This is a collaboration between P. p. rainwater and myself. Do enjoy:) (ALSO! check out P. p. rainwater 's stuff, its marvelous!)

[...there are no spaces between the p. p. thing...my computer was wigging out or something]

Chapter 1

The Mafia and the Weed

Tamaki Suoh recently read somewhere that when going to university it is essential to expand your horizons. And starting today, it was the beginning of his new university life… In America.

"Hikaru, Kaoru! Let us buy some weed!" He exclaimed in the princeliest manner he could muster with mustard smeared across his face.

The twins stared at him blankly, but for no more than a moment, huge grins slowly spreading across their mischievous faces.

"Tama-chan, you have mustard on your face… why do you wanna try weed?" Honey-senpai asked innocently, a silver spoon placed delicately to his bottom lip, that just so happened to be smeared with icing.

"Mitsukuni," Mori-senpai spoke monotonously, leaning forward to swipe the affronting icing off of Honey-senpai's bottom lip with a long, lanky finger, then quickly brought his finger to his own mouth to suggestively suck it off.

Tamaki, taking a silken pink hanky from his shirt pocket, swiftly rubbed his own face back to perfection.

"Taking weed into one's body, whether it be through smoke or brownies, is an American tradition… Everyone knows that!" Tamaki declared whilst flinging his arms wide in order to encompass the entirety of the situation.

"Of course everyone knows that, Boss," Hikaru spoke matter-of-factly, nodding his head in agreement.

"But, something that not everyone knows is that in order to intake weed, 'whether it be through smoke or brownies', you must first join the mafia," Kaoru drawled as he leaned languidly back into his chair, his arms crossed, a smirk ghosting his attractively thin lips.

"Oh…" Tamaki let a surprised gasp slip through his lips unheeded. "All Americans are in the mafia?"

In the shadows of The Corner sat Kyoya, brooding over what was being said, a hand placed firmly over his mouth in contemplation, seeming content to let the twins have their fun, for once in a bloody blue moon. Haruhi, on the other hand, had stationed herself in the small bit of kitchen, happily examining a long, engorged bratwurst, its juices slipping ever so slowly down one side, tempting the tongue and seducing the eyes with all its meaty glory. She gazed longingly at its natural curve, its firm figure, and eventually temptation got the best of her, bringing the titillating shaft to her lips for a long awaited taste. Sucking slowly, she was engulfed in the pleasure of stimulating her taste-buds to their full potential, moaning in the ecstasy of the moment.

And of course, at the moment when she had reached her peak, Tamaki decided it would be a good time to ask her opinion on the important matter involving the afore mentioned conversation… about the mafia and weed. He stood in the doorway, completely paralyzed, his eyes wide, mouth agape, a look of surprised agony adorning all of his features, his hands twitching in sexual frustration. Which made absolutely no sense…

Because really, she was just eating a bratwurst.

"Senpai," Haruhi spoke sloppily as she chewed luxuriously at the meat in her mouth.

"H-H-Haruhi, what are you," Tamaki gulped, swallowing the accumulation of saliva that had invaded his dark cavern of a mouth, "doing?"

"What does it look like?" Haruhi asked, as if the answer was obvious.

Tamaki gulped once more before speaking, choosing his words carefully as to not expose the explicit fantasy taking place in The Theatre of His Mind, which could only be blamed on Haruhi's unconscious behavior, "Umm, perhaps you are eating?" He asked cautiously, for he was not so sure himself.

"S&M and noooow," both twins began cheering, but were swiftly cut off by the stern command of their now raging prince.

"No one asked your opinion!" Tamaki yelled, pointing an accusing finger at the lanky devils.

"It's no opinion," Hikaru began, both of them shrugging their shoulders suggestively.

"It's a fact!" Kaoru finished.

"You must cut them in little… bite-sized… nibblitz…" Haruhi mumbled to herself as she scampered around the kitchen, acquiring a knife and fork and a much needed plate.

"I sometimes wonder about her…" Hikaru drawled to himself, leaning comfortably against the doorframe.

"Oh Hura-chan! Make me some Commoner's Coffee wouldja?" Kaoru sing-songed, allowing himself to be swept into the moment, flinging his arms about the shoulders of the short, brown-haired girl.

"Kaoru! Don't touch my little girl!" Tamaki screeched from the sidelines, pointing the forgotten corndog in his hand at the ridiculous display of affection Kaoru seemed intent on showing.

