Between Lotus Flowers

by: fluffy pantoufle

a/n: greetings! it's been SUCH a long time since i've written fanfic, and i'm definitely outside of my comfort zone with this one. like many of you, though, during my first play-through of tomb raider i was just SO upset over alex's death! i don't normally write anything of the resurrection variety, nor do i make a habit of tampering with established plot points... but darn it, i needed to do something to fix the death of alex weiss, hahaha. also, i found that the deaths of millie and coco (if you found their toys and the wallet) to be upsetting. this is my way of ensuring that somehow, some way, they're okay.

rated T for a bit of coarse language, as to be expected. i've taken some VERY creative liberties with buddhism and japanese mythology - particularly the goddess kannon/guan yin. hopefully that doesn't bother anyone! this was going to be a one-shot, but i might stretch it out over three chapters...maybe more? i'm honestly just rolling with it.

ALSO, standard disclaimer: i don't own these characters/settings/whatever. i am not square enix, nor do i want to be. yada yada.

I was never sure of whether or not a guy like me deserved a decent afterlife. It's an interesting realization to come across, knowing that in terms of morality and overall worthiness you can be weighed, measured, and found simply as: meh. It's even more interesting when you're mulling over every decision you've ever made in your life in what can only be described as a scene from the last Lord of the Rings movies. You know, the part where they sail to the Grey Havens?

I'll forgive you if you're not quite up on your Tolkien trivia - it's been a long time for me, too.

Anyway, this was the Yamatai equivalent of that moment, except there were no hobbits or wizards seeing me off to some weird, Elvish Neverland. There definitely wasn't any of that epic music, either - which was goddamned disappointing, to say the least. It was just me, sitting on the beach, staring at the PT boat of the Endurance and nothing else. I glanced around and noticed immediately that the rest of the wreckage was gone, allowing the natural beauty of Yamatai to shine forth in a way that none of us were given a chance to appreciate for the duration of our stay. In a normal circumstance, that would have been the first question that came to mind, given that the Solarii brotherhood didn't seem to be super concerned about beach maintenance and upkeep - upkeep in general, for that matter. The whole infrastructure of the island was half-assed and in shambles.

How did I even get here?

My mind wasn't firing on all cylinders yet, and though there was a hazy, humid glean to the air, it was all intensified by my own mental fogginess. Hell, I didn't even notice that my left leg was in tact until I tried to stand, expecting to feel the familiar, searing agony that inevitably became my death sentence. When nothing came but a slight feeling of stiffness, I blinked.

Wait a second. Death sentence?

This couldn't possibly be right - where were the others? Where was Lara? I felt my heart seize in my chest at the thought of being left behind, or worse... No. I wouldn't believe it. There was no way that Lara could have failed. As far as I was - and still am - concerned, that woman was as close to invincible as anyone could ever hope to be. I didn't choose my heroes lightly, and Lara Croft had proven herself to be deserving of the title from the first day she entered my life.

If being heroic meant having to put the collective before the nerd, well... It didn't come as a surprise, let me just put it that way.

"Mister, are you lost?"

"Shh! Don't talk to him, he could be one of the bad men!"

"I don't think so, Millie - this one has a nice face."

Excuse me? I'd been so wrapped up in my thoughts (which were wrapped up in themselves, so basically I hadn't been doing much intelligent thinking at all) that I didn't see the two little girls who approached me from either side. I yelped in surprise, which in turn caused both girls to cry out and scramble backwards. To be fair, this was the first time I was being approached by strangers in quite some time who weren't brandishing assault rifles or crossbows. And, I'm assuming, I was probably the first person on Yamatai who had no intentions of throwing these children in the ocean head first, but they couldn't possibly know any better.

"Jeez, I'm sorry," I said. I held my hands out in front of me to show the little girls that I was completely unarmed. "This must be like something out of a scary movie for you two, isn't it? I didn't mean to, uh...make it worse."

