"So, what do you have to say to me?"
Cassian's gaze lingers on his reflection in the floor length mirror. The store's lighting makes him look washed out and tired, a little lifeless and a little overwhelmed. He stays there a moment longer before turning his attention to Bodhi, who's leaning against a rack of XL shirts. His eyes are dark brown but in this lighting they look paler, and he's smirking at Cassian.
And like, Cassian understands. Honestly, he does.
"You were right," he says.
"Of course I'm right," Bodhi says, tilting his head. He moves away from the rack of shirts and stands next to Cassian, their reflections stare back at them. There's the two of them: Cassian in a long military coat with gold buttons and embroidery along the edges of the sleeves, Bodhi with his well worn WSU sweatshirt and his hair falling loose from where his ponytail sits at the base of his neck. He parts his lips. "It looks good, though."
And it does. Cassian tugs at the jacket, it fits him snug around the shoulders and the navy color suits his skin tone, it makes him feel important. "It's still a lousy costume."
Bodhi shrugs. "What did you expect? It's the day before Halloween."
"What if I got a pirate hat?" he asks.
"What if you got a peg leg?" Bodhi answers, his lips splitting into a wide grin as he folds his arms over each other. He leans back against the mirror to Cassian's right, outlined by his own reflection.
Cassian sighs, the sound slipping into a laugh as he raises his brows at Bodhi. Helpless. "What do I do?" he asks.
"First of all, you should've come costume shopping with me last week like I told you to," Bodhi begins, his eyes finally staying on Cassian's. Everything is washed out and the tiles on the floor are too shiny. It feels dull, it feels full of light, like a fire forgotten and burning out. Everything's still burning, but Cassian feels good.
"Like your Darth Vader costume is so great," he mutters.
"Secondly," Bodhi continues, ignoring him, "you're just gonna have to go with it. We don't have the time to find you anything else."
Cassian's gaze wavers between his own reflection and Bodhi standing beside him. And it's funny, because he thought he'd hate it here in Whitebridge. He thought he made a mistake the day he said goodbye to his dad and his sister, backing down the drive with all of his belongings in the backseat and nothing but the name of his roommate and a set of keys waiting for him here.
Truthfully, he was just hoping Bodhi wouldn't be annoying. He wasn't expecting them to get on so well, so quickly.
He remembers that first afternoon, the way the light poured into their apartment, the way him and Bodhi sat on their sofa, talking about school and life and anything that came to mind. It was easy. They ordered pizza and ended up watching The Notebook. He hasn't really looked back since.
He glances at him now, shaking his head as he adjusts the coat on his shoulders. "I think I'm going to buy it," he says.
"Like you have a choice."
Cassian pouts. "But you like it, right?"
Bodhi appraises him for a long moment, his eyes move all along his body, forcing Cassian to shift his weight between his feet under such scrutiny. "Yeah," Bodhi finally says. "It looks good."
"Good." Cassian takes the coat off, putting it back on the hangar. "Because I have to get going, I told my geography partner I'd meet him in about twenty minutes."
"Do you have time to drive me back to our place?" Bodhi asks as they navigate the aisles of the store towards the checkout. There aren't many people in here tonight and the one's who are keep to themselves. It's early evening and outside the sun is dipping into the the neon lights of the shopping plaza. There's a weird contrast between the two worlds, almost like there's nothing there at all but it's still sinking into the night.
And he doesn't really have time to drive Bodhi back, their apartment is around the corner but he's meeting Baze on the other side of campus. He glances at Bodhi, whose profile reflects the white lights while he sorts through the plastic bin of items next to the cash register. Cassian smiles to himself.
"Anything for you, babe," he says before glancing down at the cashier. She watches them with a hint of a smile, her eyes crinkling when she hands Cassian the receipt and Bodhi puts down a compact of cheap eyeshadow. He looks up at Cassian, offering him a grin before they exit the store together.
Outside the half filled trees shake, and the air is cooler now as the lights of the plaza ignite. They leave shadows on the parking lot, stretching the streetlamps over the cars. There's the sound of wheels rolling over the asphalt, there's a group of teenagers laughing around one of the benches in front of the store, and there's Bodhi's idle chattering as they walk back to Cassian's car.
Cassian tosses his bag into the back seat, turning on the heat first and pushing his hands in front of the air duct to warm them up. Bodhi gives him a look like you've got to be kidding me, but he doesn't say anything. He just watches Cassian while the dull yellow lights crawl over his skin and sink into the shadowed planes of his face.
They're quiet until Cassian breathes out a frustrated breath at the turn onto their street. Despite being such a small town, their apartment is off of a main road, and it's nearly impossible to turn left onto their street. Cassian taps his fingers against the steering wheel and he can almost hear Bodhi rolling his eyes.
