Title: Bubble Gum and Foil Wrappers

Pairing: DeiSakuDei

Rating: T (for language, crappy crude humor and other silly whatnot.)

Warnings: Weird… A bit (if not completely) crackish. Not your average DeiSaku fic. At. All. (…I blame naughty nights, midday matinées, and forenoon frolicking… :B)

Disclaimer: I don't own Narutoe… Er, Naruto.

A/N: No I'm not dead quite yet. Auh gads. I'm so sorry for not being alive for a while. For a while, it was school. I kinda had finals to study for (along with three projects to complete) then there was work and traveling for summer vacation and… Yeah. Oh. I also had no drive whatsoever to go near a computer let alone write. Writer's block! How I love thee! So onward. This is a one-shot for my very first 100th reviewer, MoonGlare89! –Insert applause here- The 100th review being for 'Plug In Baby'! It's a little late, but… Better late then never, neh? Anyway, I was (oi, I'm saying it again) absolutely giddy to see the story reach so many reviews in just seven chapters. It made me immensely happy, especially seeing how SasoSaku doesn't get much love. XP

So this is for MoonGlare89, since she also likes DeiSaku, and to all my loyal readers/reviewers of 'Plug in Baby'!.. Thank you guys so very much.

-

A small, rectangular packet lay ever so innocently upon the kitchen counter, one side messily torn in what must have been a rush for the contents within. Minuscule foil spheres littered the counter top, seemingly quickly crunched, rolled and tossed carelessly aside.

Hooded jade irises and a slight twitch of one of her finely trimmed, thin rose tinged brows was the only indication of her vexation…

But then the soft resonance of chewing reached her ears, and the irritation abruptly turned to misplaced anger. Alright now. Whose bright idea was it to give the Akatsuki member with the three (four if you really want to be specific) mouths bubble gum?

The bastard. Sitting there, all happy and smiling an adorable, content and innocent smile, his leg bouncing with an uncontainable excitement… -As he flicked some of the balled up bubble gum foil wrappers around at his fellow Akatsuki members. Did she mention that said Akatsuki member wasn't in the best of moods? Kisame had been Deidara's latest target. The poor bastard, being used as an (extremely unwilling) venting instrument. The blonde's visible cerulean hue narrowed slowly in concentration as he took precise aim at his blue head, positioning his middle digit and thumb carefully. After a few moments of adjusting the placement of said appendages, his middle digit tensed before being alleviated of the thumb's hold, firing the small foil bullet.

It sailed through the air, arching as it hit its peak, and began to descend towards its aimed mark… Aaaand… (Cue completely mandatory drumroll stage right.)

Kisame airily batted it away with a well-timed leisure wave of his hand, though his expression showed that his mood was hardly relaxed and easygoing. His forehead was wrinkled slightly (you could almost hear the veins in his temples thrumming with quick, obviously agitated pulsations!), his strange eyes shut tightly. Closed eyes were accompanied by tightly knit and furrowed brows, which only further displayed his obvious agitation. Sakura didn't need to look at 'Moby Blue'- (a nickname she lovingly dubbed him. Yes. Lovingly, damnit. It was either that or 'Big Blue'. Yeah. Thought so… Wait, but didn't 'Moby' mean big too..? …Oh fuck it.) -to know this. Skill baby. Skill.

Swiftly, 'Moby Blue' stood from his seat at the kitchen table, stalking off and down the hall towards his room, grumbling something about unappreciative brats.

For a moment, the blonde looked truly crestfallen at his loss of a target. First Itachi (whose reaction to Deidara's 'playfulness' was a silent glare of death followed by a, just as silent, leave after his second round), then Tobi (loud complaints, 'sempaaaaiiiii' whines, and massive flailing), and now Kisame (grumbling and swatting)! How many marks was he going to lose?

For a few moments, Deidara just sat there, slumped in his seat, looking absolutely dejected. Sakura had to stop herself from snorting at the act. He was just bored, seeing how everyone was suppose to keep it on the down low; meaning, no explosions (random bouts of 'art fits' as Sasori so fondly calls them) for Deidara. Which made him a rather unhappy camper. Which made everyone else unhappy campers as well. Why? Well, it's really quite simple. It's because a certain blonde (unable to have one of his loud 'art fits') felt the need to spread his melancholy unto others… With random 'annoy as many people as possible as subtly as possible' sprees. Too bad Deidara was never one for subtlety, being an explosives expert and all.

