A/N: first off, I have not forgotten nor abandoned Unshaken. I promise to finish it before the end of the year... that is my goal, but I want to completely finish before I post anymore because I'm working on some threads I want to make sure all fit correctly.
With that out of the way, here is my first Supernatural fic... also my first slash fic, so... yeah...
Takes place towards the end of season five the night before Dean goes to confront Death.
Disclaimer: not mine, if it was, Destiel would so be cannon.
Dean stepped outside onto Bobby's front porch with a beer in hand. He paused as soon as he crossed the threshold of the doorway when he realized that his intended alone time with his beer and the night sky was not as alone as he had thought it would be.
"Cas…" he said with a nod to the silent angel. Cas was standing at the edge of the porch, staring up at the starry sky with his usual far off look.
He tipped his head slightly and caught a glimpse of Dean from the corner of his eye before turning back to look up at the sky again, all in silence.
"Well, I can see you're just as chatty as ever tonight, Cas. I'll just leave you to…"
"You said you understand the 'dead beat father,' thing, Dean," Castiel's gravelly voice suddenly interrupted the hunter.
The Winchester paused in his retreat and stared at Castiel's back for a moment before he sighed and then resigned himself to having to comfort a celestial being again. Man his life was screwed up.
"Yeah, Cas, I did," he said as he walked up to stand beside the angel.
Blue eyes turned and met Dean's then. Dean began to feel rather uncomfortable as Castiel searched his face for something. He hated when the guy would do that. It always left him feeling vulnerable and far more open than to anyone else's scrutiny. Maybe it was because Dean knew who and what Castiel was… Maybe it was that all knowing, far off look that Cas always wore… Or maybe it's because Dean knew that Cas was one of the only beings still alive to have seen him at his lowest point.
"I know I asked you this before, but, I still don't know how you can live with it," the lost and hurt look on Castiel's face twisted some knife in Dean's gut. He knew that that would be the same face that he would wear if he hadn't gotten so good at lying to himself and the world around him. This was the face of how he truly felt inside. Maybe that was the reason that Castiel's stares made him so uncomfortable.
"I don't know, Cas," Dean said with a sigh as he stepped off the edge of the porch and sat down. "I guess that's just part of being human. We have to learn to deal with what life throws at us and continue to live our lives. What else is there for us to do?"
Cas stood over Dean for a while as he took a swig from his beer bottle. Dean could feel the angel's eyes on his back and he struggled to not flinch at the thought of the intense stare that he was currently pinned under.
"I suppose," Castiel said after a moment as he took a seat beside Dean. He reach over and plucked the bottle from Dean's hand, slightly surprising the Winchester. "That, I too will have to learn to deal with." He tipped his head back with the bottle pressed to his lips and took a huge slug.
"Hey there, Sparky, you might want to slow down. You don't exactly have the same level of tolerance that you had last time you know."
Cas let out a slight chuckle that also kind of startled Dean as he handed the bottle back. "Yes, I suppose that is correct as well." He glanced down at his body and plucked at his shirt. "I had become used to this vessel, but I had never expected that it would become permanent."
"Well, welcome to the human race, Cas," Dean said with a crooked grin before taking another swallow of beer and handing the bottle back to his companion.
Cas took the bottle, but held onto it without taking another drink. When he spoke next, it almost seemed as if he were speaking to the bottle in his hands rather than Dean. "I'm not exactly human, you know," he said. Dean stared at Cas, waiting for him to elaborate. When he didn't Dean prompted him.
"Well, from what I can see you're not exactly an angel anymore either."
"No, I'm not," Castiel sighed as he turned his attention back to the heavens. "But I am…"
"Yeah, ok Mr. Cryptic," Dean said as he snatched the beer back and took another drink. Cas never took his eyes from the stars.
"It's my grace, Dean," he said in a far off voice. "I still have my grace. That is what makes an angel an angel."
"But you can't do anything angelic anymore. And Sam and I caught you napping in the car ride back here. Last I checked angels don't need to sleep."
"There are a few… lingering angelic qualities I still possess, but, yes, that's where I'm not an angel anymore. I've been cut off from the power of heaven and that last spell that I used drained the last of my reserves. But, they have been going for some time now."
Dean shook his head and said, "Yeah, I know."
"Do you?" Cas asked, as he suddenly pulled his eyes from the sky to stare directly at Dean again. This time it was an accusatory stare. It was one that Dean was not used to receiving from the angel. Cas rarely judged. He would inquire and wonder. He would be direct and blunt. But it was rare that he would actually judge Dean with his looks. "All you have known is that I can do less and less to help you, Dean. And yet you have continued to demand that I do. I told you, from the start, that I was cut off from heaven. I begged you not to make me take you to the past to stop Anna. I have reminded you time and again that my powers have been limited and yet you still have expected me to perform for you." He stood then and walked to stand in front of a stunned Dean. "I may have been powerful enough to raise you from the pit at one point Dean, but look at how the mighty have now fallen," he said as he threw his arms out and spun around once in place.
He continued to stare down at Dean for a moment. Dean wasn't sure what to say. Cas apparently didn't have anything left to say either as he sighed and dropped his arms and turned away again. "But, it doesn't matter. I'm mortal now, and everything that makes me angelic will soon be completely faded… and just in time too since we probably won't live past tomorrow."
Dean snorted and said, "Yeah, what with you going off to stop the zombie apocalypse and me going to go kill Death. Seems like we might not make it to the final battle after all."
Cas glanced back and Dean noticed the crooked smile on his face. It reminded him so much of his own that he was a little spooked. He was the main human that Cas interacted with, it shouldn't have come as a surprise that Cas would adopt some of his mannerisms. But he wasn't sure he liked the level of influence he had over an angel, former or otherwise.
"Dean," Castiel said as he returned to sit beside him again. "This isn't the first time that I was fairly certain I wouldn't survive a mission."
