APRIL
"Stop! Okay just stop. I'm a virgin, yes. So what? It's not something I talk about, okay? We all have things we don't talk about. Alex, you've been afraid of the elevator for like a month, but I never said anything because it's none of my business. And Jackson, you wake up every night screaming because you have nightmares. And, Meredith, you don't talk about Cristina because you're afraid she's never gonna be the same Cristina again. And Lexie, for God's sake, Mark never thought you were a psycho. He loves you. That's why he stares at you. Because he can't keep his eyes off the woman he loves. Of course, he's never gonna say anything cause he doesn't feel like he can. Well, we all have stuff we don't talk about! I am a 28-year-old virgin. Mainly because I wanted my first time to be special and then I waited too long and partially because I'm pretty sure guys find me annoying. I'm a virgin! That doesn't make it drinks conversation! We all have stuff we don't talk about!"
When it had first come out among the group of other residents that I was a virgin, it had been embarrassing at best. They had all been too happy to tease me and make jokes about Alex deflowering me. It had been terrible.
But when I had finally snapped off at the group of them for all of their flaws and the things that they chose not to talk about and exposed them, well, it had kind of felt good. Maybe had been a little too far and been a little too harsh, and I could blame that on the beer that I had so greedily gulped down after lashing out. It had felt good, though. I couldn't lie about that. For once I wasn't the one who was under scrutiny. That wasn't something that I got out a lot of.
It had been a huge personal victory for me, finally managing to stand up myself and say screw it to whoever tried to fight against it. It wasn't something that happened often. Ever, really, if I was being completely honest with myself.
Like everything else, though, it had come and gone. It was like the moment had lived on in only my head and everyone else had pretty much forgotten about it with the weeks that had come after. It had almost changed. Almost.
Things had gotten tense between me and Karev when I'd admittedly gotten a little bit of a crush on him. I'd realized how ridiculous it was, though, with the quick turn around when I had been willing to finally give myself away and he'd been… well, himself. Rough. Brute. Refusing to be anything but that. Jackson had been my knight in shining armor at the moment, even though I hadn't asked for it. The fight that the two of them had gotten into at Hunt and Cristina's party had been unexpected at best.
As the tensions had eased though, it had become more natural for everyone else to start teasing me again. About every little thing that they could wrap their grubby little fingers around. I was the scapegoat of the group. I was starting to grow tired of all of it, too.
Today, Lexie had been the start of it. A man had come up to the emergency room with rectal damage from a sex adventure supposedly gone very, very wrong. Once word had gotten around that I was treating him, well, there had been no avoiding all of the comments that came from Karev and everyone else. I'd finally been pushed to a breaking point.
Some things were still a little easier after two beers, though. That had been first on the to-do list.
"Hey, are you busy?" I peeked my head in Jackson's door, trying to keep the smile on my cheeks as normal as possible to not tip him off to anything else going on in my head. Living with him and Karev had made the three of us a little more cozy around each other, but still, this was a leap. At least it was just the two of us home for now.
"Not at the moment, no," Jackson shook his head as he looked up from whatever he was watching on his laptop and at me. "What's up?"
Ah, there were the nerves again.
"There's, uh," I paused, wetting my lips. "I need to vent, I think. To you. Not to Alex."
We were still supposed to be best friends, after all, even if we couldn't quite afford this place between the two of us. Or at least, I couldn't and I wasn't about to let him pay more than me when it came to rent each month. Even if he did make fun of me in some of the same ways that the others did, he knew where the line was. He knew how to avoid crossing it.
"Yeah?" He questioned with a raise of his eyebrows, indicating for me to continue.
"I'm tired. I'm… so tired of everyone making fun of me over these tiny little things. I mean, being a virgin? Really? It's a choice. It's my choice. No one makes fun of anyone else in the same way and I don't know why everyone seems to be so obsessed with my lack of a sex life. It's as if they don't have their own to be worried about and it is just… infuriating. I know I'm a control freak and this is just… I hate it because it shouldn't be out of my control and yet it feels like it is. But it's not. It's my decision." I rambled on without even thinking about the direction that my words were going, eventually letting go of a loud sigh that I had been holding onto.
