How Long Can You Keep Running?

by accenderemyfuego

Lost and confused, Clarke Griffin left D.C. to go find herself. 5 years later she finds herself ready to return to the states, so she buys herself a one-way ticket to L.A. Little did she know, she wasn't the only one who had to get away from D.C.. or The one where Lexa is a firefighter and Clarke is done traveling the world

1. Prologue I'm Sorry

To my favorite person in the galaxy,

I guess I'm gonna start this off by apologizing. I really tried to stick around; I really did. I tried to make it work, but if I am to be completely honest, home was no longer feeling like home. I was suffocating and I had to take off before the claustrophobia kicked in. Before you or anyone else starts blaming yourselves, there was nothing you guys could have done. I made my decision, and you know better than anyone else that once my decision has been made, there is no talking me out of it.

Don't ask me where I'm going because even I don't know the answer to that. The only thing I know is that I have to get away from that house. I have to get away from the expectations of my family. I have to get away from the expectations of my mother. I spent the last four years of school getting ready for something I never really even wanted. Now she wants me to spend the next several years putting myself through hell again. It's not me and it never will be. I hope she will understand now.

It was different when my dad was around. He at least supported me and stood up for me when it was needed. Now that he's gone I just feel so lost. It has been the worst couple years of my life and you were there for it all. Through the drunken nights and the wallowing mornings. You were there for me and I never even had to say a word. You just knew when I needed someone. When I needed you.

Sometimes I catch myself thinking that I'm holding you back. You have a life and a girlfriend and a family as well. You don't need me holding you back. Sometimes you look at me and you don't think I notice but I see the worry in your eyes. The fear that I'm gonna do something stupid. So, I'm putting a stop to that. If I'm out of sight then I will be out of mind. Right?

By the time you receive this letter I will have already left. On a flight out of this depressive state. Hopefully all I need is some air and I'll be right back here on the road to a better life. Who knows? I'm sorry we couldn't have a proper goodbye; I just know that if I had told you, you guys would have tried to talk me out of it. And that would have hurt even more.

So this is my goodbye. Tell everyone that I love them and will miss them dearly. But most of all, I will miss you. May we meet again.

Love your best friend,

Clarke Griffin