AN: Just a crappy drabble.
Such a Happy Lie
A kiss, a touch: Atoli felt the soft brush of lips against her ear, the feel of fingers dancing across her stomach. She sighed lightly into her girlfriend's shoulder, before pressing her lips against the skin of Alkaid's neck. Here there was peace. Here there was silence, but for the occasional wordless mumble or shift of fabric.
Atoli knew this moment wouldn't pass. Still, she embraced it, unconsciously tightening her grip around Alkaid as she closed her eyes, resting her head against Alkaid's breast. Alkaid's fingers moved through Atoli's hair, touching gently.
It was then that Atoli felt the shaking, heard the suppressed sobs. It was an odd turn of events, Atoli mused to herself, that she herself had not been the one to feel pressure inside this relationship. Atoli knew she had experienced depression in the past, and continued to struggle with her oppressive parents; yet Alkaid had been the popular one, capable of snagging any boy in her school.
But Alkaid had fallen in love with Atoli, and Atoli knew Alkaid regretted that.
Had Atoli's feelings for Alkaid been like any she had ever experienced before, she may have reacted differently: pressured Alkaid a little less, want Alkaid a little less. But Atoli loved Alkaid more than she had loved Haseo; Haseo had been wonderful to her, and when their two-year relationship came to a close, it was not hard for either of them to remain friends. Alkaid was a completely different story; even when Atoli had loved Haseo the most, it had been quiet and peaceful, an adoration of sorts. When it came to Alkaid, Atoli was at war; the second Alkaid had admitted her feelings to Atoli in the form of a crumpled letter shoved into Atoli's hands, Atoli had longed for the other girl with a form of physical and emotional want that she had never felt before.
Had Atoli loved Alkaid less (or was it more?) she would have let Alkaid go the second the redhead had fallen into her arms and cried.
Atoli felt herself begin to shake, and she drew back from Alkaid's warmth, folding her hands in her lap. It was no use hiding her tears from the other girl; they had already stained Alkaid's shirt.
Alkaid grabbed Atoli's hands, pulling them onto her lap. Her face was blotched red and her nose was running, but Alkaid had never looked so beautiful. "Are we going to keep lying to ourselves?" Alkaid muttered, voice hoarse. "You know I love you, Atoli, and I want you more than anything else in the world. But I can't..." She cleared her throat, glancing to the ground before repeating herself. "Are we going to keep lying to ourselves?"
Atoli pulled Alkaid's hands to her chest, straining a smile. Alkaid's eyes returned to Atoli's face. "But it is such a happy lie," the blonde whispered.
Alkaid's eyebrows furrowed, before her lips flinched upwards. She cleared her throat again and put on her confident air, a grin faltering into face as she straightened her shoulders. "Let's make this lie a truth," she said, voice attempting hope.
Oh, Alkaid, but the truth is such a sad one. Atoli held her words, opting to lean forwards and kiss Alkaid instead.