For Amber and Astrid, from Harry and Clara.
This is in direct correlation with my other fic, "Love Is The Hardest Lesson Of All." This picks up Barty's POV the day after Regulus leaves. Regulus/Barty, Barty/Cedric.
Warnings for swearing, implied sex, torture and cross-gen (clearly I'm doing something right).
part i:
the cracks in the façade
You don't have to be completely awake to know that Regulus isn't beside you. He never spends the night with you; he only takes what he wants from you and leaves when you fall asleep. But somehow you know this morning is different. You push the thought out of your mind as you get ready for the day.
However, it doesn't leave you completely. During your tasks of the day, your thoughts still wander back to Regulus, and worrying about what he's doing. Even though you know it's useless, you care about him; you care more than you should about him when he can never show that sort of compassion to anyone, especially not you.
But as night falls, you find yourself waiting for him. You wait for him because him showing up at your door in the middle of the night has become a frequent occurrence for him, and you cannot deny that you feel wanted, needed in those intimate moments with him.
He doesn't show. You wait for hours; you wait until you can't force your eyes open any longer. It's the first night in nearly a week that he hasn't shown up and you feel your heart sinking at the thoughts of what might've happen to him. It's well after four in the morning when you go to bed, and even then, you don't really want to.
.
A week later you hear rumors of his betrayal flying around the Death Eaters. You want to believe it's not true, but somehow, deep in your heart, you're not so sure. Anger wells up inside of you because you can't refute their claims, and you clench your fists. You punch the wall with all your might, the word bastard on your lips.
You collapse to the floor, whispering I love you to nothing in particular.
part ii:
when pleasure becomes a sport
You lick your lips as your fingers twitch on your wand. A twisted smile crosses your face; it's the sort of twisted smile that he used to wear as he dug his fingers into your skin, tracing goosebumps down your spine. But you aren't causing someone else pleasure. Oh no, you're causing them pain. Because causing them pain makes you forget, just for a moment, about the ache in your chest.
Looking down upon your prey – a man that the Dark Lord wants information from – you lick your lips again and cast "Crucio." You don't particularly enjoy the Cruciatus curse, as you learned there are more interesting ways to collect Intel growing up. But sadly, you don't have hours to spend with the prey. You have to do it within a matter of minutes.
When you collect the required information, you consider wiping his memories because there's nothing worse than living with a gap in your memory – you know this well – but you decided against it. Your master doesn't want any loose ends, so you cast the killing curse quickly and leave.
As you return to Headquarters, there's a smirk that you can't get rid of and a thrilling feeling in your bones that you haven't felt in weeks. But that soon wears off as your thoughts drift to Regulus. You shake your head and growl, "Bastard," one more time, trying to remind yourself that he left you because he didn't care. But it doesn't work; it never works because you still love him and you doubt that'll ever change.
.
Your mark burns as badly as the day you got it. It sends waves of fire through your body, and the pain is enough to cause you to fall to your knees, panting for breath. However, as quickly as the pain comes, it's gone. You move your aching arm and check your mark. Immediately you know something's wrong. The mark is faded and the snake has stopped moving.
You Apparate to Headquarters to find Bellatrix and her husband standing in the middle of the room. Bellatrix has her head thrown back, screeching in agony as her husband just stands there watching with her with his cold eyes. When she hears you, she jumps up and shoves you against a wall, her wand shoved into your throat and her empty eyes focused on you. "What has happened to the Dark Lord?" she demands, digging her wand further into your neck.
Humorlessly, you meet her eyes. "I don't know," you reply calmly.
Her eyes flash dangerously, but fear doesn't fill your body. If she wasn't so angry, she would find a thrill in breaking you. "Liar," she screeches again. She backhands you as hard as possible, and it takes everything in you not to flinch.
"If I knew what happened to him, I wouldn't be here," you point out. She momentarily lets up on her pressure against your neck. "You should be asking one of those Aurors that's been keeping an eye on our movements. Maybe they know something," you suggest.
She backs away from you, tapping her chin with her wand. "Yes, yes," she murmurs to herself. "Rodolphus, where's your brother? We'll go find the Longbottoms that the Dark Lord has been keeping an eye on," she says to her husband. And you're relieved that she doesn't ask you how you know about the Aurors because Regulus wasn't supposed to tell you about that.
She Apparates away, and you follow. You're not sure what you're expecting as you arrive with Rodolphus and Rabastan, but you lick your lips in anticipation. She doesn't bother unlocking the door as she enters. You pull out your wand as you follow her.
There's a crashing of a plant on the second floor. And the Longbottoms waste no time in pulling out their wands. The odds aren't with them, seeming as it's two to one, but they are Gryffindors after all. It doesn't take long before the pair is tied to chairs in the living room.
