Note: Vague spoilers for Smoke and Shadow Part Three. Zirin is a comic-only character but she has been compelling so far and is quite an interesting addition to the Azula femslash ships.
Heartstop
Ty Lee's heart stops when Azula returns, more radiant and happier than ever. The flush on her cheeks no longer the result of frustration and pent up rage. The smile now the product of genuine elation and not the malicious kind. Beside her, a girl stands. Braids. Dark eyes. Tall and straight-backed. Very pretty. Zirin, Azula calls her. Zirin, you are being silly. Zirin, you must be patient. Zirin, did you even sleep well? Zirin, we are here to serve our dear Fire Lord. It is the least you can do for me.
Zirin, I love you. Azula does not say. She never did. But their eyes meet too many times, tender glances and conspiratorial winks over lunches. The girl is the one who Azula goes to every night. Not Ty Lee. The girl is the one who was there when Azula was at her worst. Not Ty Lee. The girl is the one who got Azula at her best. Not Ty Lee. The girl is the one with the person Ty Lee always dreamed of. Not…
"It's not necessary for the Kyoushi Warriors to be here anymore, Ty Lee." Zuko tells her. He looks much happier, a little bit younger than the stressed out leader she served months ago. Sharing responsibilities must have its perks. The other Fire Lord, people in the court dub Azula. Of course, the official title is the royal advisor. Zuko does not seem to mind.
"Okay." Ty Lee relents easily. Because Azula must have wanted this. Zuko never takes such big steps for a change without his sister's approval anymore. Well, they have that so-called Fire Warriors now too. Azula's friends, she reminds herself. She lost two. She brought back six. Azula tends to overdo things.
"It's not like that… I mean, you can stay, if you want to, of course. You are still a Fire Nation citizen, remember. You are still… a friend."
"It's okay. I think I need some… fresh air, anyway. Kyoushi Island is wonderful at this time of year, you know."
"Ah."
The ship is there, ready to go. Her friends are already inside, chirping excitedly in a note Ty Lee struggles to reciprocate. She takes the first step away from her home land, looks back and sees her. Her, waving impassively, like the time Ty Lee ran away for the circus and Azula pretending not to care.
But Zirin is on her side. And memories of a love long lost dissolves into the agony of watching it take flight to find another road. It should be Ty Lee. It should be her. But she does not need to see the intertwined hands to know. Azula's heart has somehow learned to love again, the fire eliciting a glow brighter than her golden eyes. In Ty Lee's own, the fire sputters and she does not think it would ever beat again.
….
.
She returns to the Fire Nation when Azula's heart stops for the first time.
"It is the lightning." Zuko's tone is soft, subdued and with a barely perceptible hint of frustration marred by sadness. It has been years too. Three? Four? No news of a civil war is yet to reach the coasts of the Earth Kingdom. The other Fire Lord, she recalls. Azula must be doing a splendid job until… "It is never meant to be channeled through the heart, like we just realized she has been doing all along. It caused… progressive damage to her heart."
His eyes darken. And once more, he looks ten years older than he is. Fire Lord Zuko clenches his fist and looks at her. Her. Ty Lee. Pleading. And desperate. "She almost died, Ty Lee. She was fine for a second, being her usual, insufferable self. It was during the party. And then…" He trails off. "If it weren't for Suki…"
"And the Dim Mak…" She tells herself not to think of it. But the vision is already in her head. Azula collapsing as she held the wine glass. Heart stopped. Suki beating on her chest with her fists, because even Katara had been helpless.
"And if it weren't for the techniques you taught her, she would have been…" Zuko cannot say it, cannot complete the damning sentence. "You do this thing better than anyone could. The physician has no answer. Katara has been trying to help. She is trying to figure out the cure but Azula herself… you know how stubborn she can get."
You know.
I know you.
Zuko's chuckle is hollow and when Ty Lee does not follow, he stops.
"She requested you. Only you. She says she cannot stand them all. Not the doctors. Not Katara. And you know… how she feels about hospitals."
Her.
Her. Ty Lee.
"She is dying, Ty Lee."
Her heart churns, burns. She imagines Azula in her arms, lifeless. And she does not think she can live with the thought.
"It is not a permanent solution. We are still working on finding one." Something in Zuko's tone tells her that it is all but a will-o-the-wisp. "But we… we are thinking you can keep this… from happening again. You are the best at what you do, Ty Lee. If something happens, you can strike her heart. Manipulate her chi. That is all it will take…"
Ty Lee completes the sentence in her head.
