The Queen of Blades sat alone on her leviathan, wiping away the tears that fell from her eyes. What should have been one of the happiest moments of her life was now turning out to be her saddest.
She had accepted the idea of giving up her humanity, of leaving Jim behind, of leading the swarm to face their true enemy. She had accepted it and embraced it. But now, she had news that made her question it all again.
She was angry that Abathur had waited so long to tell her and angry at herself for not realising first. It was her body and she was still getting used to the changes, but as a woman she should have known.
She placed a hand on her abdomen and thought about the life contained with it. She wondered how it had survived her ordeal; the grief she had felt at losing Jim, the countless fights, the psi-blade that had pierced her body and almost killed her, and more importantly her change.
She wondered what it was inside her. She was human more or less when she had conceived it, but the moment she stepped into the Chrysalis she became something more. Had her unborn child, too?
As the former Queen of Blades she was certain she was unable to bear children, her body back then had lacked a womb and any type of birthing canal. But this new Queen of Blades obviously had the ability to carry a child.
She wondered how far the pregnancy could last for. She knew a mighty battle was awaiting her and she hoped her baby would make it through it. She'd come too far to back out of this fight, but she didn't want to hurt Jim's child.
Her mind thought of Jim. He had told her it was over, that they were done, but the expression on his face as he watched her leave him again told her he still loved her. How would he react to having a child? She knew him well enough to know he wanted more children after his own son had died, but did he want them with her as she was now? How would he react if that child wasn't human?
She imagined the life they could have had together, cradling their child in their arms, Jim reading bedtime stories to them, playing, laughing. What kind of life would the child of the Queen of Blades even hope to live?
The child would likely have telepathic powers. What if the child could see the horrors she'd done in her life. How could her own child love her knowing the pain she had caused? Worse still, what if she saw the pain she had caused and continued down the same path. Sarah both before and as the Queen of Blades had had so much pain in her life and inflicted so much herself she wasn't sure she could be any time of mother to her child.
She knew Jim would be a great father though. She smiled as she imaged him. She thought back to the night they had spent together. The only night. The night they had conceived their child.