It starts on a Saturday night.
Chloe's eyes are locked on yours; her expression is full of lust. You want to run. But that's the funny thing about Chloe. You can never make yourself run away from her. You always end up sprinting back to her full force with arms wide open. You ache to feel her skin; her red locks sprawled across your pillow in the morning… Then suddenly your feet start moving for you, your eyes never leaving hers. With each step you feel your courage rising because friends don't look at each other like this. Friends don't have dirty thoughts about the other, and friends definitely don't sleep tangled in each other every night. Her eyes are still locked on yours. You think what would happen if I just lean a little, but then she's leaning into you, then her lips…
Okay maybe it doesn't start on a Saturday…
Maybe it starts on a Monday evening at that stupid activity fair all those years ago.
You caught her eye but was the drawn in by her smile. You try to play it off cool because a Capella, really? But then she gives you this look and you were a goner.
Suddenly you're agreeing to this weird singing thing and smiling like an idiot. Afterwards you think what the fuck have I done. But then your dreams are filled with a blue-eyed red head and all the anxiety is forgotten.
You've never been cool with your dad but it makes you feel like you owe him a thank you for forcing you to go...
Or maybe it starts on that one Thursday night when Chloe comes barging into your room balling her eyes out because she doesn't want to graduate and leave Barden. She crashes on your bed, buries her head and cries into your pillow. You're still not completely comfortable with the whole 'affection' thing but since this is Chloe you figure you'll try.
You sit on the edge of the bed and rub her back soothingly until she finally calms down. She turns her head to face you, her eyes are still red from crying and she has a little mascara smudged under her eyes. You think she looks beautiful even like this, but you quickly push that thought away because friends aren't suppose to have those kind of thoughts about the other.
She chokes out "Becs I need you right now" So you lie beside her and pull her into you. You try to ignore the butterflies you felt when her nose brushed long your collarbone.
Trying to calm a crying Chloe Beale is not an easy task, but she relaxes into you. It makes you wonder when this became a thing. A thing only with Chloe… You try to push that thought away as Chloe whispers out "you… I don't want to leave you." That's silly you think why wouldn't Chloe want to leave me? Everyone else does…
It had to start on winter break a couple years back when Chloe was appalled that you had no where to go for Christmas.
"I'm just going to stay here and work on some mixes."
"Beca I don't mean to be forward but you're coming with me to The Beale family Christmas! I wont take no as an answer"
You want to say no so bad. But the smile on Chloe's face and the way her hands are moving rapidly around while she talks about her family makes it hard to.
You find yourself smiling. You Beca Mitchell actually smiling. Thinking how lucky you are to have such an amazing friend Like Chloe. Then you think about wrapping your arms around her then kissing her, thanking her for caring so much…
Ha, yeah friends you think. You are so fucked.
You try to tell yourself it's a coincidence when you break things off with Jesse soon after. You thought you were in love with him, but that was before. Before your brain was filled with all things Chloe. Being wrapped in Jesse's arms wishing he was a certain red head, when he would scream out your name, you wished it was coming from Chloe's lips… and no no no… It's just not fair.
You are upset. Upset with yourself for hurting Jesse.
"Its Chloe isn't it?" was all he said.
And you couldn't bring yourself to say anything because was it because of Chloe? Of course it was. But you're to scared to say anything to Jesse about it, or yourself for that matter.
You go home to the bellas shared house and go straight to Chloe's room. You don't even bother knocking. You open the door and see Chloe dancing with her iPod in, singing a song off the set list. You stand there and stare at her for a minute. You can't help but let your eyes wonder up and down her body, the way she moves her hips and-
"Beca! God you scared me." She screams out as she clutches her chest, her cheeks turning red from being caught.
"I broke up with Jesse." You blurt out.
Her jaw seemed like it hit the floor. It takes her a moment but she ushers you to the bed and wraps you in her arms.