But the road clears enough for him to pull onto their street and he puts the car in park in their driveway. Everything sits still for a moment, the dark pools around the front lights of the house.
Bodhi puts his hand on the door handle, smiling at the corners of his lips, and says, "Don't stay out too late or I might miss you."
"Don't kid yourself," Cassian laughs. "I'll be back soon."
He watches Bodhi nod and finally open the door, waving as he passes in front of the car and up the steps. He fumbles with the keys, half shadow and half light, and slips inside. Cassian starts the car again, following the winding road back to the gas station–turning right this time–and the streets turn to clean lines beneath the streetlights.
Right then, quiet fills the car.
;;
"Are you ready?"
Cassian looks up, his gaze suddenly affronted by the sight of Bodhi dressed as Darth Vader from the neck down, much different than the night before. He frowns. "Where's your helmet?"
Bodhi lets out a small laugh, entering Cassian's room and flopping down on the bed. "I can't see with it on," he says. Cassian glances to his reflection in the full length mirror. "And since we're walking there I don't want to, you know, die."
"I assumed that's why you were taking me."
He watches Bodhi run a hand through his hair through the reflection, everything a little distorted and backwards. "I'm taking you because I love you." Bodhi says with his eyes closed.
"Will you still love me if I don't wear the eyepatch?" Cassian asks. The offending piece of eyewear sits on his bureau next to his cologne and jar of spare change, along with a picture of him and his sister. "It's too tight for my head."
He looks up to see Bodhi frown. It's kind of a ridiculous sight, the way he's curled up on Cassian's bed with the pillow tucked under his head and his cape covering his body like a blanket.
"Okay," he says, "but you didn't buy a hat. So you won't look like a pirate at all. Honestly, Cass, it's Halloween."
"So?"
"You will be judged."
Cassian laughs, turning away from his reflection. His room is all afternoon sun carving the reflection of the windows onto the walls, and over the wooden doors of his closet. The shadows creep in and sit in the corners, the lights are off and all he can really see is Bodhi.
"But you're not wearing your helmet," Cassian says, sitting down at the end of the bed.
Bodhi picks himself up to lean on one elbow. "Yeah, because if I wear it no one will be able to see my face. I think you'll be able to survive without one eye."
"I can't," he says, and he lays back along the end of the bed, his head near Bodhi's legs, whose feet are hanging off the side. Cassian lets out a long breath, staring at the ceiling for a moment before saying, "I won't."
Bodhi lets out a small sound, Cassian turns his head to face him.
"Then there was no point in you buying the jacket, you might as well go as yourself at this point," he says. His eyebrows are raised and his mouth is all serious. Cassian rubs his eyelid with his knuckle as he tries to tamp down the smile on his face.
"I can still be a pirate," he says. "It's all in the attitude."
Bodhi sits up completely this time, still serious. He looks like he's going to say something but he ends up closing his mouth and turning his head towards the light, the outline of the window frame hits the black of his costume. He shakes his head before his lips part in a smile and he's getting off the bed, offering Cassian a hand.
"Let's pretend that's true," he says once he helps Cassian to his feet. "It's not like you have time to change, anyway."
"You say that like I would change if I could."
"You're insufferable, you know that?" Bodhi says, but he turns away and Cassian knows he isn't upset, because he knows Bodhi.
Cassian huffs out a breath around a smile. "See you say these things, and somehow I still love you."
"Not sure I believe that one, pal."
Bodhi turns to him this time, his lips are cracked at the corners and he rolls his eyes at Cassian–he always rolls his eyes at Cassian but it's so familiar and not a lot here is, so Cassian shakes his head and throws an arm around Bodhi's shoulders, leading them out of his room and towards the door.
"Trust me," Cassian continues. They walk down the stairs at the same pace, one foot after another. The lights are on and Cassian tucks his free hand into his pocket. Everything feels very still and quiet. "No one's going to say anything."
The trees are shaking and the sky is a clear, low blue. The streetlamps are on, becoming brighter the longer they stay walking on the sidewalk. Cassian lets Bodhi guide them since he doesn't know where they're going. He'd offered to drive, but apparently no one drives in Whitebridge and Bodhi's convinced it would be in poor taste to show up in a car.
Honestly, whatever.
He listens to Bodhi tell him about his philosophy classes–it's a jumble of too many papers and staying up too late studying. He listens to Bodhi and he watches the trick-or-treaters–the kids dressed in silly costumes and running ahead of their parents, no idea that this'll just be a memory one day, a night they'll be able to look back on and say, that was a nice Halloween.