Wide blue eyes stared at me with the direction that my words had taken, clearly not expecting that particular one. Jackson shut his computer and put it on the nightstand for a moment, giving me his attention. "I know it's annoying." He offered up. "I'll see if I can get Karev and the others to back off."
"You know they're not going to listen to that," I pointed out with a shake of my head. "They'll just go down some trail about how I can't take care of myself. Which isn't true. And I don't want them thinking that, either."
"So what are you going to do about it?" He asked.
"Honestly?" I took a deep breath, sitting on my knees at the end of the bed. "I think that I should just lose it. Lose my virginity. Get it over with. I mean, I'm twenty-eight. I'm probably going into trauma surgery so I don't think I'm going to have that whole, steady nine to five and picket fence life that I saw myself with when I was an intern." I explained. "I might as well just do it."
"Oh–oh. Okay. I mean, if that's what you want. It's your decision." He uttered out, albeit looking awkward. "Just, you know, don't put an ad up on Craigslist or anything." He half-chuckled.
I let out a laugh of my own, shaking my head. "No, I don't plan on selling my virginity. That's gross. I still want it to be with… someone that I know and care about." I clarified. "That's still something important to me. No Craigslist creepos, I promise."
"You know, uh, there might be an easier way around this. I mean, I know you're not really dating around or anything like this." Jackson spoke up.
"What's that?" My eyebrows perked up.
"I could take it." He offered, speaking as if it was the most simple thing in the world.
Unable to find the words to respond to him, I stared back at him with wide eyes, hoping that he would instead find something else to say. Had he just…? I remembered taking it by mistake once before just after when Reed had died and I'd been reevaluating everything in my life, and it'd been awkward and uncalled for and I'd been sent running in the direction. That had been a much more subtle comment, though. This was direct. Clear. Hard to interpret incorrectly.
"You– what?" Not the words that I had wanted to come out by any means.
"If you're serious about this… I could take it, April. We're friends. We have been for a long time. I mean, I figure that it's better I'm offering than Karev." Jackson continued, lightening the mood slightly as a smile pulled across his expression.
"I, uh," I wet my lips as I paused and shifted how I was sitting.
"If it's a bad idea, then forget I said anything. I'm just throwing it out there, that's all. Making sure that you know, you have the option." He threw out some elaboration in my silence.
I stared at him and blinked a few times. "No, that's– no." I took a deep breath, running my hands along my thighs and trying to gather myself. "That's not– I'm not saying that it's a bad idea. I'm just surprised that's your offering. I didn't think that you would want to do something like that."
"You know that you're beautiful, right? Because you are, April." Jackson said seriously.
Looking down and away from him, my shoulders lift and fall with a shrug again, not offering a verbal response. I'm better off now than I had been in the past, I know that. But I also know that I'm not the cream of the crop.
"Hey, look at me." His fingers came up to gently lift up my jaw as he spoke and I comply. "You're beautiful. Any guy would be lucky to have you, April. That's not something that you should question or doubt, alright? I'm offering because I'm your friend. Because I care about you and I like you, and I don't want it to be something that you regret. You're a good person and you deserve something that you're going to enjoy. Maybe I'm being a little cocky, but I can at least guarantee that much for you."
"Do you really mean all of that?" I finally found my voice again as I looked into his beautiful blue eyes, my own wide and pleading for the truth.
"I do," Jackson answered without any hesitation.
I stared at him for a moment longer before letting a deep breath fill my lungs and doing the most ballsy thing that I can muster up in the heat of the moment. Shifting forward, I grabbed onto one of his shoulders for a little leverage to steady myself and sealed my lips over his.
Jackson's hand fell to the small of my back and pulled me in a little closer to him, and I let him. I end up on his lap, legs a little awkwardly twisted beneath me, but I don't mind. He's warm. His breath was hot as he breathed into me and he tasted a little like – ketchup, of all things. It doesn't bother me. It's good to kiss him. It's nice. He's nice.
