Trig + Girls = 1 Helluva Headache
By Saphron
Disclaimer: Let's do a master count of how many characters belong to me! Better get out good ol' Mr. Calculator right? I'm sure there's just soooooo many…hope my calcy can hold all the digits! ::gasp:: what if it can't? Oh well, we shall round up. Now, for the master count-there's zero…and zero…and zero! Well that equals a grand total of zero…thank you trusty quacky! You've saved the day! No onward with a/n's, read 'em they're funny.
A/N: HI YALL! Ok, this is seriously a very weird fic, I blame my afternoon class schedule. First I had to go to trig class (s-c-a-r-y!) when to my dismay/great delight found out that our teacher had not graded our tests… Which considering the fact that I most likely failed was a good thing, but now I live in dire agony of 'what did I get?' And THEN I had to go to Spanish class and was POISENED! They fed me homemade, and therefore poisonous, expired guacamole. Those little devils MADE me EAT that stuff! (Actually it was quite good…but since I detest Spanish and anything associated with Spanish, I have come to the conclusion/believe that the language of Spanish is the work of the devil and therefore evil and bad to the fullest extent. No offense to anyone out there in my Spanish class (which I seriously doubt) including my teacher, cause if she saw this little a/n she'd most likely fail me…) ANYHOW-stressing my point, this is a weird fic!
A/N 2 (My Mirthros! I figured out how to do a little two-thingy square sign! Cool---) Hee-hee, it kinda mocks nearly every (not all, but most) K/somebody fics out there (excluding most Joren fics.) Everyone always has Neal or Cleon kiss her and hold her up cause she's giddy etc…well in MY version the roles are kinda SWITCHED! (Blame humanities too, My Ántonia and There Eyes Were Watching God both have reversed gender roles of some sort. (Ántonia with well, the entire book, and Eyes when Janie was wearing the overalls and stuff.) And my teachers have more or less cured me from the society brainwashing of 'guys get the food, the girl cooks it' and inconsequentially 'the guy kisses the girl, not the girl kisses the guy.' (Tammy with her pro-female attitude in girl's can fight as well as boys I'm sure would agree with me.) And if any of you read my latest fic Mellow Yellow, well, you know I don't hold with cowards. Just tell the guy you like him Kel! Sheesh! Then you can stop moping about him. Right. Anyhow-read now. And beware of WIERDNESS!
Neal was sitting in his room, quietly and normally struggling with his math homework. The study group had already dispersed, and it wasn't until after he got back to his own room, under the covers, and turned off the light that he suddenly remembered those pesky unfinished trigonometry problems he had accidentally forgotten about.
He was very tempted to go get Kel's help, as she was an expert at sine and cosine and tangent, but since it was 11:31 at night most likely she'd be really pissed if he woke her up just for some dumb math assignment, assuming of course that she really was asleep.
Little did he know that she was quite awake, building up the nerve to do something completely crazy. Tell Neal her true feelings.
She had been raging a mental war of whether or whether not to tell, and quite frankly she was sick of the many voices yelling at her to 'just do It.' Including mine. I have a talent of being able to occupy your mind…
Finally she decided she might as well, for if all didn't go according to plan ::drums fingers:: she could claim it never happened and it was all a dream, considering it was 11:32 at night and when woken up he'd most likely be only half-awake.
Opening her door she walked determinedly down the hall towards Neal's room. He was still pondering over whether or not sine divided by cosine equaled the tangent of a right triangle, (it does trig-illiterate math peeps) when a tall girl suddenly burst into his room and shut the door.
Lifting his head out of his oh-so-pretty (it was covered in lots of lovely triangle/circle doodles) math book he stared at his friend wondering whether or not she had ESP, as he had just been thinking about her extraordinary display in class today were she denounced that the sine of a triangle cannot possibly be greater than one.
He sighed in relief, thankful to have the local math expert in his room (for whatever reason he didn't care, so long as help was granted.) Immediately he launched into an explanation of the many evil's of trig, "Kel, thank Mirthros you're here, is it possible to find the sine of a normal triangle without a 90 degree angle? Because first I thought it was just for right triangles but now I'm not so sure-"
Kel waved a hand absently through the air, she wasn't here to talk about math, "Yea, it's called the Law Of Sines, sine A over a equals sine B over b which equals sine C over c!-erg, never-mind, that's not why I'm here."