Cassian smiles when a small boy in a ghost costume runs right in front of him and Bodhi, pillowcase tight in his hands as he calls to his friends up ahead of them.
It pulls a little at Cassian's chest. He's not quite able to drive back the memories of his own childhood. He'd dressed like a cowboy three years in a row, running wild through the neighborhood with his friends and his little sister who tagged along, feeling free and reckless even as their parents would watch from the sidewalk.
It's kind of funny, you know, the way that life changes...
He looks over his shoulder when they reach the house, catching one last glimpse of the boy in the sheet with holes to see through. When he looks back up he's met with the sight of Bodhi's black cape billowing behind him, catching all the light from the lantern next to the door.
;;
Inside, the house is full of sound.
It all sort of blurs together: the bassline and the drums, the shouting and the laughter echoing off the walls until it sounds a lot like being drunk. Which–Cassian's not sure if he's there yet. He's in the kitchen with Leia, who's in his accounting class, and he's watching the lights ignite behind her red cape. The walls are covered in light and shadow, all yellow and orange from strings of lights lining the ceiling and the cabinets.
There's plastic jack-o-lanterns on the counters and silver and gold balloons on the table and in the corners of the room. There's these plastic, sparkly letters on the wall that say Happy Birthday. There might've been a cake but it's hard to say for sure, the lights were on when he first got here, but now it's all orange light and gray shadows. The house glows like a carousel.
Everything spins.
And Leia's still talking, but she's always talking and Cassian likes the sound of her voice. He likes the way his jacket feels around him right now, secure and familiar and he feels a little blurry from the alcohol but it's nearing midnight and he lost Bodhi a short while back.
"God, don't let me eat anymore of those little candies," she says. "I can't justify it anymore. Size does not excuse quantity."
Cassian watches her eyes crinkle at the corners when she scrunches her nose up, tossing a wrapper onto the counter. The music is a blur of sound and he can't seem to focus on anything more than what's in front of him.
"But you like them," he says. "And it's Halloween, who cares?"
She rolls her eyes, shiny with alcohol. "Enabler."
He raises a brow. "Oh come off it, life is short. It wouldn't be a holiday unless you felt sick to your stomach."
"You're terrible," she says, but she unwraps another candy and winks at him. "I don't know why I'm friends with you."
"Because no one else is competent enough to be your partner in class?"
"If that makes you feel better, sure."
Cassian lets out a sharp laugh, shaking his head as he looks away. "It does, actually."
"Of course," she says, and she sets down her drink. The sounds of the party come in waves, rolling over them and it doesn't seem to affect Leia. "Hey, have you seen Han?" she asks.
And Cassian tries not to laugh, because he'd only known Leia for a few days before Han Solo inevitably made his presence known. The two fight almost as much time as they spend together, which Cassian isn't sure he understands, but he has a few theories.
"I haven't seen him," he answers, but he looks to his right, where he can see into the living room. It's a crowd of bodies and a blur of color, blinking and blinding and slow.
Leia just nods. "Would you judge me if I went to go look for him?"
"No," he says, and his voice has slipped into something soft as it eases beyond his lips. There's something about the lights right now, the way his body feels like it's heavy and weightless at the same time. There's something about the look in Leia's eyes as she glances over his shoulders that makes him smile like there's nothing else he could possibly do.
"I'll see you around, Cass," she says, and she doesn't wait for him to say anything before she's nodding at someone beyond him. He follows her gaze, and when he turns back he's lost her to the crowd of the living room and he blinks hard, trying to steady himself in the kitchen while people filter in and out.
"And what are you supposed to be?"
Cassian blinks at the question. Turning his head, he's met with a girl who comes up to his chin. Her wide green eyes are glassy and she's smiling through it, giving her a manic, sort of eerie glow.
"Um," he says. His tongue sort of sticks in his mouth and right, he knows that's unattractive. "A pirate?"
He watches as her face changes, shifting into a frown as she leans her head back to get a better look at him. "But you don't look like a pirate," she says. "You look like Christopher Columbus."
"Oh, thanks." He bites his lip for a moment, squinting down at her. "You sound like my roommate."
Her frown increases. "Who's that?"
"Bodhi Rook."
This time she huffs out a heavy breath, steadying herself with one hand on the counter and the other on her hip. He wants to laugh, because she's dressed as a ladybug with a red and black tunic, the hint of wings lining each side. She looks back up at him with those stupidly green eyes, even in the orange glow of the kitchen. The red letters on the wall still read Happy Birthday over the table.
"Well now I know you're lying to me," she says. "Bodhi moved away with his family last summer."
"No, his family moved. He stayed behind for school."
"Bodhi," she says.
Cassian nods.