Dean nearly choked on his beer he had been drinking as he realized what the angel was talking about. "Yeah, don't suppose you've managed to fulfill that bucket list item since then?"
"No…" Cas said. "The, ah, opportunity has yet to arise."
"Well, Cas, it really is a shame. You should have made time for that."
They both sat in silence for a long time as Dean finished his beer. "Dean, what is it like?" Cas finally asked.
"What is what like?" Dean asked, having forgotten what they had been talking about.
"Sex."
Dean coughed at the statement, unsure of how to even begin to approach that whole bag of snakes. "Cas, ah, I don't think that ah… Well, it's really…" he looked up at Cas and saw that the angel was studying him intently again. He wanted an answer to his question and he was waiting for Dean to be able to give it.
Dean sighed and shook his head. "Look, Cas," he said softly. "It's not really something that I can describe for you. It's something you have to experience. And, even then, every experience is different. It's different for every person and for every person that you are with. That's part of the beauty of it man… You never know what you're going to get."
Castiel was silent for a while as he contemplated those words. "Then I fail to see why it would matter if I died a virgin if there is really no one defining experience of a sexual encounter."
Dean couldn't help but laugh slightly. "All this time around humans and you still don't get it, man."
The angel turned his head sideways as he regarded Dean. Dean took another long dreg from his beer before he shook his head again and then finally met Castiel's eyes. "It's not about any one experience. Hell, you should have realized by now that our lives aren't all the same thing, everyday… Dude, life is crazy. One minute you could be on top of the world, wrapped up in the throes of ecstasy and the next…" Dean cut off as his smile faltered and he took another sip of beer. "Well the next you might find yourself in the pit of hell."
Cas frowned at this. "Does the moment of ecstasy help the times of trouble?" he asked.
Dean frowned some more before he looked away. He was looking back up at the stars when he said, "Sometimes… mostly no though." Then a determined look crossed his face as he turned back to the angel. "But that's not the point. The point is to have the experience. Yeah, you may never know what you're going to get when you have sex, but that's not the point. The point is that you experienced it. And, maybe in the rush of pleasure, just maybe you can find some bit of comfort for when hell comes a'knocking. Don't you think that we deserve at least a chance at that?"
Cas nodded once after only a moment of thought. "Yes, I can see where that would be something worth attempting." He turned and looked off into the distance then. "It is too bad then that I did not get to at least attempt that," he said softly. "It seems that I could use some level of comfort before facing what lies ahead."
Dean continued to stare at Cas for a while in silence as the angel continued to stare off to God knows where. Dean knew the angel's powers were all but gone, but, the way he still had that distant stare, Dean could swear that he could still see things that Dean could only guess at.
"Cas," he said suddenly, nearly startling himself.
The angel pulled his thousand mile stare back and focused on Dean again.
Dean swallowed thickly as he suddenly wondered what it was that he was going to say. But, it turned out that whatever had crossed his mind didn't want to be spoken. He suddenly stood up and held a hand out to Cas as he placed his now empty bottle on the top step.
With another quizzical quirk of his head, Castiel reached up and took Dean's hand, allowing the hunter to pull him to a stand. Dean still wasn't sure what he was doing as he didn't release the angel's hand but rather turned and started to pull him along behind him.
It wasn't until he had brought Cas into a small barn across the scrap yard that his brain caught up with his actions and he came to sudden halt, standing just beside the ladder that lead to the loft above. He swayed a moment as he wondered if he was really actually thinking about doing this.
He could almost hear the angel tilt his head behind him as Cas was, no doubt, wondering why Dean had brought him there and why he was now standing so still.
Dean finally sighed as he muttered to himself, "What the hell…"
He turned and around faced Castiel, and, of course, the angel had that same head tilt of confusion.
"Look, I…" Dean started and then he let out a frustrated huff. He was frustrated with himself more than anything. This was so far out of his comfort zone that he was quit certain that he was going to need a state of the art, military grade, GPS to ever find it again. But, what was that he had just been preaching about humans needing new experiences?
"Cas… Ok," he raised a finger as he said seriously, "First, you can't breathe a word of this to anyone else… especially Sam and Bobby. And I mean, not a word… not even the, 'Dean said not to speak of it,' crap that pretty much gives everything away anyway."
Castiel's brows pulled up in further confusion but he nodded, "I am not sure what it is you are referring to, but yes, if you wish me not speak of something, I will not."
Dean sighed again as he lowered his finger and then nodded, "Ok, good… well then," he turned and glanced at the wooden ladder beside him. He reached out and touched the rough wood as a few memories came back to him. "You know, this is where I lost my virginity," he said softly while his hand brushed against the ladder. "Katy West… Sam and I were staying with Bobby for a while again while Dad was out tracking… I think it was a vamp nest, but I can't remember for sure. Anyway, Katy was a girl from school," Dean smiled at the memory. "She was a cheerleader of course. Not the sharpest tool in the shed. But somehow I convinced her that she was the one I needed to help me study for that history exam."
He glanced back at Castiel. He was no longer looking confused but was simply standing there, listening to what Dean had to say. The guy didn't know where Dean was going with this little trip down memory lane, but he wasn't exactly averse to being brought along.
Dean laughed nervously as he shook his head, "Yeah, I guess that's not really important. I just thought maybe you'd catch on to why I brought you here without having to say it."
And there was that head tilt again. "No Dean, I do not understand your reason for bringing me here. Is it to show that a person's first time does not have to be somewhere special?"
Dean laughed again as he said, "No, that's not it… But, that is partly true. The place can be made special because it was your first time."
Cas smiled in understanding and then nodded, "I see. The location is not important, just the experience."
Dean sighed and nodded, "Yeah, but…" He glanced up the ladder again and then suddenly spat it out, "Ah hell, Cas, I know it's not ideal or anything, but, seeing how we're both probably going to come to some kind of messy end tomorrow with the world to soon follow, would you like me to take your virginity?"
