A/N: Hi everyone, this is my first fanfiction that I've published on here and it is basically my take on Emily's call to Paige in S5x e07. I hope you enjoy and would love it if you reviewed at the end! Thankyou xxx Beth.

Also, I do not own pretty little liars or any of the characters!

"I love... I'd love to hear from you"

I quickly hung up the phone and cringed at my mistake. My head still hadn't figured out what I wanted, but it was clear my heart did.

I lay my head in my hands and sighed, wondering what was holding me back, holding me back from being happy. I knew that the way I felt couldn't stay hidden for much longer and I had to talk to someone. I thought about who to call; after my argument with Hanna I knew she wouldn't be the best option, Aria was probably busy with Ezra or at Radley and Ali would be the last person I would want to talk to about this, that left Spencer.

As I dialled her number I second guessed myself, maybe she was out with Toby or too busy doing homework to have time to talk to me.

My thoughts were interrupted by a familiar voice on the end of the line, "Hey Emily, what's up? It's pretty late, don't you have practise with Sydney tomorrow?"

"Yeah sorry it's late, I just really need someone to talk to." I replied quietly.

"Oh, oh of course!" Spencer spoke hurriedly over the phone, "I'll be over in 5?"

I smiled lightly myself, "Thank-you Spence, you're the best."

As I went downstairs to make tea for Spencer and I, I tried to think through what I wanted to say, or at least what my heart was trying to say. I felt like I had always been the strongest girl of the group along with Spencer. I never really needed much help with sorting out my feelings and had never really let any of the other girls in on my journey of coming out and the way I felt inside. But I felt that tonight I was ready to open up a bit and finally ask for help.

Suddenly, I heard the door bell ring and I finished our tea as Spencer walked inside. I could tell she immediately noticed the sadness behind my eyes and the way my shoulders dropped with fatigue.

"Oh Em, what's going on with you? You look so lost." Spencer asked me.

As soon as I heard the concern laced in her voice, my heart ached for her help, I needed a friend.

"Yeah, I'm okay, I'm just having a tough time with something." I replied dimly.

"Okay okay sweetheart, it's alright, you don't have to be so sad. Let's go sit down and you can explain to me what's up, you know I'm here for you Em."

I nodded gratefully at Spencer's offer as we made our way up to my room with our mugs of tea in hand.

We sat on my window seat and her brown eyes gazed at me expectedly, but with kindness, helping to calm my nerves.

I took a deep breath and started, "I called Paige tonight."

Spencer's eyebrows rose, "oh..." she spoke cautiously, "I didn't know you guys were speaking much since you broke up."

I nodded at her reply, "Yeah we weren't really, only sometimes at swim practise with Sydney. But I guess you heard about the rat in her locker incident yesterday?"

"Oh yeah! I heard about that, sounds pretty nasty. Do you think it was Mona?" Spencer questioned me curiously.

I sighed, "Honestly Spence, I have no idea any more but I do know that I was a lot more concerned about Paige than I thought I would be."

"Mm okay," Spencer spoke, "continue with your story."

I proceeded to spill everything I was feeling to Spencer. From the night Paige and I broke up, what had been going on with Ali and I, and how I think I was beginning to realise what my heart had been telling me all along. I finished with the explanation of tonight's phone call to Paige,

"And so as I was about to hang up I almost told her I loved her. I almost did Spence! Why is it that all this time I thought I loved Ali but I'm only now realising that Paige is the one?", I spoke desperately after a long few minutes of my explanation.

Spencer sighed understandingly and gave my hand a gentle squeeze.

"Em, it's okay to be confused. None of us ever knew what it was like for you with Ali, but I'm glad you're talking about it, it's going to be okay."

Immediately I broke into tears and Spencer pulled me into a comforting hug. She held me as I cried and rubbed my back, attempting to soothe my unsteady breathing.

Spencer spoke gently again, "Em, although we all may not have been 100% on board at the start, we all love Paige. I can see clearly that it's her that you're meant to be with. Do you see how much that girl loves you? She absolutely adores you, she'd do anything for you!"

I began to smile lightly at all the fond memories I had of Paige and I. Our first date to the karaoke bar, when we got back together with a kiss by her pool, the intimate moment we shared on the Halloween train, nothing but good memories. Why did I let someone so special go for practically no reason at all?

"You're right. I guess I just had a hard time seeing it with Ali back and all." I told Spencer.

Spencer looked down, contemplating her next sentence.

Her eyes then met mine and said "I understand that Em, and I know things have been especially tough for you with Ali being back now. But maybe Ali never really was the girl you were meant to be with. And I can't imagine how hard that must have been to keep all that a secret for so long, maybe Paige is good for you."

I nodded, taking to heart every word she had said to me. I then spoke again "Yeah, it was hard and it was even harder when I came out. I always imagined Ali being here when I came out, but when we thought she was dead and she wasn't here for me when I told my parents, well it just made it all so much worse." I paused as I reflected on what a bitter sweet moment of my life coming out to my friends and family was. Although a lot more bitter than sweet at the time.

Spencer listened intently and asked a question I didn't know if I was ready to answer, "I know it's hard Em, and I will never know what Ali did to you or what it was like to come out. But I love you Emily and I need to ask you this. Do you really want to be with Ali?"she asked carefully.

I stared at her and thoughtfully considered my reply.

I gazed down to my lap, "no" I spoke softly.

"Sorry em, I can't hear you, what did you say love?" Spencer asked again carefully.

"Uhh.. No, I don't want to be with Ali." I replied a little louder.

I felt relief to finally get that off my chest and Spencer smiled proudly at me, "okay now one last question. Do you really love Paige?"

Tears welled up in my eyes as I didn't hesitate to answer "Yes, I think I do Spence."

Spencer clapped and I could tell she was happy with my answer yet I still didn't feel happy.

I leant into Spencer as her smile vanished and her face displayed concern again.

"Oh Em, I really don't like seeing you so sad like this. But you don't always have to be strong for us, I'm glad you called me."

"Me too Spence, me too."

I could see Spencer assessing my appearance again and must have noticed the tired look in my eyes.

She sighed and checked her phone, holding it up for me to see also, 12:55am.

My eyes widened at how late it had gotten, "I'm so sorry, I didn't realise how long I had been talking for!"

Spencer chuckled lightly, "stop apologising Em, it's fine. I'm not going anywhere."

"I really would be lost without you, you know that?" I told Spencer.

She tossed me a cocky grin and replied "oh I know, you all would be!". She stuck her tongue out at me as she walked to the bathroom to change into some pyjamas I threw at her.

While she was gone, I got changed myself and realised as I looked in the mirror just how much weight I had lost lately due to all this stress. I shook my head and turned around to see Spencer watching me from the doorway.

She walked over the me and spun me around, "you're going to be okay Emily, I promise you."

She held out her hand and I responded by high fiving it and we proceeded to do our secret hand shake. We completed our routine in giggles and hopped into bed.

As I turned my lamp off I turned over to Spencer and spoke quietly,

"Thanks again Spencer, I don't know what I would have done tonight without you."

As she rolled over I heard a gentle reply, "You never have to thank me Em, you're my best friend."

As I lay down myself I thought about my day tomorrow, I was seeing Paige in Chemistry second period. And as I planned what I could say or what I should do, I knew that tomorrow would be my day, the day I finally got Paige Mcullers back in my arms.