"Bodhi Rook? Really?"
"Yes, really," he says, shifting his weight between his feet. The kitchen has cleared out a bit now, the music is still loud around them but he feels weird. Like, the world is spinning but he's standing still. Does that make sense?
"Who are you, anyway?" she asks. "I know everything that happens in this stupid town, so I'm finding this whole encounter disturbing."
He raises a brow at her. All he says is, "Obviously you don't know everything, then."
She squints. "Funny."
"I'd like to think so." He smiles at her and like, the lighting in the kitchen is all weird but he finds the way it glows across her face appealing. The way her cheekbones cut in, the way her eyes keep blinking slow, slow, slowly up at him. He doesn't want to look away.
And her features relax, the music in the other room continues to pound away but it's too muddy to make out the words.
"You didn't answer my question," she says. "What's your name?"
Cassian tilts his head, his smile grows a bit bigger. "Wouldn't you like to know?"
"I would," she says seriously, her brow tweaking down. And like, he's trying to tell if she's serious or not. As it is, she keeps her gaze fixed on his.
So he straightens his grin out, extending his hand. "Cassian."
She takes his hand without breaking eye contact. "Jyn."
The name sounds familiar, Cassian runs it around his head a few times, unable to place it until he glances away from her, up at the bright red letters above the table.
"This is your birthday party, then?" he asks.
Jyn nods. "Yeah, November first, which–everything's always Halloween. To be honest, I don't care for it a bit."
"Could be worse I guess, you could've been born the day after Christmas–hey wait," he says, "how old are you?"
"Twenty."
He smiles. "You're a month older than me."
"Oh," she says, her mouth shuts with a click and then she breaks into a wide grin. "I had no idea you were a little baby."
He raises a brow. "I'm sorry?"
"You know," she continues, putting her hand against his arm for just a second. "When I was your age, I was chatting up strangers at Halloween parties, too."
Cassian watches her for a long, long moment before bursting out into a sharp laugh. "Are you drunk?" he asks.
She shakes her head. "I don't know the meaning of the word."
And it's like–the longer she watches him, the longer he watches her. That should be normal, right? He doesn't feel normal, he feels like he needs a cigarette.
"Little baby Cassian," she says quietly, more to herself, before her gaze wanders over her own shoulder, back to where the party is still going on. Honestly, Cassian forgot about that a bit. He just watches her while she seems to sort herself out. Eventually her gaze focuses back on him. "I'll see you around, okay? Say hi to Bodhi for me."
"Okay," he says, and his eyes move all over her face in a last attempt to remember it. His head feels a little fuzzy and for some reason he can't seem to stomach the thought of her moving away from him right now, but she smiles at him one more time before he has to watch her back disappear into the crowd. The gold light still flickers around him.
Happy Birthday is still above the table.
Cassian smiles to himself.
;;
He swallows around a mouthful of whatever is in his cup.
And like, it's awful. He throws the rest of it in the open trash can at the corner of the room. He's in the most crowded room now, there are bodies everywhere–he didn't know this many people lived in this town, to be honest–but he's surrounded now.
It only takes a few moments for the familiar faces to stand out in the crowd. Leia captures his attention the easiest because she's standing near a plastic jack o'lantern and it's making her cape look like it's on fire. She's talking to Brianna now, but she glances over at Cassian, turning away before looking back at him with a smile.
He returns the smile before he pushes through the crowd, back to the kitchen because his mouth is dry and still tastes like whatever he was drinking before.
And apparently it's where Jyn is, too.
Her wings are the first thing he notices, all mesh with black spots on them–which, Cassian doesn't think that's quite right, but she's leaning over the counter and then she's turning to face him. Her eyes crinkle in confusion before her features settle into a smile.
"I ran into Bodhi," she says. "We talked about you."
Cassian laughs, reaching over the counter to grab a bottle of water. "Oh that's–that's great. He's actually in love with me, did you know that?"
Her reaction moves over her face slowly at first, like she's hesitating before she's scrunches her nose and turns her head the other way. When she turns back to him she's lit up with a smile. "I didn't know that, no. His costume is worse than yours, I think."
"Is that a compliment?"
Jyn shakes her head. "Not really. I mean, you could take it that way but you'd be wrong. It's Halloween, come on, be creative."
"I'm sorry, not everyone can pull off a ladybug costume like you can."
"See there's a nice compliment. Here, let me give you one back."
"You don't have to," he says.
"Too late," she answers, and then it's quiet between them as she leans back, looking him up and down. Her mouth quirks at the corners before she takes a large step back. Cassian raises a brow and she nearly doubles over with a bark of laughter. "I can't–I can't think of anything."
