AN:: This story was written in a unknown language, I say unknown language because does not have it under the language choices, I have however translated the story as best I could, chapter two however will have a lot of unknown words in it, just a warning. This story is also a for-heck-of-it humor filled tale as much as I can make it humorful, Red will make another show in chapter two, this time to John.

The Stargate opened and Rodney fell through followed by John and Ronon, Teyla however was nowhere to be seen.

"Raise the Shield!" John yelled as another arrow flew through the gate and shattered against the steps, the shield started up. and two seconds later there came a earth shattering BOOM as something, possibly a Wraith version of a nuke impacted on the shield.

"Col Sheppard, what happened out there?" Dr. Weir asked.

"Oh Shite!" was all John said, Teyla was missing.

------------------------------------------------------------------

A few minutes later John and Ronon were in Weir's office along with Caldwell, John had a sour look on his face as did Dex, Rodney was once more in the Infrimary, and Carson was going nuts.

"Let me ask this again, your mission went bad in the worst way?" Caldwell asked Sheppard, John nodded but didn't say anything, Teyla was missing, and she was HIS wife and he was not going to sit still any longer.

"I'm going back there." He said getting up.

"John are you sure that's a good idea?" Weir asked.

"She's my wife, and if the Wraith have her I'm gonna kill every last one of them to find her and make sure she is safe." John said.

"John, look, I know you are worried for Teyla and I would be too if she were my wife." Caldwell said, "but if you act rashly in finding her you might just run ionto the Wraith holding her and get taken prisoner along with her, that wont do any good whatsoever far as I'm concerned."

"I'm not leaving Teyla to the Wraith for the Wraith to feed on." John said turning to go he was thinking in his head of grabbing a jumper and some more ammo then heading back the planet, if only Weir would let him go on this mission.

As John turned to leave Weir called to him, "John."

John stopped and looked her way.

After a minute Weir nodded, "go and bring Teyla home."

John nodeed and took off runing for the armory then for the Jumperbay. Dex looked after him,

"Should I go with him or..."

"No, let him worry about this matter Teyla is his wife, not yours." Weir said, "John can handle himself."

"I hope so, I go check on Rodney and see how he is doing." Dex said leaving Weir's office and heading for the Infrimary.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was cold, too cold, Teyla opened her eyes and saw, who is this man? she wondered seeing the face of long dead comidian, she was looking in the face of...

Red Skelton?? What was he doing on a Hive ship of all places?

"Oh good you are awake now, would you like to buy a brush?"

"What?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I seem to have forgotton to introdeuce myself, I'm Tony, a Fuller Brush Saleman." Red/Tony said, "And you are?"

"Teyla, I'm unsure of how I should know you." Teyla looked at Red as he walked around without a care in the world, or the Hive Ship for that matter.

"Nice to meet you Teyla, is your husband home?" Red asked with a very wacky grin on his face.

Teyla just stared at him, how did he know she was married to John?? She shook her head at Red, meaning John was not home, "but this is not my home." She tried to say as Red went for the cell door and it opened with ease, Teyla stood and followed slowly, fully expecting the cell door to close, but it didn't, Red went to the next cell and knocked on the door, Teyla just watched him as he called out, "Good morning madam would you like to buy a brush?"

The Wraith on the other said just looked at Red with a very confused look, where had that guy come from? seeing the Wraith in confusion Teyla made her move, knocking him to the ground and taking his weapon, and then shooting the Wraith.

REd had gone off a few paces and turned a corner and saw a Wraith Female, "Ah, a customer," he said as he went forwards to the Female Wraith, calling out, "hello madam, you seem to be the type that could use a brush for that hair."

The Wraith just stared at Red, then asked, "how did you get out of your cell?"

If Red was supposed to be in a cell he didn't show any fear of the Wraith in front of him, he just still had is wacky smile on his face with what looked like no fear, Teyla watched the goings on from a doorway. OK Teyla, you must be dreaming this whole thing and will wake up anytime now.

"WEll would your husband like a brush then instead?" Red said to the Wraith, she just hissed and turned away, "or how about a toothbrush for those pearly whites?" The Wraith didn't answer, Red looked to his watch, "Hmmm... time for a break," he said before fading from view, Teyla just stared at the place Red was standing when the world went black.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Out in space on the planet where Teyla had been taken John flew a jumper though cloaked into a Hive Ship, the same Hive Ship that Teyla was on, somewhere.

"OK John, where would the Wraith take your wife?" John asked himself as he landed the jumper, getting up a thought came to mind, "OK I think I should get Teyla and get outta here ASAP before anything bad happens!" John left the jumper at a fast walk, a Warith stunner in his hands. Ever since he had kissed Teyla under the effects of his conversion not too long ago he loved the woman more and more, then after he was broght back home from his run in with Kolya he popped the the question to Teyla and she had accepted him as her husband, Halling and Gen O'Niell had over seen the marrage. Now John was worried for Teyla, his wife would be in MAJOR trouble if she was anywhere near the engine area of the Hive Ships, her Wraith D.N.A. would go nuts and start a take over on her, he didn't want that. He'd rather die first then lose the woman he loved.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Teyla woke up fast and looked around her cell, Red was nowhere to be seen nor was the cell door closed, getting up from where she had been laid Teyla walked to the door, once more fully expecting it to close her in, but it didn't, she saw things oddly grey now too as if there was a fog in her vision, then it lifted a bit and she could see that for some reason she was...

...changing

She could feel the change starting as she walked closer to the engine areas of the Hive Ship, as if her Wraith D.N.A. had started to the fore to take over.

Her hair had gone white, and the other Wraith didn't seem to notice her. Something is worng, but what?

Moving near a refletive glass Teyla found she looked at herself, she was slowly changing into a Wraith, but why was she changing?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Three levels down and on the other side of the ship, John had killed seven Wraith so far and was almost always in a gunfight every few minutes of so, this was taking so long, I have no idea how long Teyla has, and here I am getting into gunfights ever few minutes, when am I going to get to Teyla and get us both out of here?? John wondered as he shot a Wraith and moved on, nine Wraith down, now to find Teyla.

John took out the LSD and noted a dot that was started to blink over ot a square shape, OK this is bad, I'm running out of time, what floor is she on? John pressed a few buttons on the LSD and found that Teyla was on the far side of the ship near the engines, I'm really running out of time!

John made a right turn and took off at a run.