Hey all, constructive criticism is always welcome, though please keep in mind I have only ever written one fanfic before and that was about ...6 years ago.. :/ Also this is my first for Night Vale so it's certainly not perfect but I was determined to just finish something for once. I do not know why I have such an unhealthy obsession with depressed characters. I apologise sincerely for that Q_Q Welp. Let's hope it's not too terrible, here you go~
It's been said that walls and structures can physically hold the memories of highly emotional events, replaying and repeating at random the energies that once filled the surrounding air. This is one theory surrounding the concept of ghosts and hauntings, though it has never been proved.
Or at least, it hasn't where Carlos is from.
But here in Night Vale everyone knows and accepts that the void takes everyone in the end, with the exception of those homecoming participants of course. And as for the walls and their exceptional memories and holographic projection abilities, well that was just common knowledge and had earned Carlos a perhaps slightly patronising chuckle from the towns local radio host as he had frantically called to report his findings.
"Cecil! Listen this is important." Carlos had started, not giving the calls recipient time for proper greeting.
"Events seem to be repeating themselves, but they're not actually happening again, it's different from those time loops my scientists are still studying. No. This is like a projection, replaying an event. It's just little things, little moments, specifically ones of high emotion. For example I was sitting in my lab yesterday when all of a sudden I saw the rest of my team, myself included, we were surrounding the table just across from were I was actually seated. The image was slightly hazy and seemed to flicker and as I watched I realised I had lived that moment before. We had just had a breakthrough on one of our studies and the air was filled with celebratory cheers and embraces of relief and happiness. Then just as quickly as the image had appeared, it faded again. And just now Cecil, I was in my apartment making some coffee and I narrowly avoided being hit by a coffee cup when it smashed into the wall next to me. Although the shards disappeared before I could get a closer look, I think I remember doing that as well. It was soon after I had arrived here in Night Vale and I was overwhelmed and frustrated at being unable to explain all the happenings here. I think I'd overall had a pretty bad day and to my regret I ended up coming home and smashing the first thing I picked up. Look Cecil I need you to ask your listeners if anyone else has experienced this phenomena."
After Carlos had finally finished explaining his important discovery he was more than a little irritated to receive the somewhat unintentionally condescending chuckle that Cecil offered in response.
"Oh Carlos everyone in town is aware of residual playback. You're just experiencing it more frequently at the moment because a storm is moving through. Storms seem to excite the walls and they can get pretty active, but I assure you they are not harmful, just mildly irritating at times and potentially embarrassing if you're entertaining guests."
Carlos gave an exasperated sigh before thanking Cecil for his help and making a mental note to conduct more research on the phenomena. It didn't bother him too much after that, though he found through further discussion with Cecil that many residents avoided having guests over when storms were forecasted. He sometimes found himself curious of what kind of events people would want to hide or forget.
Carlos had all but forgotten, or perhaps quietly accepted the surprising projections until one day when his lab, apartment and actually half of the town became inhabitable due to a poisonous and potentially sentient gas emitting from the dog park. He found himself dialling Cecil's number, sheepishly asking for a place to stay until the gas cleared. It really wasn't an ideal situation for the scientist, it was pretty obvious from his broadcasts that Cecil greatly admired Carlos. and by greatly admired I mean was completely and ridiculously head over heels for. This made Carlos severely uncomfortable, but admittedly also a little happy, thus resulting in what he assumed would be an awkward couple of days to come.
Of course Cecil had agreed without hesitation, excitedly rambling something about an obscure and disturbing dish he intended to make Carlos consume. The scientist tried not to dwell on that part of the conversation, deciding instead to be grateful to have somewhere relatively safe to sleep.
When Carlos arrived at Cecil's apartment, having expected no more than a couch and some coffee, he was in all honesty a little touched at the effort his friend had gone to. Cecil's dark purple couch had been adorned with blankets and pillows to form a makeshift bed, a sheet hung in the archway that led to his hosts kitchen, acting as a curtain for privacy, he noticed a couple of science related magazines had been placed on the glass coffee table and a small pile of neatly folded clothes sat at the end of the couch. Carlos picked one of the items up, an oversized beige sweater.