Cassian would be offended, but he starts laughing too. He doesn't know why, but he's laughing and he's shaking his head. "You're kind of the worst," he says.
When she finally takes a breath she rolls her eyes. "I know."
"I wasn't being serious," he answers quickly.
She rolls her eyes again. "I know."
And he presses his lips together, keeping his eyes from wandering around the angles of her face and focusing them on her eyes. That seems to be her thing–eye contact, because with both conversations she's barely wavered away. The party is going on around them but Cassian feels like he's the only thing she knows exists.
It makes his head spin.
"Sorry," she says. "I'm just–I don't know. I feel weird."
He nods. "Me too."
A small smile tilts the corners of her lips up. Her eyes waver between his and then she closes them for a short moment. She clears her throat. "Okay, then. Good."
Cassian watches her lift a hand as she waves, filling the space between them. He watches her leave again.
He doesn't smile this time.
;;
Someone's shouting next to him but Cassian's eyes are almost closed now. He stopped looking for Bodhi about a half hour ago, instead he decided to dance with Leia and the other bodies crowded in the living room. The music's too loud to make out any of the words but he thinks he recognizes the song. His head feels heavy, he doesn't really care.
He opens his eyes, glancing down to see Leia's hands on his chest. He laughs but he can't really hear it, and he leans into her ear.
"Dance with him," he says.
When he pulls back she's shaking her head with a glare. She glances to her right, where Han is leaned against the wall, nodding along to the beat. See, one of Cassian's theories is that despite the near constant bickering between the two of them, they might actually be perfect for one another.
So he might just nudge her towards him.
"Cassian!" she hisses, but she's trapped by the crowd and the lights flicker around her. The music's too loud to fully hear anything, but he still doesn't care. Han notices the commotion, turning his head towards them and his face automatically smoothes into a smile, his eyes crinkle and stay on Leia. Cassian wants to laugh but he moves away, ignoring the look that she's shooting him.
He turns and all he sees are green eyes, brown hair, and the world's worst ladybug costume.
This time he laughs.
She's already close, she's too close and she's tilting her head back. He watches her lips move along to the music. And she's dancing, but her hands keep brushing against him, eventually crawling up his chest to rest on his shoulders. He's tempted, he's so tempted to put his hands on her, but he keeps them loose and away from her, afraid she'll leave again if he does.
So he wets his lips, keeping the beat while he watches her dance, her hands are still on him and he doesn't think he can breathe.
Jyn tilts her head back, just keeping his gaze for a long moment before she slips into a laugh that carries on even longer. She leans forward, up to his ear so that he can feel her jaw and her hair against his neck.
"I thought of a compliment," she says, leaning back to gauge his reaction. He just tilts his head slightly, trying to remember what she's talking about through his foggy head. "You're prettier than Christopher Columbus," is what she says before her hands are off of him and she's backing up, turning away and slipping into the crowd. He loses sight of her ladybug headband shortly after that, and his stomach sinks low and sickly.
;;
The shadows on the walls grow darker as the night goes on.
Cassian is hardly paying attention now, the orange lights sting the corners of his eyes, his hands are anxious, and his lungs are itching for a cigarette. The pounding of the bass in his chest isn't welcome anymore, it's making him dizzy and he'd really like to close his eyes.
So that's how he finds himself out on the back deck, where the air is cold and settles over him while the music in the house is dulled to a muted sound, but the bassline still makes its way through. It's also, maybe not so surprisingly, where he finds Jyn again.
She notices him first, he thinks, because she's already watching him when he sees her. She's standing towards the end of the deck, and she was talking to someone but she pulls away from them and towards Cassian.
"Shoot it's cold out," he says, shoving his hands into his pockets as he approaches her.
"Baby," Jyn says, a smirk playing all over her pretty features.
He shakes his head, pouting a little. He's having a hard time looking at her right now, his gaze keeps wandering across the backyard where the woods loom darkly beyond them. "I'm not a baby," he says quietly.
"Oh?" and the sound falls from her lips. "Are you sure? You look sort of peaky."
Cassian breathes low, glancing around the deck before bringing his gaze back to her persistent eyes. "Yeah, I guess. You wouldn't happen to have a cigarette on you, would you?"
She shakes her head with a jolt of anger. "I hate 'em. My dad used to smoke. Absolutely awful, if you ask me."
And right, he knows most people hate smoking, but for some reason he feels like apologizing to her. It unnerves him, and he swallows down the desire to ask about her dad. Instead he turns his head towards the backyard again, and lets the silence sit between them while he tries to sort through his thoughts.
"Why?" she asks eventually. "You all out?"
