A shapely woman in a brown cloak sits alone in her room, looking out her port-window into space. From this window she can see the part of the huge space ship that bears the ship's name: the USS Trekkie. She stood up and walked over to the computer console in her room and pushed the record button. "Captain's Log: Stardate ummm... forget. This is captin Lara Croft of the USS Trekkie. We are in Alpha-Sector-Omega of the fifth part of space. We are on day 375 of our misson. We have been flying around space for no good reason as far as I can tell. We have to find what is really causing the Crossovers of our worlds. That evil little rat we killed before was not causing it, after all. He was just using it's power. Washu seems to think we will find whatever it is, in space. End log."
The Computer gave a little beep to signal the end of the recording. She walked over to the bed and moving aside the book of Witchcraft, and her lightsaber, she lay down on her side. All of a sudden, the happy-go-lucky voice of her "best friend" Willow burst through the intercom: "Laura, you better get up here." Laura jumped at the sound of Willow's voice. "Ok. Be there in a sec." She grabed her lightsaber and walked to the main bridge.
Laura looked around the bridge and saw that all of her main crew were there. She saw Willow siting in the chair next to hers; Science officer Washu was standing next to Willow. In the front of the bridge, Com officer Gigantor was sitting. Behind the Captain's chair was standing the ex-X-Men and now Security officer, Nightcrawler. Next to him was an Ewok petting a tribble -- nobody really knew why but they always seem to be there. Next to the Ewok and Tribble was the head medical officer Ash, who a had brand new chainsaw-hand.
Laura was about to look over the rest of her crew for no reason other than to satisfy her curiosity, when the bridge shook and everyone fell down. A man in a red shrit yelled "Captain!! We have run into something, and are shields are down!" Just after he finished talking, an exploding plasma conduit that he just happened to be standin next to killed the poor red shirted guy.
Everyone looked towards the view-screen and saw a huge Eva-01 floating in space -- almost swimming -- but it was quickly blasted into nothingness by a green laser from the ship.
"Captain! It seems our problem has been taken care of!" Interjected Nightcrawler very matter-of-factly, as he looked over to Reyoko.
"Did I miss anything good, Mom?" Reyoko said to Washu.
Washu rubbed her chin like she was thinking, "No Ryoko. You missed nothing. Just that its starting again. Everything is starting to cross over... and I think somebody on this ship is drawing the crossovers here. Because you see... well... I could explain, but that would be just too much."
Before anyone could ask what the hell Washu had just said, there was a green flash and out of nowhere was standing the 8 foot tall green form of the Hulk.
"Hulk Smash!" he yelled, and picked up Reyoko; he ripped both her arms off and tossed the bloody heap to the side, as Reyoko screamed out in pain.
"Reyoko, NO!!" Yelled out Nightcralwer, when his bride had been torn apart and cast aside like a ragdoll. He jumped over the Captain's chair, and drew his sword. But before he got a chance to attack, Nightcrawler's head was smashed into nothing between the Hulk's huge green fists. Just as Nightcrawler's body hit the ground, a gunshot was heard, and Hulk's body fell to the ground -- dead. All eyes had turned to see Ash, holding a smokeing gun. "Groovy," he said as he turned to the bloodied form of Ryoko, "How's the she-bitch?"
Washu ran over to Ryoko's side, and picked her up "I have to get her to my lab." And with that she ran off with Ryoko in her arms.
Meanwhile...
On another place... somewhere out there... he picked up his huge, over-sized sword and threw his spikey-blond hair back as the monster-like voice yelled out, "Cloud! I will kill you!"
Darth Maul turned on his lightsaber, letting only one blade out, and swung it at Cloud sliceing the huge sword into many pices and cuting off Cloud's arm. Cloud screamed out in pain and kicked Maul's red face, sending bloody teeth flying.
And then they both burst into flames for no good reason.
Back on the ship in Washu's lab, Laura had just stepped in. "Washu, how are they?"
