Hi. I don't anything. Sorry for not existing lately.

Don't you realize you're driving me insane? I know you like her a lot- damn it- so much. And I know you think I'm the perfect person to tell but- how, after all these years are you still so oblivious?

I don't know what to do. You tell me all your secrets and I tell you all of mine (except one, of course) and we seem so perfect. What am I doing wrong? What does she have that I don't? I'm trying so hard.

And oh, the irony, when you say "So and so likes her too and it's driving me insane with jealousy" or something. God.

It hurts so much, so much, when you say "You're such an amazing friend. Thank you so much for always being there." How could you possibly understand that I would stop being there for you if I could but I can't. I'm too freaking in love with you to ever say "I can't talk right now" no matter how true it is. You're more important, and I wish you weren't every minute.

Seeing you, being closer with other people too. I get such a weird, gross feeling. Like jealousy mixed with annoyance and depression and regret and feeling pathetic for feeling all of that at once.

You used to be something to wake up for. After my mom remarried and everything happened and now it's just me and her again, after helping a friend deal with depression, after being pressured to do well all the time, after having to quit the Fireside Girls, after losing faith in humanity again and again and- you were always there. We would talk, and I would always feel better. I would always think, "We will be forever, you and I. Together and happy." I found that to be the one thing to keep faith in.

And once in a while, we have moments. I'll be down and you'll say things that just seem to fix everything. You'll be down and I'll try my best and you say I help. And we appreciate each other so much.

But then I see you look at her. You try to spend time with her as much as you can and it hurts so much.

I know. I'm only sixteen, how could I possibly have emotions that strong? But these have been building up for ten years, and I fall more for you every single day no matter how hopeless I know we are.

Phineas Flynn, do me a favor and stop being nice to me and stop telling me about her and stop thinking we can be best friends so I can just grow up and get over you already.

Isabella finished typing the message. She stared at it, rereading it and rereading it. A resentful smile crossed her lips.

Message cancelled.

Oh look my soul came out to visit. Thanks for reading. xx ~ ashwater