He forces another swallow down, turning back to her. "Yeah," he says, and he watches the way her eyes shift around his face, dipping low only to come back again. Everything sits too dim in the dark but she's all light.
"Let's get out of here, then. This party's getting on my nerves."
He raises a brow down at her. "And go where?"
"I work at a drugstore by the university, we could pick you up a pack."
"What's in it for you?"
She does a half shrug, the motion shifting her arms where they're crossed over her chest. He thinks she might've meant it to look casual, but it doesn't really work. "I'm bored and it's my birthday. I want to do something I've never done before."
He watches her lips move as she speaks, the sound fills the cold night air. "And what's that?" he asks.
"I don't know, stop asking questions." And with that she shuffles through the crowd on the deck, pushing the slide door open. She glances over her shoulder at him before tipping her head towards the house. "Come on."
He rolls his eyes, moving past the bodies and towards the light. "Bossy," he says, smiling down at her, watching her smile back and then he's following her through the house. The lights feel darker than they did before, just low orange shadows on the wall now. The string lights have gone out and on their way to the door, Cassian makes out the words Happy Birthday one last time.
;;
Under the porch lights the evening swims in gold and deep blue and Jyn goes ahead of him as he breathes in the cool air. The streets are empty by now. It's that time of night where you can't decide whether or not you should call it morning, but Cassian thinks it might be both. Night, morning, is there really a difference?
"Are you cold?" he asks when he catches up to her.
She looks up at him and–and he's been looking at her and his hand automatically brushes her hair back from where it's caught in her wing. He's wondering how much he's had to drink tonight, because his fingertips stay on the edge of her wing for too long, just feeling the fuzzy material, and he wants to compare her to the headlights of a car, he thinks maybe he can see how far they stretch out ahead.
"My teeth feel weird," she says, and Cassian's trying to understand what that means before she clarifies. "Like they want to chatter but my jaw won't let them. Does that sound weird?"
"Yeah," he says, and he grins. They're walking towards the main street but they're walking slowly and the houses don't seem to pass at all. He takes off his coat, the cold hits his chest, his arms, and he holds it out for her to take.
She rolls her eyes in response, but she reaches for it anyway, keeping it on her shoulders. It's an odd shape because it's already too big on her but it sits over her wings and makes her headband look a bit ridiculous. He bites down a smile because he has the feeling she wouldn't like it if he told her how cute it is. But it is–the odd mishmash of clothes and the determined face she's making, the way her chin points just slightly and her hair falls over her shoulders.
He turns his gaze back to the sidewalk.
"So you go to school here?" she asks. "I mean, I can't imagine what else you would be here for."
He's watching the street now. "Yeah, I just transferred here this semester."
"Explains why I don't know you."
His brows quirk. "So yeah, explain that. You seem to hate this place but at the same time you know everything about it."
"Right, yeah. Trust me, Whitebridge is your typical small town with all its quirks and supposedly friendly faces. It seems nice, but they'll all talk about you behind your back the second you turn around. Everybody knows everybody...the whole small town mentality is toxic."
"You really mean that," he says. It's not a question.
"Yeah, I just–I hate it here."
He doesn't know what to say to that, because so far he's really loved it here. His whole life he's only really had his group of friends and big schools where it's impossible to know everyone's name. It's nice just to recognize faces around town.
"What are you studying?" she asks after they turn onto the main street. A car that rushes by, making him feel like they're walking in slow motion.
"Economics," he answers. "I know, it's not very exciting."
She looks up at him. "What would be exciting to you?"
"Um," he says, the word sort of sticking in his mouth. He glances down at her but she's looking ahead now, her skin is tinged yellow with the streetlamps' light. He looks back up at the street. "I'm not sure, actually. Probably art, or music, or something like that."
"You fancy yourself an artist?"
This time she's meeting his eyes when he looks at her. He laughs a bit, and the sound splutters into the empty space between them. "No, not at all," he says. "Just, you know, it would be exciting."
"Nothing at that university is exciting," she says, looking ahead of herself. "I mean, if you want to be an artist, be an artist. What's sitting in class going to do for you other than drive you crazy?"
"Well, you get better. I wouldn't want to go to a doctor who never went to medical school, you know, just because he wanted to be a doctor."
Jyn barks out a sharp laugh, letting it dissolve into smaller bursts and she turns her head away from him when they slow down at the main intersection of town. There's not many cars but the streetlights are still all full of light, reds and greens echoing onto the pavement.
"Not what I meant, but okay," she says, grabbing his hand. She glances up at him with a smile before pulling at his arm and running across the street. He's sort of helpless to follow.
It's when they're running across the street–the light is green, of course–that he remembers they're still in their costumes. He laughs at the thought, at the sight of ladybug wings ahead of him, her delicate hand wrapped around his. She lets go when they're on the other side, but he can still feel the echo of her grip.