"Are these for me as well?" He asked, unable to restrain the small smile creeping onto his features.
"Yes, well you had to get out of there in a hurry so I didn't think you would exactly have packed for the occasion." Cecil explained. "Is there anything else you need, any food allergies I should worry about?" He continued.
Carlos let out a soft chuckle at the other mans concern. "No Cecil, Thank you, this is wonderful." He answered sincerely. "Though a cup of coffee would be incredible, it's been a long day. At least I think it has, I still don't fully understand how time works here.." He added and Cecil visibly relaxed with relief before lighting up with a smile and a nod as he quickly strode off to fulfil the request.
The evening was actually a lot more comfortable than Carlos had initially imagined. The two men spent most of the night curled on opposite ends of the couch, watching the television with a quiet shared appreciation for sic-fi, before partaking in a small debate over Doctor Who versus Supernatural. Carlos arguing that Doctor Who was more scientific and Cecil arguing that Supernatural more intense. In the end they agreed to disagree and settled quietly as the television broadcast the latest weather forecast. Not in the form of a musical piece, much to Carlos' relief.
It turned out that thunderstorms were forecast for that night. While Carlos thought nothing of it at first it didn't take long to notice the look of concern that had begun to shadow his friends features. He was about to ask what was wrong until he remembered the conversation they'd had months back regarding storms and they're effects on the repeating memories. Carlos found himself somewhat confused. Cecil after all was probably the brightest and most carefree resident in Night Vale and he found it hard to imagine that the walls could have recorded any event that he may be ashamed or embarrassed about. It was sometimes difficult just to picture Cecil in negativity at all. There was anger perhaps, Cecil was known to have a slight temper, but that was fairly common knowledge and not something he would imagine the man to be embarrassed or reluctant to express. There was, he supposed also arousal, a sexually intense event could easily be imprinted with the high level emotion that would be involved. The thought of witnessing Cecil involved in which made Carlos blush furiously. Though even then surely the image of something like that would far more likely be seen in the bedroom where Carlos did not intend to enter.
"Cecil, is everything ok? Are you worried about the storms charging up the walls again? Because If anything appears I could probably just... try not to look..?" Carlos finally managed rather awkwardly.
Cecil managed a short glance in his direction and Carlos didn't miss the flicker of fear that shone for just a second in his eyes before he shook his head and regained his composure, clearing his throat slightly.
"Perhaps..Perhaps a little concerned yes. I'm sure it will be fine though, I mean how accurately do these walls even portray us really, who's to say they aren't telling the stories completely wrong." He answered hopefully and while Carlos found the response extremely unconvincing he decided it would be better not to push the topic.
They soon parted for the night, Cecil giving Carlos chills as he departed with a playful smirk and a "Good night Carlos, Good night" In his signature radio voice. Carlos' makeshift bed was actually far more comfortable than he thought any couch should be and sleep came easily, perhaps thanks to the aid of that oversized sweater and a ridiculous amount of blankets.
A few hours into his peaceful sleep Carlos awoke, dragging himself reluctantly from his tangled mess of blankets to retrieve a glass of water. From the kitchen window he could see the storm clouds consuming the moon and releasing relentless rain on the town below. At least it wasn't the Glow Cloud being unleashed over the town again, the dead animal clean up had been unpleasant at best and had left the town with an uncomfortable stench for weeks. Even with a flash of lightning and low rumble of thunder Carlos found the weather calming in an odd way. He had always found storms strangely soothing and watched through the glass with intrigue for a few minutes before exhaustion begged him to return to the couch. He pulled back the curtain separating the kitchen from his temporary bedroom and was about to flick off the lights when a figure caught his eye. The figure sat on the couch, hunched over, head in his hands, form flickering like static and just not quite solid. Carlos knew who he was, with purple ink adorning his pale skin and light hair sticking out in a mess between his fingers Cecil looked so familiar and yet so completely different. Carlos was torn for a moment, his head saying that he should step back inside the kitchen and wait for the image to pass, but his curiosity and emotion begging him to take a closer look, to see that his friend was okay, regardless of his inability to actually interact with him.
