A/N: Tonight I just realized just how much it is to put up a one-shot like this. I mean, first I have to type it. Which is a big part when writing a story, you type it. Naturally. Second, I re-read it on my Microsoft word to see how it sounds, and if I don't like a certain part I have to RE type that part. Third, I have to upload on here, EDIT it, add whatever italics and "Author Notes" I would like to add. Fourth, I have to go through the process of putting who its about, writing the summary, thinking of a title name, putting "Twilight" as the book its from...Blah Blah BLAH. Its ALOT of work believe it or not! Anyway, I'm getting off topic. I hope everyone enjoys this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. It was kind of just an idea that popped in my head. I read a story once, though I forget which author wrote it on here, but it was called "Insecure" and I believe it was an Alice/Jasper fanfic about Alice going through the same things Bella is going through in THIS story. Lol, so thats what inspired this idea. Once again, getting off topic. I love you all! If you request it, I'll write it! Hope everyone had a blessed, safe, happy Christmas. God Bless.
Note: Oh, and another thing. In case any of you don't know what a "motorboat" is, its when you making that weird noise on someone's stomach. Parents do it to kids all the time. :) Just thought I'd add that in there.
I looked in the mirror, sighing in disgust once more at the image it threw back at me. When I lifted my arms, I looked like some anorexic teen that simply couldn't lose enough weight. After the birth, there was no time for me to eat and regain back some of the pounds I had lost, and so I would be stuck with this body forever. Rosalie was right, it was something hard to accept. To know that no matter what I do in the eternity to come, I would always be this. Never changing.
What got to me though, was that Edward never commented on my weight loss. He loved my body at night the way he did on Isle Esme despite the difference of my body change from then to now. Had he not noticed the difference? Why did I kid myself, of course he did. Everyone did. Though I will admit, my looks have enhanced by thousands, it still did not make up for the weight I had lost and will never gain back. Once again, I glanced in the mirror, but this time I whimpered at the sight of my bony body. How could he love someone like me? My body was much too thin and though I had the beautiful face of any, it wasn't my features that he was making love to at night, it was my figure.
I closed my eyes out of frustration. I missed Renesmee. I needed to hear her laugh, to see her smile for my own assurances. She would be with Charlie, and though I knew he would take care of her, I still wanted her here with me more than anything.
Sitting on the floor of our humungous closet, I pulled my knees to my chest, not daring to look in the body length mirror again. I didn't want to see my image, not again.
"Bella?" I heard him enter the cottage, hearing the door close, his feet shuffling slightly as he removed his shoes, and began his descent down the hall to our bedroom. I got up quickly not wanting him to see me this way, but it was too late. As he was in the entrance of the door, I jumped from my spot on the floor, looking at him slightly panicked. "Why were you on the floor?"
"How was hunting?" Answering questions with questions was always a good way to go. For me, anyway.
"You didn't answer my question." Edward said, intertwining our fingers as he pulled me close. I was hesitant, not really wanting to be touched and knowing that our alone time tonight would only be me reading and him wondering what was wrong. He would never complain though, Edward was too much of a gentlemen for that.
I pulled away, walking past him and towards the kitchen. He followed, though I didn't turn to see, I could practically imagine the confused expression across his beautiful face. "Renesmee got her report card today, she did really good. All A's." I said absentmindedly as I began to scrub some cups in the sink in an effort to not meet my own husbands eyes.
"Yeah, I stopped by Charlie's to see her before I came here. She did real good." I remained silent, scrubbing and rinsing, scrubbing and rinsing…. Edward leaned against the counter beside me, watching me with concerned eyes that I still refused to meet. "It's funny, Charlie never notices that I don't have a car when I go there." I smiled slightly, flickering my eyes his way and then returning my gaze back to the dishes. Suddenly, he was behind me, putting both of his hands on the counter on either side of me. He whispered in my ear with a sweet tone lingering in his breath, "Please tell me what's wrong." I turned around to his face, meeting his eyes for the first time since he arrived. He was still blocking me in with his arms, so I knew that there was no escape. I had to tell him.
"Do you think…I mean, am I…" I tried to come up with the word I wanted to use. Sexy? Attractive? Desirable? "…am I pretty?" My eyes stared up at him with horrible frightened emotion, awaiting his answer in the tense silence. He looked at me, first surprised with his eye brows arched, and then sad. I didn't have to be a mind reader to know that he was blaming himself.