You smell the familiar smell of strawberries and cotton and your body instantly relaxes. You think that maybe you've found your home; in Chloe's arms and that thought scares the living shit out of you. You try to stay hung up on it but you know its true. Chloe is the smell you smell in your dreams, the smell that looms in your own bed, your headphones, that black sweatshirt Chloe keeps stealing that you love so much. You smile. You just broke up with Jesse and you're fucking smiling. You're shit Beca Mitchell but you keep smiling into Chloe's chest anyway.
You never used to like the smell of strawberries but you think you now it's the most amazing smell in the world.
Later that same night at a Bella party you stumble your way over to her. She grabs you by the waist and you feel her touch like fire.
She hugs you and your face gets caught in her luscious red locks. You feel the sudden urge to explain yourself to her.
"I never loved Jesse, He was just a good distraction."
"From what Beca?"
"From who" you correct
"Okay whom did Jesse distract you from then?" she has her eyes locked on you at this point. Her stare is too much for you, so you just sink into her arms again. Your neck placed just above her shoulder. Maybe it's the alcohol or maybe it's just this night but you lean your head into her neck and whisper
"You"
You remember now, it had to start be on that night a couple weeks ago when it was just you and her. Chloe grabbed you by the hand and lead you to her Jeep. She didn't tell you where she was taking you. Which is just typical fucking Chloe, always one for surprises. Coincidentally your least favorite, but then Chloe reaches across the middle and laces your fingers with hers and you think surprise aren't that bad after all.
You spend that night on a blanket drowned in her Jeeps headlights. You talk about anything and everything but take special notice of how neither of you talk about the future. You can't help but wonder if this is what life with Chloe would be like. Her hand in yours, her hair blowing in your face, her big blue eyes that make you feel like she only has eyes for you.
You can't help yourself when you ask
"Chlo, have you ever taken anyone else out here?"
She takes a moment to consider
"No I don't think so, why?"
"It just feels kind of intimate to me..."
She turns to face you then "Beca do you hold hands with any other girls?"
Her question catches you off guard but this is Chloe were talking about always so straight forward.
"No" you say
A smile plays on her lips at this
"Chlo do you hold hand with any other girls… or guys?" you counter back
"No…" she answers squeezing your hand and rubbing circles with her thumb over your knuckles
And it's all too much.
You've held her stare for to long and you brain keeps telling you to kiss her but you're a coward and you curse yourself the whole way home.
The Bella's absolutely crush Internationals and bring home the gold. On the plane ride home Chloe falls asleep on your shoulder and you can't help but stare and appreciate her features.
What a simple life it would be if Chloe were yours you think. The more you sink into your thoughts the more scared you feel. Love isn't real. Family isn't real. Everyone you love will leave you…
But you can't help but think Chloe would never do that to you. And your truly believe that.
You Place a kiss on her forehead and see Amy and Stacie giving you knowing looks.
Fuck what people think.
You wrap your arm around Chloe's frame and rub her back. She signs contently into your neck.
You are so beyond fucked. But you can't find it in you to care. If anything you're happy. You close your eyes and breathe in the smell of strawberries and cotton the whole flight home.
And that's what brings you to Saturday night.
Benji invites all the Bella's to the treble graduation party but you wonder if you were really invited. But you go anyway because Chloe pretty much gets on her knees and begs you to because quote "IT'S THE LAST PARTY OF OUR COLLEGE LIVES BECAAAAA" or something along those lines.
You spot Jesse as soon as you walk through the door. He makes his way over to you, clearly already drunk.
"BECAWWW"
"Hey jess" you say nonchalantly smiling at him. Chloe then struts past you looking very pissed off.
"So Beca still heading to LA after graduation?"
"That's the plan…"
Jesse chats on with you but you can't bring yourself to stay focused on the conversation because all your brain can focus on is the face Chloe made at you.
Once you end the conversation with Jesse you finally find Chloe in a corner talking to Stacie. You approach them but as soon as Chloe sees you she pushes right past you and into the crowd of dancing students.
"What the fuck was that?" You ask Stacie
"What do you think it was Beca?"