Azula's life is in her hands. Quite literally.
…..
.
There does not seem to be anything wrong with her. Azula remains to be her enchanting, seductive self as her delicate frame sinks down on the couch. There does not seem to be a struggle between life and death, none of the frailty Zuko insists has plagued one of the strongest benders in the world. But Zirin, aged by three rewarding years seems to be hovering over her more than usual. There is a worried, fretting frown creasing her forehead, one that should have never gotten past her stoic countenance three years ago. The woman squeezes the Princess' hands and Azula presses back. In an adjacent seat right before them, Ty Lee feels her heart beat again.
One.
Two.
Three.
This is love. This is the love Ty Lee has always wanted for her Princess. The look Azula graces Zirin is not one with possession she used to view Ty Lee. The touches do not hurt, the feeling itself a passionate testament. And the headstrong woman Azula has somehow fallen for must have been used to the cutting words, it never does impale through the bubble where only the two of them exist.
A bubble Ty Lee is clearly not invited to.
She is after all, the other woman. The past. She did not miss the distrustful glare, the unease. She had heard of the fight. You still love her, don't you? She had heard of Azula's denial, Zirin's disbelief. The uncomfortable laughter afterwards. Azula's amusedly reassuring a pouting girlfriend that there is nothing to worry about. The sharp recollection that Azula never bothered doing so for Ty Lee.
"It has been so long, Ty Lee." Even her voice is deceiving. Azula sounds every bit like herself and not like the dying girl everyone knows she is. "I am very much in your debt for accepting Zuzu's… invitation. He probably told you about my utter refusal to do anything with those horrible charlatans he calls doctors. I was left with no choice, you see. I apologize if I took you away from… whatever you are doing in that backwater island of yours."
"You don't need to apologize, Azula." You never do, anyway. She does not say.
"Well, it's a polite thing to do." The Princess shrugs while standing, prompting the creases on Zirin's face to deepen further. But the worry is unfounded for Azula does not seem to be tripping to her feet, gasping for breath, anything that would hint of her ongoing duel with Death. And for a moment, Ty Lee can almost believe…
"Maybe, you should lie down…"
"No."
"This is not the time to be stubborn—"
"I am not an invalid, Zirin." She snaps. Her breath catches and right then, Ty Lee realizes something is wrong. Something is very wrong. Her face does not show any evidence of pain but it is there. Ty Lee can tell. She can see that Zirin can tell too.
To Ty Lee, Azula's tone is clipped, businesslike. But it is rushed and forced, like waves trying to wash off footsteps. "I do not understand why everyone is so worried about all this." She used to lie so well. Azula knows. Ty Lee can see. Zirin can see too. "I mean, it's not like, it's not like—"
She does not complete the sentence. No one tries to.
"Anyway, if anything happens, which I doubt." Azula's deep eyes are on her, only her for the first time in a long time. "… you are here. You can just do your thing and everything would be fine. Right? Right? It worked the last time."
Desperation. Pain. Frustration. And once more, they are caught in a time loop. Once upon a time, Ty lost Azula because of this. Everything that is not Azula is resurfacing. Zirin would lose Azula too. She would. Ty Lee can see. Zirin can see too.
But the difference is, Azula has the one she loved this time around.
…..
.
It is not Ty Lee. Gone are the few times Azula would plant feather-light kisses on her face as they roll around the fine sands of Ember Island. Ty Lee, that tickles. Ty Lee, no, stop that. Ty Lee, fine, I want more. Ty Lee, am I doing this right? Ty Lee, Fire Lady sounds appropriate, right? They used to be so in love. They used to be so perfect. But it was Zirin who made Azula's once dead heart beat again. It was Zirin who revived the heart Ty Lee has once killed.
But Ty Lee is there with her when Azula's heart stops the second time. The Princess is obstinate, hard-headed and the last person who can take a well-meaning advice to heart. She trains even though Zirin has insisted for her to stay in bed. There are sparks in her hands before anyone can say a thing against it. Then her defiant expression freezes. Her eyes are wide, confused and her knees give in.
She was dead for all ten seconds as Ty Lee rips of her clothes and poises for a strike. One. Two. Three. Each gentle tap becomes stronger, more erratic than the last. And then she feels Azula's chi stabilize, the calm after the storm and the lightning fizzles its last dying breath from its fingers as Azula rises like a fish out of the water, gasping for breath.