"Oh, she doesn't belong to anyone," Kaoru said while rubbing his cheek against the back of Haruhi's neck. Haruhi on the other hand, was so engrossed in the consumption of her dripping wiener she paid no mind to the inappropriate attentions of the younger twin.

"So the mafia…" Kyoya said, entering the kitchen as he pushed his spectacles up the bridge of his elegant nose with a cold index finger – because all of his other fingers are quite warm, obviously.

All heads turned towards the bespeckled businessman, his visage as it always was, dark and contemplative, and yet, a slight hint of… Well, no one really knew what it was, but whatever it was, it was definitely alluring.

"Oh right, right, rightrightright!" Tamaki spoke in his version of 'a good American accent'. "I shall join the mafia!" he paused dramatically, then, with a look of pure confusion, asked: "So… how does one join the mafia exactly?"

The twins looked at each other from across the room, lightening igniting their intense amber gazes.

"Well, you see Boss…" Kaoru began, letting go of the dazed Haruhi and allowing a smirk to grow across his lips.

"First, you have to go see this band, and you have to buy tickets for all your closest friends," Hikaru came forward, handing over a flyer for a band called: The Butler. "Second, you have to play 7 minutes in heaven at a party with lots of alcoholic drinks…" Hikaru was about to continue but was cut off by a grinning Kyoya, his glasses flashing white, a demonic chuckle reverberating against his Adams apple .

"Third, you must also make a public appearance at the newly developed burlesque club: Black Lace," Kyoya said, one arm crossed across his torso, the other hand cocked to support his sharp chin, the phantom of a smile haunting his pale features.

Hikaru stared at Kyoya with a confused look as Kaoru sidled up beside his twin to whisper in his ear: "Doesn't that seem like something the mafia would do?" to which Hikaru could only shrug.

"B-V-B-V-Burlesque club?!" Tamaki exclaimed. "But that's so… I would never allow myself to drop to that sinful level of inappropriate indulgence!" he clawed at his locks of gold in complete and utter hysteria and horror at the mere thought of the possibility of his compliance to such outrageous madness!

At this moment Haruhi finally swallowed the last of her treat, snapping back into reality. "And aren't those places really disrespectful to women?"

"YES! EXACTLY! Don't worry my dear, daddy will never do it! OH!" Tamaki spazzed, gyrating in a most unseemly fashion.

"They're only dancing in their underwear, what's disrespectful about that? It's only showcasing the beauty a woman's body naturally holds," Kyoya deflected emotionlessly and left the room without fanfare.

"Well if you're not going to do it, you can't join the mafia…" Hikaru grinned.

"And if you don't join the mafia, you can't smoke weed…" Kaoru continued.

Haruhi punched her palm, then, pointed skyward, as if an epiphany had just struck her, and said: "And that's an American tradition."

Both twins smiled upon her fondly. "Oh Haru-chan! You're so smart!" they both praised her, which she obviously could care less about.

"Will there be cake?" Honey-senpai asked, his big, brown eyes shining excitedly as he clutched Usa-chan close to his heart, apparently unaware of what everyone had been talking about.

"Of course there will be," Kaoru exclaimed, throwing his arms in the air.

"And more," Mori-senpai spoke from the doorway.

"More treats?!" Honey-senpai hopped up and down excitedly.

"I guess you could call it that…" Mori mumbled to himself as he left the room.

"YAY!" Honey bounced after Mori, repeatedly throwing Usa-chan in the air.

"Mitsukuni…" Mori said, his voice traveling to the kitchen.

"Haha, yes Takashi?" Honey said his voice unnaturally high.

"I wan'a cat…" Mori stated simply.

"No, no, no Takashi, you know rules, no animals in the apartments!"

There was a pause, everyone in the kitchen awaiting Mori's reply, straining their ears to hear it.

"I can keep it in my bed."

There was no reply to that.

Those in the kitchen were left to their own imaginations on what Honey could possibly look like in that silent, inconceivable moment. Surely everyone, including Mori, knew what a ridiculous thought that was; Mori would certainly squash the little thing if it were to share his tiny cot in the corner of Honey's large room. It was even so that Honey's own bed was, by far, much, much larger.

NOTE: We both hope you enjoyed the first chapter of this insane story we are weaving for you:) and if you would like us to continue, 2 or more reviews of this chapter are required to obtain the next monstrous installment. Thank you!