You know I said doing a law degree makes me feel dead inside, and because of that I can't write? Yeah, trying my best to fight that. Hence this fanfic. (Also this is what I spent three hours tonight doing, instead of doing my employment law reading. 100% worth it.)

A huge thank you to my lovely and dear Saumya aka hallowsedenmcspooks on tumblr, who read through this and gave me very useful pointers! 3

Clarke is not jealous. Jealousy is a completely irrational feeling that she doesn't have time for. And her rationality is something she's always been proud of; it's what guides her in decision making when it comes to practically everything: choice of university, the things she does about whatever remainder of a relationship she has with her mother, even the people she becomes friends with (reliable people with whom she feels comfortable emotionally). And that's what her approach is going to be to all matters concerning Bellamy Blake.

It starts off innocent enough. Raven tells her during their study date at the library that she introduced her friend Gina to Bellamy. Clarke, about to highlight an important sentence on mitosis in her biology textbook, freezes at that, highlighter in hand.

"Why?" she asks.

Raven shrugs. "Why not? She saw him when he came to pick you and Octavia up after Monroe's party, she thought he was hot and asked me if I could introduce her."

"And you did."

"Sure."

Clarke tries to be subtle about taking a deep breath.

"And you're telling me this because?"

Raven looks down, pretending to read her textbook.

"Raven," Clarke says, a little more force to her voice.

The librarian shushes them loudly; Clarke fights the urge to tell her than her shushing is way more loud and obnoxious than their talking.

Raven raises her eyebrows and shrugs at the same time, all mock-innocence. "It's obvious you have a crush on him. I thought you'd rather hear it from me, in advance, rather than see them together or something and feel worse."

"I don't have a crush on him."

"Try again."

"Why would I—" she doesn't finish a sentence because Raven rolls her eyes in a way that tells her attempting to deny her feelings any further would be plain stupid. "Fine. Maybe I do. A little. Doesn't mean I'm going to care about him being introduced to Gina."

"Well, if you're sure," Raven responds and looks back down at her textbook, this time intending to start reading again.

And it's true. Clarke's crush on Bellamy is so small and harmless that it doesn't matter. Of course she has feelings for him, why wouldn't she? He's been around her whole life, pretty much raised Octavia and has been there for them both through thick and thin. He's the one who set her standards for men so high she's only ever dated one guy (and that turned out to be a disaster that did produce her friendship with Raven, though). He's everything she would ever want from a guy.

But it's not like she's going to do anything about said crush. It would be too weird for so many reasons, and she can't even begin to consider what Octavia's reaction would be. She could lose them both, and that's something she's never prepared to trifle with.

So her rational side knows she's not allowed to be jealous, has no right to be. She's seen Bellamy with his girlfriends (though there hasn't been a lot, and none of them stuck around for a long time), and it was always fine. This time will be no different.

Except that when she meets Gina, it really is different this time.

"She's hot," Clarke says, faceplanting onto Raven's pillow.

"Why would he date someone who isn't? He's a ten," Raven answers her, matter-of-fact.

"Yeah, but it's different this time," Clarke tries to say, but it comes out mumbled by Raven's pillow.

She looks away from her laptop screen. "Huh?"

Clarke turns over so she's laying on her back. "It's different this time. Usually they're like… supermodel kind of hot. Gina is supermodel hot, who also seems to have a personality that perfectly fits Bellamy's."

"Ah," she pauses. "Someone's jealous."

The smugness in her voice makes Clarke lift her head off the pillow. "Excuse me? I'm not!"

Raven doesn't dignify that with a response.

Clarke folds her arms angrily. "It's just annoying. How can a person be so perfect? She's beautiful, she was a valedictorian of her class, and she can keep up with all of Bellamy's weird mythology and ancient history references."

There's a silence.

"She even brought the cookies she baked to our gathering, and Bellamy wouldn't stop going on about them. She can bake cookies, damn it! Good cooking skills is the ultimate turn on for Bellamy! Did you also know that she's a ballroom dancer?"

"Yes, Octavia mentioned that Gina used to compete and even made it to the nationals a few years back," Raven pipes up. "Octavia was really impressed by that."

"Not surprised," Clarke mumbles. Anyone into professional sports gets immediate respect from Octavia. "I could deal with his former girlfriends, but why does Gina have to be so perfect? I wouldn't be surprised if we find out tomorrow that she works at a homeless shelter every weekend."

Raven scrunches up her nose, "She did spend a summer before her senior year teaching kids sign language."

Clarke just groans and hides her face under a cushion.

Raven sighs and sits down next to Clarke. "Hey," she says, trying to take the pillow away, but Clarke doesn't let her. "Don't take this the wrong way, but maybe it's a good thing?"

Clarke sits up, sullen. "Of course it's a good thing. Bellamy deserves someone just as amazing in his life. I'm well aware of that. Just trying really hard to be selfless right now."