Sakura was the only one who hadn't been a victim of one of his diabolical acts quite yet, but just watching him annoy everyone else peeved her… Especially those blasted victorious arm pumps (which he would always try to cover up with a rather nonchalant neck scratch) and devilish snickers when he'd succeeded in causing his target to 'feel the anguish' he felt (pssh, artists).

Now though, he just chewed his gum slowly, a look of contemplation crossing his once sullen features.

Okay then, so… Now what could he do? Almost everyone else was out, doing who knows what (scouting or missions or something, he was just about positive almost all of them were sent out just to avoid him) and he was stuck here. Guarding and whatnot. A sigh escaped past parted lips, his gaze shifting around the room, sifting through its contents for something to do… And that was when his gaze landed on something pink.

Oh… That's right. Sakura was still in the room… Well, he could flick wrappers at her too, but she'd just leave (perhaps even before he got the chance to fire his second round) then he'd be stuck doing nothing… Again. He thought for a little while longer, truly ruminating over the subject. What to do, what to do… Slender fingers drummed lightly over the counter's surface, his gaze burning holes into the very surface his digits rapped upon. But then, his thoughtful look melted away, a small smirk curling on his lips in its stead.

The rosette wasn't paying any heed to the blonde; her attention set fully upon the nearly empty pack of gum, clearly zoning out. However, if that immature brat flicked even one little wrapper at her, she'd-

He was graced with another eye twitch from Sakura as she felt a soft tap against her cheek. Deidara watched as she slowly turned her head to look over at the bothersome blonde bastard (that's it, new nickname time; 'triple B' it is.) He smirked, and began before she was to turn and walk away.

She had to contain her snarl as she looked over at him, a cocky smirk set on his lips. Right then, she'd been about to stand up and start on a loud tangent about how much of an annoying ass he'd been being lately. But, she'd made the mistake of looking over at him before beginning the little rant she'd mentally compiled.

She stared…

There he sat, his eyes lidded and brow arched ever so slight... It was a look that attempted to say in a seductive, silky whisper 'come hither'… or something like that. Key word: attempted. It failed, however, due to the fact he was chewing on his gum like a cow. Did she stutter? Yes, like a cow. His jaw moved like an unhinged machine, lowering and straying to the right, then back on its way to closing, shifting to the left and back up. Oh… Just wait a second.

Her stare became more intense…

It was then that she noticed what else he was doing. Every once in a while, whenever his mouth would open in an over exaggerated chew, he would also (with the use of his tongue) stretch out the wad of gum vertically over his tongue until it was tautly stretched over said appendage in form of a thick, pale pink string.

As soon as her gaze sharpened, he knew he had her. Oh yes, he knew that look in her eye; it was, quite obviously, unadulterated interest. Heh, he'd have her where he wanted her quicker then he thought. Deidara resisted the urge to plaster on a wide (award winning, he assured), mischievous toothy grin and puff out his chest proudly. Oh, he so knew she wouldn't be able to resist him and his charm. Just look at her, she was practically drooling over his little show (and could her eyes get any wider?). Encouraged, Deidara decided to take things up a notch, to really see her squirm.

Languidly, he continued to chew in a way he probably thought was still sexy… But actually made him look like a cow on novocaine. Again, notice the stuttering isn't present. Oh Christ, that offer to be turned into a lifeless puppet (or 'work of art', again courteous of Sasori) was looking pretty good right about now. Raising a perfectly trimmed, pale pink brow, Sakura opened her mouth to speak. However, unknown to the explosives expert, she was actually about to unleash her wrath in form of a completely profane, (and maybe even obscene -jabs at his sexuality and gender were always quite fun-) rant when suddenly, one of the hands of the blonde Akatsuki shifted and slowly rose from the countertop… And slowly hovered towards his mouth.

Oh… Christ.

He wouldn't. Seriously. He wouldn't… Right?.. Right? Subconsciously, she began to slowly shake her head from side to side. 'No,' she thought, her head still shaking in a 'no' fashion as she stared on in what looked to be unadulterated horror, 'he wouldn't. Couldn't possibly…'

A wide grin that could easily rival that of the famed Cheshire Cat spread like wildfire, wild and untamed, across the blonde's lips. Well, judging from the look on the cherry blossom's (heh, yes, he knew such a nickname was overused, but it was just too tempting) face, it was safe to say that she knew almost exactly what was coming next. So why keep the suspense up? Why keep his captive audience waiting, hm?

Her brain fried. It was saturated in flammable liquor, and Deidara, not one to dawdle, quickly ignited it to a roaring flame. The result was a stunning, first time ever successfully accomplished Sakura Brain Flambé. That was the only way to describe why her face felt like it was on fire and why all her thoughts had suddenly either disintegrated, or were currently steeping in the flaming liquor, about to follow the same path her other thoughts had.

