Do you ever lay awake an entire night, just wondering about the mistakes you've made, re-thinking your life. I do, I imagine my life if I had left with my mother, if my step dad was dead, and I picture my life away from this place.

My name is Clary Fray, and I can barely tell you anything about myself other then this, I hate my life, I hate my home and I just want to leave and find something free, I want to be free.

Sure I'm of legal age to live on my own as an adult, but that doesn't mean I can pack up my stuff and just walk out the door, without a car, money or any knowledge on how to survive at all. Sometimes I wonder if that is really what is holding me back, if maybe I'm hoping for something that I can only get here, or maybe I can't leave my friends, or my brother, even if he is an ass.

I hate New York, even if it is my home, my friends home and the only place I have ever been. I can only dream to leave at this point, at least till I find my way out.

•••••••••••••••

"Clary" rang Simons voice as he walked over to the table we always sat at are usual coffee shop. He was wearing a black tee with "...What do you want " written on it, with a pair of warn blue jeans. Simon was that dark haired nerd with glasses that grew up to fill in and really stick out in a crowd. I could still remember when he was that awkward nerd still trying to find himself, now even if he is my friend I would have to say he's damn good looking.

I met Simon when we just preschool students, he shared his apple juice with me. We immediately became friends, but since we had grown to treat one another as siblings. Not on day after I met him did he ever overlook me, not trust of appreciate me for me. He knew I wanted to leave. He always told me he would support my choices no matter what, even if they didn't involve him.

"Hey Si" , I waved at him as he approached the table carrying a thick plastic cup.

"Hows the job hunt going." he mumbled as he sat into the booth.

"I pretty much gave up, but I'm calling this a coffee break anyway" , I was supposed to be finding a job to pay for university but I wasn't even sure that was what I wanted, and though he refused to admit it, he knew that. He wanted more than anything to tell me I needed to make up my mind, but he was incapable of saying anything like that to me.

"I miss coffee, Izzy's still making me drink decaf, something about it being better for you." he chuckled to himself at the thought of his girlfriend Isabelle.

Isabelle was that tall fit girl with dark hair and blue eyes every guy chased. Before Simon she always seemed to date the wrong guys, because she didn't really know what it was she wanted. When Simon came into the picture, she figured it out and for the first time in her life, and she did the chasing.

"Well maybe of you didn't drink it 20 times a day she wouldn't be so worried" I blew on my black coffee before taking a sip of the bitter liquid.

"I rather thought she liked all that extra stamina, is sure seem like it when we were-"

"Simon, I would rather not like to hear about what you do with Isabelle on your coffee high" I said cutting him off .

"Oh come now Clare bear, I think we both know you've always wanted to know what i would be like in bed" a big toothy grin appeared on his face, I couldn't help that it made me smile.

"I'm ever so curious" I mumbled rolling my eyes at him.

"We always could ask Izzy, I'm sure she wouldn't mind sharing." he held up his phone as if he thought we could call her, but we both knew that if we were attracted to each other that way, Isabelle would never share with anyone.

"You warm her up first, in the mean time I'm going to go spend money I don't have at the art store down the street." I grabbed my coffee and reached for my backpack waving goodbye to Simon as I slightly ran out the door.

As soon as I was through the door I bumped into a solid figure, spilling my coffee all over.

I looked up to find a golden haired god staring down at me. His eyes were golden with flakes of brown around the iris, his face was perfectly angled with wild curly hair that sprang perfectly across his face. He was Stunning.