Fridays

Ba da ba ba da

I'm kicking a bloody can up and down the alley and this is giving me a buzz ... and, yeah, I'm pathetic, but it's Friday and Buffy kicks butt on Friday more than any other day. It's her 'thrill night', so I'm keeping my distant away from her. It's hard to stay away from that sweet scent that she owns, but I try.

I'm walking up and down the alley now. Yes, a big improvement from kicking a can about. I think I'm getting more mature ... or just more stupid. What else can I do? I can't kill (that bloody Riley chipped me) and, ironically, I don't want to kill either.

There's an old beggar down my alley. I didn't notice him here before. I want to mock him, but I just look at him and I drown. I drown, because I compare myself with him and it upsets me. Why the hell am I getting upset over that trash?

Now I'm heading for the only place that serves a decent pint ... The Bronze. I haven't seen the Slayer around here a lot, but then 'surprise surprise' the girl is the first person I see when I step into the teenage joint. God, I was meant to stay away from her, but ... fuck it. She's not hunting, so I'll just assume that she's finished her 'thrill night'. The Slayer is just sitting with her usual sad friends ... Willow, Xander, Anya, and Giles. She's drinking something and she twirls her hair round her finger and I melt. I'm dying.

"Spike" is the word that escapes from her mouth as she spots me. Her sharp green eyes have hit me and I'm in a trance. I can't seem to move anywhere. What is up with me? She seems to have put me under one of them girly spells and I can't do anything about it. God, Buffy, I need a life without you. I mean, I can't live with you in my life when I can't have you. You're a bloody confusing girl.

At last, I step backwards and away from that eerie gaze that the Slayer possess and I run. I'm such a bastard. I don't have any courage around the girl any more and I feel like an idiot. Oh well, fuck it.

I've decided to have a fag to get me back to my normal roots and I feel more calm and relaxed after it. It's just one bloody little stick, but it does miracles and I thank the man who made it ... Shit, I think I singed myself with my own lighter. God, I AM an idiot. I shouldn't play with it anymore, but I'm so bored and there's nothing else that I can do. Maybe it's time I head home? What a bloody great social life I have.

Hmm ... Well, I'm laying here on my bed and thinking about the Slayer. Am I getting any closer to her? I turn my head a little bit to the right and I spot the new shrine that I've made of her. I'm either very obsessed or I'm just in that fucking love word (Maybe both?). Great. Absolute wonderful. Why do I have to fall in the trap of love? Why can't I go back to being my miserable self? Damn. I'm bad at giving answers. All I can do is ask the questions and keep on wondering what the answers are until my brain bangs with confusion. Shit, It's a hard life being a man...