He sighed, "You really are oblivious to your own beauty, aren't you?" His face took on a sadness that I wanted to kiss away. I wanted him to be happy and smiling. And to know that I was the reason that he was frowning now, broke my heart.
"Edward, I'll always be this. I'm different now. I don't look healthy, I look too skinny! My bones are popping out everywhere like fireworks on the fourth of July!" I swung his arm away, breaking free of him. All I wanted to do was cry, but I couldn't. Not since that night I cried over Jacob after breaking his heart. I won't do that to Edward again, I've done enough to him already. And I know how it pains him to see me like this, so why was I acting this way? I was being selfish, I knew that now. I'd only wished that I could have said nothing. That I would've just kissed Edward when he got home and made passionate love with him on the floor of our closet. Why had I brought this up?
"Is that what this is about? You think your too thin?" He followed me out of the kitchen as I stomped towards the living room, still pacing around the small cottage.
"I don't know, Edward. I just-I just hate knowing that no matter what, I'll always look this way. I can't be like Rosalie with hips and a figure. I'll never be that, just….this!" I lifted my shirt up, sucking in slightly to dramatize my point, but not by much. Showing my husband the bones of my ribcage popping out from beneath my skin. I could see my hip bone pushing its way out and making a small bump on the jeans I wore that were too big. When I shopped, I always bought my old size that I used to wear, not the right size.
"Bella, stop this." Edward hissed, though he had never hissed at me before and for this, I knew he was angry. He strode over to where I stood across the room, shoving my shirt down and putting it back to its proper place. He then whispered, "I can't believe you would think that your not pretty."
I was speechless beyond words in the serenity in his voice. He took my hand and led me down the hall to the bedroom where a stream of sun was shining in the through the window. Placing me in the sunlight, he lifted my shirt to expose where there once was a ribcage, but now a sparkling field of diamonds that danced about my skin, covering all of the imperfections that I hated seeing. "This is what I see, everyday." He said.
I looked down, a little amazed on what the diamonds did to cover the hideous reminder of my weight.
"You see something a little different than I do." I breathed. He kneeled down and tentatively kissed a bone that peaked its way out, kissing another, and then another….lowering his lips until they met with my hip bones, then biting down on my much too large jeans, he ripped them away and I moaned in appraisal.
Leaving a trail of kisses up my stomach, he took his time around my chest area, before meeting my neck and sucking with ecstasy. His hands felt up my stomach, feeling each of my ribs and massaging them with his fingers. His hands then leading down to my hip bones that he felt up with his lustful hands only for his palms to make their way down to my thighs and further.
He laid me gently on the bed, and gave me the passion that I yearned for…
We laid there on our bed, completely in bliss at the scenery of the window, a snow drifting from the sky still, leaving inches of white fluff on the branches of trees, and covering the ground. The moon shone down from the sky, causing the snow to glitter in its light.
His arm was around me as I laid there, feeling him trace his fingers in circles on my shoulder. We hadn't said a word yet, but I was ok with that. It was a comfortable silence, not an awkward one.
"I'm sorry I hissed you like that." He said softly, turning his head to look at me fully.
I smiled as I flipped myself over, resting my chin on his chest and staring up at his breathtaking face. "I don't know, I kind of liked it." I smirked as I kissed his chest tenderly, then kissing it again…
"What?" He asked, confused.
"Sort of turned me on." I said, laughing at his expression. He smiled at my laughter and we both ended up chuckling at ourselves.
"So you like when I hiss at you." He said as he sneakily turned and pulled my legs down so he hovered right over me.
"Oh yes, Mr. Cullen." Flipping us back over, I began playfully kissing his ribcage as he had to me. Though his ribs did not pop as mine do, they showed when he was laying down fully. I then did a motorboat on his stomach and he laughed, trying to push me off but I held his hands down to the bed, fully on top of him now. My newborn strength still lingering in my veins and so I was stronger. A lot stronger. I did another motorboat on him.
"B-Bella!" He laughed, this time really trying to push me off and so I let him go and he naturally chuckled and plopped back down onto his back, staring over at me. I smiled in realization that Edward didn't love my body when he married me, he didn't marry my body but he did marry me. Who I am shouldn't be defined by figures and ribcages popping, but moments like these that remind me that my husband is devoting and is in love with me, Bella Marie Cullen.
He was looking up at me, his eyes full of the recent laughter he had just had. That one look was it took for me to realize that when Edward Cullen looked at me, he didn't see my ribcage and hip bones, but he seen me. Bella Cullen. And that's who he's in love with.