The Rescue
By: Erin DeComa
"This really sucks," I thought as I watched a mouse scurry across the dirt floor of what appeared to be a barn. It was hard to see where I happened to be, clearly in a rural area, but just how far outside of town I was- I didn't have a clue. "Great."
The barn may have been on the older side, but it was clearly still in use, the smell of manure was still in the air from the barn not being cleaned in a few days, but nothing horrible. Sunlight tried to reach me, but unless Chuck granted me the power to move the sun and then put it back, I'd go for it. As it was, the light was slanting through the boards indicating it was around mid to late afternoon.
Sweat had been sliding down my back and down my face for a little while, all the doors and windows were closed so that the cross breeze couldn't filter through like it normally would've. I really wanted to wipe the sweat off my brow, but I couldn't. My hands were tied behind my back around a poll that not only helped to hold up the roof, but it also had cross ties on it.
"Freaking demons. Where in the name of all things good and evil, did they find these cuffs that suppress my powers? I didn't even know it was possible. When I get free of these things and after I kill the demons responsible, I'm shoving these up-Crowley's ass and roasting him." I would've loved to have laughed aloud but the gag in my mouth prevented that. "Also, when I get out of this, I'm going to seriously work on getting the demon spell to work with telepathy."
The barn door slides open with ease and once it's closed, I see the very moron that not only jumped me but brought me here to this wonderful piece of paradise. I glare at him and try desperately to exorcise his ass, but no such luck.
"Well, well if it isn't the princess," he mocks at me with his coal black eyes and a smirk.
"Ugh, please tell me he is not going to gloat over this," I looked up to his face and purposefully rolled my eyes at him. "Yeah, I was one, A Few MILLENNIUMS Ago!" I mentally screamed at him.
"Don't look at me like that, the boss just wants to have a chat with you. I'm willing to bet that he won't even make you sign a deal if all you do is cooperate," he had a smug look on his stupid face.
"Joy," I thought and mumbled through the gag. A truly evil smile crossed the poor meat suits face. "I really hope that the meat suit is dead because that will make things Oh Soo much easier."
"Personally, I hope that you don't do what the boss wants," he crouches down to my level and continues his gross fantasy. "Then he will leave you in my capable hands and then the real fun will begin. I hope you like scars, because I'm about to make sure you will forever remember me." He had the nerve to kiss my cheek. I flinched away but that only served to make him chuckle and caress my face.
"Yep. He dies first on principle," I thought as I envisioned him burning into a pile of ash from my holy fire and tried to not to be sick. The sulfur stench on him was nauseating.
"I see you managed to capture the princess," came a familiar voice that sent a chill down my spine. Crowley appeared out of nowhere in true to him fashion- including a small table with glasses filled with whiskey.
"I hate being right sometimes," I groaned internally. "The fact that he has whiskey with him seems to feel foreboding. Chuck please tell me that he's only here to deal." No answer, of course.
"Crowley, sir," started the moron that brought me here. He added the 'sir' at Crowley's sideways glance. "She has been secured and is ready for your interrogation."
"Yep this day just keeps getting better," I was starting to feel a bit defeated by the whole mess and figured if this crap keeps up, Crowley was about to have two hundred pounds of sass and sarcasm rain down on him.
"Thank you, I can see that you nit whit," commented Crowley as he put his whiskey down and stepped closer to me. I give him bored eyes. The other demon just takes a step back with a bow and when he stood he had an annoyed look on his face.
"Your secretary looks like he doesn't like you," I tried to say sarcastically but the gag made it seem like a whole bunch of useless sound. I swear Crowley almost smiled at me but then again, the ass never does, even when he gets what he wants. "Ok, I've just about had enough of this shit."
"As much as I prefer prisoners silent, in this case I need you complacent and able to speak," Crowley states. He couches down to my level and sneers. "I'm going to take the gag out now, princess." He reaches out to remove the gag and I sit nicely with an 'I'm an innocent angel' look on my face. He shifts his weight to where his legs are a little farther apart and straddling my legs. "No biting me. I don't know what you do with Moose and Squirrel, and I don't care. No."