Being on top of him like this was close and intimate, and my hand moved from holding onto his shoulder to wrapping around him entirely and anchoring myself against him. I don't intend to roll my hips against him but my body seemed to have a mind of its own as it did so, and he gripped onto me a little tighter. It felt good. It made me feel a little sexy, too. That's not a feeling that I was used to but maybe I could get used to with him.
There's something going on down there inside of me, too. I know exactly what it is. I've never been much for masturbation, I can't get myself off no matter how much I know about medical anatomy. Yet… I don't doubt that he can do what I can't.
"Are you really sure that you want to do this?" Jackson asked, pulling back slightly.
I'm too breathless to answer verbally, giving another nod of my head before kissing him again.
His hand moved from the small of my back to grab my thighs and suddenly we're flipped over, my back on the bed and him hovering over me. He kissed me long and hard again, hips weighted down against me.
Lips move away from mine with a gentle nip before finding the curve of my jaw, following down to the slope of my neck. There's a certain spot just along my carotid that his lips suck on and it leaves me keening, hips bucking up against him as a needy noise cries out of my lips without any thought.
Intent on driving me insane, his lips focus on my neck and collarbone for a few minutes. But he's good at multitasking, apparently – it took me a moment to realize that he had begun to unbutton my shirt until it's completely open, the pads of his fingers skimming along the pale skin of my stomach. Goosebumps form immediately upon the warm contact.
"Still okay?" He paused a moment, blue eyes glancing up at me.
"Mmhm."
I adjusted myself to pull my arms out of the sleeves of my shirt, pushing it aside and leaving myself in jeans and a bra. I feel more exposed than ever. I'd gotten this far with Alex, sure, but this was different. This was Jackson, my best friend. My person, as Meredith would have put it.
And my person just took off my bra.
One of his large hands took my breast inside of his, nearly covering it entirely. My nipple perked up and hardened in response to his thumb brushing around it, but it's not until he took it into his mouth and gently sucked that I cry out for him. Unsteady breaths turn into moans as he moved and teased the other one with the same amazing treatment.
But I don't quite realize just how much better it can get until he unbuttoned my pants and slipped one hand beneath them, cupping me over my underwear. My hips buck against him for more friction and I realize just how embarrassing wet I already am.
"Jackson…" I groaned out his name, my hand tightening onto his arm.
"Tell me what you want." He smirked up at me.
I paused a moment, chewing on my lower lip before blurting it out so that nerves can't get to me. "Will you go down on me?"
He doesn't have to give me a verbal answer. Instead, his hands are quickly pulling down my jeans and my underwear follows, a little too eager to get them off of my legs with the way that I squirmed out of them. He smirked up at me once more, spreading open my legs and settling himself down between them, hooking one leg over his shoulder.
I don't know what to expect, but the moment that his mouth is pressed onto me, my expectations are already blown out of the waters completely. He licks and sucks with absolute focus and dedication, spreading me open and taking full advantage of the position that I was in. His tongue teased me entrance for a moment and my clit throbbed for attention, but I was drenched. It was easy to see it, too, the glisten across his chin and jaw as he worked to please me.
A job well done, right off the bat. I moaned and squirmed, a heel digging into his back, my hand going to his head and encouraging him further. I've never known how to ask what I want, but he made it so simple and easy.
Slowly dragging the flat of his tongue from the entrance, Jackson finally flickered it across where I needed it most, beginning to draw nonsense figures. My hips squirmed and I squealed at the teasing, desperate for more, desperate for a release. Desperate for him, in any way possible.
"Please, please, please…" I begged him.
Jackson used his hands to open me up and I could feel the tip of his finger trace along my entrance, squeezing my inner walls before he refocused with his mouth. His mouth covered me entirely and sucked hard as he continued to tease my clit, and it's more than enough as I rocked my hips against him. It doesn't take much longer, crying out loudly as an orgasm washed over me entirely, limbs locking and shaking around him as I rode it out entirely.