Washu looked up from her work table "Oh, they are fine. It's a good thing I know how do build cyborg stuff! See I was able to give Reyoko cyborg arms that can change into chain-guns. And I gave Nightcrawler a brand new cyborg head!"
Laura looked pleased by this. "Well, I'm glad they're ok." she looked around then asked, "Where are they?"
"Gone." Washu said matter of factly.
Before Laura could ask 'where?' the intercom interrupted in a female computer voice: "We are under attack by a emeny ship...... but we blew it up good!"
In yet another blinding green flash of light, a tall 18-year-old man suddenly appeared. He had short brown hair, and was soaking wet and smelling of popcorn. He stood there in a super-hero like stance.
"Hahahahaha! I am here to save the day! For I am Chris!" As soon as he yelled his name, every female member of the ship's crew showed up in the lab, and then blushed.
"Hahahaha! I am good! Damned good! Hell damned good! Oh yeah!" he looked around in slow motion. "Now! I must list my powers for no good reason other than to fill in time! All of you stand and listen.... For I am Chris! Now you see... I can fly! And I can shoot lighting and teleport. And I can't die because I am so good! I can summon... bugs! And... Make them... shoot... acid! And much, much more! All for only 19.95!!! Yes!! Because I am Chris!!"
Chris just stood there looking damned good.
Lara looked at him quizically, "Who are you?"
He looked at her happily, glad that she asked, "I am Chris! Protector of all and chick-magnet far-out and cool-dude!! I am here to help!!"
Chris grinned, "Well...I must go now, for I have a date with Buffy the Vampire Slayer...Seven-of-Nine...and Tifa Lockhart!! I am going to get sooooo laid!!! If you need me, Just put your fingers together and blow!"
And with that, Chris jumped into the air and flew away.
Laura sat in the Captain's chair. She could not stop thinking about Chris. In fact, all of the female crew -- including Willow -- seemed distracted ever since he visited. But Laura's thoughts were interupted when the alarms started to go off, and Nightcrawler -- with his brand new cyborg head -- popped up on the screen.
"Captain! We are heading into a huge planet-sized toilet! We seem to be trapped in its tractor-beam."
Laura was not sure what to do. "Well... looks like we're in the shitter now."
It felt like the whole ship shook as it leaned. In a blue-flash, everyone on the ship disapeared. Everyone on the ship was gone, except for the ships head cook, Ed McMahon. He looked around confusedly
"Hablo en espnaol muy bien!" He stood up and took out his flamethrower, "Abre la boca!"
He walked around the ship for about 3 hours, then suddenly walked out of it.
He was inside some kind of huge rubber ducky. "Tu es el Diablo!"
Then everything died.
Washu woke up to find herself tied to tree. Next to her was Laura, and next to her was Willow, and next to her was... Homer Simpson. In front of them all stood Spider-Man. Spidey picked up a gun and shot Laura in the head sending blood everywhere.
"Hahahaha! I win this time Washu!"
Washu looked at him in anger, "Spider-Man?! Have you been behind all this?! All this chaos and death?!"
He looked at her and tlited his head "Me? No. I wish I had that kind of power! No....somebody much darker and eviler is behind all this. But you'll never find him or her." He shot Willow in the head as he spoke, but the bullet just bouned off.
"Remember dumbass I have magic! And if I were you I would look behind you."
He smiled under his mask, "Yeah! Like I'm going to fall for that."
All of sudden, he was hit from behind with great force, causing him to cough up some blood. "Who did that!?" he caughed.
Behind stood the super sexy psychic stud muffin Chris. "Ha! I have won the day!"
He kicked Spider-Man in the face sending him flying across the room.
"And now you die!" Chris spanned his fingers and Spider-Man turned into a lamp. Chris threw back his head and laughed as he untied Willow. Super-Chris, Willow and Washu walked off into the sunset, and they all lived happily ever after. Until the part three, that is.
The end
I would to thank my buddies Josh and Kat for helping me with ideas and such on this little story. Thanks
This was writen by Chris (can you guess?)