They walk in silence after that. It's only a little further to the drugstore, and Cassian knows this part of town best because he's always driving by to park for school. His morning class is in the building right behind it.
"So you work here?" he asks as soon as they're approaching the store. The yellow light is spilling from the automatic doors, spilling all over signs for costumes and candy and half priced makeup.
"Yeah," she says. "It's all I do, actually. I'm saving up to get out of here."
"And how's that working out?"
She glances up at him like she can't tell if he's asking her seriously or if he's making fun of her. "Not very well, if I'm honest. My aunt makes me pay rent because she knows I'd leave if she didn't."
He tries to figure out what that means, but what he says is, "Do you always just spout out whatever it is that's on your mind?"
"Just when my head feels like this," she says. "Go get your cigarettes, I'll be right back."
Cassian watches her turn down one of the aisles, disappearing as she turns to the left. He stands there dumbly for a long moment, trying to comprehend what this night's turned into. He didn't even tell Bodhi he was leaving.
Looking back to the counter, Cassian buys a pack of cigarettes. He waits for a long moment, looking at the magazines, the candy, even the fake blood in those little packets before Jyn reappears, her hands held behind her back.
"Oh God," he says. "What are you doing?"
"Nothing dangerous, if that's what you were asking."
"It wasn't."
She laughs. "Go get a head start without me, I don't want to be around all that smoke, anyway."
Cassian doesn't want to leave but she shoos him with one hand, the other is still held behind her back. He watches her for a while–it feels like a while, at least–but then he's leaned against the side of the building, blue smoke filtering into the air.
It's still cold, he has his free hand tucked into his pants pocket, and he keeps his arms pulled close to his body. He smokes and he waits, closing his eyes when his they start to feel funny and his head starts to hurt.
When he opens them it's to the sound of Jyn walking through the automatic doors. She looks at him and it's like his whole body is warm, then.
"Ready?" she asks. She has a plastic bag in her hands and Cassian vaguely remembers her saying she wants to do something she's never done before, so he doesn't know what to expect.
"Are you?" he returns, with a significant glare at her bag.
"Don't worry about it," she says casually.
"I am, though," he says, but still he walks beside her. "Worried about it."
They're walking back towards campus, where the lights of the buildings sit low in the night. The only other light comes from the streetlamps and the stoplights, the brake lights and headlights of cars passing.
She breathes out, the sound turning into a laugh at the end. "I thought you weren't a baby."
"I'm not," he defends, but his voice sounds whiny and she looks up at him immediately, doubt all over her face. "I'm not," he says more pointedly, in a deeper voice.
She stops walking, Cassian's a bit startled by the absence of her at his side, so he stops too, turning back to face her.
"Hey," Jyn says, coming closer. "It's fine, I promise we're not doing anything dangerous."
"Promise?"
She shakes her head. "You really are a baby," she says, but she holds out her fist, pinky extended towards him.
Cassian smiles at her, keeping her gaze as he reaches down, locking her pinky with his.
"Thank you," he says.
She frowns a bit, looking up at him with her brows all furrowed. "You have nice hands," she says plainly.
Cassian laughs, but he doesn't answer because, like, how do you answer something like that?
He begins to walk again, her at his side this time and they're fully on campus at this point. They pass the brick building of campus center, walking towards the science building. The sky is a dull grey now, blinking slowly between the building lights. Cassian's itching for another cigarette.
"This way," she says, and she pulls on his arm, leading him off of the sidewalk. There's a gravel path and he's seen it before, but he's never been down it.
In any case, he follows her.
The greenhouse looms over them before she lets go of his arm. It's weird, because he knows about it, he knows people who work here, and he must walk by it every day, but it's different now. It glows yellow, a holy glow that makes the trees on the outside fuzzy, the plants on the inside all dark green, and the science building is directly on their right but all Cassian can see is the greenhouse.
She stops them outside the door, her face is half illuminated with yellow light. It sinks into the dip of her eyes, the bow of her lips. It makes her ladybug costume look orange.
He watches her reach into her bag, watches her pull out a rectangular package that's too difficult to make out in this light. He cranes his neck to attempt to see over her hands but she shakes her head, pulling it away from him and over her shoulder.
"Impatient, aren't you?" she says, but she smiles at him before she opens the door to the greenhouse.
Once again, he follows her.
Inside, the greenhouse is full of life. Cassian's never been good at plant names, but he recognizes a few. There's a certain aliveness consuming the space, it's warm and cramped from large green leaves in rows, trees in individual pots, and the air is misty and humid.
