Been a while since I wrote something. I had a new found love of fanfiction though, especially this pairing. So this is just a warm up before I really start writing again. I am a little rusty so forgive me. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: The series and Naruto belong to the one & only Masashi Kishimoto.
Not really sure how to feel about it.
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can't live without you.
It takes me all the way.
I want you to stay.
It was scary.
The kind of fear you get when you feel utterly helpless. When you don't have control over anything anymore, most of all yourself. It was scary because was it ever really safe to give someone power over you? To know that if they chose to, they could break you? That's what love was.
Was it possible to fear for yourself, and feel safe at the same time?
That's how she felt right now, blanketed by the darkness with only a slimmer of moonlight peeking through the curtains of a window. The air around her was calm, but a storm turmoil within her. Her eyes stared into the blackness, images dancing across her vision. Shy smiles, gentle touches, heated kisses, and shared secrets. Conversations floated through her ears, simple words with powerful meanings, soft promises, private jokes, and mutual laughter. They all compounded to this moment right now, to this place right now. She felt as though she had given something very precious away tonight. Not something physical, but emotional. She had given up control, was free falling, and she wasn't sure if someone would be at the bottom to catch her. When she reached the ground, would she shatter? More importantly, would she be able to put herself back together?
She was brought back to reality by the rise and fall of the chest her cheek was pressed against. She tilted her head up slightly, looking into the face of her lover through a half lidded gaze. He remained asleep, blissfully unaware of her conflicting thoughts. Her hand rose, finger tips ghosting over his features. He was handsome, this she already knew, but in sleep his face was unguarded and that emphasized it even more. She paused over his lips, a sudden urge to kiss him filled her. To share her affection, her love. Yet that fear stopped her. She was in love, that she was sure of, and now that she had let him know things would change.
Her hand recoiled back to her side. Would he leave her, like so many others in her life had done? Would he take advantage of her, like many others had done? It seemed that when you loved, ultimately it abandoned or hurt you, and no matter how many times you went through it… the pain of loss never lessen. Her heart clenched painfully at the thought of losing him. This was a different kind of love. As cliché as it sounded, the way she felt about him she had never felt for another man.
She wanted to leave. To close herself off limiting his power of her. If this thing between them ended, she wanted to be on her terms. Before he could hurt her. Wouldn't it be wiser to nip this in the bud before it grew stronger than it already was? Never had she wanted to run away so badly.
What have you done to me? She thought, a sad smile upturning her lips.
He shifted again as though he felt her uneasiness. She held her breath, hoping that he'd stay asleep. Her hopes went unanswered as his eyes fluttered open. He blinked once, twice before his eyes adjusted and focused on her face. The smile he gave her made her heart flip.
"Hey."
She couldn't help but smile back.
"Hey."
"Something's wrong." Voice husky from sleep. It was more of a statement than a question. He always could read her well.
She didn't say anything at first. Simply stared into his eyes, debating whether to tell the truth or to lie. It laid there on the tip of her tongue to do the latter but she stopped. In his eyes, she could see his love for her. Could see all the things that could be between them, their future, what brought them to this point right now. A warmth spread through her chest and she realized something. Something important that made her grow, just a little bit.
"No," she responded with a genuine smile, "I love you." She said it more easily this time. Without the fear of the what ifs that could follow.
He gave her a lazy smile in return and pulled her closer. His head dipped slightly, placing a soft kiss against her temple. He was a man of few words, his actions spoke for him.
It was scary.
The kind of fear you get when you feel utterly helpless. When you don't have control over anything anymore, most of all yourself. It was scary because was it ever really safe to give someone power over you? To know that if they chose to, they could break you? That's what love was.
But she realized that he was worth it. She would rather experience every moment, good or bad, and risk the possibility of having her heartbroken than to never know. To wonder about what could have happened. He was worth fighting for, worth sticking around, worth putting her heart on the line. They were worth it.
So while she was afraid, it was over taken by her love of him. It made her brave, & made her stay.