A/N
This is just something fun I wrote as an appeasement for not updating "High Class Hostage" over the weekend...
I betcha you didn't know that varren played such an important role in galactic affairs? Who are we kidding? Of course you knew. ;-)
Some spoilers (well, sort of, I guess...) for ME2 and ME3.
Enjoy!
The Three Tasks of Urz, King of the Varren
The old krogan leaned forward on his stone seat, eyeing the group of small krogan clustered around his feet. The young ones stared up at him, their wide-set eyes glowing in anticipation.
"Have I ever told you the story of Urz, King of the Varren?" the old krogan grumbled.
Some of the oldest of the small krogan nodded their heads enthusiastically, but most just looked down at the ground. The old krogan "hmmed" quietly to himself, scratching his face where several old scars ran from his forehead, down to across his mouth. The little ones at his feet were all strong—these krogan would grow up to be powerful warriors—but, right now, they all looked so shy and intimated it was hard to believe that they would one day amount to much of anything. None of them knew how many hundreds of years the old krogan had lived. None of them even knew the old krogan's name. Not because he didn't have one, but because it had become more and more irrelevant with each passing generation. Because, whenever their parents talked about "him"…well, there was always only one "him" they could be talking about.
The old krogan chuckled to himself at the expressions on the little krogans' faces.
"Well, this is the Telling of the Three Tasks of Urz, the Varren King. It happened a long time ago. Now, Urz was the strongest varren of them all. He wasn't small and puny…like this one."
The old krogan gestured to his own varren companion, who was sitting on the other side of the stone seat, chewing on something that may have once been alive. It looked up at the little krogan with its glassy eyes and growled, lips curling to reveal its sharp and bloody fangs.
"No…" the old krogan rumbled on, "not puny like Solus here. Not at all. Ya'see, Urz was big. As big as…that!"
The old krogan gleefully pointed to a Tomkah on the other side of the camp. The small krogan gasped as they tried to imagine how a varren could ever be that big.
"Yup, Urz was that big. And strong. Ya'see, the varren choose their king through combat, and no other varren could defeat Urz. So he spent most of his days with nothing to do, since none of the other varren would fight with him anymore. And this was during the Dark Days of the genophage, so there were no krogan worthy of being Urz's companion, so that they could seek out battles together. Until…one day…The Shepard came to Tuchanka."
Several of the young krogan leaned forward. They all knew all about The Shepard.
"Now, the first thing The Shepard did was slay pyjaks. Ya'see, a huge infestation of the damn creatures had taken over Tuchanka. There were so many pyjaks that you couldn't even take a step without stepping on one. And they made this squelching sound when you did…"
The krogan chuckled.
"Anyhow, so The Shepard decided to rid Tuchanka of all the pyjaks. For seventeen days, The Shepard battled as wave after wave of pyjaks attacked. The Shepard couldn't stop to eat or sleep or even take a piss. Finally, when it was all over, The Shepard stood victorious over a giant mountain of pyjak corpses.
"But, this was a problem, ya'see, because you can't just leave a pile of rotting pyjaks sitting there on Tuchanka. The smell of the death would attract all sorts of trouble. So The Shepard came to Urz, as king of the varren, asking if he might be able to perform a great Task by swallowing all of these pyjak corpses into his mighty gullet. Now, Urz loved pyjak meat as much as the next varren, but there was an entire mountain of pyjaks to eat. But Urz ate and ate. He ate until he thought his stomach would burst but, finally, he crunched the last of the pyjak bones down into his stomach. And so the First Task of Urz the Varren King was finished.
"Next, The Shepard's krantt went to the outskirts of Tuchanka. There, they found a thresher maw. Now, none of you have ever seen a thresher maw before, I bet?"
The bravest of the small krogan raised her voice.
"A…a …thresher maw?…" she said. "What's that?"
"No, I didn't think so," the old krogan chuckled. "You don't see the thresher maws around much anymore. But they were big. Really big. You remember how big Urz was?"
They all nodded.
"Well, this thresher maw…it was a hundred times bigger than Urz. And this thresher maw came tearing up out of the ground, its teeth thrashing. You know how long its battle with The Shepard lasted?"