Deidara's hand had slowly inched closer and closer to his mouth, which begun to slow its gum chewing until he stopped chewing the pale pink wad altogether. The lips in his hand parted in an all too leisure manner before its tongue (Sakura finding the tongue too traveled far slower then, she found herself astonished to admit, her liking) slid its way past the slightly parted lips. The rose tinted muscle slithered closer to Deidara's actual lips (you know, the ones located where they were suppose to be… one's face.) however didn't budge one bit.

The hand's tongue seemed to act more assertive, as it was the one that incited the contact. Quickly, as though knowing the other would flee in mere moments if it hadn't acted sooner rather then later, the hand's tongue probed against Deidara's actual lips. It stroked, roved, smoothed and wetted Deidara's upper lip, as though trying to entice his lips to part completely. When the blonde's lips split ever so slightly against the other tongue's ministrations, his hand's tongue wasted no time and plunged. It slid and ground, caressed and stroked, rubbed and messaged the other, completely entangling itself with it in mere moments.

Sakura looked on (she swore she could feel some of her brain leaking out of her ear right about now), not quite sure if she should be mesmerized or repulsed by the… display before her.

A slightly muffled groan bubbled up from the depths of Deidara's throat as his hand, for a few moments, drew its tongue back only to glide its length across his parted, gasping lips. With a gentle nibble, it lunged back in for only a moment before slowly beginning to draw back out what it was seeking; Deidara's gum. The hand's mouth took the piece of gum between its teeth, however, Deidara's actual mouth didn't seem to keen on parting with it, and it too clamped down on the pink wad. Pulling his hand back, with the gum still firmly between its teeth, the pink wad began to stretch as he pulled back until it was a long, slender tendril of pink. Continuing pulling his hand back resulted in the pink string to elongate and soon enough snap in half.

Simultaneously, both the hand's mouth and Deidara's actual mouth began to slowly draw the pink string back into their mouths with both their teeth and tongues. With lidded eyes, Deidara looked back to Sakura, both his mouths chewing on the piece of gum slower and more sensual then earlier. Abruptly, the blonde stood, practically sauntering his way over towards Sakura.

Sakura watched, her jaw practically touching the floor. Yeah. Can't do much when your brain's a puddle on the floor now can you?

He stopped a few inches from where she sat, leaned in close, and rapidly thrusted his hand in her face, pressing the hand's lips to her parted ones. It was brief, but god was it something. His tongue encircled hers in a sluggish manner, gliding and grinding against hers before it slide something in her mouth. Positively grinning, Deidara pulled his hand away, his tongue licking its lips suggestively as he did. He placed the same hand on her shoulder, his fingers cupping and stroking the smooth, exposed flesh. His long blonde tresses tickled her neck as he leaned in closer towards her. It seemed, for a moment, he'd been about to kiss her once more (only with, you know, his actual lips) but at the last moment, he dipped in towards her ear. He spoke in a hushed whisper, his lips ghosting against her lobe as his wispy, hot breath fanned against the shell of her ear, "You know…" Deidara started, a hint of both teasing and possible proposal in his lulling tone, "I've got some more gum back in my room… If you wanted to try some more, that is…"

With that said, Deidara stepped back, a smirk plastered on his lips as he looked down at her with lidded cerulean hues. The blonde then turned around and, with an obviously unhurried pace, began to walk down the hall, towards his room.

…Sakura blinked… She blinked again… And once more she blinked before realizing there was something sweet in her mouth. She chewed it a few times… 'Sweet…Tastes almost like cherries…' A couple of seconds passed before she swiftly stood, the stool she'd been sitting upon screeching loudly as it slide out from under her. Chewing the sweet substance a few more times, (what was left of her mind refused to acknowledge it was Deidara's ABC gum) she began to walk calmly (no she didn't sprint, and no, she couldn't have possibly jogged nor dashed) in the direction Deidara had left in, leaving in their wake small spheres of colorfully decorated foil wrappers.

--

A/N: Et fin. It's unedited though, because I wanted to get this up as soon as I possibly could. So please pardon any typos or grammatical errors for now, I'll try to edit it later. Hopefully, I'm back from my Writer's Block and hopefully, I'll be able to have the new chapter of 'Oh Doctor, Doctor!' up soon (and soon after, have 'Plug in Baby's new chapter up as well). In the mean time, please review. It would mean a lot, and it would really encourage me… Heh. I'm also a little surprised no one's thought this up before. Hope you liked it! :D