Ty Lee watches silently as Azula blindly gropes for Zirin's arms, tears streaming down her face and looking so scared, so fearful, so afraid to lose herself once more. And this time, not to the harsh tricks of the mind but to the almost compelling embrace of death. Ty Lee's own heartbeat quickens and does not settle. It is there, she realizes. Her heart is not dead. She is glad. She is glad. Even though she is not the one with arms around the only person she has ever loved this much.
Her heart has always beaten for Azula.
And her resolve becomes the selfless kind. It does not matter to whom Azula's beats for now. what matters is that, it does.
…..
.
"No more lightning." Ty Lee watches as Zirin gingerly puts her long time girlfriend on bed. It is slow, painstaking and very, very careful. But the shrill, scolding tone in her words is a contrast to her delicate actions. It is with a momentary feeling of disconcert when Ty Lee notes to herself that she can never talk down to Azula like that. She is not as bold as the strong, firebending ex-mental hospital patient. And Azula has never been this polite, this docile when they were together.
"Yes Ma'am." The woman in question merely rolls her eyes, chuckles. But it considerably is less convincing than her first performance. Azula realizes this and takes a significantly more serious approach. "Fine, I did not think it was that bad."
"Didn't think it was that bad, huh. You could have died. No, you did die."
"Oh, no. Nothing sappy, please. Ty Lee was there. Ty Lee brought me back. We must thank her."
And Ty Lee never felt so naked, so exposed as two pairs of inquisitive eyes focus on her. Azula breaks the tensed situation when she closes hers and she sighs a heavy, heavy breath. "I'm tired." And then, she drifts off almost immediately.
She feels a thump. One. Two. Three. "She is stable." Ty Lee pronounces, removing the hand from Azula's bare chest. Zirin closes back the robe and Ty Lee cannot help but notice the ease in which she does it. Though it makes so much sense. They have shared the same room for so many years after all.
They are out in the deserted hallway when Zirin finally speaks. "She's okay, right? She is not going to-?"
Ty Lee interrupts her. One hand poised, she suddenly finds herself the calm and composed one in the duo. Azula has always discouraged her of her excitable disposition and probably liked Zirin for her nonchalance. But this time, she maintains calm. And she no longer asks herself why.
Azula's life is in her hands. And they must not tremble. They must be firm, steadfast. One strike. She would not let that fragile heart stop again.
"We are the same. I do not want to lose her as much you do."
….
.
And she does not. Even though Azula is not hers to lose anymore. The days when she can dream of strong, independent princesses rescuing her from evil dragons are now merely the faraway dreams conjured by sheer puerility. She was never one for foresight then, never been able to imagine being torn with the choice between two friends. But she remembers being miserable and still feels miserable over it. Ty Lee does not manage to keep her calm for so long because she does not think she can bear it if she fails to keep Zirin from feeling what she did.
It is with a sense of apprehension and gut-wrenching fear that she wrestles with every single minute that Azula is out of sight. She would offer to stand right outside the baths and sleep in the same room with her, only if Zirin would not seem so wordlessly mortified of even the prospect about Ty Lee being with the two of them for the rest of the day. She does not say she minds it. But Ty Lee can see. Ty Lee can tell. Zirin finds sanctuary each minute of the day she would not have to sit beside her girlfriend's ex girlfriend.
On the other hand, Azula is less affected by her presence. She goes through each day as though her only defense between death is not following two shy steps behind. She greets each one of her Fire Warriors with the eloquence of a healthy leader, talks down to Zuko like he did not see her vulnerable days ago. She speaks to Ty Lee in a manner that is so unfamiliar, she doubts if they can be considered friends anymore. Of course, there are the typical Azula punchlines and one-liners but it does not feel the same when she cannot even laugh without pausing for breath.
"Don't let her get too emotional, too depressed or too excited. It triggers the arrest. Most importantly, you must not, under any circumstances, let the Princess bend lightning. It is unpredictable. It is something I admittedly have never seen before. But for now, these are the preventive measures I can suggest. And for now, Lady Ty Lee must always be…"
Ty Lee is not there when Azula's heart stops for the third time.
She has been anxious even before then, watching as the flames of the candle rise up and down, to and fro Azula has been inside her room for several hours. She has been half-expecting it, as morbid as the thought could go. But she is alert and ready when Zirin's scream breaks the gloomy silence of the palace. She finds Azula, naked and sprawled over the strewn sheets with the equally bare Zirin holding the dear, dark, unmoving head.
