For the purpose of this story, Lily is only one year younger than Albus and Scorpius.
X
Lily had always believed dying flames burned the hottest. Perhaps it was the skewed view of love only a child could hold. Or perhaps it was the only way to describe the romance that never was.
For a girl, barely eleven, and attending Hogwarts for the first time, she found herself confused about the lines between the Potter-Weasleys and the Malfoys. Of course, she knew the stance of her Uncle Ron, but her father had said nothing about the Malfoys. It was as though they simply did not exist in his mind. Her mother did not speak of them either, but she certainly reacted when the name was mentioned or their picture was featured in some article or newspaper. As a young girl, Lily had no idea what the flash in her mother's eyes meant, but from the way her favorite brother Albus spoke of Scorpius Malfoy, Lily always assumed her mother disliked the Malfoys the way Uncle Ron did, but perhaps at not quite the same intensity.
Of course, never having attended Hogwarts before, Lily had only the smallest ideas of what the four Houses were. It wasn't until she was put into Ravenclaw, separated from Gryffindor James and Slytherin Albus, that she realized the divisions between Houses were harsher than anyone in her family had ever let on.
Where Albus would spend time with her in the summer, he hardly glanced at her at Hogwarts. That had been the hardest adjustment Lily made her first year at Hogwarts. She did, however, grow closer to James than she ever had before, but it wasn't like the relationship she used to have Albus, for she was just eleven, and James was nearing fourteen.
Though she did make friends with the other girls in her House and year, Lily could not fight the small feeling in the back of her mind as though her own brother had, in some small way, betrayed her, and she did not completely understand why. On the nights when it bothered her the most, she left her assigned room, to sneak into the Ravenclaw Common Room, and sit before the fireplace. There was something calming about the flames and sounds it made as they cracked in the still air.
"Why are you still up?" A male's voice carried through the room, and Lily froze at the idea she'd been caught out of bed, even though she knew she wasn't really breaking curfew for she was only in the Common Room. When she relaxed a bit, she knew she recognized the voice from somewhere, but had no idea where. Turning, she realized it that in the middle of losing one brother and gaining another, her focus had shifted from the Malfoys to the Potters. As Scorpius Malfoy stood at the bottom of the steps leading to the boys' rooms, she could vaguely remember either James or Albus mentioning something about the Malfoy boy having been placed in Ravenclaw.
"I couldn't sleep." Lily finally responded, and Scorpius nodded as he stepped off the last stair and made his way towards the fireplace as well. He sat off to the side in one of the large armchairs, leaving Lily to occupy the space directly in front of the flames by herself.
"That happens sometimes in the beginning of the year." He responded, his voice gentle, and his face soft. Lily stared at him, unaware that he noticed her excessive staring, but he ignored it for the most part. What he didn't know, was that she was trying to understand how her brothers, Albus mainly, could speak so harshly of Scorpius Malfoy when he was the least bit intimidating, and kind even.
"It's different from home, and it can be hard to adjust to." He added with Lily said nothing. "But at least you have your brothers."
It was as though they had some unspoken meeting years ago. She knew who he was, without him ever saying his name, just as he knew who she was, and even who her brothers were. They were Malfoys and Potters, and rarely needed introductions, especially to each other.
"I thought I did, too." Lily commented, her voice soft, almost inaudible, but at close to two in the morning, there was no other sound to hinder his ability to hear her.
"Is it Albus?"
Lily said nothing, once more, her eyes showing the surprise her words would not. "How did you know?"
"He's in Slytherin." Scorpius responded. It was the same thing she recalled James telling her, except James' voice had been harsh and judgmental, while Scorpius simply stated a fact, as though Lily wasn't sure of what House her brother was in. Lily could not help but feel as though James' voice should've been the gentle one, and Scorpius' voice, being the Malfoy, should've been harsh.
"What does that mean? He's still supposed to be my brother." Lily answered and Scorpius smiled at her, but it wasn't a happy smile from enjoyment. It was more of a saddened smile that meant he understood something and didn't want to explain it to a girl who should still have another few years left of innocence.
"Sometimes brothers don't always do what they're supposed to do." Scorpius finally decided on saying.
"How would you know? You don't have any."
"Well," Scorpius leaned forward in his chair, this time smiling from amusement brought on by young Lily Potter. "Sometimes parents don't always do what they're supposed to do, either."
Lily didn't understand what the comment meant, but there was something in his eyes that made her feel as though she shouldn't ask. Instead of pursuing the conversation, Lily faced the fire once more. Where Scorpius had noticed her staring at him, Lily had no idea Scorpius' eyes lingered on her.
