Author's Note: Hello to those of you who have stumbled across my work. I haven't done much creative writing or fanfiction in quite some time, so I would love both compliments and constructive criticism. I have a rough outline of how I want this story to pan out, and I'm almost done with chapter two (so proud!), but I can write better with your advice. Thanks! Happy reading!
Disclaimers: I don't own Naruto, obviously.
Chapter Warnings: Light Yaoi. The Mature rating on this fanfiction will come into play later with some things I have planned... tee hee.
Haku glanced over at the prone figure on the bed. He closed his eyes and let out a tired sigh; the initial shock and horror he had experienced when he had found Zabuza close to death nearly a week ago had still not left his system. Seeing the older man so helpless had shaken him. If he hadn't arrived at precisely that moment… Haku shuddered, trying to suppress that unwelcome thought and the lump that rose in his throat when he considered how the battle could have ended. Zabuza had said he would be perfectly fine… yet being outnumbered four to one by elite ninja had not been expected. Those Anbu Black Ops obviously had a mission to assassinate Zabuza, and the older man might have come out relatively unscathed if it hadn't been for the unexpected poison that one Black Op had wielded. It had proven itself to be potent stuff too. Zabuza had hung on a fine line between life and death for a couple of days before he had stabilized. Haku hadn't slept during the entire ordeal.
Haku looked at the clock sitting next to Zabuza's bed. It was almost time for him to wake the older man for dinner. Zabuza suddenly shifted and let out a soft groan, commanding Haku's undivided attention. It appeared that Haku wouldn't have to wake Zabuza after all. Zabuza's eyes opened slightly and he settled his half-lidded gaze on the teenager sitting beside him.
"…Haku?" Zabuza rasped, his voice scratching painfully against his healing throat.
"I'm right here, Zabuza-san," Haku murmured gently, resting his hand lightly on Zabuza's arm. "It's time for you to eat and take your medicine."
Zabuza responded by turning his head away as Haku stood and moved to the small table a few steps away from Zabuza's bed, most likely mixing the medicine with his dinner. He hated feeling helpless like this. He hated it even more that Haku was the only one willing and able enough to help him. And he hated it that he, a supposed heartless shinobi, trusted Haku enough to see him in this state. Haku had always been the younger, more innocent and naïve and… well, dependent one. He was supposed to take care of Haku… not the other way around. Damn it all. This was why shinobi were always taught to suppress their emotions. The damn things got in the way. He cared too much about this effeminate young man and it was distracting him.
Zabuza spared another glance at the younger man who was standing a few feet away. The sun was beginning to set and its rays were shining off of Haku's loose, dark hair as he stood with his back to Zabuza near the open window. Obliviously, Haku turned his head and glanced outside, giving Zabuza a perfect view of the profile of his face. His skin seemed to glow in the sun as he paused in his work. A light breeze came through the open window and brushed against his face, causing a slight smile to touch his lips and eyes.
"Gods… so beautiful…," Zabuza whispered to himself, unknowingly voicing his thoughts as he blatantly stared at the younger man.
Haku turned suddenly, his hands occupied with a steaming bowl of what Zabuza could only hope to be a light soup that he could stomach. That had been the worst part of his recovery. He vaguely recalled emptying his stomach multiple times while he was in his most feverish state when Haku had first brought him back. Just another wonderful side effect of that fucking poison. That had been… humiliating… to say the absolute least. Yet Haku had simply murmured words of comfort as he wiped the older man's sweaty brow and supported his shaking limbs. Zabuza couldn't remember a single word of what Haku had said to him. He wasn't sure that he would have wanted to remember anyway. Haku was the sentimental type and it probably would have made Zabuza feel even more depressed and useless to have heard the soothing, loving words that Haku continually whispered in his ear.
"Zabuza-san…," Haku's soft voice snapped Zabuza from his thoughts, "What are you staring at?"
Haku subconsciously ran his fingers through his long hair after he set down the steaming bowl.
'Do that again…' Zabuza's thoughts pleaded. 'You don't even realize what you do to me…'
Zabuza moved his gaze from Haku and abruptly and deliberately stopped the flow of his unwanted thoughts.
"I wasn't staring at anything," Zabuza denied gruffly, opening his eyes and pointedly fixing his gaze on the bedspread. "You took too long to get my food."
A large part of Zabuza was beginning to hate his often impolite and blunt manner towards Haku. But, in his mind, it was best if Haku never knew how he felt towards him. It would only… complicate things, and he knew that, in the end, Haku would be the one at risk. It was best not to change anything. Wasn't it? Great, now he was beginning to doubt his own motives. What was the point?
"No need to be impolite, Zabuza-san, I have your food now. We'll have to cooperate if you want to eat," Haku replied calmly, a warm smile easily crossing his face.