Dean couldn't help the huge blush that hit his cheeks at that moment as he quickly looked away and kind of wanted to choke on his own tongue. He had totally just offered to fuck an angel. He already knew he was going to be going back to hell sooner or later, but this pretty much just sealed the deal.
"Dean…" Cas' soft, low voice muttered.
Dean let out a nervous huff of air as a way of a laugh and ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, thought it was a stupid idea too," he muttered and started to turn away to leave as quickly as possible.
He was stunned into immobility when Castiel's hand was suddenly on his wrist. "Dean," he said in that same soft tone. "I didn't refuse."
Dean felt his face grow even warmer. He wasn't sure if the fact that Cas was considering his offer made him glad or extremely worried. He was actually considering having sex with an angel… Well, technically he kind of did before. But Anna was human at the time.
As he glanced up at Cas, he had to admit that he wasn't much of an angel at the moment either.
Still…
"Ah, Cas… I'm glad to hear that you're interested, but you know…" he broke off a little awkwardly.
Castiel regarded him with that slight tilt to his head as he tried to figure out exactly what he was supposed to know. "No, Dean, I'm afraid I do not know. But…" his impossibly blue eyes bore into Dean's. "…I would accept your offer if you are still willing."
Dean sighed and then said, "I am, buddy. But, like I said, it's not exactly ideal. I mean…" he broke off again and then decided that he might as well blurt this part out as well. "I don't exactly have experience in this kind of…" he gestured between the two of them, "…thing."
Cas continued to regard Dean with a confused frown for a moment before Dean saw the lights suddenly go on for the angel. "You mean you have not explored a homosexual coupling before," he said with a little bit of pride at figuring out what Dean was trying to tell him.
Dean had to laugh again because he didn't know what else to do, "Yeah. That's what I'm saying."
"Then, I guess it will be a type of virginity loss for both of us," the angel said as a matter of fact.
Dean stopped his slightly embarrassed laughter and then nodded to Castiel. "Yeah, I guess so." He glanced at the ladder and then back at Cas. "So… shall we?" he asked as he gestured for Cas to proceed him up the ladder.
The angel continued to stare at Dean for just a moment longer before he nodded and began to climb. Dean swallowed the huge lump of fear and self doubt that was working its way up his throat and then slowly followed the angel up the ladder.
He had a moment of déjà vu when he reached the top and saw Cas had moved the short distance away from the ladder and to the back corner to turn and look at Dean expectantly. That was exactly where Katy had stood all those years ago with a somewhat similar expression on her face. That, and Dean was experiencing the same nervous flutters in his stomach now as he had then.
Dude, he thought to himself. What the fuck is your problem? This is so not your first screw.
But, deep down, Dean knew what his problem was. This was Cas. And this was Cas' first time. And Dean desperately didn't want to mess that up.
Cas began to look nervous as well now as he glanced around, "I am… uncertain as to how to proceed," he said.
Dean blinked and shook himself. Of course, Cas had to be far more nervous than he was. He needed to be the one to take charge here. How messed up is that? He couldn't help but think. I have to take charge with an angel.
But Dean nodded once and then quickly moved over to stand next to Castiel. He glanced around and spotted the old ragged blanket in the corner that he used to keep up here for just such occasions. Katy may have been his first here, but it was such a successful location that he was sure to keep it ready for others.
Dean kind of frowned to himself as he picked up the blanket and brushed the layer of dust off of it. This was a reminder of all those other times and he wasn't so sure if he should be using it while he deflowered an angel.
"I assume that you are concerned by the lack of cover up here, but I assure you, I do not mind," Castiel said.
Dean glanced over at Cas and then smiled slightly as he dropped the blanket back where it was. It was just as dirty as the wooden floor here at this point anyway so it didn't really matter. "I have a better idea," he said as he came over to stand directly in front of Castiel.
The angel looked up at Dean with a certain amount of apprehension as Dean slowly reached out and slid his hands just under the trench coat at Castiel's shoulders. "I know that you're not too used to being without out it, but trust me, a little cover will be wanted later." Dean said softly as he gently pushed the coat off and slid it down his arms.
Castiel didn't take his eyes from Dean as the hunter removed the coat and then turned with it in hand to spread out on the floor. When he turned back to face the angel, he couldn't get over how strange he looked without that coat.
"I suppose it doesn't really matter. It would have had to come off anyway," the angel said as he glanced almost forlornly at his coat on the floor.
Dean choked back a laugh. He was quite correct but the blunt manner he spoke in always amused the hunter. "Yeah, as usual, you're right Cas," he said with a smile on his lips as he suddenly stepped forward and wrapped his arms around the angel. He felt Cas stiffen in his hold at first but, as Dean instinctively placed a kiss on the top of Cas' head, the angel loosened, ever so slightly.
"That's it, Cas," Dean practically whispered into his hair. "Just relax." He released his grip on the angel's shoulders and put just enough distance between them to be able to look at Castiel's face. The angel's eyes were as deep and blue as ever but there was such a large amount of apprehension there that Dean wasn't sure how to react.
"Just relax," he repeated. "I'm not going to hurt you," Dean said softly as he hooked a finger under Castiel's chin and gently tipped his face up towards his own. Slowly, he lowered his lips to the angel's, closing his eyes as he did so. He was certain about this now… he wanted to make sure that Cas had something to take with him from this human experience that wasn't pain and suffering. The guy deserved at least that much for everything that he had done for them. But it was still such a strange thing for Dean that he had to put at least some mental distance from what was happening… at least for the moment.
He found Cas' lips by feel and was slightly surprised at how soft the lips felt below his own. They didn't feel any different than any other lips that he had kissed. Except for maybe that there was nothing coming back from them. Usually when Dean was kissing a girl, she was eagerly kissing back. But Dean could feel the hesitation and reserve in those lips below his own that had him a little worried that maybe Cas wasn't really completely on board with this.