X
Over the years, Lily understood the concept of divisions between Houses, but she adamantly refused to accept them. In her view, it didn't matter that she and her brothers had been placed in separate Houses. What did matter was that they were siblings. While James might've seen it from her perspective, he wasn't around very often, and was instead with his friends. Albus didn't agree with Lily and for the next few years, spent the majority of his time with fellow Slytherins. While Lily did make friends with the other Ravenclaws, and of course people from other Houses as well, she realized she enjoyed the few moments at night she spent with Scorpius Malfoy far more than she enjoyed the days with her other friends.
It had become a bit of a habit for the two Ravenclaws to meet, every night, around midnight before the flames. Lily was always there first, and always took a seat on the floor right in front of the flames. Something fascinated her about the fire. She didn't know what it was, but Scorpius often joked that it matched her personality. When Lily disagreed, saying she was far calmer than fire, Scorpius only smiled at her. She always felt as though the older boy knew something she didn't, and more often than not, he wasn't in the sharing mood.
"My parents sent me a package today." Fourteen year old Lily said as she faced Scorpius. He narrowed his eyes at her before he responded.
"With what?"
"Tea mostly."
"Tea?" Scorpius rose an eyebrow at her. If nothing else, Lily was a constant surprise. Where a conversation with anybody else could be rather predictable, Lily had a way of constantly surprising Scorpius with what she was going to say next.
"Yes. I love tea."
"That's good to know. Since when? I don't think I've ever seen you drink tea."
"Over the summer." Lily answered, still smiling.
"You drank hot tea over the summer." Scorpius' words didn't sound like a question, but Lily could sense something in his words that she couldn't quite place.
"Is there a problem with that?"
"No," Scorpius laughed. "None at all."
"What did you do over the summer?" Lily asked, her back facing the flames as she stared up at Scorpius.
"I mostly walked through the forest behind the house." He answered.
"Manor."
"House."
"Manor." Lily corrected again. It was a petty argument they had fairly often, for neither wanted to admit defeat and let the other be right. When Scorpius didn't respond, Lily smiled slightly as though she had won something, but both knew it amounted to nothing but some small amount of false pride.
"I actually found a little cabin that I didn't even know was there. It's a pretty far walk though." Scorpius explained.
"Why do you spend so much time in the forest?" Lily asked curiously.
"Because it's better than being in the house." He answered. She would've argued against referring to Malfoy Manor as a house once more, but his voice was lower than usual, and he avoided her eyes when he spoke. She knew something was wrong.
"Is it your parents?"
"Yeah." Scorpius nodded softly, returning his gaze to her. "Nothing's really been the same for a while now."
"What do you mean?"
"Before Hogwarts, everything was fine." Scorpius replied, and Lily knew the feeling all too well.
"And then you were Ravenclaw, instead of Slytherin. And Albus was in Slytherin instead of Gryffindor, and I was in Ravenclaw instead of Gryffindor."
Scorpius smiled at her, knowing she was probably the only one in Ravenclaw, if not the whole school, who understood exactly what he meant. "Yes." Scorpius nodded. "And then everything changed."
"And when you go back, they pretend like it's the way it was before, but I know that summer is only a few months and then we're right back where we were before we left."
Though some years had passed and Lily had grown accustomed to Hogwarts and all that it entailed, Scorpius knew Lily would never truly be able to accept that her brother had distanced himself from her, based solely on the decision of some talking hat. Scorpius knew it was the Weasley side in her that also gave her the fiery personality that she often hid from the world. As faint as it was, Scorpius saw it in her.
Knowing words would not comfort her, for the first time, Scorpius stood from his arm chair and took the seat beside her on the floor. He wasn't sure what had happened after that, but somehow, Lily's head was resting on his shoulder and his arm was around her waist, their bodies completely touching between them.
While they'd spent years staring into the flames together, something was different this time, and again Scorpius knew exactly what it was while Lily could only wonder what had changed all while hoping the warmth in her chest never faded.
X
For the first time, Scorpius was already sitting before the flames when Lily descended the stairs from the girls' rooms. With narrowed eyes, she inspected Scorpius, curious as to why he had gotten there so early, when she noticed him holding a mug between his hands. On the tile on the fireplace, a second mug was sitting, the steam rising from its contents.
"Expecting someone?" Lily asked as she neared him.
He smiled up at her before motioning to the other mug. "Only you."