Perhaps he could later blame his only half awake state of mind, but in the end his curiosity won and he stepped quietly over to the couch and sat down on the far end opposite the image, watching intently. After a moment Cecil's image lifted his head, taking a shaky breath. The expression the scientist was met with almost stopped his heart. Cecil's normally vibrant, violet eyes were clouded with a tired, empty stare, his cheeks tear stained and expression twisted in a pitiful mixture of pain and defeat. So caught in that unfamiliar gaze Carlos failed to notice the silver shape of a gun rested on his lap until Cecil's right hand grasped around it slowly lifting it to his head. He noticed then too the scars that decorated the underside of his forearm and the hand written letter that had rested beneath the gun on his lap. He thought he could see his name somewhere in the page of Cecil's brilliantly swirled handwriting but he didn't let his eyes linger for long before gazing back at the gun grasped tightly now in both hands, shaking slightly. The gun was now positioned at his forehead, his head tilted down above it as he pressed his eyes shut tightly, breath shaking and tears dripping from his cheeks. There was a click as the safety was turned off and just as his finger moved to the trigger a buzzing filled the quiet and strained air. The gun was lowered hesitantly as Cecil glanced to his side, reaching out to take a look at his vibrating phone. The slightest hint of a smile twitched at the corner of his lips and he wiped his face with his arm and brought the device to his ear, clearing his throat before speaking.
"Hello, Carlos?" He spoke with precision, his voice barely wavering. "Oh? So…you need somewhere to stay then?" He continued, and only now could he hear the slight forcefulness behind his cheerful voice. Cecil's image had begun to fade the moment he picked up the phone and within a few seconds it had dissipated entirely.
Carlos sat in shock for a good 5 minutes before he could breathe normally again and begin to contemplate what he had seen. That conversation, that phone call, it had been Carlos asking to stay, it had happened literally less than 12 hours ago. Less than 12 hours ago Cecil had almost committed suicide and now Carlos was here in his home receiving nothing but affection and kindness. Cecil. Happy, fun, wonderful Cecil. All of a sudden emotion hit Carlos like a truck and he found tears burning his eyes as a million thoughts raced through his mind. What if he hadn't called in time? Could he have helped Cecil sooner if he'd returned his affections? How many times had he tried to hurt himself before?
Carlos didn't give himself time to think through his actions, all he knew was that he needed to see Cecil, needed to see that he was okay, he was alive. He launched himself from the couch, racing through the apartment and reaching the other mans bedroom in barely a couple of seconds. He forced himself to stop there and take a deep breath, quietly entering the room. He was relieved to see Cecil's form curled in the blankets, chest rising and falling steadily. As he approached he marvelled at the calm, soft expression of his sleeping face. He stood for a moment just taking in the sight of him, hair mussed against the pillows, skin even paler than usual in the dim light. When did he start to care so much for this person? He had figured that he liked Cecil for quite some time but when did that happen, and how? He only let himself be bemused by the concept of love for a moment though before deciding that it didn't matter. The facts were that he loved Cecil and he needed him to know it.
He crouched down beside the bed, raising a hand to brush a few strands of hair from his face. Carlos stroked his cheek and traced his jawline slowly and affectionately until the man began to stir, letting out a soft hum of approval as his eyes flickered open slightly.
"Hnnnmm Carloooss.." He groaned in protest as he realised he'd been awoken.
A soft smile graced Carlos' features and he leant forward to place a kiss on Cecil's forehead as the man beneath him opened his eyes fully, glancing up in surprise.
"Um, Carlos, is everything ok?" He asked, his soothing voice heavy with sleep and confusion.
Carlos moved back, giving the other man space to sit up and reach for his glasses with his right hand, while his left was immobilised by the scientists firm hold. Cecil coughed awkwardly as the room swam into focus and his friend failed to answer, staring intently with an uncharacteristically awestruck expression. He glanced down at the hand capturing his own tightly and felt his cheeks begin to burn.
"I saw you Cecil. I saw what you tried to do yesterday." He finally spoke softly. His voice wavering slightly as the image replayed in his mind.