Curious, Neal scratched his head, mentally ruling out the psychic power's option, to ask, "then why are you here?"
Taking a deep breath she walked over to him, grabbed him by the middle, and kissed him.
He was so shocked that he kissed back, giddy for some strange reason and thankful that her strong arms (from practicing so much with the jousting pole) were there to hold him up.
When they broke apart he stood mouth agape, staring at her completely shocked. He wasn't expecting anything like this to happen! Sure they teased each-other but it could hardly be called anything close to flirting. But anyhow, no time to wonder how this came about, it was time to figure out if this was a good thing or not.
Apologetically she looked away, "um, sorry Neal, I shouldn't have done that. It's just-well, I couldn't hold it in anymore." Blushing as red as a tomato she glanced at him but then turned her eyes down again and backed away.
He was still goggling like a dead fish, his eyes practically bulging out of his head. Ok, what was that giddy feeling about? I mean, he liked that new court lady, Lady Cynthia or something. No, wait-Lady Sylvia, or was it Lady Sarah? Well she had blond-no red hair, and blue, or maybe green, eyes…well anyhow, he had a crush on her, not Kel. No matter if he couldn't quite remember her name.
Seeing his no-action response Kel blushed harder (if that was even possible, already someone could have easily fried an egg on her forehead, assuming of course she'd let anyone crack an egg upon her, which she most likely wouldn't as it's quite uncomfortable to have yolk dripping down your cheeks.) She apologized again and left quietly, seeing as he was still speechless.
Once the door closed behind her Neal plopped onto his bed, thinking hard. This was just way too confusing for a nineteen-year-old boy. Bad enough he had to deal with trig without having to worry about girls. Erg-girls! He never wanted to see them again! (And that was really, truly saying something here.)
Well he couldn't concentrate on them now; he still had some trig problems to do. And quite frankly he didn't know what was harder to solve, the mysteries of trig or the mysteries of girls. Finally (after receiving the most mind-boggling headache) he decided that both were confusing, and setting aside trig book and thoughts of Kel alike, he turned of the light and went to bed. Much easier to just sleep than think. Yes, finally he had found something simple that he could actually do; sleep.
Little did he know of the evil scary dreams he would have of future inventions known as 'calculators' and 'how to deal with the mysterious female member of society advice books'…
The End…until someone invents the calculator and then has a strange dream about a boy and his trig/girl induced headache…
~Saphy
Hee-hee, this was just a little spoof thingy I typed up and I meant no offense/disrespect/any other bad thing in any way to any authors out there. I LOVE reading your guyses (not a word I know) work…mushy is good. I like mushy as much as the next person. I just felt like switching their roles here. Was it comical or just plain stupid? Most likely pretty lame but I hope you got a laugh or two out of it anyway-It was kinda meant to be funny…though I'm really not the best at humor so it most likely wasn't…whad'ya think? Flames? Flames? Any flames? Any and all are welcome! I could put my trig book in the line of fire…what a glorious sight to see it ablaze! "No more trig, no more book, no more teacher's dirty looks!" (Forgot where I heard that) Lalala…
Anyhow…happy pie day. (It's pie day today! 14rd of March! Get it, pie the mathematical term is 3.14 (etc., won't write it all out cause it ain't possible)…the date is 3/14/01…ah! You see now? 3.14, 3/14…it all makes sense! We talked about the origin of pie today in class. We gathered around in a circle on the floor with our scientific calculators to 'ponder' about the subj. (that's my hw-to 'ponder.') Discovered by Archamedes (sp?), (ancient Greek philosopher, very famous) who was paid to just sit around and think. Seriously, they give him a mansion on an Island and told him to just sit there all his live long days and think for a good time. Came up with pie. Cause you get the area of a sided figure by knowing the # 'o sides, and he figured that a circle doesn't have zero sides, it has infinity number of sides, and therefore a circumference can be determined. I won't go into explanation cause it took us forty minuets and several people pushing calcy bottoms to convince us that Archy wasn't a loony. So…anyhow…HAPPY PIE DAY!)