"I told you it wasn't anything dangerous," she says, and in her hands is a disposable camera. "Frankly, I'm a little offended that you don't blindly trust me."
He doesn't say anything, but he rolls up his sleeves, watching as she reaches into the thin plastic bag again. This time she's pulling out a...pen?
"What are you doing?" he asks.
Jyn holds it up to him. "It's a marker. I saw online that if you draw over the flash it will change the color of your photos."
She crouches down, balancing the camera on her knees as she uncaps the marker. It's purple and she makes quick work of filling in the flash. Cassian's eyes stay on her hands the whole time.
"Smile!" she says, and she points the camera at him. He barely manages to twist his lips before the flash goes off and he's blinking echoes of colors into the gold room. When his vision clears she's there, and what a thought that is...
"Nearly blinded me," he mutters, and she laughs but she's moving down the aisle now, pointing the camera at different plants, the flash going off every time.
He spends a long time just watching her, the angle of her jaw, the way her hands wrap around the camera. Her smile and how she's always looking for something to take a picture of, rearranging certain plants and he knows they're not allowed to even be in here, but he can't bring himself to care.
She comes back to him, his coat hanging over her elbow and camera in the other hand. "There's only two left," she pouts.
"Better make them count," he answers, sitting up. "How do you know that'll work, anyway?"
"I don't," she says, and her expression is a forced kind of nonchalant. He wants to know what that means. "But I can give you the doubles when I develop them."
"Does that mean I get to see you again?"
She quirks a brow. "Why, are you interested?"
He looks at her too quickly, she's grinning.
He shrugs, going for nonchalant because right, two can play that game. "Maybe."
She watches him for a long moment. It's a long moment and it's him and her, them standing in the warm greenhouse.
She puts his coat back on.
"Come on," she says, "you can walk me home."
The night air washes over them. The campus is silent as they walk back to the main street, the lights echo into the dark, the stars blink out of sight behind the clouds shifting across the moon. They don't say anything for a few minutes, not until he can feel Jyn's gaze on his profile, and when he turns his head she's watching him.
"What?" he asks, itching to run his hands along his forearms. He's freezing.
"Where do you live?"
He doesn't answer right away, like he has to consider it or something, he doesn't know why he does it. He does it anyway. "Up around the corner," he says, pointing ahead of them. It's funny, because he can't really think of his street name at the moment, but he can see it in his head. He can picture it, but he can't say it.
"Okay," she says. "Well this is mine."
They turn right, down a street with a bright orange DETOUR sign at the end of it. Cassian's stomach rolls and he has to blink a few times, aware that he's moving but he doesn't think he's walking at all. He takes a deep breath and his head swims a little bit, when he looks down their arms are linked. He doesn't know when that happened.
Finally they're standing in front of a small white house, and Cassian thinks that the door might be yellow but it's hard to tell in this light. It's hard to tell a lot of things but when he looks at Jyn she's still in focus.
"I had a good time tonight," she says, smiling softly at him. "Thanks for coming with me."
He nods, trying to ignore the desire to kiss her. It'd be so easy, too, with her face tilted up towards him. She sways closer and she has a hand on his arm.
"Goodnight," he says, and for a second he hates himself before he leans forward and presses his lips against her cheek. He must stay there for too long because he can feel it when she smiles. He pulls back and it's like, she's so beautiful. Even with her headband hanging crookedly off of her head, and her bangs hanging limply into her eyes. He's never seen anything like her.
"Goodnight," she says back, and he thinks that maybe her teeth are glowing in the moonlight. Maybe she's just full of her own light.
It's when she's walking up the steps that his brain catches up to him. "Wait," he calls, and he jogs a little to meet her in front of the door. She raises a brow at him when he takes the plastic bag from her hand, pulling out the disposable camera. "You said you had two pictures left, right?"
"Yeah," she says, and looks confused for a moment while Cassian winds the flash.
"Smile," he says, and he pulls her close, aiming the camera at the two of them. It can't be a good picture, his hand is unsteady and he has no idea how much of their faces are in the shot, but. They'll find out.
And they're still standing on the front steps, he knows, somewhere in the back of his mind, that he has to move, but he can't seem to make his legs work. He watches her and she watches him and it's a long time until he inevitably says, "Goodnight. Again. I'm glad I met you."
She nods. "Same."
When he makes his way down the drive, there's another bright flash of the camera. He turns. "What was that for?" he calls.
There's a big grin on her face. "I wanted a picture of you leaving."
"Okay," he says, and it's more to himself and he doesn't really think anything of it, anyway. He thinks about the color of the greenhouse and the way that the music of the party felt trapped inside his skin. He thinks of ladybug wings and he walks home in a dream.