Beach Boys – the Ficcie
"Did you see that?"
"Yes, I did – I did… It's like, oh wow!"
"Ah, I'm suffocating, somebody revive me!"
"…He's so HOT!"
The figure that the girls were ogling stepped behind his red, flashy beast of a car – one of the girls swooned as she gazed at it, muttering something about red cars and dangerous men – to open the side doors and pull out a very expensive-looking surfboard, which glittered in the warm sea-side sun. Upon sighting it, the squealing grew worse, as every female on the beach eyed the new delicious hunk of man-meat, now surely a master surfer on top of being pure eye-candy.
"… Surfers are just HOT. I mean, outdoors men are always just to die for – I don't know how anyone could like stuffy guys who just sit around in their offices all day like doctors or lawyers... Ugh!"
"Yup, exactly!"
".. I want to die! I feel like I will if I don't at least go up to him and say hi!"
"You? Hey, I was going to go.."
The man choose to bend down low at that moment, causing everyone facing his back – and this 'everyone' was almost entirely female – to go through spontaneous bouts of swooning, resting a hand casually on the top of his car to get his head at the correct level to speak to someone else, still sensibly choosing to stay in the relative shade provided by the vehicle.
"Larry!" Edgeworth hissed. "Before we start with your inane ideas, I hope you know that I've never surfed before in my life!"
The other man, currently sporting a similar pair of sunglasses and the flippant grin of a gigolo, merely patted him on the back in what probably should have been a reassuring manner, if it was anyone else doing it. As it was, the idea of being taught how to surf for no apparent good reason – no, 'just relaxing' was not a decisive logical reason, not at ALL! – by Larry Butz was more than enough to make Edgeworth wish that he was back in his office scowling at papers, drinking tea, complaining about certain spiky-haired defense lawyers and generally making his life miserable.
"No problem, man!" Edgeworth cringed at the cheery lines, remembering how the last 'no problem' had nearly gotten him executed. "You just leave it up to me, and I'll have you riding the waves in no time!"
"And besides…" Larry's voice dropped a secretive two notches, "Whether or not you CAN surf, you'll give Wright something to remember, won't you?"
In a flash, the other man had wrenched away from him, but Larry grinned at the flush that highlighted Edgeworth's usually-pale cheeks. Mentally, he congratulated himself – an embarrassed Edgeworth was priceless! Now, where had Wright gone? He'd said he went to change…
"Um… excuse me, are you with anyone?"
"Hey, hot stuff..."
"Hi there, I'm…"
Edgeworth whirled around at the sound of all the many voices around him, and then involuntarily stepped back at the crowd of girls in swimwear currently amassing. Girls in very revealing bikinis, shy chicks in one-pieces, some pretty wraparounds – you name it, it was there flaunting itself. Desperately, the prosecutor wished he was back in the court where he could make everyone file out by simply demanding it. In these goddamned 'social' situations, there wasn't any such luck – he shivered as he remembered the famous incident in his office involving Gumshoe, drunk, retelling to all and sundry that he'd washed the prosecutor's underwear before, and how Wright and Larry had both held him down until the tale finished.
Larry's own eyes widened as he watched the scene unfold, because damn, he'd known Edgeworth liked having a rod up his ass but he hadn't realised he was that bad with unwanted company. And some of those girls were seriously hot, too! But Edgeworth didn't look too happy..
"OBJECTION!"
Ah, Wright had finally turned up.
"….That man isn't interested in any of you... AND I CAN PROVE IT!" Amazingly, everyone distinctly heard the sound of hands hitting a solid surface after that, though where that solid surface was was anyone's guess, they being at the beach and all. (Investigations conducted by one Ema Skye later in the day would deduce from the barnacle-like imprints on the attorney's hands that he had, in fact, slammed his palms down on the flatter boulders of a near-by rock pool, giving the crabs and the prawns a first-hand taste of the law in action.)
Everyone stared.
"W..What the hell?"
"What, you think you're a lawyer or something?"
"…Wait, what do you mean by proof?"
"I mean that he's my lov..."
"W-WRIGHT! You – how did you – "
Larry found himself chuckling madly at the sight of Phoenix, hand behind his head, embarrassedly trying to fend off the questions without Edgeworth's deathglare getting any worse, a task at which he was failing miserably. Then again, he didn't need to try very hard – the prosecutor was blatantly ignoring everyone else in the area in favour of watching the Ace Attorney's antics, and the faded blush on his cheeks told everyone that real story better than any evidence.
Deciding that as the only heterosexual male in the area, it was only right that he step out and bless them all with his company, he moved to get out of the car, loudly proclaiming, "Hey, there's still me, girls!"
Both Wright and Edgeworth stared at him as those he'd given accurate testimony for once in his life. "DIDN'T YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?"
"Um…well, she just, you know, kinda stopped talking to me..."
"N..Not again."
"Hey, what's up with that face, Nick? Think I got a problem with girls or something!"
"N.. No.. It's not that…"
"Hey!" they whirled at the sound of the new, familiar voice. "It's Larry! He's over there!"
"There you guys are! We wondered where you went to… So, started surfing yet?"
The rest of the gang ran up to them, Maya waving energetically, her necklace bouncing heavily against her chest as her feet padded in the soft sand. "Here, here, over here!" Reaching Phoenix, she turned around and signaled to someone in front of them.
"Hey, everyone! Long time no see!"
"L-Lotta?"
"The one and th' same! So…. Photo shoot! C'mon, I gotta get a picture of this!"
SNAP
"Wow, looking good, people!"
"Wait, WAIT!" it was one of the girls. "When he talked about being his lover… are you the famous lawyer, Phoenix Wright?"
This is IT! Thought Phoenix. I don't think I'll be taking these sunglasses off for the whole day…