He could feel the other man tense as realisation set in, his eyes glazing and his face falling into a frown. He tried weakly to pull his arm away but Carlos didn't allow it, instead pulling the limb closer and turning it over. Sure enough jagged lines marred the skin and Carlos cursed himself for not having noticed them sooner. He let his fingers ghost over the marks briefly before bringing the mans wrist to his lips, his kiss lingering as though if he tried hard enough he could heal them.
"How often does this happen Cecil?" He asked calmly. He lifted himself to sit beside the other on the bed, taking both his hands in his own in an attempt to be reassuring. Cecil was quiet for a long moment, refusing to meet his gaze.
"Not..not that often..it just..happens sometimes, I feel sad, and confused…for example after I found those cassettes, there are so many thing I don't understand about myself and it feels like too much sometimes. If I can't even understand my own past and my own existence, how am I supposed to have a future. It feels so pointless and I know..I know I'm being stupid, overreacting, but I can't help it."
Cecil's voice cracked slightly, and tears threatened to fall from his downcast eyes.
"I'm sorry Carlos, I didn't want you to see that. I feel like such a child to be complaining, I have everything I need in this life, I've no right to be acting like this."
He pulled one arm away from Carlos' grasp to furiously wipe at the tears as they spilled, forcing a sheepish smile and chuckle as he chanced a look up at the other man. Noticing Carlos' stern expression his gaze immediately fell once again and he pulled his other arm away self-consciously.
"Cecil I-"
"No…no I know. I'm just being a pain to you as always. I'm sorry."
"What? Cecil?" Carlos asked incredulously.
"I'm always bothering you, aren't I?" He laughed sadly. "I know you're not interested in me or my issues. Look, I'll ask around tomorrow and find you somewhere else to stay. I'm sor-"
"Shut up." Carlos cut in before he could finish, words sharp and venomous. Caramel eyes glinting threateningly in the moonlight.
"Don't you dare belittle yourself Cecil. You have every right to feel sad. You have every right to crave comfort from others. And there is not a single reason why you should be apologising."
The scientists eyes softened and the anger dissipated from his voice as quickly as it had come. He reached out to cup the pale mans cheek and lifted his head to meet the wide, violet eyes. His voice now almost a whisper.
"And I'm sorry. Cecil, I'm so sorry, for making you think I didn't care. Science is what I know, it's familiar. But this, this is all so new to me and sometimes I don't understand it and that scares me, so I ignore it, I drown it out with work. I never bothered to think of how unimportant that might make you feel. I never stopped long enough to pay attention and see that you were hurting. I've been incredibly selfish Cecil, but I know how you feel about me and no matter how much it scares me I know that I feel the same."
Cecil was speechless, a pleasant warmth enveloping his chest as Carlos' hand radiated heat against the side of his face and his deep eyes shone with sincerity he'd never seen before.
"You really mean that?" He finally managed, still staring in awe at the man before him who chuckled and nodded in response.
"Well jeez Carlos, it took you long enough to say so!" He said in mock anger.
The other simply smiled, a full, perfect smile before leaning forward to close the gap between them. Cecil returned the kiss eagerly, savouring the taste of his scientists rough lips against his own, something he'd begun to think would only ever be a fantasy.
They broke apart for air as Carlos trailed kisses along Cecil's jaw and neck affectionately.
"Promise me you'll talk to me first if you think you're going to hurt yourself again. Please." He whispered, failing to hide the scared desperation in his words.
Cecil smiled and nodded against the others head, encircling his arms tightly around his waist.
"I promise Carlos. Thank you. Now let's get some sleep, it's late."
The scientist was prepared to stand and take his leave, but Cecil seemed intent on dragging them both down to the mattress as he lay back. Carlos though momentarily surprised, found he had no objections, shifting closer and pulling the blankets over them both. The silence filled with the steady sound of rainfall and sleep came easily as they lay tangled together, smiling contentedly.
If you made it this far I both congratulate and thank you~ And if you can be bothered to drop a review my way letting me know what you think that would be much appreciated :3