He backed off slightly and opened his eyes again. Cas was looking directly into Dean's eyes with the same expression that had been there a moment ago.
"Cas, are you sure you want me to do this?" Dean asked. He was subconsciously amused by the fact he was keeping himself even further in the angel's personal space than Cas had ever done to him.
Cas blinked once and then nodded. "Yes, I am certain. I trust you, Dean."
There it was... Dean hoped that Cas wouldn't put trust into the equation. Dean knew that he was not someone that the angel should trust and, yet, he always seemed to put far too much of it in him.
Dean bit back the flutter in his stomach at Cas' words. He wanted to argue at the guy for saying that. He didn't want that. He just wanted to… to thank? No, that wasn't exactly it. But he simply wanted to show Castiel how much he… appreciated? Sure, go with that, everything that the angel had done for them… for him.
Dean sighed and then said, "Ok, if you're sure. But, I know you're new at this and all, but how about you try to at least show a little interest in what we're doing here?"
Cas tilted his head ever so slightly as he considered Dean's words before he gave a barely perceptible nod. Dean took that as confirmation that the angel knew what he was trying to say and so leaned forward again for another kiss. This time his lips met Cas' a little quicker as the angel leaned up to meet him a fraction of an inch. It wasn't much, but it was enough to confirm to Dean that Castiel was at least amenable if not terribly ardent to the whole situation.
Dean applied a little more pressure to their kiss as he snaked the hand that had been under Castiel's chin around to gently press on the back of his head. He worked his lips against Cas' exploring the still surprisingly soft texture of his lips.
Dean was slowly getting himself to relax as he started to feel Cas at least try to mimic his responses. With a sigh, Dean let go of the inhibitions that had been clouding his actions from the get go. He identified every one of his fears of going gay and stirrings of complete wrongness of this situations and shoved them aside. This was just like any other sexual encounter that he had ever had… Well, not quite, but it might as well be. The goal was still the same, find some pleasure and make sure to give it in return.
He parted his lips ever so slightly as his other hand that wasn't running through Cas' hair slipped around and ran up the angel's back, drawing their already touching bodies together even tighter.
He sighed into Cas' lips as he felt a tentative hand run up his back in a similar manner. Cas wasn't gripping as tightly, but he was at least putting in an effort. That was all that Dean needed to know that he was free to continue.
Gently, he opened his lips just a little more, trying to press Cas' lips open in response. It took another nudge and a slight lick from Dean's tongue for Cas to get the message, but the angel parted his own lips, allowing Dean entrance.
Dean was a little surprised at the nearly inaudible deep moan he thought he heard from the angel as his tongue sort out and began to explore the inside of his mouth.
He couldn't help the slightly smug grin that pulled at his lips at the thought he was making an angel moan. Still, he didn't let his moment of triumph distract him from what he was doing. Besides, a single moan was not all that he was after here.
It took a few more moments, but, after Dean had showed Cas exactly how this kissing thing worked, the angel began to try a bit of his own. Now Dean was a bit startled at his own, deep moan that he heard when it was Cas that was licking at the inside of his mouth.
Damn, he's a fast learner, Dean thought.
Dean kept them lip locked as they began to wrestle for a moment for dominance in the kiss. Cas was learning faster and faster and he seemed more than eager at this point. Dean figured that it was a good sign that he had permission to move on.
The hand that was in Castiel's hair was brought down and slowly slid in between Cas' shirt and dress jacket. It didn't seem that the angel even noticed as he was far too intent on what their mouths were currently doing. It didn't take much for Dean to shove the jacket off of the angel's shoulder and down his arm that hadn't yet found a place.
That completed, Dean lowered the arm that was gripping onto the angel's back and allowed the jacket to fall over so that it was prevented from falling just by Cas' other arm. Dean then took Cas' free hand and placed it on his own shoulder before reaching back and pulling the arm that held them together away slightly, finally allowing the jacket to slide off and crumple onto the floor.
Castiel paused in what he was doing then and backed away from the kiss just slightly. His wide blue eyes looked up at Dean as if asking if this was right. Dean just smiled and gave a slight nod before leaning forward and catching Cas' lips again. He drew their bodies together and now felt both of Cas' hands gripping onto him tightly in response. Dean let out a slight gasp as he suddenly felt something warm and hard press into his thigh.
He choked back the reflexive response to shove Cas away at that point. There was still something ingrained deep in him that found the fact he was feeling another man's erection to be wrong. But, there was another, and currently far stronger, part of him that was unbelievably smug and turned on by the fact that he had already gotten the virgin angel this responsive.
Dean quickly brought his hand between their meshed bodies and started to singlehandedly unbutton the dress shirt. He wanted to remove the tie first, but that was a little more difficult with one hand and the way that Cas was assaulting his lips at the moment, he didn't think the angel would be very interested in breaking that contact, even for the second that it would take to pull the tie up and off.
But Dean was skilled with this one handed undressing business. Apparently that carried over from women's to men's clothes. In a matter of moment's he had completely unbuttoned Cas' shirt and had drawn it up from where it was tucked into his pants. That action drew another soft groan from the angel. This time, Cas backed out of the kiss again and glanced up at Dean.
Dean saw a question in his wide pupils but for some reason the angel wasn't asking it. Dean was used to Cas just blurting out whatever came to his mind and was wondering why the angel was all of a sudden reluctant to do so.
"What is it, Cas?" Dean asked, slightly concerned that the angel was suddenly having second thoughts on this matter.
Castiel paused a moment as he continued to stare at Dean in slight confusion. "Should I… Should I be undressing you as well, Dean?" he finally asked.
Dean was taken aback by the light flip that his stomach did at that question. It was such a Castiel thing to ask. Of course he wasn't sure when he should be mimicking Dean's moves or not. But something about the way that it was asked seemed to send shivers down Dean's spine. This was weird, but he decided that it wasn't a bad weird so he just decided to go with it.