The older of the two girls shook her head - she only looked to be about seven or eight years old. "We aren't afraid, Mister. You looked afraid, so we wanted to make sure you were okay."

Admittedly, this was just as alarming as if someone was pointing a gun in my face. Yamatai had taught me to expect the unexpected, more so than any Internet-derived conspiracy theory - therefore, I was expecting nothing less than for these kids to be axe murderers, or cannibals, or...

"Do you wanna hold my bunny, Mister?" The younger girl had a face like a cherub, though I noticed the faint wisp of a scar that stretched from her ear down the length of her jaw. Her stuffed bunny looked like it'd been through the ringer, singed and dirty and missing a button eye. "Whenever I think about all the bad things, he makes me feel strong again."

"All the bad things, huh?" I felt my legs grow weak and slowly sank back into the sand. Both girls took the opportunity to sit across from me, their backs facing the ocean. The tide was still low enough that the water lapped at the shore, but wouldn't soak their dresses. "I hope you don't mind me asking, but why are you two out here all alone? Where are your parents?"

"The bad men sent us here."

"I don't think our mommy and daddy are here yet - we haven't found them."

Here... I glanced around, knowing that there was something deeper at work that hadn't quite hit me yet. Think, Alex! I was always one to pride myself on quick wit and a brain that, as of late, was less than impressive. No signs of human corruption, a healed leg... Wasn't I on the Endurance not that long ago?

"Finally, I impress you!"

"Ah, well...it looks like my dance career is over."

"How often does a guy like me get to be a hero?"

Shit, of course. There was no logical explanation as to why I woke up on the beach, because there was no logical way that I could've survived that explosion. What was left of me on the mortal plane was at the bottom of the ocean, surely acting as a gourmet meal for a passerby school of fish. But, more importantly, I did it in the hopes that Lara would have enough time to get away. In all the epic stories there's always a character who's willing to throw their lives down for the greater good. For some reason, Final Fantasy VII comes to mind - and yes, in typical nerd fashion I consider that to be the end-all for epic stories - but I'm no Aerith. The pink dress just isn't my style, amongst other minor details.

"I can't believe it," I muttered as I took my glasses off and buried my face in my hands. "I'm dead. Stuck on Yamatai. For all of eternity." The sound of the waves and the gulls crying overhead only served to mock me. "What a crock of..." Remember your audience, Weiss. "...butter."

"It won't be so bad, Mister," the older girl said - Millie, I think? "Coco and I will show you where to find the sweetest berry bushes."

"And there's no more meanie wolves," Coco chimed in happily.

"And best of all," Millie began, a triumphant sparkle in her eye, "...the bad men can't ever find us here! We're safe!"

If in that moment I wasn't so emotionally paralyzed I would've sobbed like a baby - in front of children, no less. Racking up the cool points, even in the afterlife...way to go, bro. But I felt everything all at once, the emotions as unforgiving as the Solarii and the explosion that killed us all, and in doing so could only contort my face to read as numb. I thought of our crew and hoped that somehow they managed to survive. I thought of Lara and how her own bravery and strength spurred me into undertaking the craziest, riskiest stunt I ever pulled away from a computer screen...and look where it got me.

Dead as a doornail. Deaddeaddead. Fuck.

And also, a kiss on a cheek. Which I guess counts as something, but certainly won't make up for the future that I won't get to spend with her, even if as friends. I can't ever share in her successes, or make her laugh on the days when she'll feel less than herself. I'll never get to watch the setting sun dance on her skin ever again - God, even covered in the grimiest substances imaginable...gorgeous.

I could feel two sets of curious eyes on me, waiting for the fallout. Millie and Coco were holding hands, and I suddenly felt like I was interrupting their most amazing play session with my overwhelming sadness. "I'm sorry, it's just..."

"We cried a lot on the first day, too," Millie said.

Coco nodded. "I still do. Are you waiting for your mommy, Mister?"