"Damn, I was so close on that one. But that's ok, my legs aren't restrained," I thought as he inched closer to my mouth and tried to keep my face innocent.
"You know what, I'm just going to tell you what I want, and we'll make a deal from there. You've been with those denim and plaid-wrapped nightmares long enough that I know they rubbed off on you," said Crowley as he suddenly stood up without taking the gag off. Needless to say, I was pissed and went ahead and kicked at him anyway. I missed. "Just for that I'm going to leave you there." He moved out of the way and picked up his glass again.
"Son of a bitch! I was so close!" I cursed myself. So, I just huffed, glared up at him and imagined daggers going into him.
"Now that we got that out of our system, lets begin, shall we?" he asked as he poured more whiskey into his glass and drank from it.
"Oh, goodie now I get to listen to him ramble on like a broken record," I purposefully rolled my eyes at him when he looked back at me and groaned angerly.
"You sound like my mother," he said absently. That did it. I started to move around as best as I could, kicking dirt, rattling my cuffs, and shouting obscenities in his general direction. "What? Did I say something to make you mad?" I sat there and growled at him. Fat load of good it did me but perhaps keeping my cool around this annoying freak of nature, will get me farther into what he really wants and me closer to ripping him a new one.
"I've had practice with this crap, get a hold of yourself dummy," I chastised myself.
"Now then, where were we? Yes, you give me what I want, when I ask for it and nobody gets hurt," he says.
"Not a chance in actual hell," I say but you know, inaudible sound.
"Let's make this easier," Crowley snaps his fingers and suddenly I'm standing, instead of sitting and now my legs are bound to the same poll with hay bale twine. "Now we can get some work done and one word of the exorcism spell out of you and the bargaining chip I have goes public." I had started to form the first word of said spell but when he said that, I promptly closed my mouth. Well at least it was so nice to finally have that stupid thing out of my mouth.
"Ok Crowley, you have my attention," I said begrudgingly.
"There you see, just a little effort and she can be pleasant," he comments to the moron demon. He just nods. Crowley returns his attention to me and starts to circle. "It has somehow been brought to my attention that there is a certain highway that you created at one point in time?"
"Shit. This isn't going to be pretty," I sigh. "You know Crowley I'm surprised that something like this even managed to be worthy of your attention, must less your notice." I was goading him, sure, but the very fact that he even paid attention, said something. I just wish I knew what the real end game was. "Let me guess you have some sort of black mail on me and that if I don't repair the highway to hell, you'll ruin me? Is that how this is going to go?"
"It's so nice to see someone who understands the game. Unlike the hardy boys, whom like to make things difficult," Crowley completed his circuit and stops to fill his dame glass again.
"Jee, would that be because you screw everyone in the end?" I asked sarcastically. Yes, I do feel better being able to finally voice my sarcasm. He gives me a look and continues as he picks his glass up.
"King of Hell, love," he says with a hint of 'duh' and indicates himself. I roll my eyes again. "Now let's get started, shall we? I need you to repair the highway to hell." Strait and to point, ok I can do that.
"No," I said diplomatically. Point for not telling him to screw off yet.
"How about yes and I won't tell Timon and Pumbaa about our little arrangement," he counters as he gestors the hand with the glass and points a finger at me.
"How about no, is no good for you?" I asked in a mock tone.
"How about yes and you do as you're told?" he asked being snippy.
"Do I look like I'm 12? You're not my father, jack ass," now I'm irritated again.
"You don't need to tell me out loud what it is you do with Squirrel in the bedroom, but if you don't do as I ask- I'll tell the whole world," Crowley countered as he puts the glass down, pockets his hands while leaning against the table and crosses his feet.
"Why on Chucks green earth do you care so much about that?" I asked frustrated.
"Now, now, no need to be insulting. To be quite honest I don't care but I have a job for you and it is easier with cooperation then force," Crowley said. I laughed.
"Now look who is spilling secrets from the bed room," I smirk at him with a hint of my own little bit of evil.
