The Lemonade Faucet
River Song likes the holidays. True, as a time traveler she can attend all of them at any time of the year, however she prefers to celebrate Christmas once in every 365 days with her family. It's a human thing, the Doctor always says (in his mind there is no point waiting all that time when you can unwrap presents every day).
Humming We Wish You a Merry Christmas, River takes off her work clothes (she has just came back from a very non-adventurous dig site and she is dirty from head to toe, the earth under her fingernails reminding her that she needs to visit a planet of manicurists soon). Her jacket, her trousers, her tank top and finally her underclothes hit the floor and she steps from the carpet onto the cold bathroom floor, hissing the moment the cold creeps up her back. The TARDIS senses her discomfort - oh she always does, clever girl - and creates a soft, probably water proof carpet under her feet.
River smiles. "Thank you, sweetie," she whispers as she reaches for the shower faucet, blessing the invention of showers. In a few hours she and the Doctor are to visit her parents for Christmas dinner and she cannot wait to feel presentable again, no dirt, no sweat, no dust in her golden locks. She cannot wait for the festive food, the atmosphere, the lights…all of that in one evening. Beautiful. Merry.
As the water starts running down her body, the warmth and the heaviness of it in her hair makes her feel so good, so refreshed, so…sticky?
River screams, her words finding their way into her husband's ears easily, for they can be heard all over the TARDIS.
"I AM GOING TO KILL THAT LITTLE IMMATURE SON OF A—"
"Darling? Is something wrong?" he pops his head into the bathroom (he likes to do that to see her naked, he is like a teenager that way).
"You…YOU!" River opens the shower door, anger in her eyes, her hair unusually flat and wet. Not caring about her nakedness, she screams at her husband.
"...SHOWER?"
The Doctor smiles awkwardly as if that could help him to escape the wrath of River Song. "Actually, it is lemonade, not juice. They are different, you know. I thought of that the other Christmas. All the faucets are now lemonade!"
"The water for showering is…lemonade," she manages to say between her teeth.
"I know, right?"
Sticky, dirty, angry and frustrated, River could not find a way how to react to the fact her husband exchanged pure, cleaning water for sticky lemonade. How does that silly mad man comes up with such stupidities?
"You aren't going to kill me now, are you?" the Doctor asks, a bit terrified.
"Not now," River says, a hint of amusement in her voice. "But I am going to make you shower with me." The Doctor flushes and steps into the bathroom. Soon the bow tie joins River's work clothes on the ground.
River Song loves the holidays and will not let anyone spoil the mood with silly arguments. Not even herself.