"Nah, not quite," I said, chuckling at the thought. My parents had no idea where I was, and I'm sure they were perfectly content in not knowing. There was never a moment in my life in which I was a model son, but it wasn't something that kept me up at night, either. In other words, like so many other things in my life: meh.

"I sure do hope mommy comes soon," Coco said, turning to Millie. "Especially since that lady stopped screaming and the clouds went away."

"Yeah, now it's not as windy and the sun is out! Mister, you showed up at the perfect time."

Himiko? I wondered if it was possible to make the connection - the storms must have been strong even here, seeing as Himiko's been sort-of dead for so long. Caught between two worlds, in a sense... I could believe it. Though if what the girls were saying was true, that meant only one thing: Lara did it.

They survived.

I laid on my back, and for the first time in a long time I could feel the tension leave my body, each muscle relaxing into the sand one by one. Tears welled up in my eyes - I did nothing to stop them from flowing, thankful that my thick glasses would camouflage most of my display. Honestly, I didn't think I could handle another bittersweet moment, regardless of whether or not I was already dead.

"My friends..." I said, not sure if the girls were listening but not caring either, "I ended up here for all the wrong reasons. I was selfish, and...stupid. Ugh. I had no right trying to save the day, like I was some kind of movie star. So ridiculous. And all because I wanted to..."

Who am I kidding? Here I am, lamenting my choices, when these girls probably had no say in their deaths. At least I ended up here of my own accord and can kinda sorta comprehend my predicament. I mean, I guess in a way it's probably much nicer not to understand this, but...

All of a sudden, I felt incredibly guilty.

"It'll be okay, Mister," Coco whispered. "Look at the water."

I sat up, rubbing my eyes from behind my glasses. "What do you mean? It's still the same."

Millie frowned at me. "Are your glasses broken? Look again."

The girls were right. Countless lotus flowers dotted the waves as they lapped the sand, pink and yellow and white and every pastel shade in between. I looked out to the horizon - they were an endless blanket of color, all of them intent to wash up on the shores of Yamatai. Where in God's name did they come from? I was never much of a botanist, but I knew well enough that lotuses did not originate in the middle of the ocean. Even so, it was beautiful. I could hear Lara's excited voice in my mind as she once spoke about the importance of the lotus flower in Buddhism, though I wish I'd paid closer attention. Pretty sure she caught me at a bad time that day - was that when I hacked into those government files?

By this time, Millie and Coco were already wading into the waves, reaching down to pick up as many of the flowers as possible. I thought about yelling at them to be careful, but then I wondered if at this point in the game it even mattered. Are we like, this strange kind of indestructible now? The thought piqued my interest for a fleeting moment before I decided that I really wasn't interested in finding out. "Hey, girls! Don't go too far, you'll get carried out to sea!"

A presence to my left suddenly took me by surprise. "Do not be troubled. No harm will come to such beautiful souls."

Where were these people popping up from? I turned to face the woman who spoke, frightened for a moment that it could actually be Himiko. Don't ask me why or how I came to that conclusion, as in retrospect it made no sense. She was smaller than I expected and dressed in clean white robes that covered most of her body. At first glance she reminded me of Sam, but possessed a kind of ethereal beauty that I never saw in another woman, not even Lara. Her body radiated calm - just by being in the vicinity I could feel myself go totally zen, for lack of a better description.

"You're not..?"

"No, I am not the Sun Queen," the woman said, her voice smooth as glass. "She is far and away and can no longer cause ruin to the world. Yamatai is at peace."

"Glad to hear it," I said, unsure of how to proceed. This woman looked regal, far and away above any social strata I was familiar with. "Um, so if Himiko is gone, and we're in some sort of afterlife...place...it definitely can't hurt to ask: who are you?"

She evaded the question, and instead offered a warm smile. "I am here to offer you another chance at the life you have lost, if you desire it."

Wait, what?