"I can see that little bit of devil in you love but we are getting away from the topic. Now my deal is that you fix the road, I won't spill the beans on your little love affair, and I will leave you alone. What do you say?"
"Oh my gosh Crowley how can I resist such an offer, lets seal it with a kiss," I say in a girly voice and bat my lashes at him. He straitens up from the table like he's about to get his way. "Or Not." His face darkens, and I smile at him.
"You do know how this whole thing works right? I can just leave you here and not come back for you for quite some time and we can renegotiate, but by then I'm sure the damage will be done, and you'll be begging me to cut you another deal," he countered. "I'm giving you the chance to have this deal favor you a bit more than any other deal I've made. Because you're right I don't care about this whole thing with the road." Crowley shrugged. I just happen to look at the moron demon behind Crowley, whom had been very still and quiet, go from bored to downright pissed.
"What in the hell is going on with hell?" I asked myself before I smarted off again at Crowley. One thing kept bugging me about what he kept saying and I was determined to find out what before the boys recued me. We had set up a time to meet about a potential hunt a few states over and I had told Sam and Dean that if I hadn't shown up at a specific time, start looking for me. "So, tell me Crowley, if you truly don't care if I fix the damn road or not, why are you trying so hard?"
"Because I'm the King of Hell and I can do what ever I bloody well please," he bristled. I rolled my eyes at him again and decided that this was losing its fun value and I really wanted out of my restraints.
"Oh sure, ok. How about this- I'll play make a deal with you, if you tell me what black mail it is that you seem to have over me," I said diplomatically. "Ugh that is starting to become a little like vinegar." I could hear the Impala approaching in the distance and hoped that Crowley was too busy talking to notice.
"Princess I'll give you the whole thing back. It's not like it was a titillating read," he said in his usual I don't care voice, which is 90% of the time. I was a little confused by what he said but once he snapped his fingers and a very familiar looking journal appeared- I paled. "Son. Of. A. Bitch. How in blue blazes did he get a hold of that? Let alone touch it? I know I demon proofed it." He watched my reaction and did one of his 'I just won' looks.
"Ah I do believe you know exactly what this is. I'm sure that the whole world, including the hunting world, will love to read this," Crowley knew he had me. I wanted to cry so bad.
"Fine, I'll do it. I'll bloody freaking do it, just as long as that doesn't see the light of day," I almost begged, but I managed to keep it out of my voice. The barn door suddenly opens wide and the sudden glare from the outside light blinded me for a moment.
"Erin! Don't do it, don't make the deal," called Sam as he and Dean came walking through the barn, guns pointed at Crowley and the moron demon. They swept in with determination and intent to kill but first Dean came around behind me to check on my restraints.
"Well it's not like I've kissed his ugly mug yet, so at this point the deal is not official, but- "
"There are no buts with Crowley, you should know that. Why are making a deal with him anyway?" asked Dean in his usual gruff voice. To say that I was relieved to see them was an understatement. I forced my excitement down and focused back on how I was going to rip Crowley a new one. Dean seemed to be trying to release me from my cuffs and was not able to make quick work of them. Thankfully he had already freed my legs.
"Do me a favor squirrel, and don't let her go until after I've left," requested Crowley as he stepped away from the boys.
"Scared of her Crowley?" asked Dean with a little lilt to his voice. I knew there had to be a smirk on Dean's face, but I couldn't tell because he was still messing with the cuffs. Crowley's face darkened again, this time to hide his fear, I really hoped.
"I should be, you fool. She, and a couple of others, are some of the few who can make my death permanent. So, excuse me for wanting to be a little cautious," Crowley was clearly getting frustrated again.
"Wow, my reputation precedes me," I filed that in the back of my mind for later. My hands where finally freed from the cuffs and before Dean could take them away, I took hold of them.
"You know Crowley, instead of me making a deal with you, how about you make it with me? If you do so, you get to live to see another day of your own miserable existence. What do you say?" I asked with a grin that had nothing to do with joy. He flinched a little when I brought my hands forward and rubbed my wrists.