"What is it?" Lily asked as she lifted the cup and crinkled her nose as she peered into it.
"Guess."
"No." Lily laughed as she sat right beside him. Their proximity had never returned to what it had been since the night Scorpius moved to her side. Scorpius narrowed his eyes at her before he set his cup down and put his hands around her hands holding the mug. He then lifted the cup to his lips, pulling her hands with his, and took a sip, his eyes never leaving hers.
"Happy?" Scorpius asked as he released her hands and lifted his again.
"Maybe." Lily responded before taking a sip from the cup as well. Scorpius waited as she tasted it before she lowered the cup and looked at him, slightly surprised. "It's tea."
He only laughed as he faced the flames once more. "What did you think it was?"
"I don't know. You are exceptionally good at Potions, you know. It could be any number of things." Lily responded, and together they laughed. Comfortable silence followed as they stared into the flames, each sipping tea, though Scorpius never mentioned to Lily his intense dislike for the liquid. Instead, he filled his cup with hot chocolate and simply pretended to enjoy it alongside her.
"My family hates you."
Scorpius narrowed his eyes, still staring into the flames as he tried to decide how to respond to the comment. Again, Lily's ability to surprise him never failed. After a few silent moments while Scorpius decided how to respond, he chose to respond in simplistic terms.
"Ok."
"I might've mentioned you when James, Albus and I met our parents in Hogsmead last weekend." She had started to speak confidently, but by the time Scorpius shut his eyes and sighed, her voice started to trail off much like the voice of a child explaining to their parents what they did before punishment is handed out.
Silence followed as Scorpius leaned back against the edge of the coffee table behind them, eyes shut, head back.
"You're mad." Lily commented as she turned her body to face him completely.
"Well, at least I know why Albus seemed even more upset about me today than usual." Scorpius sighed as he sat up and looked towards Lily.
"Should I have not said anything?" Lily asked, and Scorpius could clearly see the guilt starting to cloud over her usually clear blue eyes.
"I'm surprised you hadn't said anything before now."
"I told my parents two years ago." Lily answered, "But they just… They acted like I hadn't said anything at all."
Scorpius didn't know what to say, and instead just looked into her eyes. He saw how conflicted she had become, as though she had to choice between him and her family. It was a ridiculous thought, to Scorpius. Not only would he have never forced her to make such a decision, he was certain he would not win anything against her family anyway.
"What's bothering you?" Scorpius asked, not realizing his soft his voice became whenever Lily became distraught. She noticed it, however, making him a far more comforting person to go to whenever she was upset.
"I don't understand."
"Understand what?"
"Why does it matter so much to everyone what House people are in? Or that you're a Malfoy, or that I'm a Potter?"
Though it was a concept Scorpius was familiar with, he often wondered the same thing, and therefore had no answer for her, no matter how badly he wished to comfort her.
"I don't know." Scorpius answered. It wasn't a satisfactory answer, to him, but Lily smiled weakly at him as she turned towards the fire once more. For the second time, Lily put her head on his shoulder and instinctively, his arm wrapped around her waist.
"Do you think it might go away?"
"No," Scorpius answered.
"So what about us?"
Lily felt Scorpius' body tense at the question, though she wasn't sure why. Scorpius knew, however, that her usage of the word 'us' was not the same usage he would've had with the same word.
"What do you mean?" He finally responded, even his voice sounding tense.
"I mean… after you leave. After we don't have this anymore." Lily sat up, pulling away from him, but felt his resistance to release her waist. She looked around the empty Common Room, her eyes lingering on the places where they'd sat together at one time or another over the years. She was certain their meeting were not as secret as she once thought, but it didn't matter.
"Will we ever see each other again?" Lily's voice was soft as she forced her eyes to look into his grey ones.
"Of course we will." He answered in his gentle voice that had always comforted her, but it seemed to have failed then.
"Will this still be between us? Whatever it is." Lily added, her own body going tense as Scorpius shifted so he was closer to her.
"You don't want this to change?"
"I'm afraid it'll change too much and we'll never be able to go back." She answered, her voice shaking from nerves. Though they'd sat there for five years, neither had ever dared speak of any romantic ties to the other. It was somewhat implied, for both often turned down dates to Hogsmead and school functions, but at the same time, they did not do those things with each other either.
"I'm afraid we'll never change at all." Scorpius responded and Lily tired to look away, but Scorpius' hand quickly reached her cheek, forcing her eyes to stay on him. Unable to turn away, she shut her eyes, pushing a tear from the corner but as it reached her cheek, Scorpius' thumb brushed it away.