"Only if you want to," Dean said as he leaned forward and kissed Cas on the forehead. "And tell me if you want me to stop too, Cas," he added softly. "Ok?" He felt a slight ripple of fear (he wasn't quite sure where it came from) in his gut that Cas would say to stop at that point. But the angel clearly was not ready to abandon his exploits just yet since he began to hesitantly pull at Dean's tee-shirt, drawing it from where it was tucked into his jeans.
Dean smiled and continued what he had been doing. Now that his face wasn't being assaulted with angel lips, he quickly reached down and loosened the sloppy tie and pulled it up and off of Cas' head. It was then that his hands finally were able to slide across bare flesh as he wiggled them in between the open white shirt and Cas' torso.
He was, again, surprised at the softness of the skin. There was a decided lack of round plumpness to grip onto that he was used to, but really, other than that, this wasn't so different. And Dean had been with his fair share of small-titted women in the past, so he already had other ideas of where to place his hands.
One of his hands skated downward, sliding off of bare skin and onto slick pants to find that there was quite a nice hand hold down there. The other ran up Cas' back, gently massaging his fingers into bare skin up his spine and to his shoulders.
Cas suddenly gasped and pulled back slightly with a much louder moan spilling from his lips when Dean's fingers brushed against his shoulder blade.
"Cas?" Dean asked in concern.
"It… it's alright, Dean," Castiel said as he took a few deep breaths and swallowed deeply.
Dean knew that look on Cas' face and was stunned that he was able to bring something so raw to the usually blank expression angel. That was the look of pure lust and desire.
"It's just… that's where my wings connect," he gasped out even as Dean brushed his fingers against that spot again.
Dean suddenly drew his fingers away. "Oh, god… I didn't… Did I hurt…?" he started to panic. He had never even thought about that before. He knew, on some level, that Cas was a angel and so he had to have wings. He had seen their shadows a time or two whenever the angel had been showing off his power. But he never really connected with the idea that his wings were there, all the time, and that he might be able to touch them.
"No, Dean," Cas said quickly as his arms reached out and drew Dean back to him. "You didn't hurt me. It's just… well, an angel's wings are very… sensitive. A human can't usually touch them, so I was just taken by… surprise."
"We can't?" Dean asked as he tentatively brought his fingers back to that spot. He gently ran them over the shoulder blade again and marveled as Cas closed his eyes in extreme enjoyment as he let out stuttering sigh.
That self-satisfied smile crossed Dean's face again as he realized that he had found something that was giving Cas quite a sensation of pleasure.
"Technically," Cas managed to speak again as Dean brought his hand up to find the spot again. "You are not now. That's just where they connect to my vessel. It's not a large area and one that is not usually found in causal touch. But, apparently…" he hiss out another gasp as Dean mercilessly ran his fingers across that sensitive area again.
After another gasp, Cas kept his eyes closed and leaned his head up against Dean's chest but managed to finish his sentence like that. "…apparently that area is just as sensitive as my wings."
"Well, you learn something new every day," Dean said with a grin as he brought his other hand up and found the mirror place on the opposite side of Cas' back and gently pressed his fingers against both shoulder blades.
He was suddenly supporting all of Cas' weight as the guy's knees seemed to completely give out at that point, crashing him into Dean's chest and sending a very deep throated thrum from his lips. Dean gasped as he wrapped his arms around the angel tightly and stumbled backward slightly while bracing the sudden weight. He managed to not drop the boneless angel but he did turn his stumble into a way to slowly lower Cas to his spread out coat on the floor.
"Dean, I… I'm sorry," Cas muttered as he started to try to pull away and find his feet again.
Dean chuckled softly at him and shook his head while gently keeping hold and guiding Cas all the way to the floor. "That's fine, Cas," he said fondly. "I guess that was a little too much for you just now. I didn't realize exactly how… ah, sensitive, that spot was for you."
Cas blinked at his new position as he realized that he was now laying on his back with Dean propped up along his side, leaning over him. "I was not aware until now either," Cas replied simply as he looked around with a slightly uncomfortable expression on his face.
"Is this alright, Cas?" Dean asked him as he reached a hand over and caught the angel's chin again, bringing him to face Dean again.
Castiel stared up into the hunter's eyes and then nodded slightly. "Yes, Dean. As I said, I trust you."
Dean had to swallow back his hatred of that statement again and simply nodded once in response before lowering his head down to lock lips with Cas in this new position. It took a moment for Cas to warm up to this again, but soon both of them were panting and sharing slight moans of satisfaction as they sought further contact.
Dean finally managed to completely push Cas' shirt from his shoulders so that he was bare-chested and, at some point, Dean was surprised to realize that his own shirt had been discarded. He was draped over Cas now, running a hand down the angel's side, while burying the other in the dark soft locks. His lips had moved down from Castiel's and were currently lightly sucking at his collarbone.
"Dean," Cas practically purred as he threw his head back and arched into Dean's touches.
Dean smiled as he continued what he was doing; merciless in his assault on the angel's newly awaken senses.
Castiel reached up and buried both of his hands in Dean's hair, pulsing his fingers in rhythm with what Dean was doing to him. Dean heard another satisfied moan falling from his own lips as Cas became more and more responsive. Hands were wandering over his back now and slipping across his chest where there was room between their bodies.
Dean moved now so that he had a knee to either side of Cas' abs. He looked down then at the enraptured angel and he was suddenly struck with how surreal this was. This was Cas… this was the angel of the lord that had pulled him out of hell. What the hell am I doing? Dean thought.
Castiel stilled slightly under him and looked up, seemingly confused why Dean had paused. "Dean?" he asked.
Dean shook his head and then leaned over, capturing Cas' head between his hands. "Sorry, Cas… I was… I was just thinking how I'm not exactly worthy to be the one to do this."
Cas tilted his head as much as he was able to while still being pinned to the floor and his head being held in Dean's hands. A slight confused frown pulled at his features as he said, "I believe that it is I who is unworthy for your attention, Dean. This isn't your normal, 'thing,' as I understand it. You are doing this for my sake, are you not?"