He slowed for a moment to recover, and I realized that I'm completely naked while he's still fully dressed. I reached down for him a moment, wiggling my fingers till he gets the message and moved up to kiss me again.
I can taste myself on his lips. It's weird. Different, and weird. I don't know how he liked something like that, but I hadn't missed the outline of his erection.
"You're still dressed," I commented.
"Not for long." Jackson grinned, quickly pulling off his shirts. I leaned forward to help him get his belt off of his jeans, and they're eliminated from the picture as well. When his boxers do come off, I take a slight pause.
It's not like I've never seen a penis before. I'm a doctor. Obviously, I have. I've just never seen his before. And it's big.
"Can I?" I questioned, looking up at him.
When he gave a nod of his head, I reached out and wrapped my hand around it. I've seen and read what to do, at least. Slowly, I stroke up and down along his length, and listen to the groan that escaped from him.
"Wet your hand," he instructed.
I quickly pulled my hand back and licked it before wrapping my hand around him, stroking against with a little more confidence after the noises that he had previously made. He's hard and reactive. He really was into this just as much as I was.
"Lemme get a condom." I relax for a moment as he reached into his bedside drawer, pulling out one and quickly tearing the wrapper open. He rolled it onto his length.
"What position should I get into?" I questioned, raising my eyebrows.
"On your back," Jackson suggested.
Nodding my head quickly, I readjust myself so that I'm laying out in the middle of his bed with my thighs laying open. My eyes remained on him as he positioned himself above me again, and his eyes meet mine. I can see the question in his eyes as his hand wrapped around his length, and I give a nod of my head, permission given one more time.
It's easy to feel every bit of it as Jackson began to push inside of me. It's a tight fit, a little uncomfortable, even as he took it slow. He only pushed in about halfway before his thumb found my clit, rubbing a few circles around it. There's the fix that I needed.
"Keep going," I breathed out.
He listened, beginning to find an established rhythm between the two of us. It's not too slow and not too fast, and I can tell that he was making a careful effort not to hurt me. The discomfort had begun to fade, a combination of adjusting to his size and his thumb working circles around my clit. The pleasure from that alone was getting me near seeing stars again. It's a pleasant fullness.
And an emotional connection, too. Almost spiritual. I could feel it there, linking the two of us. By the look on his face, so could he.
Jackson leaned down and kissed me hard, beginning to push in me entirely. But it only felt better and better with each thrust in and out of me. There's a vein on his forehead pulsing and I could tell that this had to feel just as good for him. He was flexing and straining, holding himself back. I can't tell if he's just scared of hurting me or if he was close.
"It's okay," I whispered against his mouth, one hand cupping his face and keeping him close to me.
He keeps going and going and it feels better and better. I'm growing closer and I think he can tell from the moans spilling from my lips, some of the salacious sounds and crude vocabulary, unlike anything that I had ever said in front of him before. He was beginning to get just as vocal, though. It's different to hear my name leaving his lips in a moan. But I like it. It's a sound that I could get used to, certainly. As he got closer, he only pushed me harder.
"Oh–oh, oh god, Jackson, I think– I'm gonna–"
Any attempt at coherence is completely lost when another orgasm crashed into me hard and quick, shaking and squeezing my thighs around his hips. My own buck against him and suddenly Jackson gives another quick jerk of his hips before he steals and I realize that he's cumming, too. We both tighten onto one another at the moment, another desperate clinch.
When the most intense part of it is over, Jackson collapsed onto me for a moment before rolling out to lay beside me. He got rid of the condom quickly, then turned back toward me, a hand going to my hip.
"How was that?" He asked, a clear smile on his face.
"That was… amazing." I breathed out, short for any other words. "Thank you." Maybe it's a little weird to say right after sex, but it's about more than that and he knew it.
"My pleasure." Jackson leaned over, giving me a quick kiss. "Literally."