"If you want to stay like this," Scorpius spoke softly, even though Lily still refused to look him in the eye. "Just tell me now, Lily. Before it's too late."
"Isn't it already?" Lily's broken voice responded as she finally opened her eyes, a second tear falling in the process. Scorpius didn't respond as she put her arms around his neck, her face disappearing against his shoulder and neck.
"Whatever you want, Lily. Whatever it is that you want me to be for you, I'll be." His voice was gentle as he turned towards her, his words falling on her ear half whispered, much like the words heard from a lover.
Lily lifted her head, the sensation of his breath on her ear more than she could handle. Before Scorpius knew what she wanted, he felt her lips pressed against his. He had often thought, or perhaps more accurately dreamed, of kissing Lily Potter, and it had always been a gentle kiss during a romantic moment between them as they sat before the fire. He'd never imagined that he'd taste her salty tears mixed with the warmth of her lips against his.
Some part of him, however, believed it could very well be the only kiss they shared, and responded eagerly. It was a rough kiss, compared to how he'd always wanted to kiss her, but he wouldn't dare pull away. Instead, he pressed back against her lips, and matched her intensity. He let his arms wrap around her middle, pulling her closer, hoping it be enough. If it truly was the only kiss they had, he wanted to make sure he'd gotten the most of the experience. While he wanted to memorize every curve of her body, it was not in his nature to start exploring without knowing Lily would approve.
Only when air became an obstacle, did Lily finally pull away, but she remained close to him, not daring to move out of his arms, fearful she would never return if she did so. Scorpius reached up with one hand, and pushed the hairs form her face before he wiped the tears from her cheeks. As she tried to steady her breath, she kept her forehead pressed against his, their eyes still staring into each other's.
He wanted to know what she was thinking, but he couldn't focus enough to even wonder what her innermost thoughts were. Instead, whatever part of him wasn't focused on her lips, was focused only on the three words he knew he shouldn't say. She still hadn't specified what she wanted between them, and Scorpius knew it wasn't fair to say anything that might persuade her one way or the other. At the same time, however, Scorpius knew all too well the feeling was haunting and the words ate at him. While he was mildly successful at pushing them to the back of his mind, they were brought to the forefront of his mind every night, and after such a passionate kiss, he doubted if he had the self control to keep it within himself any longer.
"I love you."
Lily pulled away slightly, but saw the fear flash in his eyes. "No," Lily shook her head as she looked at him. "Please don't."
"I didn't do anything." Scorpius responded, his voice sounding low but not in the gentle tone she was accustomed to. Instead, it was a tone plagued with disappointment. He knew he wouldn't hear the words back. No matter how badly he wanted to hear them, even if just once, he knew Lily wouldn't say them. "I just… couldn't anymore."
She only nodded once before she leaned forward, her eyes tightly shut as she pressed their foreheads together.
X
To some extent, Scorpius was disappointed with the way the school year ended, for after the kiss, Lily rarely returned to the fireplace at night. More than once, he waited for her, hoping she would come, only to fall asleep and wake in the morning in the company of his fellow Ravenclaws waiting to go to breakfast. After the summer, and the start of his seventh year, however, Lily returned to the fireplace after her roommates had fallen asleep.
More often than not, Lily was there first, waiting for Scorpius, who always seemed surprised to find her there. "Haven't heard from you in a while." Scorpius commented on the first night of the new school year.
Lily turned back, only a half smile across her lips, as she watched him walk down the last few stairs before he approached her. Part of her was glad, but some other part of her shattered, when Scorpius sat in the armchair had hadn't touched at all in at least a year. She understood, and perhaps felt it was better, but she couldn't stop the pain either.
"I'm sorry." She said softly, as she drew in a shaky breath, almost as though afraid he was angry with her.
"Don't worry about it." He responded, his warm smile only comforting her a little. If it was to be brought up at all, Scorpius felt they should address it early on rather than push it to the end of the year again. "I suppose you've decided to only be friends."
Lily turned away from him, her eyes finding the fire, as she nodded silently. She didn't know why, but she didn't want him to see the tear fall from her eye, but something told her that he did notice. When she faced him again, she felt relieved that he could at least pretend that the tear wasn't there at all.
"That's ok." Scorpius said. He voice sounded as though he meant it, but both knew better. It wasn't ok, but it was the way it was, and both accepted it.
