence, running from school to work to day-care to all the places in between, and juggling all the mini-crises that consume the life of every mother daily… I've been absolutely pushed to my limits. It will be such a relief to have Harm back – plus the kids miss him like crazy, and have been more badly behaved than usual since he's been gone. Of course, I miss the guy too – I guess that's why he's featuring so prominently in my dreams.

Matthew is still crying – louder now, insistently. Maybe he needs a diaper change. Promising myself that I will continue this awesome dream soon, I swing my legs out of bed, rise and leave the room. I'm just about to walk through the open door of the nursery when I hear a small sound from somewhere in the house. Instantly my senses are on heightened alert. There it is again, a faint noise coming from downstairs – it sounds like a cross between a thud, a scratch and a shuffle. As I strain my ears to catch it, Matt stops crying and (presumably) goes back to sleep… but there's that strange sound again…. A mouse? I hope not – the last thing we need right now is a rodent problem.

There it is – that sound again, but a little louder this time, and there's a metallic clink added to it. It crosses my mind that it might be a far more serious situation than a pesky little rodent… could there be an intruder in our home? I shut the nursery door and pad lightly down the stairs, my thoughts on where I might be able to find the nearest makeshift weapon. There's the knife-block in the kitchen… but what if the intruder is already in the kitchen? Isn't there a baseball bat in the closet somewhere? But there isn't enough time to grab that…. At the bottom of the stairs, I pause. It probably is just a mouse. I'm probably over-reacting. But my instincts, which I've learned to trust over the years, are telling me otherwise. I take a deep breath.

And then the sound comes again – now accompanied by the unmistakable click of the back door closing – and my worst fears are confirmed. The intruder is in the house. All I can think, as I move towards the source of the sound, is that I can't let this piece of filth get anywhere close to the children. I need to retain the element of surprise… I move quietly to the wall next to the doorway between the living-room to the kitchen, and flatten myself against it. My reflexes are honed and at the ready. The moment the intruder comes through that space, I'll have him or her disarmed and pinned to the ground in a matter of seconds. Any second now….

Then the lights go on in the kitchen, and the refrigerator door opens. Huh? The intruder's fixing a snack? Then the fridge door closes, I hear a heavy sigh, and it all falls into place at once. Harm. It's Harm. That sigh… I'd know it anywhere. That was no ordinary sigh… it's the sound Harmon Rabb Jr. makes when he opens the fridge and sees that we're out of fresh salad ingredients. I sag against the wall in relief, and contemplate punishing him for his sneakiness by attempting to startle him out of his wits, but the urge to see him is too great.

I rush into the kitchen and straight into his arms without stopping to take another breath. It occurs to me, not for the first time or even the hundredth, that Harm's arms are the safest place I know. After a long moment, I pull back and just look at him. He's wearing a black T-shirt, a jacket (not the one I just saw in my epic dream), and blue jeans. He looks good – a little drawn and tired, but his eyes are pretty bright for someone who's just been travelling across time zones. He's looking at me too – steadily, intently, and my pulse quickens a bit. How weird is it that he can still do this to me, after all this time? I don't know – but I love it, even though right now I also want to kill him for making me think our home was being invaded.

'You're not supposed to be here yet!' I say, punching him lightly in the shoulder.

'And you're not supposed to be up… isn't it after 2am or something?'

'0214,' I reply, 'and I was fast asleep, enjoying the most delicious dream I've had in months. Matthew woke me up with his usual battle-cry. I was just about to check on him when I heard strange sounds coming from downstairs.'

'Uh oh,' Harm says, 'you didn't think I was an intruder, did you?'

'I did,' I nod, 'I was behind that wall waiting for you to come through so I could tackle you to the ground.'

Harm is clearly irked by the failure of his plan. 'Sorry Mac, this was supposed to be a pleasant surprise.'

'It was nearly a very unpleasant surprise for the both of us,' I say, 'I was minutes away from bashing your head in with the nearest blunt object.'

'I thought the plan of attack was to tackle me to the ground.'

'Uh huh,' I say, nodding my head vigorously, 'but if you'd resisted….'

Harm smiles. 'I would never even try to resist you, Mac. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that when it comes to Sarah MacKenzie, resistance is futile.' We both laugh for a moment, but then his face falls again. 'I didn't mean to spook you. I should have called ahead.'

'Yeah,' I say, 'you should have. It would still have been a nice surprise to hear you were coming home early.'

'I guess I figured it wouldn't be the first time I came home while you were asleep,' Harm says, somewhat sheepishly.

'Yeah,' I agree, 'except I wasn't asleep this time.' I give him another hug, unable to help myself. 'But don't worry about it – this is an awesome surprise either way. The kids have missed you to pieces. Even the baby's been more cranky than usual.'

'Really?' Harm replies, 'Did their mom miss me too?'

'Maybe just a little,' I tease, as I reluctantly ease myself out of his arms again. 'I've been counting down the seconds – and you know it. You must be hungry – that's how I knew it was you, by the way – that huge sigh you heaved when you opened the refrigerator and didn't find any of your precious salad things.'

He laughs. 'You know me too well. I'm not really hungry, just restless and wired… I couldn't bring myself to eat on the plane, and I got hardly any sleep, so I thought something to drink might help me sleep….'

I move around the kitchen, grabbing an item here and there. 'I'll fix you some hot chocolate. Sit down for a sec, you must be dead on your feet – how did you manage to get home so quickly anyway?'

Harm smiles as he settles down on a stool. 'Well, the conference was substantively over anyway – the last day was reserved for social activities that I really had no desire to attend. I made my excuses and got out of there.'

I realize suddenly that something is niggling at the corners of my mind. 'How did you get here, Harm?'

'Uh,' he says, looking confused, 'is that a trick question?'