"Now why would I do that?" he asked, being a jerk.
"Because now that I don't have these cuffs on, I'm going to shove them up your ass and then I'm going to burn your ass to a crisp," I knew my smile got bigger, but my voice got lower and softer with each word and step I took. Crowley started to back up from me, but he ran into the stall that happened to be right behind him. "Now if you agree to my terms… I'll leave you alone and I won't hunt you down unless necessary. How's that for a start?"
"What in the world did you do to piss her off, Crowley?" asked Sam as he lowered his gun from being aimed at Crowley to the floor. Dean had switched from his gun to the demon blade and was keeping a close eye on the moron demon.
"I didn't do anything," stammered Crowley as I started to get about a foot away.
"Liar. I should roast your little henchmen here and maybe then that will get you to play nice," I said calmly. I was itching to flex my power, now that it had been unsuppressed. Crowley glared at me, but he stood strait and put on his 'let's get this done' face. "Good." I nod and take a step back.
"I just happen to have a standard write up with me, shall we just fill in the blanks and call it good?" he asked regaining some of his usual composure.
"Oh no, Crowley, we are doing this my way, with no unknown advantages for you. Then I'll have Sam here be the legal witness that will help ensure that nothing untoward happens. What do you think Sam?" I asked him as I handed Dean the cuffs again and conjured up a pen and paper.
"I don't object," said Sam as he holstered his gun and took the pen and paper that I was holding towards him.
"Excellent, let's get started," I look at Crowley and smirk at him. He didn't know that, as I conjured the pen and paper, that I had placed a demon trap under both of their feet. The deal was simple, I would hold up my end and repair the highway to hell, that I had been forced to build millenniums ago, he would not release the black mail he had on me, and as promised, I would leave him alone, unless necessary.
As the negotiations proceeded I did remove Crowley's demon trap, the moron's how ever- I left that one alone. When everything was said and done we signed the deal and I forced myself to not gag the second I had to touch my lips to his. I had Dean put the cuffs back on me because one, my powers make me pure to the touch and that if anything evil touched me- up in flames they went. Two, so that I don't punch Crowley's lights out right after the kiss.
Once he finally leaves and Dean removes the cuffs again, I return my attention to the Moron.
"Now what was it that you had said to me earlier? That if I didn't do what Crowley wanted, you'd be carving me up?" I asked pretending that I needed my memory refreshed. He had started to panic a little because he couldn't figure out why he couldn't move from his spot or speak. "What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?" His eyes widened as he seemed to realize that he wasn't going anywhere.
"We'll be outside, holler if you need us," smirked Dean as he turned towards his brother, slaps him on the back and they both leave the barn.
"I will," I smile sweetly. Once they were out of the barn, I leaned up close to the moron and spoke into his ear. "You will never forget me because I'm going to be the last thing you are ever going to see. Die by the power of sunlight and purity. Evil demon- begone." I kiss him on the cheek just like he did and turned to walk away. I knew what the flames would look like and I've seen the show before.
When the body is purified, the demon is turned to ash, and if the host is still alive- he will be returned home. If not, the wind will carry the ash away and the barn will be left purified of any evil.
I finally step out into the sunlight and breath a sigh of relief. It felt good to not be bound, gagged and strung up like a chicken. Though when I saw the boys, I knew I had some explaining to do.
"So, are you going to tell us what in the hell happened or are we going to get the silent treatment?" asked Dean as he looked me up and down for any other injuries. Sam seemed to be echoing him, but he figured I was fine a while back.
"Yes, I will tell you what had happened. No, I'm not going to tell you what the black mail was, you wouldn't want to know anyways and don't even try asking," I remark as I walk past them and open the rear door of the Impala. Dean looked like he wanted to protest but instead looks at Sam. They share a short, eye's only conversation, Dean sighs, and they both just climb into the Impala.
I would love to tell you all how it was that the Highway to Hell really came about, no it was not inspired by the song, it was the other way around, but that is a whole different story for another time and place. Until next time- Carry on wayward sons and daughters.