The Group
Moss would have to rearrange all twenty-seven of his TIE fighter models later that night –his mother had moved them to tidy up the other day! The flipping outrage! Years ago, he had carefully arranged them chronologically in the order that they had been manufactured. But now, he supposed, he could try something else – perhaps he could arrange them numerically according to their serial numbers! Yes, that would be brilliant –
"Moss?"
Moss shook his head to clear it. "Yes?"
Bridgette, the group leader, flashed a tight smile. "How do you feel about what April just shared?" She nodded at the only other person in the group, a woman with circles under her eyes – who, Moss supposed, was April.
"Oh, uh," Moss said, trying to compose a reply. "I feel rather…" He scanned the posters around the room for clues: What are gender-neutral pronouns?; a poster that someone, probably some gay bloke, had put up for the upcoming Drag Queen! Musical; and… ah, yes, there it was! – Strategies for dealing with dysphoria!
"Dysphoric," Moss said.
"Oh?" Bridgette said.
Moss looked at April to gauge her reaction – she was nodding. Thank goodness, it looked like he'd said something to fit the situation!
"Why?" Bridgette asked.
"Um," Moss said, unsure of how to continue. In all honesty, Moss felt much less dysphoric now that he had been taking testosterone for a while and had gotten top surgery – thank god for NHS! – but he had to go along with the lie now. "I feel dysphoric because…"
He paused, thinking about the last few weeks at work – ah, he had it! "Because I had to fix my boss's crotch."
April and Bridgette's mouths hung open.
Bridgette said, "Say what? I thought you were a computer man."
"'Computer man'?" Moss said. "I work in IT! I'm not some flipping Cyberman, for god's sake!"
"Sorry," Bridgette said.
"Anyhow," Moss continued, "My company's CEO had electric underwear that shocked him whenever he got aroused, and he wanted me to deactivate it, so – "
"You can stop right there, thanks," Bridgette said.
"OK," Moss said, then folded his hands.
The two women sat in stunned silence for a moment.
April asked, "Where do you work?"
"Reynholm Industries," Moss said.
"What?!" April shouted. "Oh my god, that explains so much!"
"What do you mean?" Moss asked.
"Weren't you listening?" April said, clearly irritated. "I just finished talking about that bloody arsehole who works there!"
"Who now what?" Moss said.
"Your CEO! That sexy Hitler?"
Moss chuckled. "Sexy Hitler, that's good. What about him?"
April sighed. "He seemed like a total horndog at first, and, well, he is, but then we went on a date and it turned out we had a lot of interests in common. He said he didn't care I was trans, but it turned out he had misheard me, so – well," April sighed, "Long story short, he ended up punching me."
"Oh, right!" Moss exclaimed. "You broke the Internet!"
"Come again?"
Moss laughed. "I've been telling all my friends on IRC about this for weeks now! We told our boss that this black box was the Internet! Can you believe that?"
"She bought it?" April asked.
"Yes!"
"Oh. My. God. Go on."
"Well, all the shareholders believed it, too, but then some lady came crashing through the window and – oh, wait, I suppose that that was you, wasn't it?"
April grimaced. "Yes. That was me."
"Oh my gosh!" Moss exclaimed. "Really?"
April nodded. "The very same."
Moss gasped. "Holy - ! That's flipping awful!"
"Yes," April said. After a moment, she smiled. "I'm midway through writing an article for Richest Magazine, though – it's called Arsehole. And I've worked with the cover layout editor, so it'll say 'Richest Arsehole.'"
Moss laughed. "That's brilliant!"
April grinned. "Thank you."
Just then, a mysterious tone sounded. April and Bridgette looked around for the source of the sound.
"I've got to take this," Moss said. With lightning speed that he hoped the others would envy, Moss took his phone out of his top pocket and answered it. "Hello? Oh, okay, I'll meet you outside." He closed his phone and replaced it.
"Hey," April said, "That was a ruddy mysterious ringtone! Where did you get it?"
Moss smiled, glad she had noticed. "The Internet."
April nodded, "Of course, but where?"
"Oh. The Ninja Port."
"Of course." April paused, then said, "Hey, those shareholders?"
"Yes?"
"Did you tell them that every new computer comes with a bundle of kittens now?"
Moss laughed. Yes, this one was a promising prospect for a friend.
"Hey," Moss said, "I have to meet my boyfriend Roy outside, but can we exchange more stories about Douglas sometime?"
April smiled. "Deal."