"I meant that it's a chance for you to move on. Date someone who hasn't been in your life since you've been a kid. You're in college, this is the time when you can meet new people every day with almost zero effort on your side."

"No offence, but last time I tried to date someone I hadn't know my entire life, I ended up being the other woman."

Raven raises her hands. "Point taken. But it wouldn't hurt you to try, right?"

"Right," Clarke says, falling back onto the pillow.

She's halfway through the Pride and Prejudice 2005 movie on a Friday night when someone knocks on her dorm room door. She opens it, and sure enough, there's Raven and Octavia.

"Thanks for returning our calls!" Octavia says, all sarcasm, hands on her hips.

Clarke isn't surprised; she knew they wouldn't let her get away with ignoring them for two days in a row.

"Sorry, I've been a little busy," she answers, shuffling back to her bed and getting under the covers.

"Busy with wallowing in self-pity?"

"If that's what you choose to call it."

"That's exactly what I call being in bed at 8pm on a Friday night, surrounded by a thousand of empty thin mints' boxes," Raven says, yanking the covers off her. Clarke lets out a disgruntled whine.

"Start getting her ready, I have to call Lincoln for a minute," Octavia tells Raven and leaves the room.

"Where are we going?" asks Clarke, resigned, as Raven goes through her makeup bag.

"Lincoln's apartment. It's Anya's birthday today, and he's hosting a party. More like a small get together with alcohol."

"Whose birthday? I don't even know her."

"Doesn't matter. You're invited, and only death or near-fatal injury will get you out of this."

"Why do you like to torture me?"

"Because," Raven says, having found a black relatively low cut (pretty much everything becomes low cut, once Clarke's wearing it) top in Clarke's top drawer, "you promised you would try, and this," she waves her hand in the direction of the bed, "isn't how you try."

"Will Bellamy be there?"

"Yes," Raven is back to rummaging through the top drawer.

"Gina?"

"Yes."

"I'm not going," she sits back down, folding her arms over her chest.

"Yes you are. You're going to go there, get drunk and talk to a few cute boys and let Bellamy and everyone else see that you're fine."

"They don't need to see anything, they already think I'm fine."

"Well…" Raven looks down at her hands. Raven never looks down at her hands.

"What?" Clarke asks, her heart sinking somewhere in her chest.

"Bellamy's worried. He said you haven't spoken to him in a week, and he thinks you're going through a break up or something, which worries him even more because he didn't even know you were in a relationship."

"What? Why would he assume that?"

"Well, you do have the symptoms of someone who's just been broken up with. You ignore everyone's texts and calls, you spend all your time alone or in class, and you watch way too many period dramas," Raven shrugs. "Octavia went through your Netflix account," she adds in lieu of an explanation, and something about the guilty look in her eyes raises concern within Clarke. "Which is why you should make an appearance at this party. To reassure him that everything is fine."

This is something Clarke hasn't considered before. She didn't think Bellamy would be worried if she withdrew for a while, just to help her get over him and partly so she wouldn't have to see him being all lovey-dovey with Gina.

But of course he's concerned. They've been friends forever, in sync on pretty much everything for years now; he is probably capable of feeling her distress on a telepathic level or something.

Last thing she ever wants to do is hurt Bellamy. So yeah, if she has to put up some appearances for one night, if that's going to help him feel better, she'll do it.

"Consider me convinced," she says, just as Octavia enters the room, and both she and Raven, armed with makeup and curling iron, set the wheels in motion.

She bumps into him almost immediately upon their arrival. He looks as hot as always, smells as good as ever, but now it all just makes her heart hurt a little. Like all this time there was even the slimmest chance that maybe one day he'd notice her, and now that chance is gone forever. She can never compete with Gina, nor does she want to.

"Bellamy," she says, sounding a little breathless, either from the walk they just had to make to the fifth floor because the lift is broken, or because this is now her voice whenever Bellamy is close.

"Hey," he chimes, sounding just as unsure and just as concerned, and Clarke feels truly awful.

"Well," Octavia says, with a strange gleam in her eyes, "Raven and I are going to get some drinks. We'll see you guys later."

They both leave at that, and for the first time ever, Clarke feels awkward in Bellamy's presence. Suddenly, she doesn't know what she's allowed to do or how she's allowed to act around him. He has a girlfriend now. He's had them before, but it never felt like this. It also never hurt so much.

"You look beautiful," Bellamy says, surprising them both, it seems.

"Thank you," she can't help but look at his lips, and to her complete and utter mortification, she realises that he notices.

"Clarke—"

She can't do this. She starts backing up and away from him. "I'm sorry, I have to go," she forces herself to say, before she turns around and runs down the corridor and into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her.

Clarke sits down onto the closed toilet lid, trying to steady her breathing and telling herself that she can go out there and face him again. She's there for a few moments only, and then there's a knock on the door.