"Where is the Dark Lord," Bellatrix demands. Her black hair is wild and her eyes are flashing dangerously, and you've never seen her more terrifying than in this moment.
The wife – Alice – smirks. "Go to hell," she spits. You smirk because Bellatrix is now in her comfort zone and Alice is going to break. Alice's screams fill the nearly quiet house, and it sends shivers down your spine.
It's such a rush to hear the screams, and it makes you wonder if it had the same effect on Regulus as it does on you, if that's why he always came to your bed at night. But the thought makes you angry. He left you; he didn't care. Without realizing it, you pull out your wand, and cast the Cruciatus curse with all the hatred for Regulus you can manage. And Frank screams loudly.
Rodolphus puts his hand on your wand, causing you to stop. You look at a Frank as he pants for air that his body is denying him, and all you can remember is Regulus. You cast the curse over and over again, trying to forget him. When your wand is finally taken from you, the memory of him is still etched so deeply into your eyelids that there's no possible way for you to forget. You collapse under the weight of hatred, wondering if you'll ever be free of him.
(Somehow you know you won't).
part iii:
what the memories try to forget
You wear Alastor Moody's skin as your own, allowing you access into Hogwarts to make sure that Harry Potter competes in the Triwizard Tournament. As much as you detest the castle because of the memories that assault you, you do your master's bidding without hesitation. Your first class of the year is sixth year Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws.
You start to call roll, pausing now and again to shout Alastor's famous saying – "Constant vigilance" – when a boy of no more than seventeen catches your eye. He perks up as you call his name, "Cedric Diggory," and meets your gaze with his own grey eyes. And for a heartbeat, you lose all ability to function.
Because in his eyes, you see the same loneliness that was in Regulus' eyes and, for a second, you are back in his arms, tasting his lips. You fight the urge to lick your lips to savor the imaginary taste of them. And as the milliseconds go by, you force yourself back in the present because the boy's eyes are just two shades too light to be Regulus'.
You continue calling names and pretend that he's not in the room, but the magical eye that you claim as your own follows his every movement. And you wonder what it is about this boy that makes you so vividly recall the memories of Regulus, and why your magical eye is fixated on him.
(There's something about this boy that you can't quite put your finger on, and you're not sure you want to).
.
You're standing in the Great Hall as the champions for the Triwizard Tournament are announced. You sit up at the teacher's table, watching as Dumbledore reads off the names on the parchment. As Cedric's name is called, you barely are able to keep the shock off your face. You don't know why it bothers you so much.
He must feel your eyes on him because he meets your stare as he moves to the trophy room. His eyes, just two shades too light, are swimming with pride, and you think you like the glimmer in them.
When Harry Potter's name is called out as the fourth Champion, you pretend to be shocked. And you think that you might be able to use Cedric while getting to your real prize.
.
part iv:
why nothing goes according to plan
You aren't surprised when Cedric comes knocking on your door. You've been watching him – and Potter – closely as the first task approaches. As he sits down in the seat across from you, you know that he wants to know why you've been watching him since the beginning of the school year, why you're fixated on him.
But he won't ask and you won't say because you don't have an answer worth giving. Instead, he asks you for pointers on some of the spells you've been teaching them in class. You direct him through the spells, even though you know he's already mastered them, because you can't help but think you don't want him to leave.
He looks you in the eyes with his too light eyes and you have to turn away before you do something that could affect the mission. You remind yourself of this as you growl in Alastor's gravelly voice, "Good night, Mr. Diggory."
You don't have to turn around to know that he's gone.
.
He returns the next night, and the night after that, seeking answers to a question that he can't find the courage to ask. You know that it's probably because he knows he won't like the answer you'll give him, if you have one to give at all. And all it reminds you of is those early days when you would seek out Regulus.
He's far too much like Regulus for you, even though his eyes are two shades too light and his hair isn't two shades darker. He just reminds you of him when you just want to forget. Sometimes you wonder if he knows he's making you relive something you don't want to. But you see the innocence in his eyes; you know he doesn't.
He smiles at you and it's enough to make you forget that you haven't taken the Polyjuice Potion in over an hour. You feel the familiar pain of growing back into your body and you hunch over. He immediately comes to your side, exclaiming, "Professor!"
When you look up at him with your own eyes, you see fear in his, fear that you would've never seen in Regulus' eyes. In that moment, you realize that Cedric is not Regulus, even if they are remarkably similar. Cedric is scared of you right now, and you don't want that. You watch as he backs away from you.
"Who are you and what have you done with Professor Moody?" he questions, his voice sounding more fearless than he looks. His back collides with the table in the center of the room, and you stand in front of him.
As much as you want to smirk at his fear, you don't. "My dear boy," you whisper softly, hoarsely, "I am Professor Moody."