Dean paused and thought about that a moment. He was just coming to a strange conclusion and was opening his mouth to say so when Castiel suddenly pushed Dean up so that he could sit up. Dean stared into Cas' eyes in confusion as the angel returned a measured gaze. Dean was still straddling the angel but now they were both vertical and looking at one another.
"Dean, I have come to realize that you have a very low opinion of yourself that I find very… annoying," Cas told him. "If you could see what I see when I look at you, you would realize that you have one of the purest and most worthy souls that I have ever seen."
Dean scoffed at this as he turned his head aside. "Yeah, sure. You mean for someone that went to hell and back…"
Cas reached up then and grabbed the scar on Dean's arm, aligning his hand perfectly with it and tightening his grip. "I mean," he said firmly, causing Dean to look back and meet his eye. "Exactly what I said, Dean. That's what I saw when I found you in the pit. That's how I knew that you were the one I was after. The seal could only have been broken by a righteous man, Dean, and you were the most beautiful and righteous soul that I had and ever have laid eyes on, hell or no hell."
Dean felt terribly choked up at that point. He didn't like this kind of attention or lies from the angel. He was sure that Cas was only telling him what he thought he wanted to hear, it wasn't possible that it could be the truth.
"That's bull, Cas," he said through clenched teeth as he quickly pulled back from the angel and stood up.
"Dean!" Cas called as he swiftly stood as well. He reached out and grabbed Dean's wrist again, preventing Dean from retreating. "Dean, I am not lying to you," he said with an air of desperation that Dean had never heard from him before.
Dean froze, still turned away from Cas, but not trying to pull out of the hold either.
Castiel sighed and said softly, "I know you have difficulty believing it, but it is true, Dean. You think that you are a horrible person because you can only ever see your own failings and short comings. But if you would take a moment and see all of the good you have done… all of the things that you stand up for and believe in, then you might be able to glimpse a tiny bit of what I see in you."
Dean swallowed the lump in his throat as he tried to find his voice again. "I can't see it, Cas…" He turned around then and finally looked into Castiel's eyes. "I'm sorry, but there are too many failures to see anything else."
Castiel searched Dean's face with his wide eyes. Dean hated when the angel would do that. It always felt as if he was looking right into him, weighing and measuring everything he was and tried to hide from the rest of the world. And really, that probably was exactly what the angel was doing.
"Dean, do you trust me?" he asked after a moment.
The hunter stared back at Castiel at a complete loss for words. Yeah, Cas always said that he trusted Dean, but could Dean give that in return? He didn't think that the angel should trust him anywhere near the amount that he did. In some ways, when Cas had lost faith in him when he had been willing to say yes to Michael, it was almost a relief. It was hard living up to an angel's expectations. But that had also been one of the most painful conversations in his life and there had been far too many of those.
"Wait, you're going to take on five angels?" Dean had asked after hearing the angel's plan to clear out the angels guarding Adam.
"Yes," was Castiel's simple response.
"Isn't that suicide?"
"Maybe it is," he admitted. "But then I won't have to watch you fail." Dean couldn't believe that he had just heard that from the angel. "Sorry Dean, but I don't have the same faith in you that Sam does."
Dean swallowed hard at the memory of that moment. That was the only time that Dean could think of where the angel had lost complete trust in Dean. There were times before where Cas was torn between Dean and heaven, but he had never completely given up on him. And now, this angel of the lord was cast out of heaven because of his trust in Dean. He had all but lost his angel powers and was standing in front of him now far more human than angel, asking if Dean trusted him?
"I…" Dean started but he wasn't sure of the answer. He wanted to, but that would mean he would have to believe what Cas was telling him. He would be forced to accept that he might actually be a good person and someone worth saving, but that was something that he just could not believe.
"Dean," Cas said, lowering his voice even further as he closed the distance between them a tiny bit more. "You know how far I trust you. You know what I have given up to follow you and your brother in this insane task. All I want to know is if there is at least a small portion of that trust in return. I know, as a human, you cannot grasp the idea of complete trust and faith. It is something that your kind just cannot achieve. But what I am looking for is at least the same about of trust you put in Sam or in Bobby… because we are all in this together. I just need to know where it is that I fit in your life."
Dean let out a relieved sigh. "Then yes, Cas," Dean replied readily. This was something he could agree to. "Yes, you are just as much a part of my family right now as Sam and Bobby. I…" Dean broke off and looked at the angel in a bit of confusion. He pictured himself looking much like Cas at that moment when the angel didn't quite get something. "I can't believe you didn't know that already."
Cas shook his head and looked down. "I know that I am, well, that I was, useful in your plans. But you have never said or indicated that I am…" he looked up and met Dean's eyes again. "…Family."
"Cas…"
"Dean," Castiel interrupted him. He placed a hand on Dean's chest and focused his attention there as he finished what it was that he wanted to say. "I know that, even with this, there are things that I tell you that you still cannot believe. The same is true for Sam and Bobby. I know they have said the same things to you on numerous occasions. But the fact that you are at least able to listen to me and not dismiss what I have to say out of hand is all that I need."
He looked up at Dean again and said, "I can only hope that, someday, you'll hear it enough from those that you trust, that you might begin to believe it yourself."
Dean swallowed hard again. He didn't like this… this was way too chick flick for him. He wanted to turn and run but he knew that if he did, he would not only hurt the angel's new found and fragile feelings, but he would also be backing out of a promise that he had made him months ago.
It seemed that Cas knew this though as he tried to draw things back to where they were. "But none of that matters right now Dean. This…" he nodded to his hand that was still placed against Dean's chest. "…This isn't about worthy or righteousness or anything like that. This isn't about fate or destiny or orders or even stopping the apocalypse. This is about free will… This is a choice that you made to offer to me and I chose to accept. Now, you can choose to take it back, but…" He smiled ever so slightly. "I don't think that you will."