"Occupied!" she shouts, hoping the person will leave immediately. She really cannot deal with anyone right now.

"Clarke, it's me," she hears Bellamy's voice instead, muffled by the door between them. "Are you okay? Are you sick or something? Why did you run away?"

"I'm—" she searches her mind for an excuse, but comes up empty.

"I'm coming in," he announces, as the handle turns, and Clarke sees his face again. He seems concerned, worried even. When he sees that she's fine, he crouches down in front of her and takes her hand with both of his. "Hey. Are you okay?" he asks, gentle.

Clarke feels tears well in her eyes. "No. I'm not okay. I'm a terrible person," she wipes her cheeks with her free hand.

"Why?"

"Because I know I should be happy for you and Gina because she's pretty much the best person for you out there, but instead I'm jealous and miserable, and it's eating me up, and I don't know how to deal with it anymore—"

"Hold on a sec," he interjects. "Why should you be happy for Gina and me?"

He seems confused. And of course he would be; the last thing he'd ever imagine is that she could have a crush on him or see him as anything other than a fraternal figure.

"Because I love you and I should be happy when you date people who are perfect for you. But I'm selfish garbage of a person."

"Clarke," he looks at her weird, "I'm not dating Gina."

That gives her pause; she looks into his eyes, tears staining her cheeks still. "What?"

"We dated for a while, years back, but we broke up and we're nothing but very good friends now. I never even introduced her to you and Octavia, that's how brief it was. Why did you think I was dating Gina?"

"Raven said—" she stops herself. She must have known. There is no way Gina could have asked her to set them up if she knew him already and if their relationship was in the past. Raven lied. "I'm going to kill her," she gets up from the toilet, and Bellamy stands up too, but doesn't let her pass.

"You said you were jealous," he reminds her.

As he says that, Clarke's chest fills with paralysing fear. Now he'll know she has feelings for him, and it'll be weird forever, and nothing will be the way it was before. She just ruined everything.

Shit.

"I'm— I didn't— I mean, I—"

She's interrupted when Bellamy kisses her. The kiss isn't one of those movie moments where there's perfect lighting and passionate touches, and he doesn't throw her up against a wall. Instead, he's very gentle and unsure, and the kiss is messy and she can constantly taste her own tears (and she's pretty sure her nose is running), but she's kissing Bellamy, so by default, everything is perfect anyway.

"I thought you had dated someone in secret, and are now heartbroken because of them," Bellamy confesses, stroking her cheek softly.

"I thought you were dating a hot Mother Theresa," she confesses back.

"We're both idiots, huh?"

"Yeah," she says and kisses him again. "I'm still going to kill Raven, though."

"Fair enough."

"Why on Earth did you do it?" Clarke demands from Raven, trying her best to ignore the audience made up of Bellamy, Octavia, Lincoln and Gina. "You said they were dating!"

"Uh, I didn't, actually. I just didn't dissuade you from believing they did."

"Are you serious right now?"

"Gina saw Bellamy pick you guys up from that party and said she had dated him a while back and asked for his number to reconnect."

Clarke huffs. "You said you introduced them to each other."

Raven scrunches up her nose, "Yeah, that's where I lied a little, sorry."

"And you didn't think they'd possibly get together? All the while you knew I had a crush on him."

Gina looks up from the magazine she's pretending to read with Bellamy. "Not to interrupt or anything, but I have a boyfriend."

Raven just raises her brows, as if to say, "See?"

"It was still a stupid idea," Clarke says.

"I thought you'd be jealous of them, flirt with a few guys, make Bellamy jealous too, and boom! all fixed. I was trying to be helpful!" she pauses. "I did worry that I screwed it up when you guys didn't talk for like a week. But it all worked out in the end, and that's what matters."

"You're a terrifying person," Clarke tells her.

"I know."

"I'm scared of you."

"Good."

"You should never make another attempt at matchmaking."

"I don't see why," snorts out a laugh Raven. "I successfully pushed you two together."

Clarke just waves her hand at her friend dismissively. "Octavia?" she asks.

Octavia lifts her arm off her eyes, her back propped against Bellamy and her feet in Lincoln's lap, obviously feeling sick from having drunk too much. "Yes?"

"Are you okay?"

"In general, or with you two dating?"

"The latter."

She thinks for a moment, then looks at Lincoln, doing that thing where they communicate with their eyes without saying anything at all. Her head falls back onto Bellamy's shoulder. "You two are crazy and belong together."

"Thanks?" Bellamy chuckles and looks at Clarke, his eyes sparkling.

She gives Raven, who has taken a seat by now and picked up a bag of chips to munch on, a relieved look and thinks that yes, maybe Raven's stupid plan did work out after all.

Thank you for reading, please leave reviews!

P.S. I'm also madigriffen on tumblr, so come and say hi!