It takes five beats for a sharp reaction to surface. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Azula moves a brow, and is once more, unaffected. Ty Lee strikes some more, becoming more hopeless and despairing every second that Azula refuses to open her eyes. One more. Two more. Her tears are dripping, Azula's name on her lips increasing into panicked screams.
And then…
She finally shoots up, eyes wild and frenzied, after yet another interrupted ferry to the Spirit World. And for a single moment, the frantic room of servants and family silences, overcome with shock and relief. Before the consolation of life settles in and the princess is flocked with fretting handmaidens, a sobbing mother and an overwhelmed lover. But in that in frame of time, it is only them. Azula and Ty Lee. And no one else. It is their bubble, the one she thought to have burst a long time ago.
She catches the Princess in her arms, her fainting body unsettlingly cold to her touch. She whispers words of reassurance like that time when only nightmares haunted her sleep. She feels the heartbeat slow. She feels her eyes flutter close against her cheek. She keeps her hand on Azula's left breast, feeling it. The life. The life that was almost gone. Her chi is stable though, even when her body is limply resting on Ty Lee's. For now.
"You were…" She cannot complete the sentence. Azula is sleeping fitfully on the bed as Ziri dabs a wet towel listlessly on the princess' forehead.
"Yes, we were. We were having sex." She was as bold and frank as ever. The woman sat on the bedside, playing with Azula's sweat-soaked hair. "You know how stubborn and forward she can get when it comes to things she wants. I guess she got too… excited."
"I know."Ty Lee knows that personally. She carefully chooses her words. "But…"
Zirin interjects quickly. "It won't happen again."
"I won't let it." She responds. Ty Lee makes sure she is firm, steadfast and every bit as determined as she feels. "I would have to be with you each second." No apologies. Ty Lee glances back at her ex-girlfriend and reaches out to touch her cold cheek. "Her illness… it is the way it goes. It is unpredictable. It is not that I do not trust you or anything but… I cannot take the risk. I told you before. We are the same."
"You don't want to lose her."
"I loved her." She whispers. "I still do. You probably can tell. But I never begrudged you for having her. She deserves someone like you more than I deserve her anyway. I'll stick around until they can find something, anything that can save her. She deserves that too."
Zirin's brown eyes is boring through her, her soul, her everything. "Do you have regrets?"
"I—"
"Do you regret betraying her?"
"I do." She finds herself saying. And then the words flow like a stream, unbidden and unscripted. "But when I think about it, perhaps I don't too. I did the right thing. I could not ever live with the knowledge that I let Mai killed. I would not have such awesome friends like Suki and the rest. And you too… I don't think you would be here. I don't think Azula would be as… good as she is now. She is a better person. I like her the way she is now, even though she is not really mine to love anymore. I have a lot of regrets, yes. But they are regrets I do not regret having."
Azula's breath is steady for once and Ty Lee stands to put her hand on her slightly heaving chest. Thump. Thump. One minute. Slow and thumping. Fifty beats. She sighs in relief and does not take her hand away for another full minute. The sound of her heart beating becomes oddly therapeutic. Because Azula is still there. And Azula would be her same, old, uncaring self again.
"You should sleep with us tonight."
Stunned silence, of course. But there is soft, mischievous smile playing on Zirin's lips as she adds. "I know it is not what you are thinking. But this is the only way. Unless you would like to watch over us while we sleep which is kind of creepy by the way. Azula would not like that."
"Did you even care about what Azula ever wanted?" All said in jest.
"Oh yes, I did. I put up with her bullshit for years, it was tenfold worse than running the Kemurikage kindergarten. You should know. You were the first girl unfortunate enough to fall for her."
"Indeed."
"And besides," Zirin rises. "I think she would like this arrangement more than you following her around. She deserves you too. And you deserve her."
The arrangement is an odd one. Azula at the middle each night, facing Ty Lee on the right. Zirin's strong arms would be wrapped around her back while Ty Lee rests her hand on Azula's chest, feeling, probing. The Princess would get used to it, in time, even as she tensed and is uncomfortable the first time she is aware of it.
The fourth time, Azula's heart stops, two hearts beating in unison remind her of the life she still have.
(END)
This came out of nowhere because I am experimenting. Ty Lee/Azula/Zirin is my latest OT3 btw. They should be a thing. Seriously. A ménage a trois is something I can envision in the near future.
I deleted a couple of fics in my profile because I prefer to keep them as oneshots. To people following those stories, just hang on. They will be back.
Tell me what you think :D