Dean couldn't help it. Somehow his bumbling, socially awkward, childlike angel knew exactly what to say. Cas was right. It didn't matter if he thought himself worthy right now or not. What mattered is that it was something that both of them chose to do.
"Jerk," Dean whispered as he leaned forward to catch Cas' lips again with his own.
Dean barely heard it before he had captured those lips but he was sure Cas breathed, "Bitch," just before his lips were blocked. Dean smirked into the kiss as he quickly worked them back to the position that they had just left. Apparently Cas was learning quite a bit about how to deal with him.
Dean was once again sucking at Castiel's collarbone while his hands started to wander lower. Cas seemed so completely engrossed in what Dean was doing with his mouth that he didn't notice right away that the hunter's hands were now busy. Dean had undone his belt and had opened the angel's pants in a flash.
It wasn't until Dean's warm hand made contact with Castiel's even warmer bulge that the angel even realized what was happening. He gasped and suddenly arched into Dean's touch on instinct.
Dean smiled at that, using the pleasure of seeing Cas coming undone to cover up the awkward stirrings that he was getting from this. He was good with women. He knew where and how and when to touch. But, men…? Still, he figured he had a little experience in what was good in that area too, even if it was on the receiving end rather than the giving.
Dean moved his mouth down Castiel's chest, sucking and gently nipping at his skin while his hand started to slowly caress the hardening member that was now straining against the inside of the angel's pants.
Cas let out a shaky breath with a half moan under it as he pushed up into Dean's hand again. "Easy there, killer," Dean chided softly with a slight chuckle in his voice. "We haven't even gotten to the good parts yet."
"Dean," Cas hummed, causing Dean to look up and meet the angel's half hooded eyes. "This is…" he let out another shaky breath as Dean pulsed his hand again. "You were right. Better not to die a virgin."
Dean laughed then as he quickly moved up and locked his lips with Castiel again. He drew his hand out of Cas' pants, causing the angel to whimper slightly into his mouth at the loss of contact. But Dean was quickly undoing his own pants while he distracted with his lips again. In a few moments, he was now completely nude, straddling the angel again.
"Are you sure you're alright with all of this?" Dean asked while sliding his hands across Castiel's chest.
The angel took in a pleasured breath and then nodded. "Yes, Dean. This is… fine."
Dean shook his head at Castiel's obvious understatement. The angel was in pure bliss right now, but apparently that simply meant, 'fine.'
Dean slid himself and his hands downward, catching the waist of Castiel's pants and slowly drew them down. Cas shifted slightly to allow for the ease of the removal but let out a hiss as Dean's fingers deliberately brushed over his now very firm erection on their journey south.
Dean pulled each leg from the pants and tossed the clothing to the ever growing pile to the side. He paused a moment and took in the sight of his angel. He knew Cas wasn't the beefiest of individuals. Well, Jimmy wasn't anyway, and so Cas wasn't by association. But, under all those layers of clothing, not to mention all those layers of radiating power and commanding presence, it was easy to forget that he wasn't physically very large.
Still, Dean was only mildly surprised to find the angel was actually very well toned despite being slight of frame. It wasn't necessary for an angel to be physically fit since they had their mojo and all. But apparently Cas, or maybe it was Jimmy, had seen it fit to be in shape. Dean was slightly more surprised by how much he liked the sight of Cas' firm and well sculpted body.
"Dean?" Cas asked as he leaned up slightly in order to look at Dean.
He shook his head of those odd thoughts and then returned to what he was doing. "Sorry, Cas. Now, where was I?"
"I believe that you were…" Cas started but was quickly forced to stop talking as Dean leaned forward and covered his mouth with his own again. This time as he kissed the angel, his hand had wrapped around the angel's erection and started to slowly work his hand up and down its length.
Cas let out a rather surprised moan as Dean released their kiss so the angel could take a breath. But Dean hadn't been able to get very far away as he now found Castiel's arms were wrapped tightly around his torso, pulling Dean closer to him and digging his fingers into the hunter's backside.
Dean found himself vocalizing his own wave of pleasure at finding himself trapped in the angel's arms. Cas pulled him down so their bodies were pressed against one another, trapping both of their erections and Dean's hand around Castiel's between them.
"Cas…" Dean breathed as he felt the angel push up into his hand again, rubbing himself not only against said hand, but right against Dean's own hardened member. Dean swallowed hard at the rush of sensations that flooded his body. He hadn't meant to get so involved in this himself. This was purely for Castiel's sake he had even suggested something like this. That guy deserve something for everything he had done and is still doing for them, damn it, and Dean wasn't going to let him possibly die tomorrow having never known the 'perks of rebelling.'
But now he was getting pulled into this as well and he couldn't find it in himself to care. Why not? He was just as likely to die tomorrow too, so why not take this street both ways?
"Damn it, Cas," he barely whispered under his breath as he released his hold. But, before Cas could get too miffed at the loss of contact, Dean positioned himself as little more over him and returned the favor by rolling his hips down in against Cas this time.
They both let out a satisfied moan at this action. Cas was pulling down on Dean again with his arms, digging his fingers into the hunters back again, pulsing them in rhythm with their movements. Dean was bracing himself on the jacket covered wooden floor with this hands to keep from coming down too hard on the ever eager angel while his lips and teeth were worrying away at Cas' right ear.
Cas was wrapping his legs around Dean's now, trying to gain more contact and more friction through whatever method possible. Dean couldn't help but find it so amusing how far the angel had come in the space of a few months. It seemed like just a few days ago he had brought an extremely uptight and nervous angel to a, 'den of iniquity.' Now the same angel was moaning and straining for more and more pleasure.
Dean switched to bracing his weight on one arm as he used the other to lift Cas up from the floor slightly. Cas leaned up into the embrace readily and almost hungrily began planting kisses and suckling at Dean's neck.