The little krogan all shook their heads, even the ones who had heard the story before—because this was their favorite part. The old krogan chuckled and held up both his hands, all six fingers extended.
"One," he said, lowering the first finger on his right hand. "Two." he counted slowly, savouring each number and each lowered finger. "Three. Four. Five."
Only the thumb on his left remained standing.
"That's how long it took The Shepard to finished off that thresher maw. Five seconds. Start to finish. See, after fighting waves of pyjaks for days, I betcha The Shepard just wanted to kill that thresher maw as quickly as possible."
He chuckled.
"But now there was another problem, because there was this huge thresher maw corpse lying around. Luckily, Urz had decided to follow The Shepard's krantt, because he thought they might need his help again. So he didn't even have to ask before he sprang forward and started to eat the thresher maw. He started at its tail. He ate and ate. The last thing to disappear down Urz's throat was the thresher maw's toothy mouth. Then, when it was finished, The Shepard thanked Urz and then left Tuchanka. And that was the Second Task of Urz the Varren King."
The old krogan shifted on his seat.
"It wasn't until many years later that Urz heard from The Shepard again. In that time, Urz got old: his stripes were fading and his teeth were turning yellow. But he was still the strongest varren of them all, so he still had no one to fight. He was really glad to see The Shepard on Tuchanka again. The Shepard asked Urz an important question."
The old krogan cleared his throat.
"'Oh Mighty Urz, King of the Varren and Lord of Tuchanka. Two Tasks you have done for me and my krantt. But, now, I must ask you for a third. On Earth, the realm of the humans, I have killed the Machine-Gods. But their corpses still float in orbit around Earth, blocking out the rays from our star. Oh Mighty Urz, I need your strong stomach and vicious gullet to eat up the Machine-Gods!'
"Well, of course, Urz went. He leapt off the ground and ran through the stars until he got to Earth. There, he could see the dead Machine-Gods floating around Earth, just like The Shepard had said. Now…these were a million times bigger than the thresher-maw. And there were thousands of the Machine-Gods. But Urz opened his jaws one last time and he started to eat.
"He ate and he ate and he ate. He ate until his belly hung so low that it dragged along the ground between the legs. He ate until his jaws ached and his guts burned. But, finally, he had swallowed all the Machine-Gods and Earth's star shone down to the humans once again."
Fixing the young ones at his feet with a stare, the old krogan sighed.
"Now, The Shepard came to Urz while he was curling up for a post-dinner, saying: 'You have done Three Tasks for me, Urz. You have earned your place as one of my krantt. Now, is there anything you would ask of me?'
"Urz thought about this for a long time. He thought about how he hadn't had a good fight with anyone in years. So he made his decision. 'Shepard,' Urz said, 'Tuchanka has grown weak and bloodless because of this genophage. I wish for you to give the krogan back their stolen children, so that they can once again be as numerous as the stars. And so the krogan can once again be worthy of accompanying the varren into bloody and glorious battles!'"
The little krogan sprang to their feet in approval. Some of them banged their fists against their chests in excitement. The old krogan smiled but, when he cleared his throat, all the young krogan immediately sat down again, their eyes fixed on his scarred and aging face.
"And so, because Urz had asked, The Shepard cured the genophage. And now the krogan are mighty once again."
Then, his voice dropped. He fixed the little krogan with a look that none of them could really understand.
"Because," he growled softly, "you are here."
The bravest krogan frowned in the silence that followed.
"…but…but what happened to Urz?" she asked.
The little krogan who had started drifting away immediately turned back to the old krogan. No one had ever asked this before. The old krogan frowned.
"Ya'know," he said softly, "I'm not really sure. But I'd like to think that he travelled with the rest of The Shepard's krantt into battles, fighting and fighting until his last days. Maybe even growing old, so that he could tell other varren about The Shepard. Maybe he told Solus here."
At the mention of its name, the varren behind the stone seat padded up. The old krogan scratched its neck thoughtfully and it purred happily. Nodding, the little krogan who had asked the question ran off with the others, leaving the old krogan to look out upon Tuchanka, his varren beside him.
And the old krogan smiled.