Between Now And Then...
A Tsukigakirei fanfiction by trachemys
KOTAROU
Kotarou Azumi stared down the tracks long after the train had disappeared. He'd screwed up again. And he lost his last chance.
Tachibana-san's advice to write what he was feeling had at least made his life tolerable for the past several weeks after he'd learned that Akane-chan was moving to Chiba, on the other side of Tokyo. He was inspired to pour out his thoughts about her, and needed to process the events of the last year. And while he was doing it entirely for himself, when his buddy Roman mentioned the idea of online publishing, he decided why not? This was some of his most inspired writing to date, and if he wanted to fulfill his dream of being a serious writer, he should get it out there for people to see. He thought of it as a diary of sorts, and a work in progress - after all, their story would continue...
But then, the day before her move, Akane-chan confronted him about not telling her that Chinatsu had confessed to him weeks ago. He thought it was no big deal - he'd said no to her, of course - so why bother mentioning it? Stupid move, Kota! After seeing so much pain in her eyes, after hearing her say that being with him caused her too much heartache – after that sad, tear-filled kiss – she had run away from him. And because he hadn't heard from her since, he had to face the possibility that she might choose to no longer be a part of his life.
He'd thought and thought about sending her a message, and had even starting typing several times. But the idea of hurting her even more by reaching out to her and saying the wrong thing (again!) was simply too much to bear. But there was one thing he could do. The thing that he had built confidence in doing over these last few months. He sat at his keyboard and let his feelings flow.
Later that day, Tachibana-san showed him the comments posted on his story page. Why hadn't he even bothered to look at feedback from readers? It hadn't occurred to him that anyone would bother to comment. And that the comments would be so positive!
Then he saw that comment... That one comment...
Akane-chan had posted a comment today (but just before he published the ending!) asking what happens next! Would she have asked that if things were really over between them? He needed to see her before it was too late!
And then Chinatsu messaged him – Akane-chan was at the train station, and she wanted to see him before she left! How could he have been so stupid? Why didn't he at least ask her friends how she was doing, how she felt about him? None of the online advice on middle-school dating covered this! Was he supposed to figure this out by himself? If so, why hadn't he? How could he be so stupid?
But now he knew he was too late – first in publishing the end of the story, and now in getting to the train station. He was desperate to tell her that he loved her, but all the yelling in the world wasn't going to reach her.
He recalled a tragic story of a boy who lost the girl he loved, and how it haunted the boy for the rest of his life. Was this his destiny as well? As he watched her train go by, was he seeing his best chance at a happy life disappearing into the distance?
He wiped his eyes, sighed sorrowfully, and slowly walked down the road where he'd run so desperately just a few minutes earlier.
AKANE
Riding on the train from Kawagoe to her new home in Chiba, Akane Mizuno was overwhelmed by emotion even before she realized the full implications of what she was reading.
She felt awful about the way she had left Kotarou-kun the day before, but was far too ashamed to reach out to him again. And she understood why he wouldn't contact her – after all, why would he want to be involved with someone so unworthy of his affection, someone who caused him so much trouble? His silence since then was a sign that he was no longer interested in a long-distance relationship after she moved away. And she couldn't blame him for coming to his senses.
Chinatsu had confessed to him, and she'll be at his high school, and she's pretty, and she's outgoing, and... Akane just couldn't bring herself to think about it. It hurt too much, and she didn't want to be angry. Chinatsu had been a wonderful friend for the past year, and Akane valued that friendship. Chinatsu deserves to be happy. But Akane wondered if she could ever go back to Kawagoe if... the two of them...
Akane had found out about Kotarou-kun's posted (but incomplete) story just a few hours earlier, when Chinatsu showed it to her. It was about her! She was thrilled to read it – it reminded her of the times they had spent together. But it also felt like a confirmation that this is where their relationship was – in the past.
She'd posted a comment – "So what happens next?" – in a brief burst of hope that the story, and their relationship, could go on. Maybe as friends who keep in touch. It might even help her get up the nerve to come visit him someday. After all, it said "to be continued," and that could mean anything...
Then, on the train, she read the story's conclusion. She never thought it would mean this.
I want to tell her that no matter how far apart we are, my feelings for her will never change...
You're moving to an unfamiliar town...
And I'll always love you.
She read it again. And again. Kotarou-kun was confessing his love for her! Not just in the past, but forever! And he didn't confess it just to her.
He confessed it to the whole world!
As tears rolled down her cheeks, grateful that the other passengers were ignoring her unsuccessful attempts to keep her composure, she knew she had to do something, and she had to do it now. She must have hurt him greatly when she broke things off. And the very idea that someone she loved would love her back... she thought it must be a miracle.
And miracles can not wait.
Should I respond? Does he want me to?
I bet Chinatsu's already read this. She might try to move quickly to...
No! Stop it! Don't get anxious! Relax!
But what if she's talking to him right now?
Auugh! Why do I think of these things?
I have to get in touch with him...
But how? Should I leave a comment on his page again?
No, he might not see it. Send a message to him.
But keep it simple, just find out whether he even wants to hear from me...
I finished reading your story
Oh, please answer, Kotarou-kun...
I'm so sorry I hurt you... and I miss you so much...
* ding *
* gasp *
Akane-chan! She read the ending? And she's messaging me!
"I finished reading your story" – what does that mean?
Is she angry? Is she still upset? Did I screw up even worse?
No! No, think about it...
Akane-chan wanted to see me before she left. And now she wants to chat.
That's got to be a good sign, right?
But what if it's just to tell me goodbye?
Whoa, get a grip, Kota! Think this through...
Just reply, find out what's up, and stop being so stupid!
What did you think of it?
What did I think of it?
Does he want my feedback like I'm just another reader?
Was it a mistake to message him?
Wait, what if it's fictional? What if it's just a story?
Did he write those things because it's what his readers wanted?
Oh, why does this have to be so difficult?
I liked the ending
Auuugh! That sounds so dumb! No! I need answers. And messaging won't work.
Don't freak out, don't panic, you know what you need to do, JUST DO IT!
I'd like to see you again soon
Oh!
Oh!
Oh my! OK, OK, think, think... and don't sound desperate!
I'd like that, too
I can come see you next Sunday
Oh my goodness, it worked? I get to see Kotarou-kun...?
Or is that too long to wait? Don't screw this up now!
Unless you'd like it to be sooner...
I get to see Kotarou-kun!
Next Sunday is OK
Let me know when you're arriving
I'll meet you at Ichikawa station
OK, I swear I will be there.
Pinky promise!
Oh, I'm going to cry again... Kotarou-kun...
This means so much to me... It means everything...
Kotarou-kun...
What?
Did I say something wrong? Is she changing her mind?
Akane-chan?
And I can't bear to lose you again... ever.
I love you, too
Kotarou Azumi doesn't remember much about the rest of that day – where he went, who he saw, how he got back to his house. But his best guess is that he simply grew wings and flew all the way home.
In her new bedroom, Akane Mizuno held her stress doll, not to squeeze it, but to remind herself about its twin, the doll she gave him - the symbol of her link to him. And she made a silent vow that the physical distance between them wouldn't change her feelings about him. She's in an unfamiliar town...
And I'll always love you.