"Are you taking potions this year?" Lily asked, and the subject of romance was never spoken of again. In fact, the two returned to some pattern where friendship seemed to be the depth of their relationship. Almost to point where they believed it as well.
For the first time, Lily dated the boys at Hogwarts, and Scorpius asked other girls to accompany him to Hogsmead. Some nights, they did not see each other because on, or both, of them had a date, but the small shifts in their relationship were smooth changes. For the first time, Lily felt as though her heart could belong to somebody completely, without some small part refusing to let go of Scorpius. Though Scorpius was more open to other girls, he had already accepted that the deepest part of his heart would never move past Lily, but it was something he could live with. He knew he could love another just as well as he could love Lily. Maybe not better, but close to however he would've loved Lily given the chance.
"How's Jonathan?" Scorpius asked once, sitting on the ground with Lily, but they never moved as close to one another as they had previously.
"He's worried his leg might hurt too much to play in the game this weekend." Lily answered, staring into the flames. She turned towards him, and to find his attention was on his fiddling hands. "Something wrong?"
"Anne is mad at me." He answered as he glanced up at her. "She thinks there's something between us."
"Tell her there's nothing."
"I did."
"What'd she say?"
"She said she feels like she'll never be as important to me as you are."
Lily remained silent, but did not break eye contact with him. She didn't know what to say, for she knew as well as he did that disagreeing with the comment would be a lie, and neither dared to say she was right.
"Maybe you should find somebody else." Lily finally said as she turned to the fire once more.
For months, it continued. Scorpius and Lily comfortably left each other's presence for the company of others, but neither ever dared to say aloud that they preferred each other's company to anyone else. Only when the end of the school year was nearing, that they started to feel the pressure of the 'friendship' they'd maintained for six long years.
"I don't know what I'm going to do." Lily said, her voice soft, as she resting he chin o her knees, her arms wrapped around her legs.
"You still have another year to figure that out." Scorpius responded but Lily faced him, confused.
"I meant, I don't know what I'm going to do at night if you're not here."
"You have a boyfriend." Scorpius responded but Lily only stared at him.
"But that's…" She stopped when she wasn't sure what she wanted to say. She didn't want to say it wasn't the same, implying Scorpius was just a friend whereas a boyfriend had a romantic appeal. Though it was true, in terms of the relationship they agreed to have, it didn't feel right to her. The words didn't feel right, and in the deepest part of her heat, she knew it wasn't true in that sense. They words, themselves, were true, but not because Scorpius had no romantic appeal to her.
In truth, Scorpius had a far more romantic appeal to Lily than any other boy could ever have. It was hard for her to accept, but over the course of her sixth year, and Scorpius' seventh, she knew that no matter how hard she willed for it to be true, she would never have her entire heart to give to somebody else. At some unknown moment in her past, Scorpius had stolen a piece of her heart and had since refused to give it back.
"That'll never be the same, Scorpius." Lily's voice was filled with such pain, that Scorpius moved closer to her. It was the first time in over a year that they sat in such proximity, but the moment they returned to the closeness they had once before, everything became familiar again. Lily put her head against his shoulder, and his arm wrapped around her at the same time. For the first time in months, they both became far more relaxed than they had been in the longest time.
"Why isn't the same?"
"Nobody will ever be you." Lily answered. "Nobody can even pretend to be you. You're the only one, Scorpius." She said softly as she lifted her head and looked into his eyes. He stared down at her as well, both well aware their nights together were numbered. Only six nights were left, and compared to the last six years, it felt like mere minutes to them.
"I'll meet with you in Hogsmead." Scorpius offered but Lily shook her head.
"It's not the same."
"Nothing will be the same, Lily."
"I don't want you to leave."
"I don't want to leave."
"Why did we spend this last year pretending?" Lily finally asked, and he could hear the desperation in her voice. "We'll have to pretend for the rest of our lives, why couldn't we just be together now, when we could? When it didn't matter?"
"I respected your choice, Lily." Scorpius responded, not wanting to further upset her.
Silence followed as they stared at each other, but Scorpius had no idea what Lily was thinking. Her eyes were flashing with pain and happiness, but her voice sounded close to breaking. He couldn't tell that she was thinking of the one moment she would change between her and Scorpius. He had no idea that she wished, with all her heart, that she had told him she loved him back. He had no idea that she couldn't live with herself if she watched him walk away, never knowing that he had stolen her entire heart, just as she had his. And for the first time, Lily realized that dying flames did not burn the hottest. The flames that burned the hottest were the ones that never died at all.