Dean let out a deep rumble of satisfaction in the back of his throat. His hand was bracing the angel now as his fingers sought for that area he had found before. Suddenly Cas gasped and threw his head back with a groan of ecstasy as Dean sunk his fingers into that sweet spot on his back again.
"Dean!" he would have shouted if he had had the air in his body to do so. As it was, it came out as a strangled whisper. Now the angel was torn. He wanted to continue to thrust his pelvis up against Dean but he also wanted to lean back into the hunter's fingers. He settled for writhing between the two points for a few moments before Dean decided to give the angel a break.
He slid his hand down from where he had been caressing Castiel's shoulder blade and placed it in the small of his back. Cas was taking gasping, heaving breaths at finally being released from so much stimulation. He leaned back into Dean's hold while still weakly holding himself up with his arms that wrapped around Dean.
"A bit much for you?" Dean asked as watched the angel catch his breath.
Cas simply continued to breath, unable, or possibly unwilling, to give voice to his thoughts at that moment.
Dean held the angel for another few breaths before he gently lowered him to his coat again. As he started to pull away, Cas tightened his grip, unwilling to let Dean get away from him. "Hey, don't worry. We're not done," Dean chided him. "I just thought… I'd… try something…" he said, as he felt a flush coming to his face. Why he thought to try this, he wasn't sure. It was so far out of his once well defined comfort zone that he wasn't even sure what direction to go to find it again. But, hell… eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we die!
Cas reluctantly released his hold on Dean and the hunter leaned up a moment as he moved down Castiel's body. The angel slightly bemoaned the absence of Dean's erection pressed so firmly against his own for a moment, but Dean didn't leave him wanting for very long.
Cas suddenly stiffened and became very still as he felt something new, warm, and this time, wet, tentatively touching his aching member. He looked down and saw that Dean was holding him in his hand gently as he started to lick at the tip.
"Dean?" he asked, unsure of this new turn. "I am not sure…"
"Trust me, Cas," Dean said softly, breathing the words lightly in front of him.
Cas bit his lip and then nodded as he lowered his head back to the floor. He let out a sigh as Dean returned to what he was doing. His fingers were softly running back and forth against the underside of Cas' erection while his tongue was getting ever bolder in its exploration.
It wasn't long before Cas was moaning again and writhing on the floor, breathing out Dean's name as if it were a prayer.
Dean, though not anywhere experienced in this sort of thing, was finding it unbelievably hot how much effect he was having on the angel. He began to take more and more of the angel into his mouth, earning new and interesting sounds and movements from the other.
Dean could see Castiel's fingers scrunching up the fabric of his coat beneath him as he clawed at the floor, desperately trying to find something of purchase to hold onto. "Dean," Cas' voice strained, begged, though Dean was pretty sure the angel didn't know exactly what he was begging for. But the fact that he was, thrilled Dean more than he was willing to admit.
Dean slid the angel out of his mouth and then quickly covered him with is body again. He grabbed Castiel about the waist and started rubbing their sensitive bits together again. Dean gasped at how much warmer and slicker Cas was now after having been in Dean's mouth. It was a strange and yet exhilarating sensation.
The angel didn't seem to be capable of thought anymore as he simply returned to clinging to Dean again and pushed instinctively up into Dean's downward thrusts. They ground into each other with growing force, straining against their own physical limitations for closer contact.
"D…Dean," Cas stuttered as his eyes rolled back and he arched sharply off of the floor.
Dean couldn't help the victorious smirk that crossed his lips as he gripped Cas a bit tighter and purposefully pressed his fingers into both of the angel's shoulder blades on his next downward roll into Cas' body.
Castiel's lips opened wide in almost a silent scream but Dean could hear the faintest echoes of the sharp tones that the angel had first tried to speak to Dean that had nearly burst his ears previously. Now, the true voice of his angel was far quieter and much easier on the ears. This time, now that it wasn't so overwhelming, he could almost hear the meaning in the seemingly meaningless sound. It wasn't words, it was pure feeling. Ecstasy, pleasure, fulfillment, contentment… trust…
Dean felt Castiel's hot release at that moment and, as all of those emotions the angel suddenly conveyed at once hit him, Dean was only a second behind the angel.
The hunter slumped down, barely supporting himself on his elbows over the angel. In fact, he was certain that Cas was probably taking the vast majority of his weight right then but he had to catch his breath before he tried to move again. The angel was seemingly doing much the same and wasn't protesting being covered in hunter at the moment.
They lay like that for several long minutes before Dean could feel Castiel stir under him. A hand came to rest on Dean's back just before the angel finally spoke. Admittedly, he was still taking deep breaths between his words.
"I do not… Believe," his voice rumbled in Dean's ear that was lying against Cas' chest. "That we, as you say, went, 'all the way.'"
Dean let out a huff of amusement before he said, "Tell you what, Cas… We survive tomorrow, we'll do that, ok?"
Castiel hummed a tone of agreement before saying, "Good, something to look forward to."
Dean felt a decidedly far too girly flip of his stomach at those words that he hurriedly tried to pretend he didn't notice. They continued to lie there for a few more breaths until Dean noticed that Cas was starting to wiggle in an uncomfortable manner under him.
"Cas?" Dean inquired as he raised his head off of the still heaving chest. He looked down at the angel and was a little concerned by the furrowed look on his face. "Something wrong?" Dean asked.
Castiel shifted slightly again and then sighed as he said, "I feel sticky now."
Dean couldn't help but burst out laughing as he gently climbed off of Cas. "That usually happens," Dean said with a shake of his head. Distantly, Dean knew that he should have found that comment terribly uncomfortable and should have chided the angel for saying something inappropriate. But right now, he found that comment so refreshingly the Castiel that he knew he couldn't help but find it the most amusing thing ever.
He stood and shook his head at the angel and climbed to his feet before offering him a hand up. "Come on, Cas, let's try and sneak passed Sam and Bobby and get cleaned up."