I laugh. 'Well, I didn't think you walked here from Finland. But I meant, how did you get here? Who dropped you off? I didn't hear a cab drive up.'

'Yeah, I had the cab drop me off at the top of the street. I needed to stretch my legs a little.'

'Ah… makes sense.'

In the short, companionable silence that follows, I can feel Harm's eyes boring into my back as I heat up the milk.

'I'm sorry I had to go – it's been a rough week for you. I wish the timing had been better.'

'Well,' I retort, handing him his glass, 'you're home now. And I couldn't be happier.'

'Thanks,' he replies, walking over to me and rubbing my lower back, right where he knows I still suffer from niggling pain. 'You should go back to bed,' he continues, 'you have to go to work in a few hours.'

'Yeah, you're right,' I say. 'What about you? Are you taking the day off?'

'No,' he responds, 'I have to go in, but not until around noon. Let's go upstairs – I want to look in on the kids.'

Refusing to go straight to bed despite his urgings, I follow Harm into Katie and Jack's rooms first – both are sound asleep, and as we watch them for a few moments, I picture how excited they'll be to see their dad when they wake up. The thought makes me smile. Matthew's room is next – to our surprise, he is wide awake and looking around his darkened room curiously. When he's picked up, he clings to Harm for all he's worth.

'I think he needs a diaper change,' Harm observes, checking for dampness.

I watch Harm change the diaper, then, I nurse Matt in the rocking-chair. Eventually, he falls asleep. Harm sits next to me, sipping his drink.

'Wait a minute,' he says, as if suddenly realizing something, 'so you thought I was an intruder… and you were going to attack me with nothing but your bare hands? What if the intruder had been armed? Did you even stop to think about that, Mac?'

He's right of course, but I won't give in right away. 'I did think about it, Harm,' I respond, 'but I had to move quickly… I was going to have the element of surprise, so I would have been able to wrest the weapon away before –'

'Ma-ac,' he draws out my name, looking appalled.

'Seriously, I did think about it… but there was no time… I had to act quickly.'

'Whatever happened to locking yourself and the kids in a room and dialling 911? If you hadn't succeeded in overpowering the intruder, the kids would still have been at risk.'

He's right, of course, but again, I'm reluctant to admit it. I still have trouble admitting that I'm wrong – it's something I need to work on. I shrug. 'I was running on pure adrenaline – I would have called 911 eventually, of course – once I had the intruder under control. And come on,' I continue,, 'aren't you glad I didn't call 911? Considering it was actually just you at the door?'

Harm sighed. 'We're going to have to talk about this, come up with a plan, get an alarm system or something. I can't stand to think of what could have happened if the intruder had –'

I bristle a bit. 'I would never have let that happen. You know I would do anything and everything necessary to keep the kids safe.'

'Of course… but we've dealt with some really nasty characters in the course our careers, Mac, some of whom may still be looking for payback. And besides that, there are still random acts of violence everyday. Yes, you probably could have taken one criminal down quickly, but what if there'd been several? Or what if he or she had come in firing shots and not even given you the chance to get to them first? Or what if you'd been asleep and – '

'Easy, Harm,' I cut in, calmly, running a hand down his back. 'Slow down. There was no intruder, remember? It was just you. Now we could play the "What if?" game all night… or you could just drink your cocoa and get some sleep before your jet lag gets the better of you…. We'll talk about this later, but please try not to worry… it wasn't an intruder, we're all safe and sound; and most important, we're together.'

Harm's face softens as he slips his fingers into the hair at the nape of my neck and pulls my head toward his for a kiss. 'Okay, we'll talk about it later. It's good to be home,' he says. How much have I missed that voice? Brief phone calls just don't cut it. 'Promise me you'll put Matthew in his cot and go back to bed,' he says, before heading downstairs to re-check the locks on all the doors.

I'm back in bed now, but I can't seem to get back to sleep (and my lovely dream) right away… bummer. Or, maybe not, because while my life is certainly not perfect, in some ways reality is even better than my dream…. I can hold my children and my husband as often as I like; I can promote justice through my work… and I don't have to worry about waking up from the dream and losing it all… although the truth is, sometimes I do worry. I guess everyone does – we can only hope that, no matter what life brings, we're lucky enough to hold on to the best things.

I'm just drifting off to sleep when I hear Harm's voice over the baby monitor… he's talking to Matthew in quiet tones. He does that with the children all the time – whether or not they're awake… it's "his thing". It still amazes me how much he's able to open up and share his thoughts and feelings with our kids. I listen for a moment, thinking that I should probably go and drag Harm to bed. He needs to get some sleep.

I'm just about to get up when I hear Harm singing softly, and I smile to myself. I don't know the song, but it's something about flying – no surprises there. Harm stops singing and laughs softly. And then he starts to speak again. 'I missed you guys so much.' He pauses for a moment, and then continues… 'Can you believe what your mother got up to tonight? She is something else, isn't she? I'll tell you something… you're incredibly lucky to have her for a mom. But then you already know that, don't you?'

A brief pause, then Harm speaks up again. 'Now I'm going to join her in bed… she said she was having "delicious dreams"… and if they are anything like the ones I had while I was gone, well… anyway, you're too young to know about that – it's grown-up stuff.'

He laughs to himself at the absurdity of the "conversation", and I smile to myself too. He continues. 'Speaking of dreams though, you know what's really crazy? I always knew I wanted to be a father one day, and now I've been a father for years… but parenthood is not really what I thought it would be. It's more difficult, more confusing, more humbling… but most of all, so much more amazing. I can't imagine my life without all of you in it. What do you – '

'Hey,' he interjects, suddenly, 'is that your –? I think someone's been listening in.' Then he laughs and says, 'Go to sleep, Mac.'

And finally, with a big smile on my face, I do.