A/N I just saw the episode- it made me want to cry, when Ben said that. This is my version of what Ben was thinking during that scene.
"I think we're going to have to put him down."
I kept my face stoic, my eyes hardened. I thought of what Levin had done, what he was capable of doing. I thought about the way he'd tried to murder someone…. I thought about all that, trying to convince myself it was for the best.
But convincing the heart is a difficult thing to do.
"What do you mean?"
Gwen has no conflict- her question reveals that much. She is focused on Levin, focused on finding him, fixing him. So focused, she doesn't feel the sting of betrayal.
It's so easy for her. He told her he loved her, they've had talks and kisses and hugs. She just remembers those times.
But all I can remember is Levin calling me Tennyson.
Saying he'll hurt me if he has to.
All I remember is him looking at me with hatred.
Saying it's none of my business
All I can remember is him taking me for granted, never thinking I might have feelings… or perhaps knowing, and hurting me anyways.
The truth was, I'd trusted him, cared for him, loved him as a best friend- and he'd hated me in return. He'd left. I felt betrayed, and broken. I gazed at Gwen, as those feelings surged inside.
Later, at night, I started to remember the small things. The things that made me think- maybe he cared for my friendship.
The way he defended me, sometimes.
Our talks about Gwen.
The jokes we made, when Gwen wasn't looking.
And the time he thanked me for giving him a chance.
And suddenly, I felt like sobbing, because I missed him so much it hurt. I'd always hid my emotions, trying to be oblivious, acting arrogant, making jokes, while I screamed inside. But now my hurt came out, and I sobbed into my pillow, wishing the nightmare was over.
We would turn him back.
Into Kevin again.
A/N Review!