Haku had long since gotten used to Zabuza's gruff manner. When he had been a child it had flustered him, resulting in him making mistakes. Now, he took everything in stride, knowing that Zabuza meant well. True, Zabuza told him often enough that he cared too much to truly be a good shinobi, but Haku liked caring for Zabuza. He liked having that feeling in him. It reminded him that he had a reason to wake up every morning.
Haku lifted the spoonful of broth to Zabuza's lips, being careful not to spill any over the man in the bed.
"Now, Zabuza-san… open wide!" Haku exclaimed childishly, his lips parting in another smile.
"Don't patronize -!" Zabuza began to growl before Haku deliberately shoved the spoon into his mouth, cutting off his sentence.
Haku giggled slightly. In the first few days of Zabuza's bedridden state, this had been the only way to get the older man to open his mouth to feed and medicate him. Now, Haku did it simply to poke fun at the other man. And… it was cute when Zabuza pouted. It was all for his own good, right?
Zabuza struggled futilely. It was mostly for show now anyway. He swallowed more broth, his thoughts in turmoil. He clenched his fists. Why was he feeling this way? His fever must not have broken yet or something…
Haku managed to feed Zabuza a few more spoonfuls of soup without too much resistance, but before Haku could bring another spoonful towards Zabuza's mouth, the older man stopped him with a hand.
"Haku, wait," Zabuza said, sounding more reserved than usual. His heart pounded and his mouth went dry as his feelings and his shinobi instincts fought against each other. How many days had he felt like this now? Too many to count… that much was certain.
Haku carefully placed the spoon back into the bowl.
"Zabuza-san? Is something wrong? Do you feel ill? Should I help you to the bathroom?" Haku questioned the missing-nin gently, his voice betraying his worry for the older man.
Zabuza sighed deeply; the heart he had forgotten he had swelled with selfish happiness that Haku was concerned for him, yet his shinobi-trained brain adamantly rejected these feelings which were threatening to overwhelm him.
"I'm fine, Haku… no, wait, I'm not fine, but not in the way you think and… oh, fuck it! Now I'm starting to confuse myself…," Zabuza said roughly, the words tumbling out as he buried his face in one hand.
Haku didn't laugh, knowing that Zabuza simply needed to think. A worried look was etched into his features as he watched the older man struggle against himself.
"Haku… fuck, this is such a mistake… Haku, I... just… ugh, damn it all, I shouldn't ask this, I'm a fucking shinobi…," Zabuza growled in frustration and took a deep breath before continuing. "Haku… what does it mean to love someone…?"
Of all the things Haku was expecting, that was certainly not one of them. He stared openly at Zabuza, at a loss for words. Zabuza glared determinedly at his hands, too ashamed to meet Haku's eyes. The room was silent for quite some time before Zabuza became impatient.
"Fuck. Just forget it, Haku. I must still be feverish; I don't know why I asked such a stupid-" Zabuza began to ramble angrily before he was cut off.
"If you love someone you'll die for them, Zabuza-san," Haku interrupted Zabuza's rant with a soft smile on his face.
Zabuza looked over at the teenager, startled by his response. Haku was looking right at him, and when their eyes locked, time stopped for a mere moment. Zabuza's breath caught in his throat and he swallowed.
"That is how I know I love you at least… Zabuza-san…," Haku trailed off, now seemingly confused that he had finally told Zabuza what he had wanted to tell him all of these years.
The entire scene seemed so anticlimactic now that it was actually happening. Both shinobi were silent as reality began to sink in. Zabuza had always known that Haku was a much more sensitive shinobi than most. He often let his emotions get the best of him. But he, himself… he never would have guessed that he would ever harbor any feelings towards anything, whether they were feelings of hatred, jealousy, love… Zabuza's eyes widened as he gazed at Haku. The younger man was starting to look nervous now that he had answered, and Zabuza was finally beginning to comprehend the magnitude of what Haku had said.
"Haku… you… I…," Zabuza searched for words but could find none. Great, his entire vocabulary seemed to have been reduced to that of a toddler's in the course of a few minutes. Fuck. Was it too much to hope for? Was it selfish to love someone the way he wanted to love Haku? Was it stupid to feel pain whenever he had to leave Haku behind? Did it all actually mean something or had he just been alone for too long? These questions tumbled through Zabuza's confused brain as he openly stared at the younger shinobi who was now looking as though he regretted he had said anything at all.
"I'm sorry, Zabuza-san," Haku suddenly said, his eyes flicking to the floor as a slightly bewildered and shocked look painted itself across his face. "I'm… not sure why I…"
Before Zabuza could fully register what was going on, Haku jumped up and escaped through the open window, leaving a wobbling chair and an emotionally confused shinobi in his wake.