A/N: Depending on the response I may receive. I might write more.
Good Pain
*Paige's P.O.V.
Dark thoughts enter my mind as I try to sleep. My head throbs in pain with every morbid thought.
Before I know it, it's day again. Yet another night of no sleep. Great. Just what I fuckin' needed.
I sigh heavily as I get up from bed. Feeling depress I go to my box of art supplies that lay on my cluttered desk.
After a few seconds of searching, I find my prize: my small bag of exacto knives. Grabbing the sharpest one I quickly pick my clothes for the day and go to the bathroom. I make sure my little knife is tucked away in my small pile of clothes before I leave my room.
Locking the door as I get in the bathroom, I take a moment of breath. Then I rapidly strip out of my nightclothes and enter the shower.
As the hot water runs down my body I begin to cut myself with the exacto knife. It's amazing how a person could do so much with it. It's much easier to use than a simple razor blade. The exacto allows me to apply the exact pressure I want without the other end embedding into my skin. And using the exacto is an easy way to ward off suspicion from my stupid parents, who have no fuckin' idea of what I do to myself. When they see my knives they think it's for art use only. When the truth is I never used an exacto knife for my art before.
I move the knife up my stomach area and I watch how I leave a red trail. I watch hypnotized as the blood comes to the surface and the water washes it away. I used to take pleasure in the fact that the physical pain I caused myself distracted me from my emotional pain. It used to be freedom from my mind. Though now the cutting isn't enough anymore, I still have these bad thoughts.
So I give myself more cuts. Up, down side ways diagonally. It's still not enough. So I press harder than ever before. Finally I feel the good pain. The blood is spurring up faster than before. Finally I'm free from my evil mind as the physical pain takes over. I let myself bleed for a while before painfully removing my exacto from my skin.
As I turn off the shower head the pain shoot up my body. I'm worried I cut too deep. This has never happened before in my 3 months of doing this to myself. I'm scared. Blood is still dripping out of me.
I pick up a rag and apply it to my wounds with pressure. I sigh in relief as the bleeding slows little by little. Still I'm scared I've done too much. I guess I'm going to have to refrain from actual cutting for now...well at least for a while.
For the meantime I'll just have to burn myself.