Just a short little one shot that I came up with after last night. It's an interlude between my longer fics. I have another long one in the process and the first chapter should be up soon! Hope you'll all look for it!
Love love!
Hope you enjoy!
It was this moment where everything I had, and everything I was, suddenly came crashing in.
I'd been fighting the inevitable for too long. It's been said that you can't deny fate, and it's true. We can stall it, but all it does is bring us more heart break, more fear, more pain. We try and we'll all fail in the end. We must only fight what we know we can win. Because when we try to fight the loosing battles, it drains us. Slowly, time after time, until there's nothing of us left. We're lost in a labyrinth that our choices forged. It's built of stone and darkness, and there's no way out. Each one of our choices brought us deeper into the twisting paths of that maze, until we can't escape.
I had one way out now. I couldn't be his savior any longer.
He was selfish.
He always had been selfish. House came first and everyone else was second. And, in all honesty, I was tired of playing second fiddle. I didn't want to be the only thing in his life…but I wanted to be an important thing in his life. I wanted just a little of the care back that I had given out.
He was too concerned with his own happiness. With what he needed. He just used me. Lied to me. Dared to slap me in the face with every good deed I'd ever done for him. (No good deed goes unpunished…right?) I was his play thing. He only wanted to make me happy, when it made him feel good. He probably never even realized everything I sacrificed for him.
I'd lied for him. Cried for him. Died for him.
And I got nothing back.
I was his savior. His self-sacrificing savior. I was his redeemer. His life-line. I was everything for him. I always had been. I'd brought him up out of the pit of his despair, but in order to do that, I'd had to lower myself into the same pit.
I'd given my life in exchange for his.
I was going to be his savior one last time. I was going to save him from himself. And in turn…I was going to save myself from him.
I gave everything… and I received nothing. I thought that I could live with nothing. That all I needed was the reward of a deed well done. All I needed was the belief that I was his savior. And for a while it was good enough. I was willing to let him abuse me; use me, because I'd always be there late at night when he cried. I'd always be there to dry his tears and pick him back up on his feet again.
I was no different from Cameron; I had to fix the broken ones. Why did you think I was an oncologist? Every day I dealt with people who I knew were going to die, and yet I fought the inevitable. Because I had to be their savior too.
I didn't want it to be over.
I didn't really want to leave him like this. I felt like I was deserting him, that I was throwing him to the wolves. He'd never survive on his own. He would never be able to clean up the disaster that was his own life. I'd been doing it for him for too long.
He was never thankful for what I did for him. Never realized the sacrifices I made, how I threw my own life away for his. And he won't realize it until it's too late. But he has to learn this. That he can survive with out me.
For his good.
For my own good.
But I had to be his savior one last time.
And in order to do that, I had to throw him to the wolves. Leave him to his own devices. Let him know that he has his own strength and his own will and that I wouldn't be his crutch anymore.
All I'd wanted was his love. I'd given him all of mine. Was I asking too much?
My hand turned on the doorknob, and I knew that it was too late now, this was the point of no return.
I was going to save him one last time.
And then…I was going to let him go, and pray that everything I'd taught him and given him was enough so that he could now save himself.
I was going to be his savior one last time.
"Those scripts aren't mine. He forged them."
Tritter turned his cold eyes upon me. And I knew that I'd killed myself one last time. I'd been his savior one last time.
And now I could die with that knowledge in my heart.