Michonne and Rick were on guard, Maggie and Glenn were being cute somewhere, and the rest of them were trying to sleep.
But he wasn't. Carol knew it. He was lying on the floor, ruminating thoughts. Daryl was liked that. He took it all in until he couldn't anymore.
She moved slowly to be next to him, and bumped carefully her foot against his calf, as she laid her pallet on the floor not far from where he was. He turned around immediately, and she could have sworn his eyes lit up when he saw her, though it was so dark, and she was probably imagining things….
The way he pushed his leg forward slightly when she was trying to remove her foot let her know that she wasn't imagining things, and he needed this, just as much as she did. They had found each other again. She and Tyrese had made it to the group, helped them out of Terminus. They were on the run, but together, like old days.
"Hey." She whispered.
"Hey." He said back.
They stayed silent for a while, comfortably.
"I knew you would find us," he said.
She knew what he wasn't saying was "me", as in "find me". He didn't put himself first, never. Some part of him believed he wasn't worthy of being cared for and looked for. It wasn't about looking out for, though she would always have his back, but trusting people, and accepting that their love came, no strings attached, that just wasn't him.
"Thank you for taking care of Beth," she told him, stealing a glance to the young girl, sleeping near where her sister was.
When she thought about the young girl – woman, she corrected herself – lost alone… She knew she had trained her well, and Hershell had raised her well, as good as he could during the apocalypse, but still, she worried. She wasn't sure she could take any more of the people she loved dying.
She swallowed the painful thoughts about Lizzie that were coming back. Sure, it was the end of the world, and they were bound to lose more people though she hoped they wouldn't, but she needed to believe that they could get a reprieve. There were more of them, making them stronger.
"You don't have to thank me for that," he said, and she would have sworn he was blushing.
Daryl didn't blush actually, he looked away. It was endearing. In that regard, he resembled the picture she had in her mind for 19th century ladies, who looked away when being given a compliment. She would never tell him that though, for she had no idea how he would take it. Still, in her head, she referred to his turning away shyly as blushing.
"I want to. Even if you were only doing what you thought was right, looking out after one of our own, it doesn't mean you don't get thanked for it. So thank you. I couldn't have handled…"
She didn't finish her sentence, but his hand reached out for hers.
"Beth…" He said, struggling for words. "I love her, like a younger sister," he said, taking his time to make sure he was getting things right.
A lifetime of being treated like he had nothing worth saying had made it so hard for him to speak and trust that he was allowed to speak, whether it was perfect or not. She wanted to work on that. Though she was already so happy he would talk to her, willingly, not because he felt forced or anything. She felt blessed that he would trust her and put himself out, in a way, by speaking his mind. She knew but too well how it felt to be constantly told that you didn't matter and nothing you said was worth listening.
"When we were on our own…. She reminded me of you sometimes. Of the girl you must have been, before … Before Ed. Before all that crap…"
She smiled and pressed his hand. In so many ways, Beth reminded her of her too. She had been trusting, and hopeful, and optimistic at one point in her life, then she had met Ed, and she had lived a nightmare, only slightly worsened at first by the apocalypse. Nowadays, she felt some of those things again, but it had come with such a price…
Life was not about the destination, but about the journey, someone very smart or very good with creeds had once said, and boy knew they were making lots of journeying, in every sense of the word.
"It is hypnotic… I ain't gonna say that I was with her just because of that, I like the kid, but with you gone… She was a link to how things used to be. I must sound like a dick…" He said, rubbing his face with his other hand.
"You're not. I know what you're saying. I used to be a lot like her, before. Maybe that's why we get along so well. I just hope she follows her own path and none of my shit crosses hers in any way, shape or form…"
"We won't let it happen", he said forcefully.
"I know. And I understand. When I met with Tyrese, and the girls…. I didn't feel like I had the right to be with them, yet I knew they needed him, and I felt greedy maybe… I wanted to be with them…"
"You did nothing wrong. Back at the prison, I mean," Daryl said. "I understand Rick's decision, but I wish he had let us be there when he made it. I would have gone with you."
This was the loudest declaration of love he had ever given her. That, and just the way he was around her supposed, but she still felt like her chest was bursting and butterflies were everywhere, and she was sixteen again, life was sweet, and nothing hurt.
"If you had come with me, Beth would have been alone," she said, though she hoped her eyes conveyed the words they didn't say, but that she wanted to reciprocate. "I wanted you with me, but we have to believe things happened for a reason."
She thought of Sophia, and she knew he was thinking of her baby girl too. She had to believe things happened for a reason, otherwise there was nothing else.
"When I was with the bastards… One of them taunted me, said I was getting troubled over a piece of tail… It wasn't that. I felt like I hadn't been able to protect her, like I was failing her. Failing the group."
She didn't expect him to be direct but he surprised her and said:
"Failing you. You care for Beth. I do too. The ass had it all wrong, but still, it stung…"
"You could never fail me," she said sweetly. "You could try, but you wouldn't manage. And I know you don't even want to try. So thank you for Beth, and for all that you did or are still doing. She is a bit like I was when I was her age, minus the walker-slaying training, mind you…"
They shared a silent laugh.
She was just glad to be back, with her people. Rick and her would need to discuss things, she knew that, but after he had embraces the violence in him to save his son, she tended to believe he would be more amenable to seeing her point of view on the prison situation. He wouldn't approve, oh no, but he would understand. This was a new world, dark and twisted, where the dead just wouldn't stay dead. In addition to being afraid of dying, you had to worry about possibly turning, and it was just too much for the human mind…
So you lived each day as if it could be the last.
"Would you be terribly offended if I got my pallet closer to yours?" She asked, cheekily, yet afraid of a rebuttal.
"I would be terribly offended if you didn't," he said, mimicking her tone, and she giggled.
She got up, and got the pallet right next to his. When she lied back down, his hand found hers, and soon his arm was around her.
"I've been wanting to do that for quite some time…" He said, in her ear, and she felt like a brand new woman.
It wasn't his approval or any bullshit along those lines that made her feel worthy. She was worthy, and she just felt so blessed that he was learning that he was worthy too.
It was strange, the way you had to lose everything for you to find yourself again. It was painful and you thought you would die (and turn, but that was another issue). Yet the results… It paid off.
She stayed in his arms, getting bolder when he wouldn't, and putting her hand a little higher on his arm.
They had no intimacy, for sure, but that didn't mean they had to act like they didn't crave each other's touch. She knew she craved his, and she was getting a feeling he did too.
It was all that mattered, she thought, just before he brushed his lips against hers.