"Why is she pissed I didn't do anything"
"Do you love Chloe?" the question from Stacie catches you off guard, you feel your face turn blood red and you start to fidget.
"What? Ha…Love…CHLOE? Uh I mean… What are you even talking about Stacie?
"Stop with the act Mitchell and get your head out of your ass." And with that Stacie turns and walks away leaving you with only your thoughts.
Love Chloe? Do I?...
Half way into the party it starts to really piss you off how Chloe is being really weird with you. She keeps distancing herself and you don't like it.
The usual playful flirting that happens between the two of you is non-existent and you find yourself missing her touch and her laugh and fuck you need to find Chloe right now.
You throw back another shot, and then another because you can't stands this. You only came because of Chloe and now she is ignoring you.
You try to tell yourself that it's not a big deal… But your eyes keep searching the crowd looking for her and you cant help but think that she's everything, she always has been.
But then you look to your left and there she is grinding on that one guy you absolutely hate. You want to shake your head and laugh. But anger fills you into the brim instead. Your hands ball into fists. You're livid. You want to turn away but then she makes eye contact with you.
Her blue eyes pierce through the darkness, Its like everything is slow motion and that look she's giving you makes you think she has eyes for you only.
It's all too much.
You want to run. But that's the funny thing about Chloe. You can never make yourself run away from her. You're always sprinting back to her full force with arms wide open. You ache to feel her skin; see her red locks sprawled across your pillow in the morning…
Then suddenly your feet start moving for you, your eyes never leaving hers. You push through what feels like miles of dancing bodies finally reaching her.
"What the hell Chloe?" is all you can manage as you choke back a sob you weren't aware you were holding back.
Her eyes immediately drop to the ground
"Becs I… I…" she trails off.
You cant this this shit. You don't want to fight it anymore. You're graduating and moving across the country to LA to a new life, a new atmosphere and a new life where you don't see Chloe every day that that scares you shitless.
You stop thinking. You grab her by the hips and swing her around, dragging her away from that stupid Tom guy.
You link your fingers with hers and lead her out the back door.
You swing her around, and her eyes are locked on yours.
It's all too much
You grab a cigarette from your back pocket and light it. You breathe in the smoke
"What the fuck Chloe?" you yell.
"What are you talking about Beca?" she counters as you take another hit from your cigarette, Chloe eyeing you like a hawk.
"Why the fuck are you dancing with Tom like that, you know I hate him" Chloe glares at you with an open mouth, in disbelief
"Who are you to tell me who I can and cannot dance with?"
That makes you stop. You drop your cigarette and smash it into the ground hard with your foot.
"You're right Chloe. Who am I to tell you that."
You turn away form her then and start to walk away heading toward the street. You barely register Chloe yelling out after you but you don't care at the moment.
She's right, you think, who am I to tell her that. Its not like I'm her girlfriend or anything. You're a fucking idiot Mitchell all you do is run… Let alone run from the best thing that's ever happened to you…
And that's when you realize.
You turn on your heel in that instance and almost collide with an out of breath Chloe.
Shocked you ask, "You chased after me Chlo?"
"Of course Beca, when have I never not?"
And then you think how right she is.
You notice how close your faces are, your lips.
You think what if I just lean a little, but then she's leaning into you, her lips smashing into yours before you can register what is happening.
But the funny thing is, you don't freak.
You push back harder into her, your hands tangling into her hair, your bodies pressed up against each other in the middle of the street.
This is it, you think. This has to be it. My person… My home.
I never cared for the name Chloe before I meet THE Chloe Beale but what a beautiful name for such a beautiful person you think.
She breaks the kiss; a shy smile plays on her lips as she leans in for another one…
So I guess it didn't start on a Saturday night.
It started on a Monday at that stupid activity fair, completely sober and unaware. But that's the thing about love isn't it? It catches you off guard but you've been completely submerged in to the whole time.
Thank god for Barden is all that's running through your mind.