He flinches as you speak, but otherwise makes no attempt to move. He meets your stare defiantly. "No, you're not," he says. "Who are you really?" he asks again.
You consider lying to him. You consider telling him nothing at all. But you know that you're going to wipe this moment from his memory, so you choose to entertain him. "Name's Barty Crouch," you introduce yourself. You watch as realization dawns across his features. And you grin. "So you've heard of me," you say with triumph.
He hides his fear well as you come closer to him. He doesn't shy away and he doesn't avert his eyes as you hover too close to him. "Why are you here?" You laugh, and he knows that you're not going to answer the question. "What are you going to do about me?"
"You ask too many questions," you reply. After a few seconds, you add, "I'm not going to do anything about you." A flicker of disbelief crosses his face and you take a step back. "You're free to go," you say, motioning towards the door.
You watch him look between you and the door, and you know he realizes that something isn't quite right. However, his want to flee overrides his knowledge and he moves toward the door. Before he can open it, you call out, "Oh, and Mr. Diggory." You watch as he turns around to face you, and you watch him pale as he sees your wand pointed at him. "Obliviate," you whisper.
He walks out your door without a recollection of what he just witnessed.
.
You continue to watch him in class with your magical eye. There's something in his too light eyes that makes you wonder about him, and you know that if you continue to think about him that your carefully constructed plans will crumble. But, like Regulus before, you find that you can't stay keep your distance.
He comes to your chambers nearly two weeks after you wiped his memory. You go to drink from your flask because you know he won't be leaving for a while, but he places his hand on your arm, preventing you from doing so. "You know, it took me a while, but I finally pieced back my memory, Barty," he says to you. "I should report you to Dumbledore."
You flinch at the name, and he notices. You pull out your wand and give him a hard look. You meet his eyes with you own, identifying the thrill in them. "But you won't," you whisper in his ear. You feel him shiver beneath you, causing you to smirk. "Isn't that right, Mr. Diggory?"
When he doesn't answer, you press your lips against his. He tries to fight you, but after a few moments, he gives in. He tastes nothing like you imagine, and it's quite different from Regulus. You kiss him hard, missing the feeling of lips upon lips and fingers digging into skin. It's been far too long since you last felt this way, so wanted and needed, but it just isn't enough for you.
When you've taken everything you want from him, you pull out the pack of cigarettes you've hidden in the bottom of your trunk. Azkaban had kicked the habit, but you feel the sudden urge to smoke. As you light up, you feel the faintly familiar burn of smoke in your lungs and all you remember is the taste of that first cigarette after sex with Regulus.
Cedric watches you as he gets redressed. When he leaves for the evening, you put everything you have into wiping his memory. He really doesn't need to be fooling around with you because you're broken and he's not.
.
You call him back to your office from time to time, when you notice the faint glimmer of recognition in his too light eyes. When he looks at you with caring in his eyes, you can't help but think that you really don't need memory charms on him anymore. Because you know first-hand that when someone cares, everything else ceases to matter.
He comes willingly to your bed and digs his fingers into your skin. He doesn't say anything other than your name when he leaves, and you don't think your name has sounded better on anyone's lips.
But tonight, he isn't quiet. "Why do you wipe my memory every time when you know it never lasts?" he whispers against your skin.
You stop tracing his spine, and whisper, "Because you shouldn't be here." It's not much of an answer, but he accepts it anyways. He presses a kiss against your lips before whispering his goodbyes. You wipe his memories, and wonder when the next time you'll have him in your bed will be.
.
part x:
the final act
The school year is nearly complete as is your task. As you place the Portkey in the center of the maze, you feel a sense of accomplishment. You manipulate the other two Champions – because a part of you can't bring yourself to manipulate Cedric – into stunning Cedric and disqualifying themselves, leaving on Harry in the maze.
You wait outside the maze, waiting for your mark to burn. When it does, you grit your teeth and bare it, knowing that you have accomplished your mission at Hogwarts. You still wait outside the maze because those are your orders and you would never defy the Dark Lord.
Several hours later, two figures appear in the middle of the stadium, and you know without a doubt that it's Potter, but you can't place the other body. Cedric should've been stunned in the maze. Your magical eye automatically fixates on the dead body and, for half a second, your heart stops beating. It's Cedric that is dead. Even from this distance, you can see that his eyes – two shades too light – are wide and open, and staring directly at you. You swallow thickly, and you pull yourself together. You have a job to finish.
You gather Potter and make your way to your chambers, all the while thinking of too light eyes and innocence's that they've lost. You remember seeing love and devotion in them, as if he thought he could save you. And you briefly consider if you loved him at all. But you know you didn't. You were in love with the person he reminded you of.
A/n – so many thanks to Paula who beta'd this for me!